...at least in this Greg Gutfeld parody.

I am a celebrity. And I make no apologies for it. Hell, I'm proud of it.

In fact, I'm the son of a celebrity. As such, I'm part of a long line of Hollywood celebrities who confuse pretending to be somebody else on film with the assumption that anyone gives a shit about my opinion.

I'm a celebrity.

I have political ideas that are often found in high school juniors. Terms like "question authority" and "truth to power" speak to my soul--almost as much as the last Mariah Carey album. I'm a celebrity--and not just any celebrity, but a Hollywood celebrity. That means I've raised hypocritical behavior to spiritual dimensions. I fly all over the world--while blaming the current administration for global warming and high energy prices. I consider it my patriotic DUTY to criticize my government--I just can't quite bring myself to live here, preferring a lakeside estate in the socialist Paradise of modern Europe. I'm a celebrity.

Thanks to jmn for pointing that out.

Posted by: Ace at 08:23 AM | Comments (27)
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Actually, there are parts of this I like.

The fear of been criticized can be paralyzing. Just look at the way so many Democrats caved in the run up to the war. In 2003, a lot of us were saying, where is the link between Saddam and bin Laden? What does Iraq have to do with 9/11? We knew it was bullshit. Which is why it drives me crazy to hear all these Democrats saying, "We were misled." It makes me want to shout, "Fuck you, you weren't misled. You were afraid of being called unpatriotic."

Bottom line: it's not merely our right to question our government, it's our duty. Whatever the consequences. We can't demand freedom of speech then turn around and say, But please don't say bad things about us. You gotta be a grown up and take your hits.

I am a liberal. Fire away.

Hey, I agree with him. The liberals who voted for the Iraq War did so precisely out of the cowardice he names. They never agreed with the war; they just didn't want people to say bad things about them, like "He's against going to war in Iraq."

And Clooney's right-- part of free speech is freedom fior someone else to criticize your speech. Too many liberals seem to want speech without contrary speech-- as if it's chilling their right to dissent for me to exercise my right to dissent.

As he says: You believe in something, admit it, don't hide from it like a pussy. And when the criticism comes, take it like a fucking man, like like a mewling baby.

Of course, it's easier for Clooney to be brave out in Hollywood, which keeps letting him make movies despite never actually making any money. Still, I gotta say, I agree with him.

Liberals, admit you're liberal, cut the shit, and stop the fucking whining.

And oh yeah:

"Fuck you" to the Democrats who claim they were "misled."

Gotta tell ya, the Lanternjawed Lunkhead is making all kinds of sense to me right now.

Posted by: Ace at 11:23 PM | Comments (89)
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Bye, Chef!

Isaac Hayes has quit "South Park," where he voices Chef, saying he can no longer stomach its take on religion.

...

"There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins," the 63-year-old soul singer and outspoken Scientologist said.

"Religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored," he continued. "As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years, I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices."

"South Park" co-creator Matt Stone responded sharply in an interview with The Associated Press Monday, saying, "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem - and he's cashed plenty of checks - with our show making fun of Christians."

...

Stone told The AP he and co-creator Trey Parker "never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin."

I think Stone's being a prick, personally. When you do intentionally offensive humor, it can hardly come as a shock that some are, yes, offended.

I dig South Park. I've liked its hits on the strange beliefs of Mormons and Scientologists. But I hardly think it's outrageous for a Scientologist to get particularly upset when his own religion is attacked. In a perfect world, yes, we'd all be just as sensitive about the beliefs of others as we are of our own. But we don't live in that world; we live in reality.

The guy quit a show. It's his right. Does he have to be called a mercenary hypocrite for doing so?

The New Editor disagrees.

Which is their right.

But I think Stone is acting like the Goth kid who dresses and acts weird all the time and then gets full of self-righteous indignation when someone looks at him funny. Isn't that exactly the reaction you wanted, Matt?

Posted by: Ace at 11:15 PM | Comments (64)
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George Lucas filmed most of his recent prequels in front of a blue screen and then added in the backgrounds later.

Sin City did pretty much the same thing. Most of that movie was just shot on an empty set on a soundstage.

A Scanner Darkly continues this trend by filming live actors and then turning them into animated characters. Kind of like Ralph Bakshi did for parts of his aborted Lord of the Rings suckfest, only cooler looking.

This trailer is by now quite old. I saw it as a trailer on a DVD months ago. But Oregon Muse reminded me of it, and you haven't seen it, it's cool looking.

I wonder if they can animate Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder into actually having a full panoply of human facial expressions. Is that the most vapid-looking pair of stars ever, or what?

The Philip K. Dick movie-making machine rolls on. His heirs must be happy. The guy died a hack who never sold a huge number of books, but by just count all the movies now based off his books and stories. Blade Runner, Total Recall, Screamers, Imposter, Minority Report, Paycheck, and now A Scanner Darkly. And I'm sure I've missed a few.

I Said It Looks Cool: I mean, superficially. The animation looks cool.

That trailer doesn't do much to sell the movie. I can't think of a lamer sci-fi trailer in recent memory. I can't tell what the hell the thing is about and there's nothing particularly interesting going on in the trailer. Everything's recorded and a guy has a split personality. Big whoop-de-doo.

