East, West, just points of the compass, each as stupid as the other. There is no East, there is no West: There is only SPECTRE. -- Dr. Julius No, the villain from the James Bond film Dr. No

Dominance is not really a strategic policy or political philosophy at all. It is a seductive illusion that tempts the powerful to satiate their hunger for more power still by striking a Faustian bargain. And as always happens - sooner or later - to those who shake hands with the devil, they find out too late that what they have given up in the bargain is their soul. -- Former Democratic candidate for President, Al Gore

This idea is quite fixed in the minds of Democrats and liberals: That there is no real "victory" possible in war, because the true enemy in war is war itself. Al Qaeda isn't really our enemy; violence is our enemy, and when we resort to violence, we become our very enemy.

They really do see all this fighting in Marxian terms: as a distraction from the "real war," which is to say, the class war, or the promotion of transnational progressivism.

And you know the funny thing? Ernst Stavro Blofeld posed as the head of an international relief agency for refugees, a well-regarded NGO similar to the Red Cross.

I always thought that was stupid as a kid. How could an evil mastermind possibly head up an international aid agency credited as being a force for good in the world?

How little I knew.

Thanks to Nick Kronos for the suggestion.

Posted by: Ace at 11:07 AM | Comments (8)
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Ringling Bros. clown "Spanky" has been arrested for 10 counts of exploitation of a minor, due to having photos of children having sex.

The cops' first tip-off that he might be engaging in child porn?

That his name was "Spanky the Clown."

Second tip-off? That he looked like this:

Top Ten Signs A Clown Might Have Gone Bad

10. Big red floppy boots only partially hide electronic tracking-bracelet on ankle

9. His big "Fun-Time Happy-Land Activity" at children's parties is a game he calls "Wash My Dirty Feet"

8. His "clown make-up" just looks suspiciously like White-Supremacist prison tattoos

7. Says he can't bring his famous puppets, as they're currently being examined by the police for hair and fiber evidence

6. An hour of his "show" consists of him reading the racing forms

5. While making balloon animals, repeatedly makes inappropriate
references to "the so-called Holocaust"

4. Says that Pin the Tail on the Donkey is no longer part of his act, "just to conform with the court order"

3. Every time you leave the room, you hear him trying to sell your children some "sweet" Utah real estate

2. Says he'd prefer to be paid in cash, and/or "weed"

... and the number one sign a clown might have gone bad...

1. Is mentioned in Washintonienne's sex diary under the alias "Funnybone"

Posted by: Ace at 09:30 AM | Comments (32)
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He really said "sadly:"

BAGHDAD (AFP) - US-led forces killed a "very large number" of Shiite militiamen waging an uprising against coalition troops in overnight fighting in Baghdad and the holy city of Najaf, a senior military official confirmed.

He sadly confirmed that.

When asked how many militiamen were killed in 21 engagements in Baghdad's Sadr City and five in Najaf, Brigadier General Mark Kimmitt told a news conference: "sadly a very large number".

He then took our a tissue and began crying into it.

Pressed later by AFP, he put the total number killed at "less than 100," with "less than 30" killed in the Baghdad slum, which is a stronghold of radical cleric Moqtada Sadr's militia.

He said Wednesday that "less than 100" were killed in the Najaf fighting.

Planners were seen throwing themselves out of high Pentagon windows when they heard the sad news.

Coalition officials have made it clear they are determined to wipe out the Mehdi Army and bring the popular leader to justice over his alleged role in the murder of a rival cleric last year.

More out of sadness than anger, though.

Sad, sad, sad.

Cry, cry, cry.

Posted by: Ace at 08:14 AM | Comments (7)
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If you haven't been following it -- and if you haven't, kudos to you for your good taste and judgment -- there's a minor fooferall regarding the Washington-based blogger Washingtonienne.

Well, she's not just a blogger, really. She's a blogger-slash-Senate Aid-slash-dirty, filthy whore. More on that later.

Wonkette, who may or may not herself be a filthy whore, but is certainly a publicity whore, is pumping up this tawdry tale into her own little Monica-gate.

Serious Content Warning: A graphic recounting of my own tawdry sex-for-money escapades follows. Seriously-- some of this might be too rude for general consumption. more...

