I'm sure the Questing Cat can handle himself well enough alone, but why should he have to?

These little jagoffs ought to restrict their arguments to two words: Thank you.

Posted by: Ace at 04:27 PM | Comments (8)
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As Chris Rock said, why were black people saying "We won, we won!" after OJ was acquitted? Did any of them receive their OJ check?

Well, there's no Bush check, either, except in the form of tax cuts, but since I make my living primarily by promoting illegal underground cockfighting exhibitions, I don't really pay any taxes anyway. So why the hell do I care?

I'm sure Bush and his family feel great. And understandably so. But why on earth should I?

I don't know why I should be happy. But I am. I really, really am. It may be irrational, but I feel better than when the New York Giants won the 1986 Superbowl and the Mets won the 1986 World Series, and that was pretty irrational, too.

KerrySpot sums it up:

To My Right-of-Center Readers: Don't you feel...just terrific?

Mrs. Kerry Spot — whose political views are not symmetrical with Mr. Kerry Spot's — has been relishing her consolation prizes: a box of truffles and an eerily calm husband.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine, why?"

"You just look so...relaxed. You're agreeable, pleasant, not distracted or stressed or snapping at people. I just haven't seen you this at ease in, like, six months."

Anybody else feel like a ten-ton weight has been lifted from his shoulders? Anybody else feel like every muscle had been tensed and clenched for about two months, and a steadily increasing vice-like pressure had been squeezing him, day by day, as the election approached? Just me? Boy, since that last debate, I just wanted the race to end. Just vote and get it over with.

If I'm feeling irrationally calm and contented, I guess I can kinda understand the lefties feeling irrationally angry and alienated.

Then again, I could still do without the talk of secession, political violence, and moving to Canada.

Posted by: Ace at 04:13 PM | Comments (14)
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The amateur leftist webzine Slate is only twelve hours behind the blogosphere in noting that the Guardian's "Operation Clarke County" letter-writing campaign seems to have backfired disasterously. But it does forward the story a little bit with this observation:

The most significant stat here is how Clark County compares to the other 15 Ohio counties won by Gore in 2000. Kerry won every Gore county in Ohio except Clark. He even increased Gore's winning margin in 12 of the 16. Nowhere among the Gore counties did more votes move from the blue to the red column than in Clark. The Guardian's [Ian] Katz was quoted as saying it would be "self-aggrandizing" to claim Operation Clark County affected the election. Don't be so modest, Ian.

Posted by: Ace at 04:07 PM | Add Comment
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"Quite frankly, I think the table is set for us in the next election. We have lost just about everything that we can lose." -- House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi

Let's be honest: Nancy Pelosi is a blithering idiot.*

Thanks to Alarming News, who's been able to get behind the Stop Arlen Specter movement faster than I have.

I'm just not sure if I have it in me for another campaign at this point.

* WTF does "blithering" actually mean? No, don't look it up; I could do that too. We all say "blithering idiot," but how many of us actually know what the hell "blithering" adds to the insult?

Posted by: Ace at 03:56 PM | Comments (14)
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Friend of the Site The Fat Kid sends along a must-read item from the police blotter.

The police call it "aggravated battery and resisting arrest with suspicions of profound retardation."

I just call it "Thursday night":

Unfazed, the man informed the deputy, "I'll f*** you up." He then turned to his battered friend and told him, "You're a better fighter, but I'm going to f*** him up. Just let me pull my pants up."

The deputy instructed both of them to settle down and get some sleep, but the man would have none of it.

"Do you want to fight?" he repeated. "Yeah, just let me put my belt on."

While the man was attempting to ready his pants for battle, the officer again ordered him to settle down.

"No, I'm coming out there to fight. I'm going to f*** you up," he replied.

Having observed the man's proficient fighting skills, the officers readied their canisters of Oleoresin Capsicum - better known as pepper spray.

Trousers finally secure around his waist, the would-be street fighter opened the front door, looked at the deputies, assumed a fighting stance with closed fists, and received a two-second blast of pepper spray to the face.

Unable to stand up to the spray's superior kung fu, the man staggered back into the house, where he was promptly taken into custody.

Anyone who's watched more than three episodes of Cops knows that there's some inextricable connection between partial male nudity and submoronic criminal behavior. If it's past 10 pm, and you're outside, and you're not wearing a shirt, you might as well be carrying a sign reading Felony in Progress.

The man said it long ago, but it's just as true today: The guys get shirts. The guys get shirts. T-shirts! The guys get f***in' shirts.

Live your life by that simple rule and you'll never want for anything.

Posted by: Ace at 02:34 PM | Comments (6)
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Hoke Malokey tells me he's game to do some guest-blogging here over the weekend, maybe starting tonight at 11. All of you who want to laugh at him for his crybaby defeatism should check in.

I'll be here, too. Unlike the last time he subbed for me, when I was away, I'll actually be home and blogging. So, it'll just be more weekend blogging.

Not that many of you come here on the weekend anyway, damn it all. You know how upsetting it is to watch that traffic meter fall by more than half on Saturday? It's gruesome on my weekly average, I'll tell you that.

I might blog a little, I might blog a lot. I don't know. I feel halfway between totally burned out and punchy enough to want to still keep writing silly shit.

And, from what I undertand, Hoke owes somebody a ham.

Posted by: Ace at 01:52 PM | Comments (7)
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RETRACTED: USAToday's data was behind for most of the day. It now shows the three point spread we had all previously thought the election was won by.

Thanks to Rorochub for the alert fact-checking.

Update! PoliPundit notes that, historically speaking, it's fairly uncommon for a President to cross the 50% threshhold.

What follows is wrong.

Thanks to Paul for the head's up, and Free Republic for the actual cite.

Awesome. 52-47. That's hellagood. If someone had told me a week ago that Bush would win by five points, my eyes would have spun like slot-machine rollers like in Tex Avery cartoons.

Update: Whoops, Paul came through on the cite too. Thanks, Paul.

Caution! Retraction May Be in the Works: Readers are throwing cold water on this 52-47 figure. Unfortunately, I'm too damn tired to try to figure out if they're right (check out the time stamp on the Trump post).

So, for right now, I'll just say there have been serious doubts raised, doubts I can't adjudicate at the moment.

Posted by: Ace at 12:10 PM | Comments (19)
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As well as New Mexico. Sweet.

I haven't forgotten about the election predictions. But we're still waiting on some numbers, like how many House seats the GOP gained.

However, we now know the final electoral vote count is 286 to 252.

Incidentally, that wouldn't have been my guess. I was expecting it to be something like 279 or so for Kerry. That's why I didn't make my own prediction.

I may be a wobbly wussyboy defeatist, but I know when to keep my trap shut. At least some of the time I do.

Johnny Colcuts' prediction was overly optimistic, though. So it was a good balance.

Posted by: Ace at 10:43 AM | Comments (7)
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Yeahp-- Kerry carried every Gore county in Ohio. Except for Clark County, the one targeted by the snaggle-toothed twits in England.

Shorts: Eat them. They're delicious.

Posted by: Ace at 10:39 AM | Comments (7)
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Sometimes there's just too much Ace of Spades Justice these days.

Update: I didn't see it, but this Newsmax article says CNN's Judy Woodruff was "almost in tears" late Tuesday night.

Posted by: Ace at 10:12 AM | Comments (8)
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