Fun:

A stewardess caused panic by repeatedly screaming "We're going to crash" when a packed plane hit turbulance.

The Virgin flight hit bad weather three hours into a journey from Gatwick to Las Vegas.

Some passengers were sick and others thrown from their seats as luggage, drinks and trays were tossed around.

...

And their ordeal was intensified by the screaming stewardess.

Passenger Paul Gibson told The Daily Mirror: "She began screaming every time the plane shook.

"She shouted at the top of her voice, 'We're going to crash! We're going to crash! We're going to crash!"

The un-named woman - in her mid 20s - also lobbed sick bags across the cabin when poorly [feeling] passengers screamed for more.

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Flight Crew

10. "Your choice of dinner is beef stroganoff or vegetarian burrito. I'd recommend that burrito; you don't want any of that 'bad energy' of animal murder when we die in a flaming holocaust of twist metal. Which we'll be doing in (checks watch) about five minutes now. Fresca?"

9. "Joining us in the cockpit is our special celebrity pilot, Mr. Billy Joel. He doesn't have his license yet, but he'll be ably assisted by celebrity copilots Nick Nolte and Naomi Campbell."

8. "This is the captain speaking... we're experiencing a slight bit of turbulence and complete structural failure. There's no reason to panic, but if you've never joined the mile club, now might a good time to make for the bathrooms."

7. "When will be landing? Errmm... define 'landing.' "

6. "Now might be a good time to review your in-flight instructions regarding the use of flotation devices. If your flotation device fails to inflate, remember that dead bodies float as well. Fortunately, the water should be lousy with them."

5. "On your right is Salt Lake City, and on the left is that little gremlin from The Twillight Zone, eatin' at our engine like Rosie O'Donnell at a Sizzler buffet."

4. "Hi, this is your captain speaking. Great news. We'll be making slight detour to everyone's favorite vacation getaway, Heaven."

3. "Take all the goddamned peanuts you like. Your goddamned peanuts and Doritos mix ain't gonna save you, that's for sure."

2. "Little fun-fact about the Boeing 747: None have ever hit a mountain straight-on. So we're all about to make a little history here."

...and the Number One Thing You Don't Want To Hear From Your Flight Crew...

1. "Special treat for you all. We'll be running a special Kevin Costner marathon for your viewing pleasure-- Waterworld, For Love Of The Game, and the special four hour director's cut of The Postman."

Posted by: Ace at 10:21 PM | Comments (95)
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...as was likely.

It was a shabby 1.1%, now it's actually estimated at a not-good but not horrendous 1.6%.

Cowbell? No. But still good news.

Posted by: Ace at 08:22 PM | Comments (6)
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I used to make this same joke about Clinton's five-point plans all the time. He would just count off his fingers how to "solve" problems, but each of his solutions was merely a goal, not a "solution," and, on top of that, a very obvious goal and a very difficult one to achieve, too. He never would explain how to achieve these goals, but the liberal media always ooohed and aaahed at how "fluid" he was in presenting solutions.

It was like Steve Martin's plan to make a million dollars and never pay taxes on it. First, make a million dollars, next...

Anyway, the New Editor slaps Dean up for his idiocy:

Gov. Dean boldly offered the Democrats' four-point plan for national defense.

"First we will conclude the negotiations with the Chinese and the North Koreans to disarm North Korea. Secondly, under no circumstances will a Democratic Administration ever allow Iran to become a nuclear power. Three, we will kill or capture Osama bin Laden and four, the authority and the control of the ports of the United States must be retained by American companies," said Dean.

The stunning simplicity of Dean's plan is rumored to have sent shock waves throughout the US defense community.

The New Editor offers other rumored Howard Dean Four-Point Plan, including:

The Health Care Four-Point Plan

Dean's rumored plan: "First, we will provide health care. Second, it will be very good. Third, it will be cheap. Fourth, it will be cheap and very good."

Posted by: Ace at 08:18 PM | Comments (45)
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Pretty funny: Keanu Reeves & Patrick Swayze in a trailer for Point Break, shot to look like a gay movie.

Wait a tic.

Okay, I guess that's redundant.

The trailer is recut to make Point Break look 10% more gay. Just sort of extra gay.

Bonus: Skateboarder jumps the Great Wall of China.

And: Backflip off of 30 foot tower, on to the ground. And the dude walks away from it.

And: Girlfight!

Posted by: Ace at 07:13 PM | Comments (17)
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How fat is it?

Well half of its citizens are overweight or obese.

Christ, you know what I hate? Going to a vacation town like Vegas and seeing all those fat-assed Europeans waddling around like ducks with goofy accents.

If only they ate a sensible, American style diet.

