Aside from the titanic struggle between the Eagles and the Cowgirls, there was an auction this weekend.

For booger eaters.

I think the red shirts are unlucky.

Posted by: Ace at 02:28 PM | Comments (16)
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We just can't catch a break.

What smells almost as bad for the average American as an older politician trying to bugger a teenager? I said, almost as bad.

I'll tell you.

Anything to do with stock options. Especially when it looks like bribery.

Stock options are what average Americans don't get, and I have the impression that most people are convinced that there is something dirty about them. They are something that the big shots use to enrich themselves at everyone else's expense.

By SHARON THEIMER and BOB LEWIS, Associated Press Writers

20 minutes ago

RICHMOND, Va. - For the past five years, Sen. George Allen (news, bio, voting record), has failed to tell Congress about stock options he got for his work as a director of a high-tech company. The Virginia Republican also asked the Army to help another business that gave him similar options.

Congressional rules require senators to disclose to the Senate all deferred compensation, such as stock options. The rules also urge senators to avoid taking any official action that could benefit them financially or appear to do so.

I'm sure hoping that Senator Allen can work up a better story than this initial tone-deaf response:

In interviews, Allen and his staff sought to play down his corporate dealings, saying they were a good learning experience but did not lead to extraordinary riches — except for a quarter-million-dollar windfall from Com-Net Ericsson stock.

Allen's office said he sold his Xybernaut stock at a loss and has not cashed in his Commonwealth options because they cost more than the stock is now worth. The senator also said he saw no conflict going to work for companies shortly after assisting them as governor.

[Emphasis added.]

Oh well. It always was more fun to be the minority party.

Whoops! Sen. George Allen Fails To Report Stock Options

Posted by: Ace at 01:36 PM | Comments (77)
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Not to get all Atrios-y, but I figured I'd start an open thread for discussions of today's games. I'm watching the Dolphins-Patriots game so let me start things out by saying that Nick Saban's early challenge was really, really dumb.

Hope he doesn't get any questionable calls in the rest of this half.

Posted by: Slublog at 09:23 AM | Comments (111)
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There's a guy sick of being anal-probed, and he isn't going to take it anymore.

And, no, it isn't Michael. He isn't complaining.

A German lawyer hopes to drum up more business by pursuing state compensation claims for people who believe they were abducted by aliens.

The Welfare State, Is there anything it can't do?

"There's quite obviously demand for legal advice here," Jens Lorek told Reuters by telephone on Thursday. "The trouble is, people are afraid of making fools of themselves in court."

It seems to me that people who thought they were being abducted by aliens would have bigger problems to worry about than looking foolish. But then again, I'm what you call a skeptic.

Lorek, a lawyer based in the eastern city of Dresden who specializes in social and labor law, said he hoped to expand his client base by taking on the unusual work.

He has yet to win any abduction claims, but says there are plenty of potential clients, noting that extra-terrestrial watchdogs report scores of alien assaults every year.

Did y'all know "Lorek" is actually the German form of "Sobek"? It's funny because it's true.

Asked if he was worried he might look ridiculous by seeking justice for clients haunted by aliens, Lorek was unfazed.

"Nobody has laughed about it up until now."

Off the record, Lorek added that the absence of laughter was due to an "alien humor impairing implant" and also "the soul crushing sounds of sobbing when clients get their bills".

Posted by: Ace at 08:15 AM | Comments (16)
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By 1pm ET tomorrow.

Posted by: Ace at 10:46 PM | Comments (13)
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The Great Migration to the Land of Happy Servers is due to start in half an hour.

While we are on the move, you will not be able to comment (I'll actually turn the comments off). This may last for as much as four hours.

I know this will be hard for some of you, but you'll just have to suck it up and take one for the team.

Uh, so to speak.

Update: If you can see this, you have arrived safely at the new servers! I'm testing comments and stuff now.

Update: Old comments are working. The New Comment Thingy will be a little while yet. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 05:29 PM | Comments (44)
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Heck I didn't even know we had another one in the wings.

Nice pic of dad and the two boys.

I did not know there even was a USS San Jacinto. Most of you don't know about San Jacinto but every Texan does.

George Allen got to say a few words. Bush's expression made me laugh for some reason. more...

Posted by: Ace at 04:56 PM | Comments (36)
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Hotel California. A primer on state-hating.

Acoustic version. more...

Posted by: Ace at 04:18 PM | Comments (1)
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setting the precedent for me to name my first son or daughter "Discovery Mythbusters Michaels".

BILOXI, Miss. — Leann Real promised her husband, an avid sports fan, that if they ever had a son he'd get to pick the name. ESPN Montana Real was born this week at Biloxi Regional Medical Center.

Rusty Real, of D'Iberville, chose ESPN (pronounced Espen) after the sports network and Montana after football legend Joe Montana.

The surprising part of this article? Not that they named the kid after ESPN, but that anyone who liked Joe Montana was interested in heterosexual sex.

Anyway, I don't know that I will really name my first kid "Discovery Mythbusters Michaels". But it has the lead, until somebody tops this FHM photo of the sexiest "Mythbuster", Kari Byron:

What can I say? I've always had a thing for redheads. And fire-extinguishers.

Posted by: Ace at 01:31 PM | Comments (54)
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Retired Geezer's post about a hate speech conviction in the U.K. got me thinking about how difficult it is to despise someone any more.

It seems to me that we should be able to irrationally hate somebody, just for fun, and to get our kicks by discriminating against them.

I suggest that we become Idahoists and discriminate against everybody from that state. We need to come up with a derogatory term like "spudders" or something to indicate their inferiority and how much we hate and despise them.

The best part of this is that it's pretty much legal. For example, Title VII of the Civil Rights Act prevents employment discrimination on the basis of national origin, but there is no comparable provision for state origin. You can fire all those lazy dirty spudders at your business tomorrow just for shits and giggles.

Yup. I hereby declare myself an Idahoist. Who's with me?

P.S. Retired Geezer is one of those thieving spudders that you can smell a mile downwind.

P.P.S. Just to be consistent, I guess we should concede that male spudders have big schlongs, which at least partially explains why they act like animals.

UPDATE

An anonymous commenter makes an excellent suggestion. Henceforth, Idaho potatoes will be known as "liberty roots."

UPDATE 2

Some of you seem to be hesitating to join the anti-spudder hate campaign, apparently assuming it is totally evil. I would just like to point out that one of the goals here is to redirect prejudice against Canadians towards an equally undeserving target. We need to put the War of 1812 behind us.

UPDATE 3

People, people. Can we get back on track? Please?

The anti-spudder hate campaign is now seriously at risk of getting derailed by all this extraneous nonsense. Focus!

After the collapse of my guest bloggers union, I just don't think my fragile ego can take another failure.

Remember, if you can't be better than a spudder, who can you be better than?

UPDATE 4

Another frickin' lost cause. You people are hopeless. I give up.

UPDATE 5

I'm not kidding. I give up on you people. You don't deserve me.

Plus, today is my 34th wedding anniversary, so Mrs. Michael and I are going out.

Good-frickin'-bye! You are not going to have Michael to kick around any more.

Posted by: Ace at 09:32 AM | Comments (674)
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