Yup, I'm here too.

(collective groans)

What, you don't like me?

Dave, if we liked you, we'd visit your crappy site.

Hey, that's not fair. A lot of you *do* visit my site. Every time Ace links me, my site visits go through the roof.

He does that out of pity-- he feels sorry for you.

Huh. Well.

Excuse me, I think I need to go have a cry.

Posted by: Ace at 05:46 AM | Comments (8)
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Posted by: Hoke at 05:42 AM | Comments (3)
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As you can see from the post below Ace has asked me and a few other bloggers to fill in for him while he's away attending to a family emergency. From his description of me you'd think that I'm some sort of porn blogger. I'm not. Really I'm just the sort of guy who's not afraid to take on the really controversial topics. Like embarrassing nude photos and Presidential family nipple slips. I've also done some nice work in transcending the cat blogging meme that has been so popular on the blogosphere for the last couple of years. Basically, I took good idea and made it my own.

By the way, the link above goes to lots and lots of pictures of scantily clad babes. Ace told me I had to warn you guys when I do that.

Anyway, I'll probably be putting up a couple of posts a day along with everybody else. Unlike Ace, I'm not very funny, but I do usually link to some interesting stuff.

If you'd like to visit my blog you can find it here.

Posted by: Ace at 05:22 AM | Comments (1)
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Sorry to be a pill, but I had a death in the (extended) family, and I'll be heading home for a couple of days. You don't have to offer condolensces; I'm okay. I'm mostly heading home just to show the flag.

I've put out a bunch of invitations to folks to guest blog. Some have already responded; some haven't yet. I'll introduce the guest bloggers now, before they've agreed to actually guest-blog (though some might beg out).

Most of these cats guest blogged before, when I went to Sundance. Some are new.

John From Wuzzadem. Has a hard-on for Chris Matthews. He annoys me.

Dave From Garfield Ridge. Has some sort of Zira-fetish. Also, won't stop telling me that I'm not, in fact, the first person ever to link to something. He also annoys me.

RiehlWorld View. He REALLY annoys me, because he's getting huge, huge traffic over his Aruba-abduction coverage.

The New Vintage. Cute, but extremely annoying. Won't stop blogging about soccer.

Temple of Jennifer/Demure Thoughts. Yet another one of those bloggers that can't pick a name and f'n' stick with it. Which annoys me. I just know I'm going to have to give this one a language warning. She's really foul-mouthed. Which isn't annoying to *me*, but hey, there aren't many damn ads over on that left sidebar anymore, now are there?

The Therapist. He's insane, which is always annoying.

Beautiful Atrocities. One of those blogs people keep telling me is really funny, as if I'm freakin' chopped liver, so obviously he's annoying. I hope he falls on his face when he posts here, and then we'll see who's "really funny."

The Unpopulist. Not annoying at all, because last time he guest blogged, he got me two Instalanches. Instalanches for posts he wrote for ME rather than himself. So, while not annoying, he must be annoyed himself. I expect him to contribute nothing but horrid crap to the site, because there's no way he's wasting anything good here again.

Say Anything. Last time he guest blogged, I think he linked to porn or put up a very cheesecake-y picture. He posted the Greatest Thing I've Ever Linked to, the pic of Lauren Bush showing a bit more than she wanted, the one that made me briefly retire. That was not annoying in the least.

SoxBlog. Not only does he write for the Weekly Standard on occasion, he's also always getting linked by Kausfiles. So he's incredibly annoying.

Zelda from the Urban Grind. What's with all these "from" people? Anyway, also cute, also annoying.

Boston Irish. He was Boston Irish, then he got all a-scared that people knew he was Boston Irish, so he became another blogger, but then immediately told people he was Boston Irish. Like, within 24 hours. Now he's Boston Irish again. Not only annoying, but not terribly smart, either. Boston Irish is my blog-brother (younger); we started blogging within three hours of each other, each of us independently deciding to do this moronic hobby. He called up to say "I think I'm going to start I blog," I told him "I just started one three hours ago."