Posted by: Ace at 04:01 PM | Comments (31)
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One of three uncracked remaining Enigma ciphers. The power of distributed intelligence has another victory:

More than 60 years after the end of World War II, a distributed computing project has managed to crack a previously uncracked message that was encrypted using the Enigma machine.

The M4 Project began in early January, as an attempt to break three original Enigma messages that were intercepted in 1942 and are thought never to have been broken by the Allied forces.

These messages were encrypted using a four-rotor Enigma. That version was considered by Germany to be completely unbreakable, as it could be set up in any one of a vast number of ways (2 times 10 to the 145th power), each of which would encrypt a plain text message differently.

Cryptologists at Bletchley Park in the U.K. managed to break Enigma through their development of early computers, led by Alan Turing, and also by using intelligence to cut down the number of possible set-ups.

...

With two messages still to break, the M4 Project is looking for computer users to download its application and help out.

Pretty amazing those guys cracked so many codes so quickly with primitive computers. As always, they were cracked due to sloppiness of human encoders, but still. Even a sloppy code is tough to break.

Posted by: Ace at 11:58 AM | Comments (43)
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And a lot of other US ports, too. The picture there features a Saudi ship cruising out of the docks, with the WTC hauntingly in background.

Jim Gerghty notes there is an awful lot of foreign management of US ports, too. He says Democrats' stand against the UAE deal is due to protectionism or xenophobia or both.

I have to say, though, that I'm not certain xenophobia is an irrational response to all this.

Posted by: Ace at 11:53 AM | Comments (20)
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Of course he is:

JAILED cleric Abu Hamza’s terrorist son is spreading words of hate — as a rapper.

Mohammed Kamel MostafaÂ’s song lyrics rant about waging Jihad (holy war) and carrying weapons, and praise banned Middle East terrorist groups Hezbollah and Hamas.

In one he raps: “I was born to be a soldier, Kalashnikov in my shoulder, peace to Hamas and Hezbollah, that’s the way of the lord Allah . . . we’re Jihad through, defend my religion with the holy sword.” He also sings of his Islamic “brothers” who vowed to die for Allah.

Mostafa, 24 — dubbed MC Hamza by his henchmen — has played venues ranging from Wembley Arena to Oxford University.

And get this-- as he rakes in money for hate-merchandise, he is, of course, on the British government's dole.

Mostafa, who lives in a rented room in Wembley, North West London, claimed he was a student on a business course.

He gets a £44.50-a-week jobseekers’ allowance — despite recently selling his dad’s ex-council flat in West London for a £150,000 profit.

They're always students, aren't they?

Come to the West to plot terrorism and incite hate.
Stay for the generous welfare benefits we pay you while you plot to murder us.

Posted by: Ace at 11:47 AM | Comments (19)
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Is there anything Geraldo can't do?

Rivera says he was ready to relocate to Israel a few years ago and run for a seat in the Knesset in order to advance his strong views on the Palestinian situation.

Born in Brooklyn to a Jewish mother, Lilly Friedman, and a Catholic, Puerto Rican father, Cruz Rivera, Rivera was raised "mostly Jewish" and was a bar mitzvah, he says.

Israel's occupation of the West Bank "is bull," in Rivera's view, and it "dehumanizes" the Palestinians. "I want peace between Jews and Palestinians, based on equality between the countries."

Rivera says he went so far as to look for an apartment in Israel before his then-fiancee, Erica Levy, and her father put the kibosh on any move to the violence-plagued country.

His campaign slogan? If I can convince 1000 women to sleep with me with this mug, I can convince Israelis and Palestinans to live in peace.

(Was it 1000 or 10,000?)

Posted by: Ace at 11:44 AM | Comments (14)
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Not sure I want to see this happen, but there is a case to be made, as this writer quotes, that:

"although war is a great evil, it does have a great virtue: it can resolve political conflicts and lead to peace. This can happen when all belligerents become exhausted or when one wins decisively. Either way the key is that the fighting must continue until a resolution is reached."

The only reason terrorism continues to be effective (to the extent it is) is that the societies which tolerate it/promote it are insulated from the natural consequences of their actions -- to wit, a full, vicious war against them. Terrorism exists because those who are slaughtered do not slaughter in response.

A civil war in Iraq would undoubtedly be a major problem in the short term. We would have no good response to it militarily-- we could either withdraw, allowing the sects to viciously slaughter each other while we stand by, or we can insert our troops into the mayhem, earning enemies on all sides and seeing our casualties skyrocket.

In the long term, perhaps, it is the only remaining true solution. The Sunnis will not accept they do not control Iraq anymore. Violence and death are horrible, but sometimes it is the only way to convince someone to abandon the path of violence and death themselves. And until the Sunnis get the full measure of violent justice, they will continue believing their path to power runs through bombed-out police stations and schoolhouses.

Posted by: Ace at 11:35 AM | Comments (20)
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