KorlaPundit did this two years ago, and it's still pretty darn funny.

Thanks to KevinM for reminding me, just as the Witching Hour of Halloween approaches and I haven't yet been able to come up with any spooky postings.

Posted by: Ace at 06:02 PM | Comments (43)
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A Kos Kid, a self-styled practiioner of "guerilla tactics," an admited political stalker, someone who wrote he wanted to give Allen the "Roger & Me" treatment.

He attempted to push past security to get within reach of Allen.

That's a no-no. Make sure you click on Jon Henke's updates at AllenHQ to get a sense of this solid citizen.

The left is outraged.

Remember when they used to praise throwing a heckler to the ground as a sign of being tough, strong?

iberal author and soon-to-be radio talk show host Al Franken physically manhandled a heckler during a speech by Democrat presidential candidate Howard Dean on Monday.

The New York Post reports that Franken, who recently signed a one-year deal with Progressive Media to host a live, three-hour liberal radio show to apparently challenge Rush Limbaugh, broke his glasses in the confrontation, but was not hurt after charging at a male supporter of Democrat presidential candidate Lyndon LaRouche when he began yelling at Dean.

Franken, who said he was "deputized" by the Dean campaign to handle the heckler, said he did what he had to do to subdue the person trying to distract Dean from his message.

"I got down low and took his legs out," Franken stated, explaining he needed to fix his broken glasses with electrical tape after the fall.

Franken picked up the unidentified LaRouche supporter and body slammed him to the ground.

"I was a wrestler so I used a wrestling move," Franken exclaimed.

The police were called to the scene, but Franken was not immediately arrested for battery. The victim has not said whether he will pursue criminal charges against Franken.

Although he says he is not supporting Dean for president, Franken explained his physical action against the heckler was necessary to protect free speech.

"I'm neutral in this race but I'm for freedom of speech, which means people should be able to assemble and speak without being shouted down," Franken argued, neglecting the fact that he squelched the free speech rights of the heckler with his actions.

Afterwards, Franken said he would probably do it again if someone tried to vocally protest while a Democrat presidential candidate was speaking.

"I would have done it if he was a Dean supporter at a Kerry rally," he explained.

Note that was simply a case of rude heckling -- shouting down -- and not a physically aggressive pushing past bodymen to get within reach of a candidate.

Posted by: Ace at 05:47 PM | Comments (30)
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Quoteth a Democratic Congressman:

"I guess Kerry wasn't content blowing 2004, now he wants to blow 2006, too."

James Webb, meanwhile, says he wants to blow the Vietnamese kid with all the gadgets from The Goonies.

Upside down, of course.

Update: James Webb says that if the Vietnamese kid isn't available, he'll settle for Chunk.

Posted by: Ace at 05:03 PM | Comments (31)
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According to Ace of Spades digital brownshirt WickedPinto.

Retracted? See below.

I've alerted Allah to look for it. Hopefully he'll repeat the comments on Hardball.

I knew someone, like Bill Maher, would say "Hey, it's true" (right before denying that John Kerry intended to speak the truth).

I should have figured Chris Matthews too. He's been on this Army of Losers thing for a while.

Smart, college-educated chappies like him dodged the draft by joining the Peace Corps.

I just find it pretty ballsy that liberals are going to try the two-track strategy of 1) Kerry would never have said something so heinously awful and 2) what John Kerry said was 100% spot-on accurate.

Matthews Is Claiming... that what Kerry said isn't what he said. He's claiming, flat-out, that Kerry said Bush's lack of education on the Middle East got us "stuck in Iraq."

He may have meant that this quote -- this non-quote, what wasn't said but which the liberals are claiming was said -- is true.

Not sure. Having not seen the earlier remarks, I don't know.

Uses Jennifer Loven's Dowdified quotation of Kerry, seguing the attacks on Bush directly into the remarks about a lack of education prompting military service.

Seems to be hosting a debate between two people wo agree Kerry did not mean what he said, and in fact probably never even said it.

Some debate.

The assertion, without any evidence, is that this was an attack on Bush. It is not even mentioned that Kerry actually slighted the military-- a viewer who only gets his news from Chris Matthews (God forbid) would wonder what the fuss is about.

He played very bad audio of Kerry's actual remarks where you could barely hear what he said -- ergo, for anyone watching Hardball, Kerry not only intended to make an attack only on Bush, but actually did only make an attack on Bush.

Not a voice of dissent at Hard Softball.

In a surprise move, Chris Matthews has finally relocated out of John McCain's asshole over this, now wondering what psychological demons could have caused McCain to accuse John Kerry of saying precisely what he said.

His "attack" was "very deliberate." One of his "debaters" says this is pure political opportunism, courting the conservative base.

It's amazing that Chris Matthews looked far and wide and could not find a guest to say a bad word about John F'n' Kerry.

Having found unanimity between his liberal "debaters" (Johnathan Alter and some flake from MSNBC) that Kerry didn't say what he said, they've now moved on. The topic doesn't need to be discussed further, because John Kerry simply never said what he said, and certainly didn't mean to say what he said, which may make no sense, but that's there story and they're sticking to it.

David Schuster now dutifully offers up a bunch of Democratic political ads, inculuding one against Heather Wilson, apparently finding Wilson's brilliant ad against her opponent unfit for viewing.