Then again, do you really need to know the premise of any Philip K. Dick story? They're all the same. They're all variants on the same theme, each a similar installment in a long megaseries called Mindfuck, in which someone wakes up to realize he's not the guy he thought he was -- he's actually a clone of himself, who actually died fifteen years ago -- and his wife may be a clone too and then he learns he's not so much a clone but an android-clone, with implanted memories of his past life as a clone, which never really existed, but even worse he's actually dreaming it all, stoned out of his mind in a coma on an android-clone hallucinogenic drug called Psiborg, and when he wakes up, he realizes that Hitler is really President of the world, and also, unfortunately, also an android. With a nuclear bomb in his chest.

Posted by: Ace at 05:41 PM | Comments (32)
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I've slapped around Pat for saying foolish things before. I don't think this is foolish at all.

Now, being agnostic, I'm not sure about this God chap I hear so much about, and I'm much less a believer in Satan.

But I've used the word "satanic" in this connection before, myself. More metaphorically than Pat seems to use it -- I'm guessing he thinks that Islamism is authored by and encouraged by the Fallen Angel -- but it's apt whatever your beliefs.

An religion that venerates killers and exalts in mayhem and blood and death is, metaphorically or literally, your choice, satanic (or Satanic). I don't even think it's debatable.

Is there anything more Lovecraftian than a God of Murder? Well, sure, there are things that are more Lovecraftian (like Cthulhu his own bad self), but still, the idea of a Murder-God is pretty dark and strange.

And a nice-sized fraction of the world's population now worships at the Murder-God's throne of blood.

Via Muslihoon, who heartily agrees.

Posted by: Ace at 04:04 PM | Comments (83)
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The Doc Holliday role scarred him:

Actor Dennis Quaid said he is getting professional help for what he calls "manorexia" -- the male version of anorexia.

In an interview with "Best Life Magazine," Quaid said his eating disorder apparently began in 1994 as he prepared to play emaciated Doc Holliday for the film "Wyatt Earp." He said he lost 40 pounds for the role and weighed only 130 pounds when shooting began.

He said at the time he was eating less than 600 calories a day, according to the report. Now, he sees fat in the mirror no matter how thin he becomes, the report said.

130 pounds. Wow.

Bizarre and, of course, sad. One of the best looking guys on the face of the earth, and he thinks he's fat.

Just Googling for dysmorphia, a psychological defect in the way one perceives one's body image (like anexoria), I found this entry for muscle dysmorphia, or "bigorexia," the belief that one's muscles are too small and scrawny.

Which of course most of ours are.

Gotta work on my lats. Some sweet lats and some nicely sculpted delts and maybe Daddy will finally hug me.

I'm a man, Daddy. Can you hear me? I. Am. A. Man!!!!

Posted by: Ace at 03:51 PM | Comments (18)
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You know you want a Sixpack. Don't you?

Posted by: Harry Callahan at 03:14 PM | Comments (15)
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I think it's a bad list, myself.

For every no-talent on the list, there's someone who's genuinely funny. Jay Mohr was genuinely funny. His sketch-writing sucked (Rock N Roll Real Estate Broker, anyone?) but who can argue with his Chris Walken impressions, especially his Skittles commercial?

And Tim Meadows is flat-out funny. Not necessarily as a performer, but as a sketch writer. Assuming, probably correctly, that lower-eschelon performers only get to star in the sketches they themselves write, then Meadws is responsible for, among others, the Smelly French Whore Game Show, the game show about attempting to guess the names of random dogs, Jingleheimer Junction, and the hilarious census sketch with Christopher Walken.

And Tracy Morgan is deeply annoying, but no one can doubt that Astronaut Jones, Brian Fellows, and the homeless guy in the sewer were pretty damn funny.

Jim Belushi was also funny. Not super-funny, but a reasonably good cast member during a very weak period of the show.

Victoria Jackson? Funny. Jimmy Fallon? I get why people don't like him, but come on, he's funny. Horatio Sanz? Pretty damn funny. (Yeah, the last two could maybe try not to laugh in the middle of sketches a little harder.)

So, a pretty bad list.

They missed out a lot of really lame performers, like Robin Duke, Tim Kazurinsky, Anthony Michael Hall, Randy Quaid, Robert Downey Jr. (good actors seem to make bad SNL cast members), Mary Gross, Julia Louis Dreyfus (very bad on the show), Brad Hall, etc.

Chris Elliot is a funny guy, but a pretty big disappointment on the show. Jeneane Garofalo was terrible.

Of course, no one's heard of half of those people, or even remembers they were on the show at all.

Marks also lost for not mentioning Al Franken or his partner Tom Davis.

Posted by: Ace at 02:17 PM | Comments (87)
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...since the media declared a civil war in Iraq.

Let me clarify my previous post. Yes, it was typical Ace pessimism and wobbliness.

But my point was this: If -- if -- there is a full-on civil war, our troops will probably only re-enter the fight with full aggressivenss after the psychpoaths have finished slaughtering each other.

If that's the case, then, I don't know why it would not have been preferrable to simply decapitate the regime, let civil war break out from just after the end of the war, and then have our boys come in when the various sects had gotten their bloodlust out of their systems and were virtually begging for Big Green Daddy to come in and make a peace.

That is all premised on a civil war breaking out. If it doesn't, then we can and should continue to rebuild and restore order.

But if a civil war breaks out, then all of our previous hard work, and combat deaths, would have been more or less in vain. What we sought to prevent would not have been prevented at all, and it would have made more sense to let the bastards fight it out like rabid wolverines in a bag until they had suffered so much death they had become willing to give peace a chance.

Posted by: Ace at 02:06 PM | Comments (43)
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He interviews the Yale official, too.

Thanks to Craig.

Posted by: Ace at 11:59 AM | Comments (4)
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