Really funny compilation of goofy, clumsy, or too adorable for words dogs, culled, I guess, from America's Funniest Home Videos.

I don't even want to hear it, Dave.

Thanks to Craig.

Posted by: Ace at 06:27 AM | Comments (6)
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So f'n' hot:

A Salvadoran woman is in some trouble after she allegedly tried to smuggle into the country's main prison a military grenade and marijuana hidden in her vagina.

Hmmmm... a vagina, a live grenade, and weed? Feller could have himsef a pretty good time in Vegas with those things.

Or anywhere, actually. Doesn't have to be Vegas.

The cylinder was about 10 inches long and 4 inches wide.

Is this a vagina we're talking about? That's pretty intimidating.

Did this story get mis-translated? Is the Spanish word for "vagina" similar to the word for "duffle-bag"?

Officials didn't say what prompted them to check Lidia Alvarado...

Although they were suspicious of her nickname: "Monster Box" Alvarado.

Thanks again to Allah.

Posted by: Ace at 05:04 PM | Comments (54)
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He thinks, as Dave might say, "it's old."

And his readers agree that they, too, are "over" 9/11.

Although I kind of think they were "over" it before they started pulling bodies out of the wreckage.

They just can't get up any amount of emotion for a ruthless, murderous enemy who is not a white Christian American Republican male.

So maybe we should just pretend the conspiracy theories are true-- white Christian American Republican males really did plan and cause 9/11.

It's just that, see, this cabal of Rove Disciples are all hiding out in Iran. We just have to go over there and bomb those Krazy Konservative Kristian killers out of their secret bunkers.

Thanks to Allah.

Posted by: Ace at 04:59 PM | Comments (42)
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Bear in mind, this guy created fake ID's to all chime in together to agree with himself.

Does this man not understand irony?

No doubt [Patterico's] claque of commenters will be expressing unanimous praise for Patterico's detective work in the days to come, and he'll be basking in the kudos.

Ummmm... dude, your commenters were pretty unanimous, weren't they? In fact, they were kind of unitary.

Definition of unanimous: "of one mind." Sort of like three "different" commenters, all of whom having the same basic opinion (and high regard for the writings of Michael Hiltzik).

Does this guy not have anything going on above the neck besides an all-consuming ego?

I hope his remaining readers are happy together.

And we hope you and your fake ID's are all happy together, too.

Thanks to Allah again. Allah takes special delight in Hiltzik, apparently gifted with genetically-enhanced powers of self-delusion, imagines this episode will cause Patterico to start losing readers.

On the other hand, now that Hiltzak's multiple ID's have been exposed -- perhaps half or even more of Patterico's traffic has always come from Hiltzik himself, which traffic he will now withhold in a fit of pique.

Oh, dear Lord. We all have our little problems, and I guess other people's problems always, inevitably, seem weird to us.

But this idiot feeling the need to create fake people to chime in and stick up for him?

What kind of hyperegotistical, ultrasensitive megadouche is this? What are we, fifth graders here?

Allah sends this Cathy Seipp piece, noting Hiltzik's email problem in passing. Yeahp, it's true-- he lost the LAT's Moscow Bureau because he was reading a coworker's (or more than one coworker's) emails surreptitiously.

Seipp notes that Hitlzik's response to Patterico's criticism (quoted below) is precisely the sort of response we've come to respect from our Have-You-No-Decency-Sir media. She notes it's the typical angry outburst from complacent leftists-- they had no idea they were being challenged at all, and now that they discover it, they're pretty miffed about it. They lash out like children.

Fifth graders love put-downs that start, "ALL of my friends think you're..." Well, Hiltzik had the fifth-grade mentality but not, apparently, the actual friends. So he made a couple of them up.

Since Patterico's obviously going to be taking a HUGE drop in traffic for daring to take on Hiltzik (and his thirty seven multiple on-line personalities), do try to show your support and click on his site before it actually dies from lack of reader interest.

