I don't know why they just don't do the same to Mookie. He does not look as if he's fleet of foot, after all.

U.S. military officials declined to confirm that Amiri was a Sadr aide, saying only that he had provided explosives for use against Iraqi and U.S. forces. Sadr officials said Amiri was an aide and a lawyer who ran an educational organization that helped orphans and impoverished children.

But of course he did, darling.

Here's an "exit plan" no one ever mentions.

1) Bush orders the military to be increasingly aggressive against al-Maliki's supporters, like al-Sadr.

2) This creates an untenable situation in Iraq.

3) The official, elected, constitutional Iraqi government is thus forced to request an American withdrawal.

4) We do so, having honored our commitment (to stay until we are asked to help no more), and we get to watch the Iraqis murder each other from afar on television.

I'm very torn between the the catastrophe of losing this war and the boon of watching Iraqis butcher each other for ten years.

I don't think it's a bad plan -- heads we win, tails we win. We get to take out all the bastards who need killing, and if that creates too much heat for our "ally" Maliki, well, then he gets to invite us out of his scorpions-in-a-jar shithole.

Posted by: Ace at 12:58 PM | Comments (18)
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Yes, it's fun to just Google naughty body parts.

Anyway, they say this Cox has finally plummed the mysteries of the ass:

A digital model of the human buttocks engineered at the university is set to bring new levels of comfort to office workers and wheelchair users.

Masters student Sarah Cox, from the Faculty of Engineering's Bioengineering Institute, is using advanced computer and mathematical modelling techniques to create anatomically correct virtual buttocks.

Formway, a New Zealand-based office furniture company, approached the university looking for scientific input into chair design.

"The goal is for Formway to have a virtual model of the buttocks to use each time it designs a new chair to predict how the muscles will react," Miss Cox said.

The virtual model will demonstrate what happens to the muscles beneath the skin on sitting – something that cannot be achieved using a real person – allowing the furniture company to scientifically assess the comfort of their designs before they are built.

Miss Cox's research is based on data collected from a male cadaver in the National Library of Medicine's Visible Human Project. Images and measurements from the cadaver are used to create a model of the buttocks incorporating 30 muscles in the pelvic region, and the pelvis and leg bones.

The data is combined with existing hamstring and quadriceps models developed at the Bioengineering Institute, providing the most detailed and complex computer representation of the human buttocks achieved so far in the world.

The end product will demonstrate what happens to the buttock muscles of an average male when he sits.

Number of ejaculations: 22 (and counting)

Just To Drop My Penis One Before I'm Tempted To Give It Its Own Post: The Mayo Clinic explains: What is "hidden penis"?

Actually, There's More Than One: Penis Pump Judge Demands Release... of Pension.

onvicted penis pump judge Donald Thompson thinks he should collect his $7,789 a month pension even though he's sitting in prison, serving his sentence for masturbating while presiding over jury trials including a murder case.

The Oklahoma Public Employees Retirement System had issued a ruling to withhold Thompson's retirement benefits after he was found guilty in June at jury trial of four felony courts of indecent exposure.

They say his felony convictions violate his oath of office in which he pledged to support, obey and defend the Constitutions of the United States and the state and to faithfully discharge his duties as a district judge.

In fairness, the word "discharge" is ambiguous and invites misreading.

Posted by: Ace at 12:24 PM | Comments (33)
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Science gives us a new breakthrough -- you can size up or, theoretically, size down several months after a breast enlargment.

A few months after the surgery, after women have had the chance to "test drive" their new bosoms, they can go back to their surgeons to request that their breasts be pumped up or toned down.

The surgeon will then use a syringe to either inject saline into or draw saline out of the implants through a port hidden beneath the skin where the implant was originally inserted.

"The breast area is usually too swollen during the first two months after the surgery to tell what the final breast size will be," said Jeneby. "The swelling goes down after that period, and patients can see if they are satisfied with their sizes."

Number of ejactulations: 1/2

Posted by: Ace at 12:08 PM | Comments (71)
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It looks real, though it's hard to tell with crap internet video, but it's just... well, suicidal, isn't it?

Fake! Check out the other videos. Less plausible than even this one.

