Correction: Initial Fox reports called this a "sniper" killing. Apparently it was a gunman shooting at point-blank range.

Don't expect any protests from the left, of course. Just the Syrians speaking truth to power via assassinations.

Related: Russian general and dissident, who may have had information about the murder of a prominent Russian journalist, is fighting for his life after having been apparently been poisoned by a highly radioactive chemical.

Seriously: I mentioned it as a throw-away put-down, but wouldn't it be harder to question the left's patriotism, and their motives, if they actually were equal-opportunity protesters of violence?

If this were the case, we might be able to view the left as truly "pro-peace." Sure, they'd still be pricks when it came to America and Israel (and the one guy in Britain on our side, Tony Blair), but we would also be heartened by their condemnation of thuggish actions like this.

But.

They.

Never.

Do.

There is just nothing a non-American, non-Israeli actor can do that is out of bounds to them -- or at least not out of bounds enough for them to break out the pot and papier mache puppetheads.

Posted by: Ace at 11:02 AM | Comments (173)
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Okay folks, outage is over, back to your commenting!

Meanwhile I'm having this really neat migraine. Other people need powerful drugs to see shimmering lights whirling and changing shape before their eyes. Me, I just need to spend too much time at my computer.

Aargh.

Everything went well, apart from the main blog database getting corrupted, the web server not restarting, a DNS glitch blowing up the New Comment Thingy, and anything else that I haven't found yet.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 04:19 AM | Comments (30)
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What genius thought this up?

(Safe for work link -- it's a real toy. Let's just say the designer could have been more careful about the shapes he was using.)

Posted by: Ace at 10:58 PM | Comments (26)
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Hot Air has it of course, but there's a problem with the audio.

The Malcontent has a long cut from it, including a half minute with Seinfeld before Kramer comes on.

Odd. The audience is chuckling in the beginning. I think it's just because it's Kramer. He's an inherently funny person; even when he's apologizing for an unhinged spout of racism, you still sort of want to laugh at his odd manner.

He apologized profusely, then announced his upcoming show at a cross burning in Abilene, Georgia. Carrot-Top will open for him, but Carrot-Top isn't a racist; he just needs any work he can get.

Posted by: Ace at 10:49 PM | Comments (54)
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Her Cameron Diaz moron moment:

SCARLETT JOHANSSON has slammed US PRESIDENT GEORGE W BUSH for his staunch conservative views on sex, criticising the Republican for being too unrealistic in his opinions on the topic.

The LOST IN TRANSLATION movie star last month (10OCT06) boasted about being so "socially aware" she gets tested for HIV twice a year.

"Socially aware"? Back in my day they just called that bein' a good-old fashioned whore.

...

Johansson says, "We are supposed to be liberated in America but if our President had his way, we wouldn't be educated about sex at all. "Every woman would have six children and we wouldn't be able to have abortions."

How stupid. I will never, ever see a movie featuring this woman again.

Okay, yes I will. Let's face it-- stupid chicks are kind of hot.

I'm not talking about severely mentally challenged women, as Mr. Brucal, below, finds so enticing.

But mildly retarded women like Scarlett Johansson?

You can tell her all sorts of things like "Endorphins from turkey meat cause women to spontaneously abort an implanted egg," and bingo, you get to bang her without a rubber, and then you get a nice, juicy turkey sandwich.

Scarlett Johansson moonlights at Lawerence Livermore Laboratories, splitting atoms... with her knockers.

Posted by: Ace at 03:14 PM | Comments (130)
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Oh wait, no, it was some other guy.

I'm sure Michael Richards has thought about it, though.

Nineteen-year-old Filipino immigrant Reynaldo B. Brucal Jr. pleaded guilty Wednesday, November 15, to raping a severely and mentally handicapped resident of a health care facility at suburban Bloomingdale, Illinois that must have occurred in the late part of 2004, which gave birth to a daughter.

Brucal faces "a maximum prison term of 30 years," according to his lawyer Frank T. Scarpino, quoting Illinois State prosecutors.

Scarpino told this reporter in an interview that he has not yet explored the possibility of presenting in court mitigating circumstances, like asking the court to cut short the sentence of Mr. Brucal so he can take care of his daughter.

Almost like a man who kills his parents and then pleads for mercy as he's an orphan.

...

"We tried every imaginable means" to avoid conviction but "there was no way we could go around with it," Scarpino added, saying that his request for a "second opinion for a DNA test" confirmed the initial DNA test of the child conducted by investigators matched Brucal's. Brucal initially denied any sexual contact with the 23-year-old woman, who is afflicted with cerebral palsy and cannot walk or communicate.

In November 2005, Brucal confessed, claiming that a latex hospital glove he improvised as a condom failed...

Wow. There really are some bestial people out there. Bestial in both senses -- animalistic, and having the intelligence of a common animal too.

A green card holder, Brucal is going to be deported shortly after he serves out his sentence, according to Judge Bakalis. The sentence could range from six to 30 years.

Thanks to Ali-Bubba.

Posted by: Ace at 02:53 PM | Comments (16)
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A reader offered it as throw-away line. The Political Therapist fleshes it out in a parody news piece.

Posted by: Ace at 01:32 PM | Comments (18)
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O'Reilly lowered our gas prices, now he gets the "folks" to nix OJ's thing.

OJ's cap is rumored to be magical, and always
points in the general direction of "the real killers."
One drawback: sometimes it flies off his head of
its own volition and begins decapitating people.

I have very mixed feelings about this. First, his book proceeds, I imagine, could be seized to pay off his large civil trial damages, millions and millions of dollars of which are unpaid (due to the fact that most of his income is through pension plans and the like which cannot, by law, be attached to pay a judgment, under any circumstances).

