Funny. LANGUAGE WARNING. ANIMAL VERBAL CRUELTY WARNING.

Although it's funny, it just seems like a mash-up of three different Will Ferrel sketches from SNL.

Namely: Dissing Your Dog, Get On The Damn Bag,, and Angry Boss.

Except with a cat.

Still, yelling at a cat like a maniac is pretty funny.

Thanks to MH.

Posted by: Ace at 03:12 PM | Comments (11)
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Video.

Thanks to Ken.

Posted by: Ace at 01:58 PM | Comments (34)
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Interesting experiment:

If Domino's Pizza founder Thomas S. Monaghan has his way, a new town being built in Florida will be governed according to strict Roman Catholic principles, with no place to get an abortion, pornography or birth control.

The pizza magnate is bankrolling the project with at least $250 million and calls it "God's will."

Civil libertarians say the plan is unconstitutional and are threatening to sue.

...

The town and the university, developed in partnership with the Barron Collier Co., an agricultural and real estate business, will be set on 5,000 acres with a European-inspired town center, a massive church and what planners call the largest crucifix in the nation, at nearly 65 feet tall. Monaghan envisions 11,000 homes and 20,000 residents.

During a speech last year at a Catholic men's gathering in Boston, Monaghan said that in his community, stores will not sell pornographic magazines, pharmacies will not carry condoms or birth control pills, and cable television will have no X-rated channels.

Homebuyers in Ave Maria will own their property outright. But Monaghan and Barron Collier will control all commercial real estate in the town, meaning they could insert provisions in leases to restrict the sale of certain items.

"I believe all of history is just one big battle between good and evil. I don't want to be on the sidelines," Monaghan, who sold Domino's Pizza in 1998 to devote himself to doing good works, said in a recent Newsweek interview.

Right next door to this town will be built a town called "Joe's Pornography, Abortion, and Birth Control Ville."

I think this is interesting, though. And not unconstitonal and all. People are allowed to seek their bliss in this country, and if they voluntarily move to a town with restrictive property covenants banning stuff they don't like, that's their right.

Thanks, appropriately enough, to spongeworthy.

Posted by: Ace at 01:49 PM | Comments (27)
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Daily Lunch apparently spends his time at his job drawing pictures of fucking robots on a swing-set, and he's confident enough in his masculinity to share them for you.

Great Texas Walker Ranger's fist, man. Why can't you just look at porn like everyone else?

Posted by: Ace at 01:18 PM | Comments (9)
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He rented an SUV the night before a big basketball game and then plowed into a big group of students, apparently deliberately.

It just so happens that 1, the driver seems to be an adherent of this "Religion of Peace" I keep hearing so much about, and 2, a UNC student paper just ran a cartoon featuring Mohammed's likeness.

Any connection?

Of course not. Just a lone distraught student with an SUV and a poor understanding of the US highway safety rules.

More at Michelle's.

Posted by: Ace at 01:11 PM | Comments (25)
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Always. It can help you beat a gang-rape rap.

Four Disney employees have been cleared of rape charges because they prudently videotaped their group-sex sessions and demonstrated the woman was a willing participant.

Do not doubt the effectiveness of the Ace of Spades Lifestyle (TM).

Look, there's no point being judgmental about this. Some women are baseball-groupies, some women are cop-groupies. And some women want to "pull the train" with the Country Bears Jamboree.

I know I've got a Boo-Boo costume somewhere in storage. I'm thinking of wearing that out tonight and carrying around a "Picnic Basket of Pleasure."

Thanks to Scott and Dave at Garfield Ridge.

Posted by: Ace at 01:06 PM | Comments (23)
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I did not see this one coming:

a development sure to rip the heart right out of the liberal radio network's already ailing body, it appears extremely likely their leased New York City flagship station WLIB-AM will soon abandon Air America programming.

Even worse, litigation looks probable over the station's lease.

Let me get this straight: A nasty, juvenile hate-America radio station featuring the talents of Al Franken (Stuart Saves His Family, LateLine, and of course 97 useless seasons on Saturday Night Live, when Adam Sandler and Jimmy Fallon were making movies after two seasons) and Jeanine Garafolo (the ugly chick from the forgettable Truth About Cats And Dogs, The Matchmaker, and a dozen other "movies" that went directly to Blockbusters' "Buy Six For $3.00" rack) has failed to attract a significant audience?

Only one thing can save Air America: start calling it a "cult radio network" and get the guys from MST3K to offer their own commentary over the Air America commentary.

Is Tom Servo allowed to say "douchebag"? I'd like to find out.

Posted by: Ace at 01:00 PM | Comments (115)
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...except without all that "talent" baggage.

The “American Idol” judge was incoherent on last night’s live telecast, bumbling lines and giggling like she’d just emerged from a Grateful Dead concert, leaving audiences, contestants and host Ryan Seacrest more confused than a homophobic Clay Aiken fan.

When Seacrest asked Abdul why two contestants received the fewest votes, she mumbled, head in hands, “Simon said because one of them ate pizza and the other ate salad.”

A shocked Seacrest responded, “You guys realize we’re on the air?”

Abdul got it together for a few minutes, but during the second round of cuts, she was back to her odd behavior.

“What did you tell me Simon?” she said, slurring her words. “What did you tell me? Simon gave me advice and said on “The X Factor” he always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon - (laugher) - finds the corn flake always finds the melon and one of you didn’t pick the right fortune.”

Huh?

Note to customs officials: Next time Paula comes back from Tijuana, make sure to take a look inside her melons and corn flakes boxes. It's like she wants to be caught.

Okay. So, a few seasons ago, she was banging an 18-year-old (or so) contestant. Now she's coming into work all sloppy-stoned on booze and goofballs.

I can't wait until she's judging via remote-feed from a rehab clinic, and offering contestants "12 steps" to improve their performances. First, accept a higher power. Second, try to "color up" your performance with your "energy."

Posted by: Ace at 11:30 AM | Comments (16)
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...to cover up the fact he had missed a deadline for a project.

I guess "I've got the flu" just didn't have enough "punch" to him.

Posted by: Ace at 11:19 AM | Comments (16)
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LauraW mentioned this, and maybe there are newer readers who haven't read it yet.

It's a special guest editorial titled, "If You Touch My Hoagie One More Time, I Will Fucking Kill You."

Posted by: Ace at 11:06 AM | Comments (29)
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