By the way... I guess it's time to tell you morons-- you're all made-up, fictitious "readers" and "commenters" that I invented because I was tired of having lower traffic than Oliver Willis.

I feel kind of silly about it, and embarrassed, except that there's no one reading this but me, and my three thousand fake internet personas.

Did you morons really think there were so many other super-geeky pro-war sex-starved conservative perverts out there, the sort of people who need clarification as to which version of the acronym "RPG" you mean?

Sorry to break it to you. You're all fake.

The only "commenter" I don't mind pulling the plug on is Dave at Garfield Ridge. The "it's old" schtick itself got so old that even I, its inventor, grew weary of it.

I'm not sure I'll bother posting anymore. Now that the illusion's broken, there just doesn't seem to be much of a point to it anymore.

Posted by: Ace at 04:39 PM | Comments (59)
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Allah tips this guy had a little problem in the 90's, something having to do with reading co-workers' emails. I'm still tracking that one down.

But I did find this bit by this guy, defending the LATimes against Patterico's charges of liberal bias. Ummm, if you're going to claim no leftist bias, try to do so without lapsing into leftist cant while doing so.

[Blogging media critics'] techniques include a promiscuous use of labels as shorthand slurs ("leftist" and "liberal" being, of course, their most popular denigrations). They no doubt find this technique valuable because once they can hang a label on a newspaper or a journalist, they can dispense with anything so fundamental as discussion or argument. Some also favor imputations of treason or unpatriotism; contentions that the offending reporters and editors are detached in spirit from their readership; and suggestions that what underlies their political deviancy is moral turpitude.
To back up their assertions, they often quote articles selectively, take out of context what they do quote, and ascribe imaginary motivations to reporters and editors, which they then feel free to decry. As any student of history knows, these are tools and techniques that were used to great effect during the Stalinist show trials of the ‘40s and ‘50s. The functionaries who wielded them then had the same goals as the self-anointed press watchdogs on the right do today: To support the regime in power through intimidation and threat and to impose ideological conformity, while avoiding at all costs debate on the merits.

These critics equate a newspaperÂ’s failure to parrot a conservative, Republican, or Bush Administration line with inaccuracy, or cavalierly interpret it as evidence of "bias." Unconcerned with a free pressÂ’s duty to challenge official versions of events, they fault newspapers and newsmagazines for failing to fall into lockstep in support of George W. Bush and his policies....

The main drawback of the blogging criticsÂ’ ignorance of or uninterest in journalistic tradition and practice is that it unleashes their own prejudices. TheyÂ’re largely unfamiliar with the requirements imposed on reporters and editors by deadline haste and space constraints. They read an article through the prism of their own political mindset, and if they judge that its effect is to promote a "liberal agenda," they invariably assume that the effect is intentional.

Yep, this little asshole compared a media critic to Stalin.

He goes on, in another installment:

Press criticism of this nature passes muster only if youÂ’re preaching to the choir. But then, these critics arenÂ’t really interested in persuading the unpersuaded; theyÂ’re interested in reinforcing the prejudices of their followers through a chorus of mendacious commentary and rhetorical cant. They donÂ’t wish to improve the free press, they wish to coerce it into supporting those with political power. Later, weÂ’ll examine how this process works in detail, with FreyÂ’s effort as an instructive text.

Well, this little sonofabitch has the "rhetorical cant" thing down pretty well.

And it turns out he also has a "chorus of mendacious commentary" to offer-- through a chorus of false identities.

Okay, he's a real douche. I feel like Dennis Hopper in True Romance, after looking into the history of the pimp/drug-runner his son murdered.

"The more I find out about this guy," Hopper says, "the more I think you did the one-hundred-percent right thing."

Always liked you, Patterico. Always will.

It's pretty funny. Patterico criticized this asshole, so he created false identities with which to show how much "the people" supported him. And then Patterico, of all people, figures that out and exposes his lies.