And then I gave him lots of advice about blogging -- having more experience, of course -- and we giggled like schoolgirls about it. He came up with "Like a Viking," which is annoying, because I wish I had.

Anyway, that's the cast. I hope I haven't missed anyone. Some might not show up; Beautiful Atrocities will only show up for one day. But hopefully there'll be enough posts to keep everyone busy.

And of course the thing that's most annoying is the last time I did this traffic went through the roof. I don't mind the traffic; I just don't like the implication.

Posted by: Ace at 08:47 PM | Comments (18)
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Soxblog called it a while ago. He deserves a link now that he's been proven so right:

But today, proof has come and Soxblog has been vindicated. The Boston Globe obtained a copy of Kerry’s undergraduate transcript and it is inferior to Bush’s (even though the Globe insists on calling them “virtually identical”). The Globe refers to Kerry as a “lackluster” student; not to quibble with Globe reporter Michael Kranish’s choice of words, but four D’s in one’s freshman year (as Kerry received) suggests a performance considerably more execrable than “lackluster.” Yes, “execrable” would have been a better word. Other more apt words would include “awful”, “pitiful”, and, yes, “sub-Bushian.”

...

But the reason the inquiry regarding Kerry’s grades was important was because, as the Globe acknowledges in today’s story, “During last year's presidential campaign, John F. Kerry was the candidate often portrayed as intellectual and complex, while George W. Bush was the populist who mangled his sentences.” An interesting use of the passive construction there, no? Whoever could have been doing such “portraying?” Why, none other than left wing publications like the Globe and the Times!

My point wasnÂ’t that KerryÂ’s performance at Yale proved that he was intellectually inferior to Bush. My point was that there was absolutely no reason to believe that Kerry was an intellectual giant. ....

And yet the Globe and others portrayed Kerry as an intellectual behemoth becauseÂ…well, I think we all know why.

Read the whole f'n' thing.

And Taranto writes:

So Kerry was almost as distinguished a scholar as the schoolmate who went on to become president of the United States. That doesn't seem so bad--but for candidate Kerry, it would have been devastating. After all, much of Kerry's appeal, such as it was, rested on intellectual snobbery. His supporters described him, in the words of a March 2004 New York Times report, as "an intellectual who grasps the subtleties of issues, inhabits their nuances and revels in the deliberative process." In this view, Kerry's nose for nuance contrasted favorably with Bush's simplisme.

But what if Kerry simply lacked the ability to express himself clearly? Consider his answer when asked in a September 2003 debate to reconcile his vote for Iraq's liberation with his subsequent opposition: "The vote is the vote. I voted to authorize. It was the right vote, and the reason I mentioned the threat is that we gave the--we had to give life to the threat. If there wasn't a legitimate threat, Saddam Hussein was not going to allow inspectors in. Now, let me make two points if I may. . . ."

He went on in this vein for 248 words (quoted in full here), and only someone with a superior intellect and too much time on his hands could possibly have made sense of his answer. "People will often be misled into thinking someone is brighter if he says something complicated they can't understand," IQ expert Linda Gottfredson told the Times' John Tierney last year. The revelation that Kerry was no better a student than Bush suggests that this is just what happened.

Is Kerry dumb? Of course not. C grades aren't an indicator of stupidity, particularly not from Yale, back when you actually had to earn a B or A. And grades generally don't mean much.

But... but... but...

It's sweet to read that these Intellectual Titans the liberal media keeps pimping -- first Gore, now Kerry -- are either slightly better or slightly worse academic achievers than the sub-cretinous chimpanzee currently flinging monkeypoop in the Oval Office.

And just to pile on: Here's Kausfiles:

Would the revelation of Kerry's mediocre grades have been enough by itself to cause him to withhold his records for such an embarrassingly long time? Is he that vain and insecure? I think so!

