Ummm... fish tacos will be provided for free.

Though, you know, I thought the main attraction was cornhole, no?

What the hell is going on? Palmer. Cornhole. Ed Cox, who works at Dick's Sporting Goods. Fish tacos, from a restaurant called Wahoo's.

Are Ohioans this filthy, or this cluelessly innocent?

It's... like they're not even trying to hide it. They're just putting it right out there.

I think I'd rather drop my kid off for a two week slumber party with Michael Jackson.

At least with Michael Jackson, you could sue and maybe get 15 million bucks out of it.

But Carson Palmer and his gang of NFL sex-fiends have constructed a perfect legal defense: We informed parents expressly what was gonna be goin' down right in our promotional materials.

A judge would just look at these and dismiss the case. "Verdict in favor of the defendant," he would say. "It says right here you were enrolling your kid in a Cornhole Tournament. So what are you complaining about? Your whole case just seems to be sour grapes that your kid wasn't pretty enough to make it to the 'Lightning Round.' "

Thanks to Pupster.

Even Worse: I usually don't post funny sign pics, because I think a lot of the time they're photoshopped, but then, I am simply hearing too much about the widespread acceptance of cornholing in the Heartland to dismiss this out of hand.

That's from Tres. I kinda don't believe it, Tres. I keep seeing it called "cornhole," not "cornholing." But-- still funny.

Even if you are a dirty liar.

Posted by: Ace at 06:05 PM | Comments (23)
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Goldstein is, strangely enough, one of the most reviled figures on the right of the blogosphere. LGF may get death threats from jihadists, but actual American lefties seem to despise Goldstein the most.

Forgive me for repeating myself, as I so often do, in this post. I've expressed these ideas before, but, as I so often do, in a sloppy and slapdash form. I've tried to be a little more organized here. And, in case you're worried, this post isn't really about Jeff Goldstein; I, for one, cannot imagine a more excruciatingly tedius subject for an essay.

It's about the left.
more...

Posted by: Ace at 04:00 PM | Comments (266)
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It's about time.

The Supreme Court has claimed, idiotically, that only an active participation in a murder can warrant the death penalty. So, a gruesome thug who, for example, captures someone and proceeds to hack off all of his limbs -- while keeping the poor victim alive -- is not eligible for the death penalty.

Makes no damn sense. We shouldn't expand the offenses that can earn you a date with The Needle greatly, but surely there are some offenses that are so horrific they are every bit as evil as murder.

Like child molestation, for example. Especially repeat offenses of child molestation.

Let's see if the new court endorses the previous stupid precedent, or rules that it was largely dicta and confines the ruling to the specific instance (i.e., that the death penalty can't be imposed on someone only tangentially involved in murder).

In related news, Carson Palmer just announced he will no longer play any games against the Jaguars in South Carolina, stating that their "backwards ways" are not supportive of the Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic Lifestyle (TM).

Posted by: Ace at 02:46 PM | Comments (48)
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Looks kinda funny. Sure wish I had sound.

Worst. Superhero costumes. Ever.

Thanks to Dawnsblood.

Eh Funny: The DaVinci Coat.

Posted by: Ace at 02:34 PM | Comments (15)
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Somehow Michael Moore forgot to mention those BinLadin family connections in Farhenheit: 911.

John Gibson was going to discuss this on his show today at 5:45, but that's passed, alas. There is a repeat on later tonight, I think.

Thanks to the folks at Censure Carter.

Although I prefer my own organization, "Cornhole Carter."

Posted by: Ace at 01:03 PM | Comments (50)
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It's true. The marshes, or "quagmires," which Saddam drained in an attempt at ethnic cleansing are coming back.

Son of a bitch. That guy makes a pretty witty quagmire pun, and I'm sitting here Googling friggin' articles about cornhole.

Well. I suppose we all contribute according to our gifts.

Thanks to Dave P.

Important Update: A website is named Jim's Cornhole -- Check It Out!

I can only imagine the spam he gets.

Here's another one called CornholeParty, which I have to imagine is being monitored by the police.