And what's with the ultra-crappy camera? If you're filming stuff this spectacular, wouldn't you spring for a decent camera? Can't shell out $1500 to capture these stunts at a decent resolution and frame rate?

Seems like the camera is chosen to hide problems with the special effects.

Took out Auto-Playing video... How annoying of them to do that. I'm tempted to just delete this whole damn post to deny them traffic.

Posted by: Ace at 11:41 AM | Comments (17)
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Sponsored by the Lake Arrowhead, CA American Legion, the Pin-Up proceeds will go towards vets' hospitals.

Not bad.

Number of ejaculations: 1

Posted by: Ace at 11:37 AM | Comments (56)
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I hate these things. What is the point of a blind item? I guess it's supposed to be vague for legal reasons, but you're suppsed to be able to guess who they're talking about.

I never can.

So what's this NY Daily News item all about?

Which Middle-American pop star, who really should have learned to stay off the Internet, has been chatting online again? Apparently his ultimate romantic ambition is a simultaneous date with an entire NBA team (except he didn't use quite those words).

Uhhh... Is North Carolia "Middle-America" ?

Posted by: Ace at 11:12 AM | Comments (18)
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Great news, but perhaps this is just like the fall of Baghdad. When terrorists try to fight a conventional war, they lose. Disasterously. After taking their lumps over such hubris, they go back to war on their terms, i.e., massacring schoolgirls.

But maybe not:

Somali government troops backed by Ethiopian forces rolled into Mogadishu without firing a shot Thursday, a striking gain in its bid to recapture the country from an Islamic movement that had once seemed nearly invincible.

Hours earlier, the Islamic militants fled Mogadishu, pledging to make a last stand in southern Somalia.

Please do make that last stand. Your martyrdom is so close, why, you can almost taste it!

Sieze that martyrdom. It's yours; you've earned it.

Posted by: Ace at 11:03 AM | Comments (14)
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Hottest. Court filing. Ever.

The real lawyers were of course completely right yesterday in noting that one could have a cause of action for invasion of privacy if one's personal, scandalous information were made public, even if it's true.
So that's the basis of the suit.

He finds it outrageous that it's noted on the "blog" or "weblog" (quotes in the complaint):

Number of ejaculations: 2

Hey, that's not too shabby an output for a month. I don't know what he's complaining about. I only managed that trick a couple of times, and that was way back in college, and also, it was in my "experimental phase" when I tried having sex with other human beings besides my hand.

It was terrifying. I don't recommend it to any of you, though I suppose that bit of advice is somewhat superfluous.

Posted by: Ace at 10:58 AM | Comments (8)
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You've been doing it all wrong.

Am I just bored, or is that some serious t-shirt folding?

I really want to learn how to do that, once I cool it with all the fucking cat-shit.

Posted by: Ace at 10:40 AM | Comments (17)
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Not really. But if they did sell these things, they would sell out.

Are you freakishly obsessed with the daily casualty count in Iraq? Do you find yourself disappointed when a day or two goes by and no American soldiers die? Have you ever been at a cocktail party and said, "How can we be so damn jovial when George Bush is responsible for a death toll in Iraq that is approaching one-tenth the total of British dead in the Second Boer War?"

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need the new Associated Press Pocket Iraq Casualty Counter! Now the information you need to make bizarre, extraneous points about the Iraqi War is at your fingertips, 24 hours a day! The Pocket Casualty Counter uses satellite technology to wirelessly provide instant updates on casualties, as they happen. And the Pocket Casualty Counter links the death toll with a historical database to provide you with the factual ammunition you need to battle those crazy neo-cons, on the go! So you'll be able to say, "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but George Bush has now murdered 10 times the number of people who are eaten alive in an average decade by the Spotted Siberian Tiger." Imagine the look of shock on their Christian fundamentalist faces!

Thanks to Potfry.

More on Grim Milestons... Quoted at Instapundit:

Did anyone ever think to criticize World War II after the 2.303 'grim milestone' was reached (the number of people killed at Pearl Harbor? Obviously not; back then people had the moral compass in place. Just think that as the war ended, they would have been able to count that 'grim milestone' a staggering 182 times, since in WW2 about 420,000 people died, 407,000 of them military.

That was different. The Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

Posted by: Ace at 10:38 AM | Comments (9)
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