But, as he notes, vanity wasn't necessary to make this decision. Half of Kerry's appeal was that he was a veteran. The other half of his appeal was that he was, we were assured, much smarter and more "intellectually curious" than Bush.

Getting worse grades than Bush would have made that case a bit harder for the MSM to make.

Posted by: Ace at 07:31 PM | Comments (5)
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Who knew Liza Manelli figured so prominently?

1322 Liza marries Edward II: "He's no homo."

1517-1917 Ottoman Empire rules Palestine

1700 Age of Reason & scientific revolution; Islam misses train

1750 Industrial Revolution; Islam AWOL again

1776 American Revolution inaugurates 200+ year representative democracy

1789 French Revolution ends in tyranny

1882 First Zionists migrate to Palestine, fleeing Russian pogroms. Jews begin to purchase land from Arabs

1884 Liza marries Oscar Wilde: "100% man"

Posted by: Ace at 05:38 PM | Comments (7)
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Cool:

Why would a teen idol turned Las Vegas crooner like him, who wrote early rock 'n' roll hits like "Diana" and "Put Your Head on My Shoulder," who gave Johnny Carson his theme song and Frank Sinatra "My Way," release an album stuffed with 14 swinging renditions of rock songs from stylistic opposites like Van Halen and Billy Idol?

...

"I ain't going to be just a face in the crowd," he sang. "You're going to hear my voice, I'll shout it out loud." He was greeted with the loudest ovation of the night.

The day before, in his Four Seasons suite, casually dressed in jeans and a light blue shirt unbuttoned enough to reveal more of a deep tan, Mr. Anka discussed why he took on "Rock Swings," his 120th album. "There will be an initial knee-jerk reaction to Anka doing Nirvana, and people will say nail him," he said. "But I want them to at least listen to it. And anyone astute enough and that has any integrity musically will look at it and go, you know what, goddamn it. I didn't want to like it, but it's there, the quality is there."

There will be no loose shit on this album. And you will appreciate it, so long as you have integrity musically. And heart musically. And conscious (sic) musically.

PS, the article mentions an appearance on the David Letterman show "later." I assume that means tonight, as he just did the Stern show and must be doing NY publicity.

So, set those TiVo's.

PS, the Times has links to audio of his "rock swing" songs.

Update: Mr. Paul Anka swung it with Smells Like Teen Spirit on Letterman.

Asked if anyone had attempted to do big-band covers of rock hits before (of course they have-- anyone remember Sinatra's Something?), Mr. Paul Anka responded, "Not like this. Not in the totality."

Integrity. Totality. These are definitely words in the man's active vocabulary.

Posted by: Ace at 12:48 PM | Comments (25)
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Don't sweat it, though. Twits, especially of the French variety, are perpetually declaring this and that dead -- cinema, theater, the novel, God. Everything except the EU Treaty, really.

Macho man is an endangered species, with today's male more likely to opt for a pink flowered shirt and swingers' clubs than the traditional role as family super-hero, fashion industry insiders say.

A study along these lines led by French marketing and style consultants Nelly Rodi was unveiled to Fashion Group International during a seminar Tuesday on future strategy for the fashion industry in Europe.

"The masculine ideal is being completely modified. All the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength are being completely overturned," said Pierre Francois Le Louet, the agency's managing director.

Instead today's males are turning more towards "creativity, sensitivity and multiplicity," as seen already in recent seasons on the catwalks of Paris and Milan.

Arnold Schwarznegger and Sylvester Stallone are being replaced by the 21st-century man who "no longer wants to be the family super-hero", but instead has the guts to be himself, to test his own limits.

"We are watching the birth of a hybrid man. ... Why not put on a pink-flowered shirt and try out a partner-swapping club?" asked Le Louet, stressing that the study had focused on men aged between 20 and 35.

Here's why: I've seen HBO's Real Sex. I've seen these partner-swapping clubs. And let me just say, I can see why everyone there wants to swap partners.