Posted by: Ace at 02:49 PM | Comments (118)
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They say they want to keep it standing to help document Saddam-era crimes.

That strikes me as farcical. The walls may have ears, but they don't have dictaphones or microrecorders.

Amnesty International probably wants to keep Abu Ghraib open in order to make it a museum of American "war crimes." They want a permanent shrine to American "evil."

I didn't think that there was any great reason to demolish the prison before. I agreed with Charles Krauthammer that it was an unnecessary tenth apology that just kept feeding Arab resentment-- and convincing them of the effectiveness of their slaughter-and-then-bitch-about-the-consequences terrorism/PR strategy.

Now I agree with Bush. If Amnesty International wants it up, I want it down.

Posted by: Ace at 10:15 AM | Comments (14)
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Not terrorism, they say (requires registration).

Just an employee who's extremely lazy and likes to sleep on the job. The infrared-eyes were set up to detect his supervisor.

It's at least heartening that they found these things and acted urgently regarding them.

Posted by: Ace at 09:10 AM | Comments (5)
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This is a real letter.

I believe President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld's thinking goes along these lines:

The American population is growing about 0.92 percent a year; 66.7 percent of that very same population is between the ages of 15 and 64 and these same people are having about 14 babies a year per 1,000. At this rate, we need to greatly reduce the male half of the population.

Without the males, females will slow down and, in some cases, stop breeding. This will move us in the direction of a more controllable number of people, mostly weak women. By sending large quantities of men to fight this war in Iraq that we've cooked up, we can eliminate many of the stronger ones.

The children who lose fathers in this war, especially the boys who won't have a father's guidance, will succumb to depression and have possible suicidal tendencies. The surviving female children will be hardened by losses and by their mothers who turn bitter and tough. We'll give these children one great thing to hold onto and strive toward, an absolute sense of patriotism; not just faith in our country, but unshakable faith in our president and other leaders since we are in fact guided by God himself.

We will make machines out of these children, willing to die for any course we decide to lay out for them. We will keep some of the weaker ones in the factories to build our weapons and machines for our continued plan of world domination.

Kathleen Anderton
Salt Lake City

How does one respond to this sort of insanity?

Let's break it down.

First of all, Ms. (and I assume it is "Ms.") Kathleen Anderton states:

At this rate, we need to greatly reduce the male half of the population. ... By sending large quantities of men to fight this war in Iraq that we've cooked up, we can eliminate many of the stronger ones.

All we can ask is: Does she have a better solution?!?

Of course we need to reduce our male population, perhaps by 50% or more; and of course we want to weed out the stronger ones.

Let's be sensible here. We all know that if the conservative dream of an omnipotent Father-State is to be realized, we need to break up the natural loyalties of human beings, that is, to their families and sexual partners, so that there is no other object of loyalty but the perpetual WarState.

To do that, we're going to have to end all natural sexual reproduction. All humanoids will be artificially conceived and grown in factory birthvats; sex will be prohibited, and natural, "wildbirth" children will be hunted down and killed as enemies of the State.

We all know this. This isn't exactly controversial.

And naturally, young men, being the most corruptly addicted to sexual activities, as well as the most prone to violent revolt, will of course need to be greatly culled if a well-functioning corporate OmniState is to be realized within our lifetimes.

This isn't any big secret, Ms. Anderton. This is core Republican doctrine. Jonah Goldberg writes about it twice a month.

So let's stop acting as if there's something nefarious going on here. That sort of conspiratorial talk is beneath you, and frankly sounds like the sort of things the crazies were saying when the State forced us all to get IdentImplants in our foreheads and on the palms of our right hands.

Remember all that "Mark of the Beast"/"Coming of the AntiChrist" nonsense? Well, guess what, the AntiChrist came, and he's really a pretty cool guy.

So all that shrieking and liberal agita over nothing.

The children who lose fathers in this war, especially the boys who won't have a father's guidance, will succumb to depression and have possible suicidal tendencies.

There is no other way to drive these men to suicide. We've tried all other possibilities. We're now projecting subliminal calls to suicide through the Penfield Mood Organ chips in our televisions, and yet the strong men refuse to off themselves.

