As LauraW says, now here are men:

FORT BRAGG, N.C. - George Perez lost his leg to a roadside bomb in Iraq (news - web sites) more than a year ago, but despite the phantom pains that haunt him, he says he is determined to prove to the Army that he is no less of a man — and no less of a soldier.

"I'm not ready to get out yet," he says. "I'm not going to let this little injury stop me from what I want to do."

Perez, 21, still feels the sweat between his toes when he exercises. He's still plagued with nagging cramps in his calf muscle. And sometimes, when he gets out of bed at night without thinking, he topples over.

He is one of at least four amputees from the 82nd Airborne Division to re-enlist. With a new carbon-fiber prosthetic leg, Perez intends to show a medical board he can run an eight-minute mile, jump out of airplanes and pass all the other paratrooper tests that will allow him to go with his regiment to Afghanistan (news - web sites) next year.

...

When he arrived at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C., for his rehabilitation, Perez asked a pair of generals who visited his bedside if it was possible for him to stay in the Army.

"They told me, 'It's all up to you, how much you want it,'" he says. "If I could do everything like a regular soldier, I could stay in."

He wasted little time getting started. At one point, a visitor found him doing push-ups in bed. He trained himself to walk normally with his new leg, and then run with it.

Perez has to rise at least an hour earlier than his fellow soldiers to allow swelling from the previous day's training to subside enough for his stump to fit into the prosthetic.

But it is a comfort for Perez to know he's not alone.

At least three other paratroopers in the 82nd have lost limbs in combat during the past two years and re-enlisted. One of them, Staff Sgt. Daniel Metzdorf, lost his right leg above the knee in a Jan. 27 blast. He appealed three times before the fitness board allowed him to stay on.

"I think it's a testimony to today's professional Army," says division commander Maj. Gen. Bill Caldwell. "I also think, deep down, it is a love for their other paratroopers."

...

For now, he must content himself with a job maintaining M-16s and M-4s, machine guns and grenade launchers in his company's armory. But his dream is to attend the grueling Ranger school at Fort Benning, Ga., a serious challenge to even the most able-bodied soldier.

"I got a lot of things to do," he said. "I want to do as much as I can, as much as they'll let me."

Hasn't he heard this is the wrong war at the wrong place at the wrong time? Doesn't he understand that America cannot fight without the support of some cowardly Frenchmen?

And... This ad is pretty heartwarming, although I don't know how important it is that a President comforted the grieving. I mean, it's important for this specific family, but not for our country generally.

Thanks to Instapundit for the link, and to Richard Newell for reminding me of it.

Posted by: Ace at 10:00 AM | Comments (1)
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The Los Angeles Times dutifully "fact-checks" all of Bush's statements, and pretty much calls them all lies. If Bush notes Kerry would impose a "Global Test" on the use of force, the LAT notes that Kerry claims he won't give foreign nations a veto over the use of force-- as if Kerry's campaign rhetoric was proof-positive of a distortion.

But oddly enough, the LAT does no fact-checking for this Kerry attack:

The Democrat, who had planned on pounding the administration for the nation's shortage of flu vaccine, switched gears to capitalize on a report in Monday's Washington Post that Army Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, commander of U.S. forces in Iraq last year, complained last winter that a lack of supplies threatened the Army's fighting capacity.

"Despite the president's arrogant boasting that he's done everything right in Iraq and that he's made no mistakes, the truth is beginning to come out and it's beginning to catch up with him," Kerry said at a West Palm Beach retirement community. "And on Nov. 2, it will catch up with him."

Hmmmm... what's the problem with that? Well, for one thing, Sanchez was talking about an old problem with supply, one that's been cured, something the LAT doesn't bother to note.

Furthermore, Sanchez was complaining that the $87 billion supplemental bill to arm and equip our Iraqi soldiers was moving slowly through the pipeline.

You know-- the $87 billion Kerry voted against.

The LA Times has no time to fact-check this. Either it wasn't worth a sentence to note that the Kerry voted against the very same supplies he's now whining were late in coming, or else, once again, the Mainstream Media just "forgot" to mention it entirely.

Posted by: Ace at 08:57 AM | Comments (1)
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GregS sends this:

He says he'll keep his "eye on the ball" with respect to the war on terror, but every time they snap his picture, he's flinching from a ball.

Every time.

Kerry's about as comfortable with sports as a dog is with vacuum cleaners.

Posted by: Ace at 08:50 AM | Comments (7)
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Let me remind everyone that conservative Pat Toomey lost by a fairly thin margin to liberal Arlen Specter (who of course voted to acquit Clinton based on "Scottish law" and also founded the James-Bond-hatin' evil organization SPECTER; I think he also produced some records and shot a whore or something).

After that election, I had quite a few Pennsylvania readers (no names) admit that they hadn't voted. They could have nominated a good conservative for Senator; but they chose to sit on their asses and watch fucking re-runs of Family Matters.

For crying out loud-- VOTE. It doesn't matter if you're in a safe state. There aren't any excuses. I live in New York City, and I myself have exposed myself to the risk of jury duty to actually register my ass for this one.

