The coalition between Maniacs and Lunatics just isn't holding up the way we all hoped it would.

Al Qaeda, unbelievably enough, just doesn't play nice with other children.

Posted by: Ace at 09:20 AM | Comments (3)
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Sounds about right to me.

Posted by: Ace at 09:09 AM | Comments (8)
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No, it's not Al Franken.

"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.

...

"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey said. "I just hate God the Father."

Okay, that's not going to fly with conservatives, obviously. But he does tempt us back with his other positions:

However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.

Nice. It's only political outsiders that dare to introduce innovative solutions like this into the public debate.

But is he really a vampire?

Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."

"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.

Family values. I think maybe we can get behind this guy.

Apparently he's also considering a run for president, as he's formed a PAC called The Impaler For President Committee-- 2008."

And if you need further convincing, check out his website.

Honesty is very seldom heard nowadays, especially from a politician. So, I am going to break from political tradition. My name is Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch.

Oh, wait, a Sanguinarian Vampyre? I don't like those. I prefer Nosferatuan Vampyres.

My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

I have thirty hit dice.

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my enemy.

However, it doesn't mean that I hate all his followers. This Country was founded on religious rights and freedoms. This is guaranteed under the 1st Amendment of our great constitution. This right allows me to worship Lucifer and the Goddess Hecate, just as it allows you to worship the Goddess/God of your choice.

I'm amused that even a Lucifer-worshipping vampire, the moment he becomes a politician, feels the need to try, rather clumsily, to pander to the religious right. Now that's clout, baby.

Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey

My guarantee to you, the voter: I shall bathe in the blood of the Children of Babylon!

By the way: Everyone realizes, I trust, that while he apparently can shell out $100 for a dumb-looking "vampyre" sword, he dresses in a friggin' throw-carpet.

That's what all the "Magikal Path Sanguinarian Vampyre Dark Lords" are wearing these days. Discount remnant floor coverings.

Thanks to SWOOD.

Evil, But Not Bad Evil: Mrs. Peel catches--

He admits to being evil, but says he will use his evil, vampiric nature to protect the innocent and impale terrorists. I guess that's lawful evil.

By the way: it's "vampYric." Or maybe it's "vampyryc." Who knows.

Posted by: Ace at 08:51 AM | Comments (232)
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Dinesh D'Sousa d'ishes that one of the controversial "racist" article being used against Sam Alito was intended as a satire:

D'Souza worked for CAP from 1983 to 1985, editing CAP's controversial Prospect magazine. He said a number of the Democratic attacks on Samuel Alito were based on falsehoods.

First off, D'Souza says, one of the two stories from Prospect that Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA, read this week at the confirmation hearings was intended as a satire.

The 1983 essay "In Defense of Elitism" by Harry Crocker III included this line, read dramatically by Kennedy: "People nowadays just don't seem to know their place. Everywhere one turns blacks and hispanics are demanding jobs simply because they're black and hispanic..."

The essay may not have been funny, D'Souza acknowledges, but Kennedy read from it as if it had been serious instead of an attempt at humor.

"I think left-wing groups have been feeding Senator Kennedy snippets and he has been mindlessly reciting them," D'Souza said. "It was a satire."

It is a little hard to believe that a Princeton alum could possibly write, in seriousness, as late as 1983 that ""People nowadays just don't seem to know their place."

Posted by: Ace at 08:33 AM | Comments (27)
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Iran’s hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Thursday evening that the Islamic Republic’s 1979 Islamic revolution was a great movement and a stepping stone to a final “great event” in the world.

Speaking to a crowd in the southern city of Roudan, Hormozgan province, Ahmadinejad said, “The Islamic Republic is the continuation of the path of the prophets which came to begin a great movement and the final occurrence”.

This isn't any time for joking, and this isn't really a joke, but I get the feeling this guy sees the bomb much as the mutants in Beneath the Planet of the Apes did. Not quite a God, but God's Avenging Angel on Earth.

We can't let them have the bomb. If it means preemptive war-- we canot let them have the bomb.

This, and a lot of other depressing stuff, from the internet's own Dr. Feelgood, Allah Is In the Link Mecca.

Posted by: Ace at 04:20 PM | Comments (71)
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Nearly 20? When you're under 20, do you really have to round up to the nearest 10?

Funny:

Nearly 20 supporters of anti-violence and women's advocacy groups held a brief rally today at Civic Center Park, to protest against EchoStar yanking the Lifetime channel off of its Dish Network.

"It's about getting our message to (EchoStar founder and chairman) Charlie Ergen," said Rita Smith, executive director of the Denver-based National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. "This isn't about 15 seconds at 1 a.m. The information (Lifetime provides) is critically important to women's lives and they need to get back on the air."

The critical information they need? How does Meredith Baxter-Birney rescue her kidnapped daughter from her abusive ex-husband while dealing with the recovered memories of her college-age rape and tracking down the culprit in order to confront him while also being abducted herself by a stalker and meanwhile juggling her glamorous careers as a prosecutor, marketing executive, and full-time mom whose youngest son died due to SIDS but finds out her real baby was switched at birth in the hospital and whose nights are haunted by dreams of the "child who wasn't there."

Thanks to Brian.

Professional Funny: Sent by Amish--

Jim Gaffigan:

"My favorite channel is the Lifetime channel because Lifetime is "Television for women. Lifetime, television for women." Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that network. "Meredith Baxter gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod."

It's funny, not because it's funny to think about Meredith Baxter-Birney being beaten by a rod, but because it's true.