If Ms. Anderton has some solution to this dilema that doesn't involve a fictious war against fictitious terrorists, I'm all ears. I'd love to hear her "miracle solution."

Once again, my problem with the left is that they do nothing but complain, never offering substantive solutions or constructive criticism as to achieve the goals we all share.

Liberals, as usual, have utopian visions of some fairy-tale world where one half of the male population is not murdered or driven to suicide in order to please our Corporate Masters.

What colors are the skies in your world, Ms. Anderton?

We will make machines out of these children, willing to die for any course we decide to lay out for them. We will keep some of the weaker ones in the factories to build our weapons and machines for our continued plan of world domination.

She says this as if it's a bad thing.

Look, Ms. Anderton, the ultracobalt mines of Dragor 7 just don't mine themselves, you know. It requires a constant supply of human thrall-slaves to get the important business of the Trans Terran Imperium accomplished.

Who will die in the lava-factories of Zedulon if not the brainthralls?

Who will tame the Apocalypse-Beasts of Tsizanthos if not our cadres of lobotomized cyborg-slaves?

I don't hear Ms. Anderton volunteering. Do you?

Next thing you know, she'll be telling us that no one has ever gotten renewed at Carousel.

That's the way it is with liberals. They gleefully whiz around on their sky-scooters, but they whine and complain when they're told that the propulsion mechanism is a human brain kept in agonizing suspended animation.

They love snacking on Solylent Green, but all of a sudden they start bitching that maybe crackers made out of human corpses aren't quite biodegradable enough for their oh-so-precious ecological sensibilities.

Boo, hoo, fucking hoo. If our AntiChrist WarMaster didn't want us making food out of dead human bodies, He wouldn't have made our entrails so full of savory, buttery deliciousness.

I've got half a mind to rat this woman out to the Sandmen. Then she'll be sorry. Oh, she'll be sorry.

Thanks to Best of the Web Today.

Update Paul gives us all something to think about:

When they came for the Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Women, I said nothing because I'm not a Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Woman.

When they came for the Legally Huntable Sub-Helots, I said nothing because I'm not a Legally Huntable Sub-Helot.

When they came for the Cyberclone Slaves, I said nothing because I'm not a Cyberclone Slave.

So when they came for me, I invented the Boson Reversal Disintegrator and it turned out not to matter that none of those other people were around any more.

Strong words. Strong, incomprehensible words.

Posted by: Ace at 10:35 PM | Comments (53)
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I've said before that I don't like commenting on speeches. Quite frankly, I'm never impressed by them. Well, almost never. The September 14th address in the well of the Senate brought me to tears, and filled me with angry resolve.

But I typically fast-forward past the interviews with politicians on Sunday morning shows, on the theory that they never make news, and the few times they do make news, the twenty second bite of them actually saying something interesting will be endlessly replayed and regurgitated on the news channels. I go straight to the pundits on Fox News Sunday, praying each time that this time will be the time Brit Hume actually leans over and smacks Juan Williams in his mouth.

I was watching the Bush speech for news. I didn't detect much. I was sort of impressed that he said very wise things about the need to give Iraqis the chance to defend their own country, and that ultimately, Iraqis would have to win their own futures, not US troops -- stuff that I said a month ago.

The plan he traced was basically the one I favored. I understand that a lot of conservatives want to stay as long as possible and kill as many of these terrorist sons-a-bitches as possible, and perhaps that's the perfect plan, but as usual the perfect is the enemy of the good. And the perfect here would seem to be not-so-perfect anyway, as the Iraqis seem increasingly angered by our continuing presence.

Fight side-by-side with Iraqis and kill every last one of the men who threaten their country, and ours? Absolutely-- assuming the Iraqis are indeed willing to fight side-by-side with us. When they're not so willing, there's something wrong. Perhaps, as Bush suggested, they're not willing to fight side-by-side with us because they view us as occupiers, and they therefore lack the normal feelings of patriotism that would instill in them the courage to fight.

I was surprised that liberal commentator Ceci Connelly called the plan "detailed." Perhaps I shouldn't have been.