Posted by: Ace at 12:22 PM | Comments (7)
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But who isn't, really?

Click if you don't believe me.

Cincinnati crazy for cornhole

...

By Gina Holt
[Cincinnati] Post staff reporter

Fill a bag... hammer... and everyone will go crazy. Crazy for cornhole, that is.

Cornhole, also known as Baggo, is being played by people of all ages in backyards, parks, church festivals and bars. It's a simple game that even children can play. ... Easier to say than do, however. Just ask anyone who has caught the fast-spreading cornhole craze.

A little selective editing never killed anyone. If it's good enough for Maureen Dowd, it's good enough for me.

Let's not get hung up on it being called "Baggo." Or even that Gina Holt is a "staff" reporter. That's just too cheap.

But I'll take this:

Ed Cox, store manager at Dick's Sporting Goods in Florence, Ky., ...started carrying cornhole about a year ago but under the name "Baggo."

For those unfamiliar with the area, Dick's is right behind Butz Plumbing, to the right of Handy's Quality Reach-Arounds.

Thanks to a poster who didn't leave a name, so I'll call her "May."

Rocketeer notes:

Cincinnati has such...strange language and traditions.

Ever order Cincy style chili? First thing they ask is, "How do you want it, three-, four-, or five-way?" Allegedly, it refers to the number of toppings you get on your chili.

What do you make of city where the following sentence is a very real possibility:

"Hey, how about a quickie cornhole while you're waiting for your three-way to come up?"

Cincinnati

Official spiritual capital of the Ace of Spades Lifestyle (TM).

I Got A Feveh... And The Only Prescription Is More Cornhole: Cincinnati should be proud.

World's best-kept secret

West Side's game: Cornhole

...

The obvious question is: Why, then, would anyone want to live in Cincinnati? The answer is simple. Besides baseball, homestyle chili and flying pigs, this city has the World's Best Kept Secret.

It's called Cornhole.

I'm sold. What do apartments run for?

I was terrified about embarking on Summer Adventure No. 6, mostly because a.) Cornhole originated on the West Side of Cincinnati, which is generally any area west of I-75; b.) I am considered an East-Sider because I live east of I-71; and c.) West-Siders eat East-Siders for breakfast.

I don't care who you are, that whole paragraph is just hot.

While the game rages on the West Side, it is creeping eastward with the speed of a distracted tortoise. It must be known that many West-Siders' entire pride is rooted in Cornhole, and the word itself is plastered on restaurant marquees, telephone post signs, bar advertisements and the occasional tattooed arm.

As I drove to Whiteoak's Northside Knights of Columbus Community Benefit Center for my Cornhole debut, I promptly wondered: “Will I make it out alive?,” followed closely by “WHAT IS CORNHOLE?” I brought along my East-Side ally, Danielle Boal of Hyde Park, who also was perplexed about Cornhole and somewhat skeptical of an outing involving neither wine-tasting nor sushi.

Our afternoon tour guide was business manager Jerry Vesper, hereto referred to as “Boomie,” because that is, in fact, his nickname.

"Boomie." I wouldn't play with him, personally.

“Cornhole is big over here because so many different people can play, and men and women can compete against each other equally,” Boomie boomed.

Can they compete equally, though? Color me skeptical. I suppose on defense they might do all right, but I have trouble believing they can score as effectively as men.

Teams of two compete ...; first team to 21 points wins. A hole-in-one counts as three points[.]

Pretty much as I would have guessed.

“That's it?” I asked, relieved. “That's all Cornhole is?”

“Just wait,” said Sharon Linde, manager of Northside's weekly Cornhole leagues. “Once you play, you'll see that it's kind of addictive. But it's really fun.”

You're preachin' to the choir, sister.

And it's not just fun. It's science!

As any student of mechanics will attest, corn hole is a game of vectors, moments of inertia, and trajectories.

Anyone familiar with cornhole will attest to that. Angles are key.

The site includes this joke, too:

"What did Leonardo de Vinci say when he realized how much fun corn hole was?"
"Es a tuiza gona bona corna baggi!"