If I can vote in NYC, there's really no excuse for you not voting.

At any rate, you should not only vote, but you should prepare yourself to vote, just like you were supposed to do before, say, taking the SAT's. To that end, I've compiled the following checklist of things you'll want to lay out for yourself Monday, November 1st, if not earlier.

Voting Checklist:

Correct and verified directions to your actual polling place-- use MapQuest if you're not sure

Comfortable shoes, like sneakers or, say, Hush Puppies, which will give you the confidence to vote straight Evil Republican down the line

Phone numbers and emails of sluggish conservatives you know-- yell at them until they vote

Three number 2 pencils, a gum eraser, and one of those little plastic pencil sharpeners that doesn't ever fucking work anyway and just cuts the tip off your pencil

Pornographic magazines and/or "marital aids," because, as some comic once observed, standing in line can be such a fucking bore

Four six-sided dice, because you never know when some ultra-hot busty blonde is going to ask you to "roll up a character"

Crackers, preferably oyster, but honestly, it's your call

One box of wine spiked with hospital-grade codeine, just in case your wife or girlfriend tells you she's "leaning towards Barbara Boxer;" yeah, she'll be really pissed off that you drugged her, but then, no one comes off codeine in a bad mood, either

A print-out of this picture:

which is Oliver Willis, in case you didn't know; you'll want to look at that picture, and imagine that loathesome jackass giggling like a schoolgirl on November 3rd if Kerry should win

One forged, confusing butterfly ballot to hand out to old people who look like they might be voting for John Kerry (hint: look for buttons reading Arms are made for hugging or some queer Up-With-People shit like that)

Your "lucky voting shirt"

Proper ID, consisting of either a current Driver's ID or Passport, if you live in one of three jurisdictions in America where only American citizens are allowed to vote

One crisp ten (10) dollar bill, which you can discretely slip to a poll-worker as you encourage her to "Keep it honest"

Breath mints-- because there's never a second chance to make a first impression

Plenty of Eukenuba brand dog-treats, for feeding dogs of fellow Republicans as they vote; Eukenuba brand dog treats taste great, and even if they don't, who gives a shit? You're feeding them to fucking dogs, anyway. They've got to taste better than other dog-favorites, like "some other dog's dirty ass" or "my own sweaty dog-balls" or "some nasty liquid I saw on the street and I decided I just had to stick my fucking tongue into"

This MIDI file downloaded into your iPod-- do you really want to hear this fucking song Election Night? I sure the fuck don't.

Ace of Spades brand Male Hygenic Spray, for those not-so-fresh election days

Your very best homemade Star Trek and/or Tron costume, because when you vote, you want to look cool doing so

Well, that's it. Lay out all those items on your couch the day before Election Day.

Courage.

Posted by: Ace at 12:26 AM | Comments (24)
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I've meant to repost this for a while. This was my actual first post ever on the blogspot site, if you don't count the two or three "Test" posts.

It's really childish, but it still sorta makes me laugh. I've done a little light editing on it, but basically it's the same stupid "The Raven" parody it was ten months ago.

It contains flagrant potty-mouth. more...

Posted by: Ace at 11:40 PM | Comments (2)
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For some time I've been a bit pissy that it's relatively hard for me to get linked by Instapundit, whereas Filet-O-Fish merely needs to call him a "hack" or "smear artist" and get the exact Instalanche he was seeking in the first place.

Pissy? Okay, more than that. Whiny. Words have meanings. I whined, at the end of this post.

But maybe Ace of Spades HQ also gets results.

Because today Instapundit slaps up Willis thus:

Meanwhile, further down in the comments, Oliver Willis calls me "partisan." In the sense of supporting a candidate, sure, since I pretty much gave up on Kerry quite a while ago, but not in the sense of supporting a party regardless of candidate. I'm not, you know, a paid flack for one party like, say, Oliver, and part of my disgust with the Democrats stems from their stubborn unwillingness to be serious about the war, or to tolerate candidates who are.

...

But in fact, it's possible to have opinions, even strong ones, and to express them in a non-abusive fashion. That's probably easy to forget when you work for David Brock, but I hope that he'll grow out of this confusion, eventually.

Here's the cool part: No link for Willis. He just references a comment Willis makes on someone else's site.

Now, predictably, Willis, e'er hungry for Instalinks (as well as Chicken Tenders) posts a big jagoff response on his little dopeblog.

Will Instapundit, for once, withstand the urge to give Filet-O-Fish exactly what he wants? Only time will tell.

Instapundit, I will personally give up any and all future Instalinks if you please, please, please stop paying undue attention -- and giving undue rewards -- to this talentless, nasty hack. I wouldn't mind so much being Insta-ignored were it not for the fact that you shower so much Insta-love on people who clearly are beneath you.

Well, who cares who's beneath you? Beneath me is what I guess I'm getting at.

And all the other conservative bloggers would also feel a little less left out of the fun, too, if you were more even-handed about who you don't link. You can't link everyone; we know that. But it wouldn't sting so damn much if Willis weren't getting a prominent link every two weeks.