Meredith Baxter-Birney being beaten by a rod is hot. I mean, not a big, heavy rod. Just a slim one. Like a car antenna. Something that'll sting just so.

Don't judge me. You'd all still tap Elyse.

"Men Don't Tell" -- A Lifetime Original Movie: Any man who gets his ass kicked by Judith Light is not a man.

Who's the boss? I'll show you who's the boss, blondie.

Thanks to Ken Wheaton for that silliness.

Posted by: Ace at 01:15 PM | Comments (49)
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I might have to shut this site down:

Mike Marlowe fully admits that he sometimes gave George Gillespie a hard time in that AOL chatroom.

But never in his wildest imagination did he expect to be sued in court for what he characterized as "razzing."

"We gave him crap," said Marlowe, a 33-year-old welder in Fayette, Ala. "I'm not going to deny it. I teased him and he teased me back. He gave it back better than he ever got it."

A generation ago, such petty personal beefs might have been settled with fists outside the corner bar, but now it's the Internet age — and Ohio resident George Gillespie instead filed a $25,000 lawsuit against two erstwhile cyber chums he met in the sprawling 900-room, mostly anonymous society that makes up AOL's chat universe.

...

Things really turned ugly four years ago when Charpentier traveled to Kentucky to meet another chatroom regular, a woman who was also a friend of Gillespie's. The blind date did not go particularly well, and when Charpentier returned to he discovered that Gillespie had gone on the attack.

"He just came in slamming on me, saying all kinds of derogatory crap: that I was a fat, bald, broke old man who sits around in a rusted wheelchair," said Charpentier, who has a chronic back injury. "I don't even own a wheelchair."

Charpentier, who has filed a response seeking to reserve the right to file a $125,000 countersuit against Gillespie, said Gillespie threatened to kill him and "made sick and disgusting remarks about the passing of my grandmother."

Very Belated Hat-Tip: I posted this while trying to get through to Dell, and forgot to say it came from SWOOD.

Posted by: Ace at 11:13 AM | Comments (184)
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Flurorescent glowin' pigs!

Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that glow in the dark.

They claim that while other researchers have bred partly fluorescent pigs, theirs are the only pigs in the world which are green through and through.

The pigs are transgenic, created by adding genetic material from jellyfish into a normal pig embryo.

The researchers hope the pigs will boost the island's stem cell research, as well as helping with the study of human disease.

But the glowing has nothing to do with that. They just thought it "looked kinda freaky."

Fluorescent. Glowin'. Pigs.

Thanks to Dave and Hubris (whose blog address I can't seem to find on Google).

Posted by: Ace at 10:39 AM | Comments (30)
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The party of compassion strikes again:

What a whiny little b*tch. I'm GLAD she was reduced to tears. These hyper-pampered Stepford wives have never endured anything more stressful than making it to Saks Fifth Avenue before it closes. If seeing her poor widdle hubby getting caught in an avalanche of lies about his not-exactly-concealed racism triggers the weeping-willow response, I'd venture to say Martha needs to get out a little more. Maybe visit a black neighborhood or two and get acquainted with a few strong women who DON'T burst into tears while DAILY dealing with hardships that Martha's fragile, feeble mind could not even conceive of. What a phony, fraudulent, sheltered twit.

I'll say one thing: were I on the other side of this, I'd be annoyed by the tears too, because it makes Alito more likely to be confirmed for what are, pretty much, entirely irrelevant reasons. It "humanizes" him.

Then again, the Democrats are trying to dehumanize him, so Balance is restored in The Force. Yes, an emotional moment shouldn't get someone put on to the high court, but then, neither should dishonest attacks that appeal to emotions get someone disqualified from the court, either.

The Democrats don't like the way appeals to emotion irrationally sway the voters? Then shut the hell up about ruling in favor of "the little guy." What a stupid little fart of emotional faux-populist demagoguery.

The attacks on Alito were scurrilous and nasty. I'm certain that there's not a Democrat on that panel who really thinks Alito is a racist, but they made the charges anyway. So, a wife got upset at the venom being spit at her husband and cried. What did they expect?

Ted Kennedy Ain't No Saint Update: So, not belonging to a group that opposed quotas for women and minorities is supposed to disqualify Alito for the court?

What should we say, then, about Teddy the K's longtime membership in a Harvard social group that barred women until forced to admit them by a court?

At least we have some evidence that Ted Kennedy hates women. At least ones that dare to co-pilot with him in the Submersible Sedan Bridge-Diving Challenge.

Maybe he was annoyed that women were trying to enter a man's sport. I don't know.

Posted by: Ace at 10:20 AM | Comments (284)
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Where could they mean? Southwest Asia? That's sorta between Iraq and Afghanistan, I guess.

Members of the Fort Wayne-based 122nd Fighter Wing are scheduled to leave for Southwest Asia about 2:30 a.m. Tuesday from the unitÂ’s headquarters on Ferguson Road. It represents the wingÂ’s largest single deployment since it was called to Chambley, France, in 1961 during the Berlin Crisis. This deployment is in support of ongoing operations in the U.S. Central Command Air Forces (CENTAF) area of responsibility, which includes Southwest Asia. The unit will deploy fighter pilots, as well as maintenance and support personnel.

More at the link above.

And My Pet Jawa is on f'n' fire today (and yesterday). Just keep scrolling, as the man says.

Link to Jawa fixed. Thanks for letting me know.

Posted by: Ace at 10:09 AM | Comments (30)
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