So don't bother watching; there you go.

Rectracted? While WickedPinto may be correct in his report that Chris Matthews was saying "that's true, that's true" about Kerry's remarks, the 7:00 version of Hardball demonstrates that Matthews is simply flat-out lying about what Kerry said, claiming that Kerry actually made an attack on Bush's education and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

Ergo, he's agreeing with a false statement. It doesn't appear that Matthews is even willing to acknowlege what John Kerry actually did say, so we can't take his saying "that's true, that's true" as an endorsement of those words. According to Matthews, they simply weren't said at all.

Some Video... of Matthews' stalward defense of Kerry.

Greg Tinti wisely cut the clip before Matthews picked up Kerry upside down by his ankles and put his penis in his mouth.

(In fairness, it was an act of love and respect, not a sexual act. Jennifer Loven's AP report proves it.)

Posted by: Ace at 03:34 PM | Comments (145)
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See if you can follow this:

Charlie Rangel assures us that almost all of those "stuck in Iraq" are black and Hispanic.

John Kerry informs us that people who don't make themselves smart and get educated will be "stuck in Iraq."

Ergo, taken together:

Blacks and Hispanics are stupid and uneducated.

Outrage.

Posted by: Ace at 03:00 PM | Comments (64)
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"There are some things we should be able to agree upon..."

[quotes Kerry's "joke"]

"The Senator's suggestion that the men and women of our military is insulting and it is shameful.

"The members of the United States military are plenty smart, and they are plenty brave, and the Senator from Massachusetts owes them an apology.

"Whatever party you're in, our troops deserve the full support of our government.

"And I don't have any doubt that Matt Collins will stand strong for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States."

Matt Collins, I gather, is the candidate he's stumping for.

That seems to be the end of the remarks.

Posted by: Ace at 02:37 PM | Comments (11)
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Knock, knock.

-- Who's there?

Our soldiers are terrorizing women and children.

-- Our soldiers are terrorizing women and children who?

Our soldiers are terrorizing women and children and dragging them out of their homes in the dead of night.

-- I don't get it.

Don't question my patriotism. I served, reluctantly, in Vietnam.

(rimshot) tsssssss

...

A man walks into a bar wearing a pig on his head.

"Why did you bring that thing in here?" the bartender asks.

The man says, "Because our troops in Vietnam raped, committed murder, chopped the ears off civilians, chopped the heads off civilians, blew up bodies, mutilated bodies, and poisoned catttle and crops."

"No, I was talking to the pig," the bartender says.

The pig smiles and says, "They also ravaged and pillaged in a way reminiscent of Jenjis Khan."

ba-dum-DUM

...

A Jew, a black Baptist, and a Catholic walk together to the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

"How did you die?" the Jew asks the Catholic.

"In Iraq," the Catholic says. "I was too stupid to do anything but serve in our army of morons."

"Same here," says the black Baptist. "I wished I'd stayed in school so I could have done something more worthwhile with my life than serve in the United States Armed Forces."

The Jew thinks about this, then smiles. "It's okay, you died for Israel," he says. "And by the way, we blew up the World Trade Center."

(slide whistle) whooooOOOOOOP!

Question: Apparently now Kerry people have produced a supposed printed version of the "joke" as it was supposed to be delivered. That means nothing. If Democratic operatives can fake up "1972 Texas Air National Guard" documents, it's pretty easy to open up Microsoft Word and produce a "joke" as it was "intended to be delivered." After the fact.

So here's the question:

Politicians repeat themselves all the time. Is there any example of John Kerry delivering this "joke" as it was "intended to be delivered" in the past?

Veterans Express Disbelief: How dare they question him, these stuffed suits who never wore the uniform of the country.

Oh wait, they did wear the uniform of the country?

Well, then, they're stupid and uneducated. So who cares about their opinion?

Posted by: Ace at 02:06 PM | Comments (31)
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Apparently he was asking why, allegedly, George Allen spat on his wife.

As a general rule, you don't rush up to a political candidate, unless you want to get bitchslapped.

Posted by: Ace at 01:52 PM | Comments (26)
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Just never a good idea, really. The true party platform is supposed to remain hidden from the voters.

Obviously, the more times you talk, the more times you risk, despite your best efforts to obfuscate, accidentally but accurately expressing your true beliefs.

Posted by: Ace at 01:41 PM | Comments (13)
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To Hell with him.

He continues claiming that somehow he was making the joke that if kids don't study hard, they're doomed to grow up to become President of the United States.

He's definitely taking a page from the netroots with his tough, strong (crazy) talk.

Update: In case anyone's keeping track of educational credentials, both Kerry and Bush attended Ivy League Yale, and Bush edged Kerry on grades.

Update: Michelle Malkin catches moonbat AP reporter Jennifer Loven, wife of Democratic operative, spinning to make Kerry's "I was trying to scare kids into studying lest they become President" claim by Dowdifying his remarks to make a reference to Bush immediately poceed his denigration of his fellow soldiers not-quite-our-class-dear social inferiors.

Remember When I Said Kerry's Ludicrous Denial Would Keep The Story Alive? I was wrong.

I forgot the MSM had a terrific option when it comes to stories that can't be spun to the Democrats' advantage -- embargo them entirely.

Posted by: Ace at 01:20 PM | Comments (49)
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