"I saaaaaaiiiid, we got motherf--king chimps on this motherfu--king taxi cab!"

ARMED Sierra Leonean police are hunting up to 20 chimpanzees which killed a local taxi driver and injured three American visitors after they broke out of a wildlife sanctuary.

The Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary in forested hills outside the Sierra Leonean capital Freetown, where the incident happened, has been closed since Sunday's attack by the screaming and excited apes, which mobbed and mauled the four men.

Liberals immediately reacted with horror to this clear-cut case of species profiling. A spokesman for the Southern Poverty Law Center stated that we need to examine the "root causes" of killer chimp behavior, such as poverty, a lack of education and job opportunities, and US support for Israel.

Thanks to yls.

Posted by: Ace at 07:39 AM | Comments (11)
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The "outing" campaign turns nasty:

I'm sorry to have to send another e-mail about the men's bathroom, but Jenny was on the receiving end of an unfortunate tirade from the building engineer (wait: assistant building engineer) a few minutes ago about a clogged toilet from this morning. I know that none of you would intentionally "stuff" a toilet, but he seems to think that someone from this office is doing just that.

Who could it be from Media Matters that is dropping anchor to such an extent actually caused a catastrophic failure in the building's plumbing?

It's a stone-cold mystery. I can't think of any possible suspects.

Thanks to Alarming News.

Posted by: Ace at 07:12 AM | Comments (15)
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...then performed a lewd act on himself. I'm not sure what the lewd act was; I imagine he put a hand under an armpit and started cranking out fart noises, which is a felony in Scotland.

Kevin Costner has been revealed as the celebrity accused of performing a sex act while having a massage at a prestigious hotel in Scotland, after a tribunal ruled there was not a strong enough reason to keep his name suppressed.

The Hollywood star was accused of taking off his towel during the massage at The Old Course Hotel in St Andrews, Fife, in October 2004, exposing himself and then performing a sex act.

An earlier legal ruling had prevented his identity being revealed, but the tribunal chairman Nicol Hosie ruled that following widespread newspaper and magazine reports outside Britain, as well as internet blogs, which alleged that Costner was the culprit, his name had already fully entered the public domain.

Here's the kicker:

...

The 51-year-old actor had been on honeymoon with his new wife in St Andrews when he went for the massage.

Wow. I'm not sure what to call that. Sheenesque, I guess.

Posted by: Ace at 07:07 AM | Comments (18)
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"I saaaaaid, we got bears on this m---erf---ing sub!"

A Wizbang sneak-preview of the already-completed sequel to the not-yet-premiered alleged movie.

Thanks to the Skinnersphere.

Posted by: Ace at 03:55 PM | Comments (37)
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On O'Reilly, Snow was supposed to appear to debate NPR commentator/low-functioning retard Juan Williams, but cancelled.

Snow? Cancelling Fox?

"We hear he's in as the new press secretary," O'Reilly said, and seemed to be serious about that rumor, not just joking about it.

Posted by: Ace at 03:51 PM | Comments (30)
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It's a bit murky. She and her lawyer say she didn't; sources say she didn't... kind of.

She discussed "classified information," though, with the author of the piece about prisons, Dana Priest.

It could be that she's guilty of the "confirmation only" thing that Deep Throat did in All the President's Men. Perhaps she didn't volunteer information (which came from another source), but she did either confirm or deny that information to Priest-- which is still a firable, and prosecutable, offense.

Saying "Yes, that's true" regarding an inquiry about classified information is still a disclosure of the truth of the matter being asked about.

As Tom Maguire noted (cited in Allah's bit), if Priest wanted to clear McCarthy, she could do so. Sure, Priest isn't supposed to reveal sources, but obviously she can reveal non-sources, correct?

Posted by: Ace at 03:48 PM | Comments (92)
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Frog Foreign Minister hails Hamas for its condemnation of suicide attacks. Of course, they were condemning the suicide attacks in Egypt against Arab Muslims.

I don't know which is worse. Froggy thinking that this is a major accomplishment, or Froggy thinking that anyone cares what they say.

In other news, ChIraq has announced support for a web site to challenge Google. He did so because he wants to:

show the world that France is more than a "museum country"

Hey Jacques, maybe you should Google 'Dien Bien Phu' before picking a fight you can't win!

Posted by: Tanker at 02:17 PM | Comments (15)
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On an old episode of Dinah Shore.

As they say, sometimes the difference between "embarrassingly awful" and "sublimely brilliant" is just twenty or thirty years' perspective.

Thanks to yls.

Posted by: Ace at 12:03 PM | Comments (15)
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As Allah notes, this is one of those stories that, if you missed the first 48 hours after it broke (over the weekend), you may be so behind on it you're not willing to try to play catch-up.

But it's very important, so, if I may be so bold, I suggest you do try to catch up.

That catching-up is relatively painless, though, as Allah has blogged over at the new Hot Air site a quick and dirty primer to all things Molegate.

Posted by: Ace at 10:25 AM | Comments (31)
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Ahem. No, not like that.

In their quest to create the super warrior of the future, some military researchers aren't focusing on organs like muscles or hearts. They're looking at tongues.

By routing signals from helmet-mounted cameras, sonar and other equipment through the tongue to the brain, they hope to give elite soldiers superhuman senses similar to owls, snakes and fish.

Researchers at the Florida Institute for Human and Machine Cognition envision their work giving Army Rangers 360-degree unobstructed vision at night and allowing Navy SEALs to sense sonar in their heads while maintaining normal vision underwater turning sci-fi into reality.

The device, known as "Brain Port," was pioneered more than 30 years ago by Dr. Paul Bach-y-Rita, a University of Wisconsin neuroscientist. Bach-y-Rita began routing images from a camera through electrodes taped to people's backs and later discovered the tongue was a superior transmitter.

Thanks to Ogre Gunner.

Posted by: Ace at 10:19 AM | Comments (13)
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