Sociologists and other experts spent three months analyzing some 150 magazines and books and 146 Internet sites, as well as interviewing a dozen experts from Europe, the United States and China.

Here's the problem here: Fashion agazines are dominated by women and gay men. That might just skew your research.

Try reading Field & Stream or Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Mad Max Movies.

The traditional man still exists in China, Le Louet said, and "is not ready to go". But in Europe and the United States, a new species is emerging, apparently unafraid of anything.

Except spiders, mice, and vaginas.

...

Today's consumer wants to feel pampered, but also to be able to take time out, feel good and feel alive.

"We have to help people to create their own look. And we absolutely must help people to dream, and if we help people to dream perhaps the world will be a little bit better," he said.

I have seen the future, and it is Jm J. Bullock.

Thanks to LauraW.

Posted by: Ace at 11:05 AM | Comments (47)
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You'd almost suspect that crime was caused by criminals rather than guns:

Nine months after the Clinton-era "assault weapons ban" expired, the FBI has released crime statistics showing a drop in homicides in 2004 -- the first such drop since 1999. The FBI report said all types of violent crime declined last year, and cities with more than a million people showed the largest drops in violent crime.

When the Clinton ban on certain semiautomatic weapons expired last September, gun control groups warned that violent crime would escalate, including violence against children.

But those "doom and gloom" forecasts have been exposed as "pure clap-trap," said SAF President Joe Tartaro.

"Where is the news media on this?" Tartaro wondered. He said if the number of homicides had gone up, reporters would be writing front-page stories linking the rise to the end of the semi-auto ban.

"But that's not the case, and the mainstream press, with the exception of an April 28 New York Times article, has been pretty quiet about it," Tartaro said.

I talk a lot about media bias here. Too much, some people say. And sometimes I think it's too much too.

But the institution charged with reporting important information to us -- information useful for making political decisions -- simply refuses to relay facts like these to us.

Posted by: Ace at 09:15 AM | Comments (37)
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No joke, this is scary:

On April 25, Gregory Despres arrived at the U.S.-Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood. U.S. customs agents confiscated the weapons and fingerprinted Despres.

Then they let him into the United States.

The following day, a gruesome scene was discovered in Despres' hometown of Minto, New Brunswick: The decapitated body of a 74-year-old country musician named Frederick Fulton was found on his kitchen floor. The man's head was in a pillow case under a kitchen table. His common-law wife was discovered stabbed to death in a bedroom.

Despres, 22, immediately became a suspect because of a history of violence between him and his neighbors, and he was arrested April 27 after police in Massachusetts saw him wandering down a highway in a sweat shirt with red and brown stains. He is now in jail in Massachusetts on murder charges, awaiting an extradition hearing next month.

At a time when the United States is tightening its borders, how could a man toting what appeared to be a bloody chain saw be allowed into the country?

Bill Anthony, a spokesman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection, said the Canada-born Despres could not be detained because he is a naturalized U.S. citizen and was not wanted on any criminal charges on the day in question.

Anthony said Despres was questioned for two hours before he was released. During that time, he said, customs agents employed "every conceivable method" to check for warrants or see if Despres had broken any laws in trying to re-enter the country.

"Nobody asked us to detain him," Anthony said. "Being bizarre is not a reason to keep somebody out of this country or lock them up. ... We are governed by laws and regulations, and he did not violate any regulations."

Anthony conceded it "sounds stupid" that a man wielding what appeared to be a bloody chain saw could not be detained. But he added: "Our people don't have a crime lab up there. They can't look at a chain saw and decide if it's blood or rust or red paint."

Um... no, maybe you didn't have a crime-lab. But you could have, get this, sent out for $15 blood-identifying kit while you were questioning the man.

I suppose it's good that they did question the man for a couple of hours. But if these jackasses were too lazy to contact the closest police department and get someone to swab the chainsaw for blood-- well, I don't think they're going to be catching any disguised WMD components.

Posted by: Ace at 08:54 AM | Comments (22)
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