I'm not funny today, but Allen sure is, as he channels CheChe:

I don't think I've ever seen such a look of misery and dejection on the face of my daughter as I just did a moment ago. She just couldn't understand why Spiderman would be put all of his loved ones at risk. "Even Aunt May?" she asked pitifully. I sat down with her on the sofa and (as calmly as I could) tried to explain to her why the President had authorized the Super-Hero Registration Act, requiring all superheroes to reveal their identities, and essentially signing the death warrent of everyone they cared for . "And yes honey, even Aunt May," I was forced to say.

Meanwhile, Johnny Triangles predicts this whole "publicity stunt" (I question the timing!) will end with a super-duper-world-memory-wipe, courtesy of Dr. Strange.

Posted by: Ace at 12:53 PM | Comments (9)
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Airlines pummel Airbus over A380 delays

So the Eurotrash had a couple of good years at Boeing's expense and thought there was no turning back, right?

I'm sorry but homey don't play that game!

I have seen the Frogs get reemed this bad since Dien Bien Phu!

Airlines around the world punished Airbus on Wednesday for delays in the delivery of its A380 superjumbo, demanding compensation, reconsidering orders — and in one case, striking a major deal with its rival Boeing Co.

Shares in Airbus' parent company crashed by over 25% and Boeing's soared as repercussions of the production problems with the world's biggest passenger plane resonated throughout the industry.

Oh baby, I haven't felt this happy since Lance took #7 in Froggystan last year! But wait, it gets better!

Singapore Airlines, one of the world's top carriers and the first to buy the A380, said it was unhappy with the delays Airbus announced Tuesday. It demanded compensation and, on Wednesday, worsened the blow by announcing it would buy 20 Boeing 787-9 aircraft worth $4.52 billion and take options on another 20 planes.

Emirates Airlines, another sought-after buyer, said it was reconsidering its order of 45 A380s. Australia's Qantas Airways said it was seeking talks with Airbus over its orders for 12 A380s and wants some of its money back. Malaysia Airlines said it was reviewing terms of its deal for six of the planes.

"Boeing is eating Airbus' lunch, certainly this year. And they'll do it again next year and for the foreseeable future, unless Airbus can pull a rabbit out of a hat," said Jim Smith, aviation analyst and editor of Jane's Transport Finance.

I wonder how long before they find a way to blame George Bush for it!

Posted by: Tanker at 12:41 PM | Comments (25)
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Note: This is what I'm reduced to on a slow news day. This is, like, the stupidest thing I've ever written. But once I started, I just couldn't seem to stop. I had to complete the stupidity.

Actually, the whole Marvel storyline doesn't make much sense, when you consider the way the law works. Because "superheroes" would, under normal rules of law, be constantly sued and sought after for questioning by police, or subpoenaed to testify in open court -- without their masks; who the hell is ever allowed to testify with a mask on, under an alias? -- unless there was some positive law passed immunizing them from such legal process.

And that sort of special law would be just that -- special, exceptional -- and, as it was granted by a legislature or a court, it could be taken away at any time.

Making superheroes ordinary citizens in the eyes of the law, and subject to all the normal legal hassles and procedures that every other citizen must suffer.

So what is Captain America bitching about? Being permitted to maintain a secret identity, immune from subpoena and lawsuit, is not a "civil right." If a right like this exists at all, it is a special right, granted in the interest of the public good, and, when it no longer seems to serve the public good, it could quite lawfully be taken away. more...

Posted by: Ace at 11:37 AM | Comments (44)
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...at a press conference in Times Square.

"I'm proud of who I am, and I'm here right now to prove it," the legendary webslinger tells a press conference called in New York's Times Square, before pulling off his mask and standing before the massed ranks of reporters as newspaper photographer Peter Parker.

"Any questions?" Parker asks in the final panel of the issue, amid a barrage of camera flashes.

In a statement, Marvel trumpeted the revelation as "arguably the most shocking event in comic book history".

The seven-issue Civil War series, launched in May, sees Marvel's writers taking on the topical issue of civil liberties.

Following a showdown between a group of superheroes and supervillains in which hundreds of innocent civilians are killed, the US Government passes the Super-Hero Registration Act, requiring all superheroes to reveal their identities and register as "living weapons of mass destruction".

Marvel's roster of invincible crime fighters is split into two bitterly opposed factions, with one camp - championed by the likes of Spider-Man - in favour of the new law and the other, including Captain America and his ilk, refusing to relinquish anonymity.

Three points:

1: It's good to see the comics discussing important issues, like whether bloggers should be allowed to remain anonymous, which is clearly the subtext here.

