As Allah's old site is toast, the genius photoshops he did of Paul Anka's records aren't available anymore. Allah has graciously offered to let me just host them here.

He offered to re-email them. Honestly, not necessary. I've kept them in a special place for just such an emergency.

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Posted by: Ace at 12:10 PM | Comments (28)
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Run down by the Mudville Gazette.

Three headlines:

DOCTOR'S TIP LEADS TO ARREST OF TWO TERRORISTS

ATTACK ON POLICE STATION RESULTS IN DEFEAT FOR INSURGENTS

SOLDIERS DETAIN 13 SUSPECTED INSURGENTS

All great news. All, oddly, unreported by the MSM.

Via The Corner.

Posted by: Ace at 11:58 AM | Add Comment
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While the US and Australia try to get vital supplies to the stricken, the UN holds conferences to try to get more credit and a bigger piece of the action.

Call it the Misery Tax. If anyone's suffering anywhere in the world, the UN is ready, willing, and able to take other people's money and distribute it, so long as they all get to dip their beaks.

It's a public service, you see. Kofi Annan's thousand-dollar suits don't just buy themselves, you know.

Posted by: Ace at 11:54 AM | Comments (4)
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Gotta love the big galoots:

BANG NIENG, Thailand — A year ago, they were filming battle scenes for the movie "Alexander." Now six elephants are pitching in to help with the massive cleanup from the tsunami that devastated many of Thailand's prime tourist destinations.

...

While heavy machinery works on the tangled wreckage that used to be posh seafront resorts, some areas are too muddy or hilly for anything other than 4 foot drive.

So the Wang Chang elephant farm (search) in the 17th-century Thai capital of Ayuddhaya (search) offered to send in its best pachyderms. They arrived by truck Sunday in Phang Nga and got to work immediately — after a quick shower to cool off in the tropical heat.

"The six were chosen because they are smart and can act on command," said Romthongsai Meephan, one of the elephant farm's owners.

"I don't mind heavy lifting, but one year ago, Angelina Jolie was riding me like Big Wheel."

Posted by: Ace at 11:09 AM | Comments (10)
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Born January 3rd, 1892.

Was there anything cooler than getting that four-volume boxed set of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings that Christmas way back in nineteen-eighty-mumblemumble? I don't think so. Ripped through all four books in a week and a half.

True enough, I had to skip all the poetry and skim massive amounts of the book -- certain parts of The Two Towers and Return of the King remain a mystery to me; if I hadn't seen the movies, I don't think I'd know what "Osgiliath" or "Cirith Ungol" were -- but I did get the basics of it, i.e., they win the war and Gollum falls into the fire.

And also, that Tom Bombadil was very proud of his bright yellow boots.

My comprehension of the last two books of the trilogy was much like Woody Allen's comprehension of War and Peace, which he read via the speed-reading technique. His summary: "It's about Russia."

And for me, the last two books were about the Elf and the Dwarf comparing bodycounts, Sam kissing Frodo's brow (and cheek, and...), and Frodo complaining every three minutes how heavy the ring weighed upon his neck, which, frankly, I think he just said to get in some more kissing-time with Sam.

Via The Corner.

Correction: It's his eleventy-third birthday, apparently, as Bruce informs me.

Geek Smackdown: Correction to the Correction! Bithead will have none of that, as he apparently is consulting an Elvish calendar:

Not really, Bruce.

The Hobbit cal had30 days for every month. Over the 100 years, that makes a third of a year difference.

Girls buy shoes. This, on the other hand, is what guys do, whether it's sports or Star Trek.

Posted by: Ace at 10:46 AM | Comments (11)
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Not sure why Cheney's "F--- you" to Pat Leahy is here, but there are lots of good ones, like:

"Clothing is wonderful, but let them go naked for a while, at least the kids. Water is necessary, and then generators, and then food, and then clothes." -- Teresa Heinz Kerry instructs volunteers packing donations for "hurricane relief efforts in the Caribbean".

"The Dixiecrats meet again in New York. Now they're called Republicans." -- Andrew Sullivan

"OK, I'll predict that the rapture's coming and you and I, Chris, are going up, and all these hypocritical conservatives who tell people not to do stuff but then they get caught doing are not." -- Maureen Dowd on the Chris Matthews show

"I don't fall down. That son of a b*tch knocked me over." -- John Kerry on a Secret Service who got in his way while he was snowboarding

Oh, what a horrid year.

