At Right Wing News, including such gems as:

40) "I took a poo in the woods hunched over like an animal. It was awesome." -- Drew Barrymore

20) "Until your daddy learns that it's not 'fun' to kill, keep your doggies and kitties away from him. He's so hooked on killing defenseless animals that they could be next!" -- From a PETA booklet called "Your Daddy Kills Animals," which was designed to be handed out to children

16) "[My new dog] Gudrun is named after the infamous Gudrun Ensslin who was the female leader of the Baader-Meinhof Gang, an art terrorist group from the 70s. Terrorism was different then. It had a chicness to it, which made it seem less like a dangerous menace and more like fashion. -- Margaret Cho

Posted by: Ace at 08:19 AM | Comments (17)
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The solution is obvious, at least in principle:

Although details of the new technology remain top secret, the new rifle barrel "splits" dissipating energy in both directions rather than just backwards, as is the case in existing guns.

[The chairman of the company developing the technology] said it was expected the technology could be applied to a range of ballistic weapons, including pistols, rifles, field artillery and naval guns.

"This provides a cost-effective and practical way of eliminating recoil for the first time," Mr Giza said.

Seems like this must be pretty tricky or else they would have elimated recoil by this method long ago.

Posted by: Ace at 08:24 PM | Comments (22)
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It looks like Israel has very quickly solved the equation that Trodwell over at Right Thinking People created:

"Let “A” = Wipe Israel 'off the map' Iranian says

Let “B” = Iran only months away from a bomb

Let X = A+B

Now: Solve for X."

Israel did us all a huge favor when they took out Saddam's nuclear reactor at Osirak, and they may do us an even bigger favor on Iran. That's a lot more helpful for the safety of the world than "losing patience" with Iran.

Posted by: Harry Callahan at 06:29 PM | Comments (12)
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They come from a document of unknown provenance titled "Worst High School Analogies Ever," but that's wrong. For one thing, they're brilliant -- they're ironic and clever. For another thing, I doubt very much any high schoolers wrote these. They're too damn smart.

Michelle has some of them; see her link for the rest.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. -- Joseph Romm, Washington

Funny.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -- Russell Beland, Springfield

Brilliant... worthy of Douglas Adams. In fact, I'm 99% sure it's a direct ripoff of a Douglas Adams twisted metaphor.

And then the false metaphors, literal, accurate descriptions disguised as metaphor:

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. -- Russell Beland, Springfield

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. -- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

Good stuff. Mixed in are some dopey ones, but these are pretty good.

Posted by: Ace at 05:59 PM | Comments (42)
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more...

Posted by: Ace at 05:37 PM | Comments (3)
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Three out of four stars.

I find it hard to review this because it's a kid's movie. A well-made kid's movie, and interesting and enjoyable enough for adults too (I didn't get bored until near the end), but still a kid's movie.
more...

Posted by: Ace at 05:03 PM | Comments (30)
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Cryonic deathsleep?

In a series of experiments, doctors at the Safar Center for Resuscitation Research at the University of Pittsburgh managed to plunge several dogs into a state of total, clinical death before bringing them back to the land of the living. The feat, the researchers say, points the way toward a time when human beings will make a similar trip, not as a matter of ghoulish curiosity but as a means of preserving life in the face of otherwise fatal injuries.

The method for making the trip is simple. The Safar Center team took the dogs, swiftly flushed their bodies of blood and replaced it with a relatively cool saline solution (approximately 45 to 50 degrees) laced with oxygen and glucose. The dogs quickly went into cardiac arrest, and with no demonstrable heartbeat or brain activity, clinically died.

There the dogs remained in what Patrick Kochanek, the director of the Safar Center, and his colleagues prefer to call a state of suspended animation. After three full hours, the team reversed their steps, withdrawing the saline solution, reintroducing the blood and thereby warming the dogs back to life. In a flourish worthy of Mary Shelley, they jump-started their patients' hearts with a gentle electric shock. While a small minority of the dogs suffered permanent damage, most did not, awakening in full command of their faculties.

The Safar Center specializes in cutting-edge ghoulish science. Their next project is to graft Ray Milland's head onto Rosie Greer's body.

This Is So Old Even I've Posted It Before: The NYT article is new, but the actual story has been out there since at least last June.

I'm too busy writing this stupid moronblog to bother reading it, you know?

Thanks to Gabriel for that.

Posted by: Ace at 04:33 PM | Comments (10)
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This one was suggested by a commenter whose name I forget. Amiri Baraka's version:

I found this to be a good answer to a question frequently asked by kids:

Why is Condoleeza such a skeeza?

Because she's a house-slave serving her white devil master on his corrupt fascist plantation of genocidal horror.

Kids appreciate straight answers like that.

Thanks to Slublog for the fine work.

Just wondering-- anyone else want to try these? I have a couple more ideas I tried to get Allah interested in but he's busy.

Posted by: Ace at 04:07 PM | Comments (10)
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Cathy Seipp wonders if this is a guild protecting its own interests:

How obscure are the blogs discussed in Calendar Weekend? The story opened with one that gets just 15 daily visits, and closed with another that no longer exists. What kind of L.A. blogs did these upstage? Just as one example, Little Green Footballs, which played a major role exposing CBS' National Guard memos story as a hoax last year, gets at least 50,000 hits a day. A cynic might suspect that The Times tries to make blogs seem as boring and inconsequential as possible, in order to staunch the flow of readers and advertisers from newspapers to the Internet.

"Politics runs heavy too," staff writer Scott Martelle wrote, "with intense, phlegm-flecked rantsÂ…." That would be spittle, obviously, in such an instance, not phlegm, and thanks a lot for making me stop to consider the difference. Then there's his strange reporting and analysis. "Blogging has yet to break out of its relatively small corner of the Internet," he (mis)informs readers. "Only about 5% of all adults contribute to blogs."

I'd guess that also less than 5% appear on TV or write for magazines, so are these enterprises therefore minor corners of the media world?

Staff writers at The Times often turn in very little copy (one story a week is not atypical), which means some are getting paid around $2,000 per mediocre, grudging piece. Wouldn't it be better to spend that money on freelancers (or bloggers!) who, if they can't work themselves up into something worth reading, don't get paid? Let the heads roll, I say.

As Traffic Non-Santa might say: Heh and/or Indeed.

Meanwhile... Michelle Malkin is less than impressed with the NYT's Sunday piece on blogs. Same old same old -- we have "message discipline" (read: we're hacks without the capacity for original thought or self-scrutiny) and of course we have the famously conservative media in our pockets.

Posted by: Ace at 02:26 PM | Comments (10)
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The second time, and still no one knows what the hell is causing it.

Although I do have my own pet theory: Denny's new Jerry Nadler Grand-Slam Food-Trough Breakfast Bonanza.

H/t again to the Corner.

I don't smell it myself, actually. New York smells the same way it always does-- a rich melange of freshly-baked bread, roasted nuts in sidewalk-vendors' grills, and the pungent aroma of hookers' feet after coming off a 12-hour strut.

Posted by: Ace at 12:09 PM | Comments (12)
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