2: Every conservative loves the idea of Captain America, but from what I hear, we'd hate the real thing, who tends to be a self-righteous liberal prick into whose mouth they put kind of anti-American cant.

3: This is a daring and bold storyline, completely new and without precedent, if you don't count every X-Man story ever published.

Bonus Point: I think this might just be the biggest story of the day.

Since Bush is manipulating/scheduling the release of information for political advantage, I question the timing of his timing of breaking news. The last couple of days there was too much friggin' news, now there's none.

Space it out, people. One big story per day.

What are you, novices at this?

Posted by: Ace at 11:06 AM | Comments (54)
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You know-- no one ever "questions the timing" of fake-sounding allegations of Marine massacres, or coordinated suicides by Gitmo prisoners who have sort of taken a vow of suicide anyway.

Posted by: Ace at 10:56 AM | Comments (7)
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And old, old review, but funny.

Reviewers must love bad movies, because they make for such great reviews.

Meanwhile, a slithery Eurostud named Nicolae Carpathia (Gordon Currie), perhaps the only naturally blond Romanian on the planet, takes over the United Nations, and starts throwing his Antichrist weight around. Like the dainty Cameron, poor Currie is far too young to have been cast in such a weighty role. Imagine: The Great Beast, 666, the Satanic counterfeit of Jesus Christ, has all the gravitas of a college-student waiter at the Outback Steakhouse. World domination, the martyrdom of millions, the establishment of a Satanic dynasty, and the final Armageddon? Fine, mister — but first, bring me my damn Blooming Onion.

The topical hook here is that the producer of this film has been signed by Sony as a producer on their big Bible epic, The Resurrection.

Good to see Hollywood is taking Christian-themed movies seriously.

Posted by: Ace at 10:41 AM | Comments (66)
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They'll pimp the story because they believe in the issue.

But they won't tell you that DNC Chairman Howard Dean also believes in the issue -- and supports the nonpayment of taxes by gays as a form of protest -- because, while they support the issue, they even more strongly support Democrats, and they're not going to do anything to compromise the Democrats' chances in November.

Posted by: Ace at 10:35 AM | Comments (12)
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My computer is dying on me -- it's singing Daisy, Daisy -- but the main reason I haven't posted much is that I can't find anything really interesting. I'm not slacking; I'm looking for stuff. Just not finding. And not finding the funny, either.

There's some stuff in the sidebar, but not much.

I'll keep looking, but here's an open thread for your own finds. And if you've posted something on your blog you think is interesting, feel free to pimp it.

Posted by: Ace at 10:31 AM | Comments (49)
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Gotta love the US school system.

The parents of a severely disabled woman suing a Colorado Springs school district over a sexual assault at a high school said the district has refused to mediate a civil lawsuit as one of its experts called the attack "pleasurable" for the woman.

Kalie McArthur, now 20 and with an IQ of about 50, was assaulted in September 2004 at Rampart High School by a 15-year-old boy assigned as a peer trainer, said Jeff Weeks, an attorney for the girl and her parents.

This is the best part:

The boy, who had been suspended 20 times in the previous year and had a 0.0 grade point average, wasn't screened or trained and spent an unknown amount of time with McArthur, her parents, Cindy Starr and James McArthur said.

Sounds like the perfect candidate as a "peer trainer" for a mentally challenged woman.

0.0 GPA? I didn't know that was possible outside of a John Landis movie.

Via Fark.

Posted by: Ace at 10:27 AM | Comments (12)
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Why can't our political process be like this?

Pandemonium broke out in Taiwan's parliament when deputies attacked a woman colleague for snatching and trying to eat a proposal on opening direct transport links with China in a bid to stop a vote on the issue.

Lawmakers of the ruling Democratic Progressive Party charged towards the podium and protested noisily to prevent the review of an opposition proposal seeking an end to decades-old curbs on direct air and shipping links with China.

Amid the chaos, DPP deputy Wang Shu-hui snatched the written proposal from an opposition legislator and shoved it into her mouth, television news footage showed.

I want to see Barbara Boxer vainly trying to obstruct some legislation by devouring the pages, and for her Republican colleagues to pound the crap out of her.

I want to see people rush up and drag Teddy Kennedy away from the podium, hitting him in the legs with bags of marbles.

Arlen Specter would be getting purple nerples everytime he started getting wobbly.

Is that so wrong? The element of physical danger would attract better people- courageous people missing a lot of teeth- to the House and Senate. And spineless bastards wouldnt want the job anymore.

Gonna go compose a petition right now.

Posted by: LauraW. at 10:01 AM | Comments (30)
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