One thing that always annoyed me about the press was how it was forever claiming that Clinton gave these amazingly detailed plans, demonstrating encyclopaedic knowlege of the issues. He didn't. He would just break down a bigger problem into smaller sub-problems, ticking them off on his fingers, but he never presented a "detailed plan" as to how to solve those sub-problems.

For example, when asked how to improve education, Clinton would just say:

Well, education is a tough problem. The way I see it, we have to accomplish five things to improve education.

[first finger] First, we need to make kids read better.

[second finger] Next, we have to teach kids how to do math better.

[ring finger] Third, we have to teach kids how to do that other shit better, you know, the gaywad shit, like art and music lessons. We need our kids creating first-class use-your-hand-to-finger-paint-a-turkey paintings. If we're to compete effectively with the Japanese, our kids have to master playing the recorder.

[pinky] Then we have to teach kids how to better interact with each other during recess. Bullying is a tremendous problem, greatly impeding our children's intellectual development.

[the big thumb's up to indicate the end of the list, and to communicate, "Hey-- this guy's giving me the thumb's up. He must like me. So I guess I like him."] Finally, we have to knit all these various strands together into one gorgeous mosiac of AmeriCorps happy time family values middle-class tax cut ebony and ivory.

You know, I watched Clinton for eight fucking years, watching him announce "plans" that were simply restatements of the problems in smaller, but wordier, steps, and I heard the press sing hoseannas about how fucking "substantive" and "detailed" he was. Every time, I thought I was about to begin screaming.

Ace of Spades HQ's plan for getting Instapundit to link me, get a book deal, and then earn a million dollars from blogging:

[index finger] First, get Instapundit to link me.

[middle finger] Next, leverage that link into a book deal.

Finally, make that sweet million fucking dollars.

The point here (and I do have one) is that Bush pretty much did the old Clinton "detailed plan" bullshit. How is he going to transfer power to the Iraqis, improve the security situation, increase confidence in the transitional government, and defeat terrorism?

Well, it's simple. He's going to first transfer power to the Iraqis, then improve the security situation, then increase.... you get the idea.

I was all set to be pissed off at Ceci Connelly. I figured that, after eight years of going into orgasmic conniptions over Clinton's various "detailed plans," she'd suddenly find that Bush's similarly "detailed plan" just wasn't detailed and substantive enough for her.

But she didn't. She actually thought it was detailed. "He provided a lot of dates," she said, apparently well impressed by Bush's ability to name squares on a calendar.

Which doesn't prove that she's fair and balanced. It does, however, tend to prove that she's an equal-opportunity nitwit.

This didn't bother me, because I think most of this talk of "plans" is idiotic. Every baseball team has a "plan" to defeat the opponent; but sometimes you lose fucking games anyway, because, get this, your opponents have "plans" too.

Bush's "plan" is what anyone's plan would be: kill enough of the enemy to dissuade the rest from making war, declare victory, go home.

I could use my fingers to count that plan off, but never mind about that now.

Bush's "plan" is to kill as many of the insurgents and terrorists as possible/as necessary, while minimizing Iraqi anger over Americans blowing stuff up. That's a plan, but there are no details for it, because it's impossible to announce detailed procedures in advance for achieving it. A thousand different gut-calls and snap judgments will be made in the field. One can't announce a detailed "plan" that will predict each of these calls and judgments.

Bush didn't detail a "plan" so much as an emphasis, a trajectory, a philosophy. There is some news there -- he's for the Iraqification of the battle against the insurgents -- and he thinks that is our best chance for success. He's not defining success, or our commitment, in maximalist terms, but more realistically and more modestly.

I agree, tentatively.

But I also agree with Dick Morris, who thought that Bush shouldn't just be concerned with detailing a "plan," should also endeavor to connect the battle for Iraq to the larger war on terror in concrete and emotional terms.

I wanted more facts. I wanted to hear about Sarin, for example. I wanted that connected up with the rationale for the war.

I assume there are reasons Bush didn't mention sarin. He may have focus-grouped the issue, and found that people react negatively when the subject of WMD is brought up, and so it's counterproductive to mention it at all.

I wanted to hear about the great numbers of Sadrists we're killing. But I admit that it is perhaps not Presidential to list the number of enemies you've killed.