Posted by: Ace at 09:37 AM | Comments (7)
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I'm a partisan here, because I kind of like Jim Pinkerton -- especially given his constant and enthusiastic promotion of blogs, and not just the three or four that always get named -- and I always kind of didn't like Tucker Carlson.

I don't know why. The bowtie, maybe. He just always rubbed me the wrong way. And he didn't seem like much of a conservative... he seemed like the sort of conservative trying to get hired by the New York Times, if you know what I mean. Always willing to tell the Establishment what they want to hear, even while keeping his conservative credentials (barely) in order.

Anyway, Pinkerton slapped him around pretty good on this Saturday's Fox News Watch, generally a terrific show to watch ten minutes of when you're trying to fall asleep.

The put-down was delivered better than will come across in print. It was so contemptuous and dismissive. I loved it.

PINKERTON: My nominee for worst pundit performance is Tucker Carlson...

HOST: On CNN's Crossfire.

PINKERTON: Maybe also PBS and MSNBC... Nothing succeeds like failure.

HOST: He kept saying the same things everywhere?

PINKERTON: Exactly. Smugness without gravitas, upward mobility without ratings... There's always a fine line in these argument shows between sincere discussion and schlock. And Crossfire crossed that line a long time ago.

Ouch! Smugness without gravitas, upward mobility without ratings... And you know for anyone in the media business-- it's the last clause that stings the worst.

He went on to talk about the overrated Jon Stewart making fools of Begala and Carlson, which I'm not sure I completely agree with -- Stewart is a paid TV clown, whether he likes it or not, whether he believes his own press clippings about being a "real journalist" now or not, and when someone says "Make me laugh, TV Clown," he ought to make with the funny -- but I still like the beginning of the insults.

Update: The Colossus thinks Tucker is just George Will lite, which I think is a disservice to George Will.

He makes a good point, though. The bowtie thing? When Raj from The Apprentice is using the bowtie as a signal to say "I belong to an earlier age, the age of Captains of Industry and Teddy Roosevelt," it's fair to say that the bowtie affectation has jumped the shark.

Now, maybe Tucker should get himself a cane and bright red shoes.

Posted by: Ace at 10:30 PM | Comments (8)
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One of my favorite actors, he played Ben Stone on Law & Order and "Not Clint Eastwood" in Pale Rider.

Then he got into some sort of public dispute with both Janet Reno and his boss, Dick Wolf, and got fired from L&O.

Now he appears to be some sort of, um, energetic conservative columnist.

At least I think he's some sort of conservative. He's so strident about everything that it's hard to see past the implied exclamation points:

It's fun to watch the worldwide socialist church - the matriarchal, anti-theological and environmental sycophants - scramble for cover in the wake of President George W. Bush's election victory. The next four years will be more than a mop-up of Al Qaeda and North Korea-backed terrorist operations. We'll corner Red Hollywood, Liberal lawyers and politicians, network anchormen and the leader of the pack - soon-to-be United Nations Secretary General William Jefferson Clinton.

Sitting in the demilitarized zone between the English-speaking Free World and a 250-year-old benighted religion called Marxianity - a French-born revolutionary nightmare composed of three traditionally 'sacred' levels: Reform, which is liberal; Orthodox, which is socialist/labor; and Fundamentalist, which is communist - hovering there are the Liberals. Yes, the Liberals are tied to the Communists as American defense is tied to the CIA. The Communists are rooted umbilically by the cord of Socialism, which is the generic definition of this entire economic and social ideology. Given the rest of the world's commitment to a one-world socialist federation under the UN and enthrallment with the New World Order, it is the United States versus the Rest of the World and, at this point in the court of world opinion, we've lost.

However, we Conservatives never assumed the messianic role of saving the entire human race. Karl Marx did that. The socialists and liberals are messianic almost by ideological commitment. Republicans are only concerned with the certainty of American freedom, prosperity and power. We will not surrender one ounce of our hard-earned preeminence as the most vibrant, productive, generous and freedom-loving people in the world. Since I don't believe there is intelligent life on any other planet, let's say that America has the best people in the universe (I'm going 'universal' because that's the meaning of my faith - Catholicism). Certainly they are the sanest people in the world. As head of Mother Earth's psychiatric hospital, President Bush is putting the criminally insane back into lockdown.

