(jangly, American Idol-ish music plays)

MR. PAUL ANKA (narrating off-screen): They came from all over the country...

(video footage: Hundreds of haiku entrants lined up outside a convention center, many holding placards that say "Haikus Must Have Integrity!" or "Johnny Coldcuts Rules!;" they cheer as the camera pans across them)

more...

Posted by: Ace at 12:12 PM | Comments (13)
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This Democratic Party release say that the level of Jewish support for Bush is essentially the save as it was in 2000.

I guess we're going to eventually have to accept the fact that, as regards Jewish support, the GOP can count on William Kristol, Norm Podhoertz, and three Hassidim called "the Yameul Brothers" in New Rochelle, and that's sort of it.

Posted by: Ace at 10:08 AM | Comments (14)
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Instapundit linked this article on yet another miracle technology that promises to revolutionize the energy industry.

It's a good article, and I'm drooling over the possibilities. But the normal caveats apply. I'm still waiting to fuel my car with turkey gibblets.

Posted by: Ace at 10:02 AM | Comments (4)
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Widespread corruption and giving sensitive Homeland Security posts to unqualified gay paramours don't even faze the increasingly-liberal dopes in New Jersey.

McGreevey's poll numbers remain steady.

Although some Garden-State Rhodes Scholars do suspect that there might be more to this story than just an innocent, consensual gay affair.

Gee, what was your first clue? The front page of the fucking New York Times?

Posted by: Ace at 09:50 AM | Comments (4)
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Seems like Day by Day and Brain Terminal got there first:

Thanks to Thief's Den.

Sometimes you wonder why some super-clever notion of yours didn't get more links.

And then you discover maybe it wasn't so clever at all, or at least that others beat you to the cleverness.

Ah, well. There's still Geoffrey the Duck.

Posted by: Ace at 09:43 AM | Comments (1)
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10. Tell him "I like you, but I don't hot-man-on-man-gay-sex like you"

9. Politely decline his offer to appoint you "Secretary of the Fabulous"

8. Make a point of saying "straight-sounding" things in his presence, like "Check out the caboose on that fine filly" or "Did anyone catch Wild West Tech on The History Channel last night?"

7. "Shark Week" will also work

6. Let him down gently by telling him you're looking for someone who's "not so gubernatorial" as he is

5. When he comes to look at apartments with you, be sure to comment that "This would be a great room for having vaginal sex"

4. Attempt to appear listless and bored while he's sodomizing you

3. Explain to him you're already involved in a committed, loving gay relationship with actor Brian Dennehy

2. Decline to join his proposed "special two-man ad hoc committee for inspecting highway rest-stops"

...and the Number One Way to Let a New Jersey Governor You're Not Interested in Pursuing a Gay Affair With Him...

1. Slap his swish ass with a $50 million lawsuit

Posted by: Ace at 09:34 AM | Comments (3)
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Sorry about the unannounced abesenteeism. It happens.

Hey-- it's not like any juicy stories were in play last week or anything, right?

Posted by: Ace at 09:19 AM | Comments (10)
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... called I Am Not an Asshole.

It's on the MoveOnPlease.Org website, but I didn't notice it. Veruka Salt points it out.

Posted by: Ace at 09:16 AM | Comments (31)
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I usually don't link "alien" news, but when alien "wreckage" is linked to the Tunguska fireball, I just can't resist.

Whoops! Loose shit on the spelling of Tunguska. My apologies.

By the way: I don't believe in aliens or such. But the linkage of the Tunguska fireball to an "alien spacecraft" discovered by "Russian scientists" is just too damn pulp-fiction lurid to be ignored.

I'm sure the story is fake, but it's a terrific opening five minutes for a movie.

Posted by: Ace at 08:59 AM | Comments (24)
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10. "Yes"

9. "Not really"

8. "I was pretty close"

7. "Maybe"

6. "The people making these allegations are partisans with a rooting interest in this election (unlike myself; I have no rooting interest whatsoever in seeing me become President)"

5. "It depends on the meaning of 'in'"

4. "George W. Bush has lost seventy bazillion jobs"

3. "I have a mistaken recollection that was 'seared' into my memory"

2. "What are you, some kind of narc?"

... and the Number One Kerry Answer to the Question, "Were You in Cambodia, or Not?"

1. "The question isn't whether I was in Cambodia; the question is whether I was in Vietnam, and I have surprising news for you: I was"

Posted by: Ace at 11:48 AM | Comments (40)
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