I cannot see how fresh income from a book could possibly be protected from the Goldman and Brown families. Maybe there's some weird law that does protect such income. I can't imagine why there'd be such a law, though.

So I'm assuming this money would go straight out of OJ's pocket into the Brown and Goldman families' pockets.

Furthermore, I'm sick of those who claim -- like Alan Colmes, apparently -- that OJ is actually innocent. I want him to basically confess to the world. I want this son of a bitch to reveal the full depths of his sociopathic evil to his former (and perhaps still) supporters.

So this is a case, I think, where more information is better, as it usually is.

The fact that he's a loathesome killer shouldn't get him taken off the airwaves.

If Saddam Hussein granted an interview to FoxNews, in which he would partly claim his innocences but partly admit his guilt through attempting to justify his mass-murders, would people demand that not be shown on TV?

I think that would be both educational and very newsworthy.

And I view this OJ confession similarly. If an unconvicted killer wants to confess on national TV -- why should we stand in his way?

Thanks to RobG.

WRONG! It turns out my assumption about the money being easily recovered for the Brown and Goldman families was wrong.

SteveL writes:

From what I read, the rights to the story were owned by someone else (why, I don't know.) Judith Regan contracted with them under the stipulation that the money go to OJ's children.

Ah, I didn't consider the possibility of fraud. OJ has something of value -- his "life rights," etc. He "sells" it to someone else, for a small amount of money. That money can be recovered by the Goldmans and Browns, but it's insignificant.

Now this third person owns his life rights and can sell them and keep the money for themselves. By agreeing to participate in writing his own book in this life-rights deal, he makes the life-rights even more valuable, and it can be sold for a great deal more.

And the money can't be attached, because it's "not OJ's money."

Except, in all likelihood, it really is. The person who bought the rights probably has a secret agreement to covertly transfer much of the money back to OJ. The Browns and Goldman's don't get it, not because they're not legally entitled to it (they are), but because you can't seize money you don't know about.

Just like gangsters whose homes and cars and furs and $3000 suits all belong to their mothers or grandparents.

Posted by: Ace at 01:26 PM | Comments (19)
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Ah, the left. So imaginative in their protests, which always seem to involve

1) Bad, distasteful nudity of the sort of people who shouldn't be permitted to be naked outside their own homes

2) Shocking (yawn) defiliation of religious icons

3) Public sex between people who shouldn't be allowed to have sex even in their own homes

These geniuses have found the soultion to all the world's troubles -- bustin' a nut for peace.

But they don't want you marching in the streets. They'd much rather you just stay home.The Global Orgasm for Peace was conceived by Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55, whose immodest goal is for everyone in the world to have an orgasm Dec. 22 while focusing on world peace.

There's no way on hell I'm joining in the Great Global Wank Off For Peace (also known as Hands Across Your Genitals).

I'll take care of business twice on the 21st just to make sure.

Do check out their picture. They look like exactly what these people always look like.

Their Website: Of course they have one, and of course a folky accoustic guitar plays when you click on it.

Update, people. Update.

The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.

The goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world.

I don't know... sounds good, but is there science to back these notions up?

There sure is, brother. There sure is.

The Global Consciousness Project (http://noosphere.princeton.edu), Princeton University, runs a network of Random Event Generators (REGs) around the world, which record changes in randomness during global events. The results show that human consciousness can be measured to have a global effect on matter and energy during widely-watched events such as 9/11 and the Indian Ocean tsunami. There have also been measurable results during mass meditations and prayers.

The Zero Point Field or Quantum Field surrounds and is part of everything in the universe. It can be affected by human consciousness, as can be seen when simple observation of a subatomic particle changes the particleÂ’s state.

We hope that a huge influx of physical, mental and spiritual energy with conscious peaceful intent will not only show up on PrincetonÂ’s REGs, but will have profound positive effects that will change the violent state of the human world.

Phew! For a second there I was worried this was some blend of hippy-dippy dreamsurfing and transgressive new-age pop neoalchemy. I'm glad there's a persuasive, scientifically robust explanation for how this will all work.

There's a video you can click on there, explaining the "science" in stoner drawl. I didn't really hear too much "science," but he did mention "eggs," which I've read about in science courses, and he mentioned "scientists" mutliple times.

So, looks pretty legit to me. I guess I have to retract my initial scepticism.

Anybody up for an Ace of Spades Wank For War at some point?

Thanks to Onan the Barbarian.

Posted by: Ace at 01:09 PM | Comments (69)
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Wow. Must watch video, but maybe not work-safe, depending on your boss.

I'm just watching this now (CONTENT WARNING).

The N-word is not bleeped, but the f-word and other curses are.

The camera started rolling just as Richards began his attack, screaming at one of the men, "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass."

Richards continued, "You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherf**ker. Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!"

The crowd is visibly and audibly confused and upset. Richards responds by saying, "They're going to arrest me for calling a black man a nigger."

I'm not sure what he's trying to accomplish here. Is it some edgy Andy Kaufmann thing with an audience plant, or did he really just lose it?

I'm leaning towards "He just lost it."

In related news, Mel Gibson just emailed me to write, "Don't even get me started."

It's a good news/bad news thing.

On one hand, a beloved comic actor -- a guy I've been a huge fan of since Fridays in the late seventies, and the absurdly underrated Young Doctors In Love -- just exposed himself as an angry, out of control racist.

On the plus side -- it's always cool to see a celebrity out himself as a Republican! Whoo-hoo!!!

Ace of Spades Exclusive! "Kramer" himself just posted to write:

Yeah, Rosetti, it was a botched joke. It was a joke about George Bush's failed policies.

Works for me!

Posted by: Ace at 12:06 PM | Comments (332)
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