There is maybe some news is Bush's statement that the government Iraqis set up will have to be one in accordance with their traditions; we came to Iraq to free the Iraqis from a tyrant, he said, not to turn them into Americans. This is about as crystal-clear an announcement as possible that America is not going to attempt to force a particular model of self-government on Iraq.

We would of course love them to set up a Western style multi-party democracy with strong protections for the rights of women and minorities and a separation of church and state, but oddly enough, it may be the case that telling them they have to create such a government will guarantee they won't. They seem like stubborn sons-a-bitches.

This may be some sort of a concession on Bush's part, but it's a concession to inevitability. In the long term, the Iraqis are going to have whatever government they want. Even if we set up a Jeffersonian democracy on July 1, they could undo it and create an Islamic theocracy the moment we departed. Perhaps it's most prudent to trust them to make the right decisions.

All in all, I guess the speech gets a "B." It may impress some people with its "details" and even its "dates." So to that extent it may reassure the public that Bush has "a plan," and that there is, ultimately, and endgame and a victory in sight.

BUt I don't think he did an especially good job of selling the war itself. Americans are doubting the Iraq war chiefly because they see the costs as greater than the benefits at this point. Bush may have reassured them that the costs will not continue being as great or as grievous, but he did little to convince Americans of the benefits of fighting and winning the war in the first place.

That's where I would have spent more time -- rejustifying, recontextualizing, restating the case for the war itself, and why it is so vital we win-- whatever the costs.

Posted by: Ace at 09:35 PM | Comments (6)
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Thanks to NRO's The Corner for this gem of a story:

"People were literally walking out of the show," she said. "As soon as she came out, she began to insult us. We thought she was joking at first because it was kind of weird."

Witnesses said Jewel went on a tirade of insults from poking fun at fat people to others with no teeth. At one point, she asked the audience to yell requests and then told them to "shut the hell up."

"I saw her live in Boston and it was the greatest show IÂ’ve ever been to," Dion said. "I donÂ’t know if she was having a nervous breakdown or what. She told everyone to stop looking at her teeth and look at her breasts."

You might think that that's the nuttiest possible thing she could say. After all, everyone at a Jewel concert is looking at her breasts. What the hell else would you look at?

And yet it gets nuttier.

Jewel was on stage for about an hour and played only four to five songs. Halfway through the show, Dion said Jewel began to talk about Zoloft and Paxil for about 10 minutes.

"I donÂ’t know what that was all about," said Nicole Dion, who came from Canada to see the show. "I donÂ’t know if she was on it or what. Maybe she didnÂ’t take it."

Dion said Jewel stopped in the middle of her trademark song, "Who will save your soul," because everyone was singing along. "She said, ‘I would have never guessed you all know the words.’ I don’t know if she was kidding or what."

...

"She said she saw a better audience at a barroom brawl and that all drinkers and smokers were sinners."

Errrmmm...

OÂ’Donnell said the complaints he received enticed him to call JewelÂ’s management team.

"They basically told me that sometimes she does a lot of tongue-in-cheek humor during her shows," OÂ’Donnell said.

Tongue-in-cheek? Right. I expect her to turn to the typical media PR responses, "I was being ironic" or, from the world of rap, "I was just 'playing a character.'"

Dion said Jewel came out for an encore, but instead of singing one of her hit songs, she yodeled for a minute and then left the stage.

Hot Things About Jewel:

1) Outstanding rack.

2) She yodels. I can use that.

3) Nuttier than a Snickers bar.

4) "Spooky tooth" syndrome.

The last two points create the illusion of obtainability, and are therefore very hot points in her hotness favor.

Keep the crazy shit up, Jewel. You're sexy, baby-- Frances Farmer sexy.

Posted by: Ace at 02:37 PM | Comments (17)
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Good stuff from Right Wing News, who inexplicably did not list Ace of Spades HQ as one of the top 50 blogs, or even one of the not-the-top 50 blogs.

There is a vast right wing conspiracy conspiring against this blog.

Whining and Bitching Gets Results-- Every Time: Fearing the possible backlash from Ace of Spades HQ, Right Wing News sagely decides to link us as "Website of the Day."

Can Instapundit be far behind?

Posted by: Ace at 02:12 PM | Comments (8)
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