10. "Tom tells me that the best way to purge body thetans is thru radical tonsil massage."

9. "Hey...what 'Little Barbarino' wants, 'Little Barbarino' gets."

8. "You know what they call that in France? A 'Tubesteak Royale'. It's classy."

7. "I'm a method actor, and I thought the play was called 'Bi Bi Birdie'."

6. "Grease is so passe....All this attention is evidence that they should accept my suggestion to rename it KY for 21st Century audiences."

5. "After all the probing I went thru during the TSA screening, I felt I had one coming."

4. "You think this will finally make people forget about 'Battlefield Earth'?"

3. "You try being satisfied coming home night after night to a beautiful woman like Kelly Preston. It's impossible, I tell you!"

2. "I don't know how you were brought up, but where I come from it's considered rude not to French Kiss the co-pilot after an on-time arrival."

And the number one reason given by John Travolta for his man kiss?

1. "It's Saturday Night and I got a Fever. The only prescription? More Manilow!"

Note: Neither John Travolta nor his representatives actually said any of this, you morons.

Posted by: Ace at 10:22 PM | Comments (17)
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How you doin?

My close, personal friend Dave in Texas asked me to drop by and post a hiya to all the Ace of Spades HQ ladies this evening. I'm sorry I'm so late, but it's way early on a Friday here at home, in the last part of winter for us, and I am a bit of a sleepyhead in the wintertime.

Dave's a stickler for details, and wanted to make sure while I greeted all the lovely AoSHQ ladies, I gave a special shout out to kevlarchick (happy b-day darlin), bbeck, (watch out for those monster skeeters), and humpy-humpback lauraw (great tan!) this morning.

Dave and I will be hanging out at the pool over your upcoming holiday, what do you call it? Work day.

Something.

Anyway, if you can make it down to sunny Texas this weekend, look me up!

Posted by: Ace at 09:41 PM | Comments (76)
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Spent all yesterday doing, well, you know. Spent all day today recovering. I don't think I've strained that much in my life. I drank one large coffee and four diet Red Bulls by 3pm and I stll could have taken a nap at any moment (if I could nap, which unfortunately I can't).

Internet went out, and was on and off only spotilly throughout the day. I'm still trying to figure this new USB wireless card out. And the balky router it connects to. more...

Posted by: Ace at 09:41 PM | Comments (77)
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I'm not going to post music videos all night, like yesterday, but this one was requested by Purple Avenger, and he's one of my favorite commenters. So WTF.

Posted by: Ace at 08:55 PM | Comments (12)
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Oh. My. GOD!

Say it ain't so, Vincent!

First, Lance Bass, now John Travolta? I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

H/T: Mrs. R.

UPDATE: Hey, at least he wasn't kissing Ann Coulter!

Posted by: John From WuzzaDem at 08:53 PM | Comments (32)
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Or words to that effect.

You can carefully choose your vacation replacements, like Malkin and Instapunderit. Or as See-Dub notes, you can corral a bunch of feces-flinging monkeys to watch the store.

Takes a pair of brass ones to make that second choice. Or two bottles of Valu-rite vodka in less than 24 hours.

I blame the VR. So do any of you reading my moron posts.

I calls em as I sees em. And if I don't sees em, I makes em up.

h/t to See-Dubya at JunkyardBlog, who coined the phrase "feces-flinging monkeys who post nothing but music videos" and you'll notice I didn't post a goddam one of em.

Well, he said most of that.

I think he works at a zoo or something.

He has a fabulous smoking jacket. Ladies, I'm talking fabulous.

Posted by: Ace at 08:01 PM | Comments (9)
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I'm not sure about this.

Maine National Guard members in Iraq and Afghanistan are never far from the thoughts of their loved ones.

But now, thanks to a popular family-support program, they're even closer.

Welcome to the ``Flat Daddy" and ``Flat Mommy" phenomenon, in which life-size cutouts of deployed service members are given by the Maine National Guard to spouses, children, and relatives back home.

The Flat Daddies ride in cars, sit at the dinner table, visit the dentist, and even are brought to confession, according to their significant others on the home front.

What does Flat Daddy confess?

``I prop him up in a chair, or sometimes put him on the couch and cover him up with a blanket," said Kay Judkins of Caribou, whose husband, Jim, is a minesweeper mechanic in Afghanistan. ``The cat will curl up on the blanket, and it looks kind of weird. I've tricked several people by that. They think he's home again."

He's not home. His wife and kids need the prayers and support of their friends and family, not a piece of cardboard.

This just doesn't sound healthy to me.

Boston Globe - Guard Families Cope in Two Dimensions

Thanks to Unqualified Offerings

Posted by: Ace at 06:13 PM | Comments (87)
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Personally, I wouldn't know. But those of you looking for answers might be glad to know that the Hubble Space Telescope is on the case and has produced the first ever image of Uranus being eclipsed one of it's moons (Ariel).

The photo appears on the Space.com site, along with the accompanying article.

Apparently, transits of Uranus are relatively rare, as the article indicates that they happen only once every 42 years.

Clearly, then, the AoS lifestyle (in which Uranus is a rather prominent player, if his horoscope is to be believed) is purely an Earthbound phenomenon.

Science, people. Is there anything it can't do?

Posted by: Ace at 04:02 PM | Comments (73)
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81 feet tall, 136 feet wide,

In your face burnt orange.

The largest Jumbotron in the world (for a short time, according to the article).

Man, don't you know Vince Young would have loved to see himself on that big screen.

Ramonce would have too but he done messed all that up. Too bad.

Posted by: Ace at 03:06 PM | Comments (48)
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So, his spokewoman lied. Just as I suspected.

My guy always comes through.

West Virginia Democratic Sen. Robert Byrd admits that he placed a "secret hold" on legislation that would make uncovering the Byzantine world of federal contracting as easy as typing a Google search.

Tom Gavin, spokesperson for Byrd, confirmed to Cox Newspapers that the senator placed the hold on legislation introduced by Sens. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., and Barack Obama, D-Ill., before voting on the measure.

Byrd joins Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, for holding up the bill right before Congress left town on August 4.

Byrd merely wanted more time to evaluate the legislation that would create a new database of some $2.5 trillion in federal spending on contracts, loans, financial assistance and insurance.

"Senator Byrd wanted time to read the legislation, understand its implications, and see whether the proposal could be improved," Gavin said.

Byrd has released his hold, now that there "has been time to better understand the legislation," Gavin said.

"Senator Byrd believes that the bill should be debated and opened for amendment, and not pushed through without discussion," Gavin said.

"There was an effort to pass a bill on an important subject without debate just before the Senate recess," Gavin said. Senators have an obligation to their constituents to know what they are voting on before signing off on any proposal, he said.

"On August 2, the last day before a month-long Senate recess, a Senate committee gave its approval to a brand new piece of legislation, cosponsored by Senator Obama and Senator Coburn," Gavin said. "That same day, there was an effort to rush the legislation through the Senate without any Senator having the chance to ask questions," he said.

Uh-huh.

Thanks to Deep Stoat.

Posted by: Ace at 12:23 PM | Comments (57)
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