A brown person?

Wow, things are changing quickly.

A bold, smart, terrifying new direction for the Republican Party.

Karl Rove's Against It? I'm not terribly concerned by Karl Rove's strategies anymore.

Posted by: Ace at 09:53 PM | Comments (123)
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Police express "shock" and "bafflement" that this action results in injuries.

The man suffered burns and other unspecified internal injuries in the
incident in Sunderland, 275 miles north of London.

Several of the man's friends recorded the incident on a mobile phone.
The blurry images show a man bent over with his pants down and a white
flash as the firecracker explodes.

The Times newspaper reported the man is a soldier who recently returned
from Iraq.

Bill Maher reacted by blaming Bush, "outing" outgoing RNC head Ken Mehlman, and then fucking his six hundredth hooker.

Funny, Bill Maher always seems to wear boots with big, big, huge heels. The kind of heels that would give Prince vertigo.

Is he a cowboy? Just curious. You know, with those big ginormous heels. Just wondering if he wears them because after the show he jets up to Wyoming and herds cattle.

I mean -- you have to figure there's some reason he's wearing heels approximately three feet tall.

See what I mean? Unless he's a cowboy or something, it just doesn't make any damn sense.

Posted by: Ace at 08:36 PM | Comments (28)
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Well, since mesablue brought it up...

On ESPN, Rutgers is now tied with Louisville with about five minutes left.

Now, I usually don't give a fig about college football, but this seems like an interesting game.

Posted by: Ace at 07:46 PM | Comments (44)
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Pre-video, so they made a video out of Final Fantasy graphics.

Man, did I love this song.
more...

Posted by: Ace at 04:03 PM | Comments (31)
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How much do you hate corporate kissasses who really get into the "company spirit team-bonding exercises" and make you look bad?

This pederast Hannorhan is really bucking for a promotion.

No one laughs during this. I guess this is supposed to be serious.

Posted by: Ace at 02:38 PM | Comments (44)
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Bumped. Not only is this shit funny, it's funny because it's true.

It's hard to parody the media's sudden discovery of good news on the economy and in Afganistan, but you guys are giving them a run for their money. ("I can walk!" -- Christopher Reeve.)

And remember, the lovely Laura is judging the best, so nominate the best entries here.

...

Hutch1200:

I just bought a huge solar panel. Casey/Pisslousy/Kennedy promised 2 years of sunshine. Stock up on these now people, no clouds for two years. All that sunshine coming out their asses could lead to a drought though. Wait, Bushs' global warming will bring water, Donks bring sunshine. What a beautiful thing, this revenge voting shit.

Share your own hopes for this age of miracles and wonders, which started today at 9AM.

UPDATE from Lauraw: ITS ON. Very witty stuff in the comments. Shame to let it go unrecognized.
The New Age is officially a contest now, and I'll post results in a few days. Probably the weekend.

Phony prizes and imaginary laurels will flow forth, and so on.

FUTURE LOST WEEKEND UPDATE FROM LAURAW: Ok, its over 1,000 now. You've gone from enthusiastic to sadistic in 24 hours. Story of my life, but we won't get into that now.
Help a gal-pal out and visit the nominations thread, put me some knowledge here.

Posted by: Ace at 01:56 PM | Comments (1373)
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Funny:

PLANO, TX—With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching "truly ridiculous proportions," Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February.

"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."

"Mmm, dehydrated bulb things," Carey added. "Sounds delicious."

Carey appeared visibly appalled as Frito-Lay employees distributed Flat Earth snack samples to the audience.

"God help us all, would you look at these flavors," said Carey, gesturing toward a display showcasing the several varieties of Flat Earth chips, including Kauliflower Krunch, Raisins 'N Chives, Cranberry Spinach Explosion, Rutabaga Yum, Tofu Snaps, Eggplant Ecstasy, Broccoloroos, and Watercress. "Look at what you've reduced us to."

[Picture caption:] Frito-Lay delivery people drop off a "bunch of bullshit to some pricks somewhere."

"Weren't Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?" Carey added.

Frito-Lay spokeswoman Lisa Greeley, who said that the company made a commitment in 2004 to develop a healthier line of snacks but "never thought it would actually come to this," described the Flat Earth brand as "tailor-made for the small, vocal minority of health-conscious consumers who apparently can't just be content with salads, bananas, apples, or any of the literally thousands of fruits and vegetables already widely available."

"Our new veggie snacks combine the zesty tang of parsnip, the most mouthwatering root vegetable out there, with the bold flavor of, let's say, jute?" said Greeley before reluctantly bringing a Turnips 'N Radish chip to her mouth and forcing down a full bite. "It's a brand-new taste sensation unlike anything you've ever experienced, unless you've ever eaten sisal twine."

According to Frito-Lay's website, the new snacks contain one-third of the fat, one-half of the calories, and one-1,000th of the irresistible flavor of Frito-Lay's classic line of potato and corn chips. The presence of trans-fats and saturated oils is avoided by employing a cooking process "strikingly similar to the method used to create particle board." Serving suggestions that will be printed on the packaging include "definitely not adding any salt or seasoning, because then you might die"; dipping the chips in "delicious plain yogurt, lettuce paste, or other ground-up Flat Earth products"; and enhancing the flavor by replacing the chip in your hand with a Hot'n Spicy BBQ chip.

Thanks to Ken.

Posted by: Ace at 01:30 PM | Comments (14)
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Wednesday, after the Democrats took the House, and stocks climbed slightly (as they've been doing for months), MSNBC headlined something like:

Stocks Climb To All-Time High After Democratic Victory

Today, after Democrats took the Senate, and stocks fell by 75 points:

Stocks pull back as investors grab profits

Hmmm... I don't seem to notice MSNBC is in as much of a hurry to link the DOW to the Democrats when it falls.

Stocks didn't "fall" so much as people "grabbed profits" they earned from the Democratic victory.

This isn't a new way to write these headlines, of course. Business writers often headline stock stories stressing the optimistic either way: when they rise, they rise, and when they fall, people are just locking in the profits they already made.

But I do expect the media will stress the "profit-taking" stock falls from now on.

Unless/until stocks fall 500 points or so and then tread water... in which case they will go back to reporting that as bad news.

Bad news, of course, which is Bush's fault.

Posted by: Ace at 01:26 PM | Comments (15)
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Only now. Only now.

A survey among Afghans finds they're mostly pleased with democracy and satisfied with the progress they're making.

Here's the thing: this survey was completed over the summer.

Instapundit's in on the nasty joke that is the MSM by noting the media seems to be really pushing this absurd "Suddenly It's Peace and Prosperity Everywhere" thing.

And, gee whiz, now they tell us that "insurgents" have killed 150,000 Iraqis.

Posted by: Ace at 12:56 PM | Comments (26)
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Pablo Honey sends this, which is amusing. But a six minute segment may work where an hour and twenty minute version doesn't.

The jokes here -- about raping women and defending oneself against "the claws of the Jew" -- are okay.

But -- now imagine this for almost an hour and a half.

This one's funny...

But, again, it's the same thing over and over.

Posted by: Ace at 12:23 PM | Comments (18)
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