...

In the Marxists' best-of-all-possible worlds, a President John Kerry would have been in the Oval Office to welcome the new UN Secretary General Bill Clinton. Their photo ops together on the porch of the White House would be so thrilling to the Left and chilling to the Right - it would be tantamount to an absolute Marxist victory and total surrender of the American Republic to a socialist federation. Glinting in the eyes of the two presidential conquerors, joining hands in the name of a very French idea of the "People," would be the sun bouncing off the rifles of a UN Army as it paraded down Pennsylvania Avenue. Of course, that still may happen should Barack Obama (the newly elected Democratic Senator from Illinois) or Hilary Clinton win the Oval Office prize in 2008.

Mike, Mike, Mike... tone it down a little. This is spook-the-horses type ranting. You can learn a little from Pat Sajak.

Posted by MC Gusto at The Perfect World, where they're having a very spirited, if sometimes nasty, discussion about the politicization of the tsunami and what precisely America "owes" to the world.

Update: Another Moriarity column. Man, he sure seems to have a beef with Barak Obama.

Posted by: Ace at 10:12 PM | Comments (22)
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What's most creepy here is that apparently there is nothing amiss in the first few seconds of this home movie. And then they rush to their balcony, to see their entire town being swept away by a ten-foot tall surge of brown-black muddy water.

It's amazing.

Via The American Mind, who seems supportive of the "lifetime detention" plan for terrorists.

I'm supportive too. Detractors are thinking in terms of criminal law, in which fairness dictates a trial, conviction, and set period for detention. But while many of these bastards are in fact criminals, they're being held primarily as enemy (unlawful) soldiers captured in war.

And you hold captured prisoners until you either negotiate a release with the opponents, or until an armistice is declared.

Now, this is indeed a war that may go on for some time. But that does not change the basic rule that captured soldiers are held until hostilities end. And if Al Qaeda wants to make war for generations to come, that's just bad luck on their "soldiers," isn't it?

Al Qaeda can get its "soldiers" released any time they like-- by surrendering.

Posted by: Ace at 08:47 PM | Comments (3)
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There's no one big Paul Anka post, of course. Pretty much it's just been a long-running gag, tossed into maybe a hundred or more posts, since I first discovered (and did my part to publicize) this utterly hilarious six-minute candid recording of Paul Anka absolutely reaming out his band.

Some people say they don't understand the references made here. 90% of them come from this tape-- from Vinny Falcone to "loose shit" to "we're not going to be as strong as our weakest link" to the Zen question with no answer, "Where's Joe?"

One of the funniest parts of the Paul Anka Integrity Kick had nothing to do with me; it came from AllahPundit, who dug into his record collection to discover some very funny old Paul Anka singles and albums.

The Integrity SAT's -- the entrance exam for getting into Mr. Paul Anka's band-- still makes me laugh when I read it.

And of course for one weekend this site became "AnkaPundit," as The Only Important One on That Stage, Mr. Paul Anka, took over for a weekend to evaluate some hysterical Paul Anka-themed haikus submitted by readers and also to opine on such topics as gay marriage.

AnkaPundit starts here and continues here.

Hands down, this must have been the funnest period of the blog's run. Man, when everyone was dropping Vinny Falcone references and demanding that others exhibit "substance" and "conscious" [sic], it really was just a laugh to read the comments every day.

I always though that one day I'd get sick of the Paul Anka stuff, and on the very next day, it would be publicized big throughout the blogosphere/Internet as a whole, becoming even bigger than the Tourist Guy or All Your Base Are Belong to Us. I was wrong on both counts-- it never really took off like that, but then, I never really got bored of it, either.

Well, that took me a lot longer than I thought it would, but there you go: that's the #1 All Time on the Best of Ace countdown. Who else could it have been?

Where's Joe?

Update: Allah's hilarious Paul Anka record collection is now being hosted on this site, with his kind permission. The link now points to the AoS post containing the records.

Posted by: Ace at 07:23 PM | Comments (7)
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