Man, he must be loving life just about now.

Posted by: Ace at 03:57 PM | Comments (21)
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When they got Ben "The Nech" Domenech, we all wondered at first how we could go on.

Although the world was a darker, colder place after that miserable day, we found the strength to endure.

And plot. Plot our vengeance.

Well, Patterico got that vengeance for us. That nitwit who wrote the Golden State Blog had his blog suspended by the LA Times for posting messages on the newspaper's website under different names, which, it turns out, is violation of the paper's ethics code (requiring bona fide identification of those offering opinions).

(See below post for details.)

We won. This is our finest moment.

Correction/Clarification: Checking out Little Green Footballs, I note him saying that Hiltzik's blog was suspended, not Hiltzik himself.

It seems to me, though, that if this is a serious enough offense to get a dopey blog suspended, it has to be serious enough to get a reporter fired.

Either reporters have a duty to use their real names when expressing their opinions or they don't. It can't be that you're not allowed to do this but, if you do, the paper will just take your blog away.

That would be silly.

more...

Posted by: Ace at 02:52 PM | Comments (58)
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The addresses listed for the various "reichwing" bloggers all turn out to be car-parts dealerships.

And abandoned buildings.

Here's the thing: I actually do live in the back of a used-car-parts dealership specializing in refurbished mufflers, so, spoof or not, it's kind of chilling they came so close to the mark.

Posted by: Ace at 12:13 PM | Comments (23)
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She has an attack dog.

The most amazingly lethal attack dog known to man.

We're All A-Scared Of Minorites Update: Hectoring halfwit Seattle Slough informs us...

Funny. The guy who needs a 9mm under his pillow when he goes to sleep is calling me a coward.

you guys are scared of everything.

Scared of muslims
Scared of gays
Scared of blacks
Scared of latinos
Scared of science
Scared of atheists

Is there anything you pussies aren't scared of?

Well... you, actually.

You forgot "Scared of Orientals." * They know kung fu, and can also use their mathematical expertise to calculate the precise vector their hand needs to strike your throat so that your Adam's apple breaks off and chokes you to death.

I think it's interesting that Seattle Slough is basically bragging he's brave enough to mingle with blacks, Hispanics, Muslims and gays.

Are you saying that an element of physical courage is required for such encounters, Seattle? Why would that be?

LauraW answered him using the expression "you're out of your reckoning," which I'd never heard before. I love that. What's the exact derivation? Does it just mean "lost at sea, off of your map"?

Is this a real expression or something cool LauraW just came up with?

* Yeah, I know, an "Oriental" is a rug, not a person, some are saying.

But that's how I think of Asians. As rugs.

As crafty, fiendishly cunning throw-carpets.

Posted by: Ace at 11:47 AM | Comments (81)
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33%, according to a biased left-wing poll from FoxNews.

Yes, it does seem to be largely because of the price of gas.

It's also due to a majority of the publci still believing we're in a recession and that, in fact, the economy is getting worse. Gee, I wonder how they may have gotten that idea.

But then, his approval rating among Republicans has slipped below 70%.

That can be corrected, but Bush doesn't seem to want to. He's determined to grant amnesty to illegals and doing nothing but a bit of empty talk about runaway spending.

Posted by: Ace at 11:16 AM | Comments (18)
Post contains 107 words, total size 1 kb.

This is the sort of thing you read that you didn't actually know but then you think about it and say, "Actually, if someone had asked me to guestimate what this walking midget she-tank could leg-press, I would have ballparked it at around 400 pounds, if not more."

Wouldn't she need to leg-press 300 pounds just to get up from the sofa?

In further stuff-you-knew-but-didn't-know-you-knew news, scientists believe they can construct super-strong nanotubes by dublicating the carbon-structure of Janet Reno's nipple-hairs.

Posted by: Ace at 10:48 AM | Comments (19)
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