I remember reading that at some point in The DaVinci Code. The real secret of that book? It's all about cornhole.

Posted by: Ace at 11:53 AM | Comments (32)
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They boost the range of frequencies reserved for government satellites.

Coincidence? I don't believe in "coincidence." I also don't believe in "gravity."

I'm a lunatic.

Thanks to Tushar D.

Posted by: Ace at 11:30 AM | Comments (16)
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At least not just of the header of the Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic. If you want to do a funny spoof, be my guest.

Although I hate saying that, because then people spend time and effort on them, and if I don't like them, I don't upload them for posting, as that takes server space that isn't really mine. So people do these photoshops and then I don't post them; kind of weak.

I missed this bit the first time around:

The Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic promises to be an event unlike any other.

I think that goes without saying.

Posted by: Ace at 11:10 AM | Comments (9)
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Carson Palmer practicing the cornhole as a USC Trojan.

Hi, folks. Carson Palmer here.

I'd like to talk a little bit about Lighthouse Youth Services. Lighthouse Youth Services is a great charitable organization, serving the state of Ohio since 1959. They've done a lot of great work with at-risk kids.

And they need your help.

That's why I began the Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic. It's a great way to help out Lighthouse Youth Services and build community spirit.

Lighthouse gets a nice donation from me some of my NFL friends, and of course our corporate sponsors.

You and your kids get to meet me and other NFL All Stars. And there's free food, drinks, giveaways, and contests.

And we get to cornhole your children.

Everybody wins.

Now, we all know that kids love the cornhole. Especially Ohio kids, for some reason. Who knows why. Maybe we're all just lucky.

Some of you parents may have a problem with the cornhole. Maybe you're trying to protect them from the so-called "cornhole lifestyle." Maybe you're just worried they might be one of those kids that gets hooked on cornhole.

Maybe you're just a big buzzkill and a pill.

Who knows.

But the point is-- let's be honest here, huh? Your kids want the cornhole. And even if they don't want the cornhole, they're going to get the cornhole. It's just a matter of time.

I know what you're saying to yourself. "Oh no, not my precious little Susie!" Yes, your precious little Susie. "He couldn't mean my brave little Bobby!" I'm afraid that's precisely who I mean.

"Carson couldn't possibly be talking about Tommy, who now insists on being called 'Damian Fabulous!'" I'm especially talking about Tommy, aka Damian Fabulous.

So there it is. There's really no way to avoid the cornhole in this MTV Road Rules world. The cornhole is coming; the only question is, "With whom?" and "Will you be around to guide your child through this confusing and sometimes painful experience?"

That's where I come in.

If your child is going to get the cornhole -- and, please, seriously, grow up already; he is, she is -- it might as well be with me, Carson Palmer. I was an All-Star at USC, and last year I passed for over 2800 yards.

Or it might as well be with my good friend and New York Giants running back Tiki Barber. Last year Tikie was first in the league in all-purpose yards gained from scrimmage, plus I happen to know he's very gentle and considerate with the cornhole.

Or it maybe it could be with former Seattle Seahawks receiver and current US Congressman Steve Largeant. Steve's one of the real "good guys" of the NFL, and he'll make sure your child gets the cornhole experience of a lifeftime.

Plus, at the Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic, we have mental health care professionals on stand by to help your child deal with the trauma of getting the cornhole from five-time Pro Ball starter Tony Siragusa.

Every kid who comes to the Cornhole Classic gets a free funnel-cake and a t-shirt that says "I went to the Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic, and all I got was a lifetime of mental scars and sexual dysfunction."

It's free. It's fun.

And it's gonna happen anyway.

Might as well be with me. I was in the top twenty for polling for the 2000 Heismann Trophy.

Hope to see you there.

And bring your kids.

Sincerely,

Carson Palmer

PS, First one hundred kids to show up get a free moustache ride from former Miami Dophins coach Dave Wannstadt. So come early!

Posted by: Ace at 10:06 AM | Comments (17)
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