Am I too much of a potty-mouth, invective-spewing hack to be considered respectable? Hey, I hear ya-- I can understand that. But then I don't understand why Willis gets linked. He's not even funny.

And he's, you know, a douchebag.

Should blatant douchebaggery be rewarded? I say nay.

Nay, I say.

Posted by: Ace at 11:15 PM | Comments (9)
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Let me get this straight: the Illinois Republican Party ditched Jack Ryan, who's biggest sin was allegedly trying to get actress Jeri Ryan to engage in some semi-public sex, in favor of Alan Keyes.

Because, you know, Jack Ryan would have been killed at the polls. Would have hurt the Illinois Republican party, set it back 50 years.

Good thing we cut our losses when we had the chance:

U.S. Senate candidate Alan Keyes told a rally Saturday that incest was "inevitable" for children raised by gay couples because the children might not know both biological parents.

"If we do not know who the mother is, who the father is, without knowing all the brothers and sisters, incest becomes inevitable," Keyes told the Marquette Park rally held to oppose same-sex marriages.

"Whether they mean it or not, that is what will happen. If you are masked from your knowing your biological parents, you are in danger of encountering brothers and sisters you have no knowledge of."

I think there are bona fide reasons to be favor straight parents over gay ones, but isn't this reason a bit, um, insane?

Yes, it could happen.

But this can happen with any adopted child, or any child conceived from donor sperm (or donor eggs).

I think Republicans are so desperate for black allies -- both to have some black political support and to disprove the endless charges of racism -- that we're sometimes easily taken in by a hustler. Alan Keyes is a hustler, and a pretty nutty one at that.

If I never again hear the words "Ambassador Keyes" after November 2004, I'll be a happy man.

I guess I should mention where I got this link from. Nah. Let's say I got it from someone who seems overly fond of Filet-O-Fish sandwiches. But I seem to remember posting a trailer for the Batman movie some time ago (gotten from Jim Treacher, duly credited), and then it mysteriously appeared on Filet-O-Fish's site an hour later, without credit to anyone.

And I know Filet-O-Fish checks in periodically.

So, you know, fuck him. Fuck him right up his ass.

Not in a gay way, of course.

Like a Viking.

Posted by: Ace at 10:38 PM | Comments (5)
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Does Andrew Sullivan have anything to offer anymore except shrill partisan whining?

Just curious.

Posted by: Ace at 04:16 PM | Comments (26)
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Berlin Man Wants to Make Bananas of Pure Aryan Blood, or At Least Straighten Them Up

What the hell is with the fucking Germans?

Fed up with the inconvenient curved shape of bananas, a Berlin resident has dreamt up a way to straighten this staple of the fruit bowl, even applying to have his banana-straightening method patented.

Karl-Friedrich Lentze thinks he's on to the biggest thing since sliced bread -- the straight banana. Or as he prefers to call it, the "cigar-banana."

The 56-year old social welfare recipient has developed a method to take away the yellow-skinned fruit's distinctive curve.

"Depending on the degree of the curve, chunks will be cut out of the banana, which will then be bound back together using biologically safe bandages," Lentze explained to the German tabloid Bild.

The curvy chunks won't go to waste. Lentze's plan involves either drying them or using them in fruit salad.

"After a certain introduction time, the straight cigar-banana will drive the curved banana from the market," Lentze said. "It's easier to eat, and easier to store."

Posted by: Ace at 12:51 PM | Comments (16)
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There's no denying that Bush hasn't been very good at keeping down spending, but Larry Kudrow notes that he's actually not as bad as widely perceived:

The latest budget numbers closing out fiscal year 2004 show slower spending growth, stronger tax receipts, and a $413 billion deficit that came in about $100 billion less than the Office of Management and Budget predicted at the start of the year and $64 billion lower than the Congressional Budget Office estimate.

Overall, according the Treasury Department, tax receipts increased 5.5 percent in fiscal year 2004 compared to a 3.8 percent decline in fiscal year 2003. Income-tax withholdings gained 2.5 percent versus a loss of 2.2 percent in the prior year. Corporate tax collections exploded 43.7 percent on the shoulders of near-record corporate profits.

WhatÂ’s going on? ItÂ’s clear: At lower marginal tax rates, the rising economy is throwing off a lot more tax revenues. Score one for the supply-siders.

Overall budget outlays increased 6.2 percent in the recent fiscal year, which is less than last year’s 7.3 percent. Excluding spending for defense and homeland security, as well as entitlements for healthcare and Social Security, domestic discretionary federal spending increased by a very moderate 3.4 percent in fiscal year 2004. If you remove net interest, then the budget increase was only 3 percent — just a bit higher than the inflation rate.

As a share of gross domestic product, the deficit came in at 3.5 percent. ThatÂ’s the same fraction of national income as last year. This deficit share of GDP is also lower than EuropeÂ’s and only about one-third of JapanÂ’s. This is more than acceptable. In the early 1980s the deficit share of the economy was over 6 percent, but that didnÂ’t stop the Reagan boom, which followed large-scale tax cuts and deregulation measures.

Posted by: Ace at 11:55 AM | Comments (1)
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