This is the Rove gambit: make this election a choice between legalizing torture or enabling the murderers of 9/11 to escape justice. The timing is deliberate; the exploitation of 9/11 gob-smacking; the cynicism fathomless. There is only one response: call them on it and vote for their opponents in November.

There does seem to be another response that escapes the Hysterical One.

The choice isn't between legalizing torture and letting the terrorists escape. First of all, Bush isn't quite asking for a legalization of torture. He's asking for specific interrogation techniques to be specifically made illegal. Which is of course a problem for liberals. Sullivan is fond of confounding techniques such as smearing red ink fake-menstrual-blood on a detainee in order to break him psychologically with actual torture. He's also on record as being against putting detainees in cold, uncomfortable cells and depriving them of sleep. Again and again, he conflates such techniques with "torture" and mentions them in the same breath as alleged killings of detainees.

Bush wants clear guidelines. Sullivan is of course against that-- as are all Democrats, and John McCain -- because they want belly-slapping and arm-twisting and even chest-poking to be illegal, but they know damn well the public is not going to vote in favor of such a prohibition. more...

Posted by: Ace at 06:00 AM | Comments (166)
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Ace's last post was at 4:48 p.m.

Once again, he has bailed on us for an entire evening.

I guess it's up to me to punish him.

So here is the Official Innocent Bystanders Theme Song, which was selected, after much debate, on the basis of a reader poll way long ago in the early days of the Innocent Bystanders commenters site (that would be last June).

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you . . .

Apache!

Posted by: Ace at 09:56 PM | Comments (37)
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He was an AOSHQ commenter who was legendary for his wit, and whose appearances were sorely missed when he joined the National Guard at a relatively late age and went off to boot camp. He still shows up on occasion, but his appearances are rare.

Apparently his mid-life interest in military service is a nascent trend.

FORT JACKSON, S.C. - In an Army platoon where the average age is 21, they call him the old man.

But when the platoon marched onto Range 18 one day last week in basic training, Pfc. Russell Dilling - at 42, the oldest-ever recruit in the modern Army - delivered. He was among a dozen of 60 recruits who dinged enough targets to qualify for the rifle certificate on his first try - a major psychological hurdle for would-be soldiers.

Private Dilling's success on Range 18 was a quiet affirmation for a graying computer repairman given a second chance when the Army raised its enlistment age limit from 35 to 42 in June. "I told my sons never to have regrets," he says a day after the shooting test as he catches breaths at a team-building challenge course deep in the Fort Jackson woods. "Well, I finally took my own advice."

Pretty cool. You can join at 42 and still have time for a full 20-year military career leading to retirement at 62. This all makes so much sense. People are living longer, and many middle-aged folks are much more physically fit and capable than their counterparts a generation ago.

Not everyone looks at this in a positive way.

But critics say adding older recruits is a sign of desperation for the Army - and a condemnation of the war effort from broader American society.

"It's true that people are living longer and people with more experience are needed, but let's face it: This initiative is about people from the normal demographic group not signing up in the midst of an unpopular war," says Loren Thompson, a military expert at the Lexington Institute in Washington.

See, that remark kinda pissed me off, even though it's probably true, and I was all ready to make snarky remarks about left-wing fucktards like Loren Thompson. But, I did pause to check out the Lexington Institute. It's actually a pro-military conservative think tank.

Still, God bless you, Pfc. Russell Stilling. Thank you for your service to our country. You too, Monty.

Christian Science Monitor - Newest Army recruits: the over-35 crowd

Posted by: Ace at 09:06 PM | Comments (44)
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The Perky One has launched a blog. Well, her "people" have launched it, and put her name on it.

And it reads like Midge in Ohio emailing about Martha Stewart's Chocolate Fudge Recipe to her best friend Franny.

What you see to the left is a small group of CBS news journalists coming home with the big story of the day: an exclusive interview with President Bush. (Katie's the one waving, don'cha know...)

Another ...

Over blow dryers, blackberries, make up and numerous phone calls we left for the White House. Katie loved the hotel, as they had sent a nice plate of chocolates with the CBS logo on it to congratulate her new job anchoring the Evening News!!

This is the same Couric who wants to be taken seriously by her peers? And by the august personages at CBS? And by the left and right in America? Really?

Oprah's Book Club has more chutzpah than this crap. I could read People magazine and get more cajones. And I could eat Martha's Chocolate and it wouldn't be as syrupy sweet.

This is "blog as PR", which is fine for Midge and her friend. But this is the same Katie that wouldn't dare set foot in Iraq, yet wants to be counted among the elite in her field. Oh yeah ... and rescue CBS Evening News for the bargain price of $15M per year.

Perhaps Leslie Moonves would like to step in now that the children have gotten off to such a roaring start.

Want to know why the new media and the blogosphere are better than the old? Because if you followed Ace around, you'd only need to know how to spell valuright vlurght velureghtVal-u-Rite and Cthulu. Oh, and you'd get better coverage.

Posted by: Ace at 08:47 PM | Comments (7)
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I've gotten some nice e-mails from you folks in the wake of my Steve Irwin post the other day. Maybe I'll share some of them with you in a day or two.

Until then, though, I will answer one question that seems to be pretty common. "What are you looking for in a woman?", you ask.

This is a question that is fairly easy to answer: Mary Katharine Ham.

Alas, there is but one MKH, and I am not on her radar screen. And so I must answer your question in another way.

By posting a YouTube video.

You see, my ideal woman should be attractive, smart, self-confident, possessed of a keen sense of humor, both casually and formally elegant, and, most importantly, able to kill a man with a bow and arrow at a distance of 40 feet using nothing more than her feet while doing a handstand.

I have no doubt that the lovely and talented MKH has all of these traits. She's a Southern girl, you know, and since I grew up in the Deep South myself, I am well aware of their innate skills with hunting weapons of all shapes and sizes.

Alas, I do not have any footage of Ms. Ham demostrating her innate weapons skills. So you will have to settle for a proxy. As for me, I will have to be content to watch the video while imagining what could be.

But Allah, if you could hook a blogger up, I'm pretty sure I could get you Bethany's number.

To the video!

Posted by: Ace at 08:16 PM | Comments (38)
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Seriously.

I apologize. I am abjectly and profoundly remorseful.

Particularly to Michael, because the hat is cool, and the chick is cooler.

But there is a caption contest that has to be had. And it has to be had now. Here.

Here and Now.

The pic is SFW. The captions may not be.
more...

Posted by: Ace at 08:04 PM | Comments (21)
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I finally found one I like.

All the ladies in Mrs. Michael's Bible study group are just going to be dying of envy.

A model parades a hat by milliner Richard Nylon at Melbourne Spring Fashion Week which is running in conjuction with Australian Fashion Week, in Melbourne. (AFP/William West)

Melbourne Spring Fashion Week

Posted by: Ace at 07:51 PM | Comments (28)
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Taco Bell™ embraces the Chris Klein "I don't placate to get my dinner cooked" lifestyle™.

I believe I promised "stupid" in my previous post. Well welcome to the Dexter Lake Club. And here 'tis.

Pretty funny marketing campaign by the Taco Bell™ folks, hot sauce packets that "talk to you". Some of their cute hot sauce packet sayings include:

All night long the sporks pick on me

Remind me to tell you the high-larious story of how me and a friend, we were working on a new order entry system, and we placed a test order, and forgot to cancel it, and we shipped 87 cases of sporks to a single Taco Bell™.

Hoo-hah, they laughed and laughed over that one.

Ahhh... we meet again

Make a wish

I'm just doing this between films

If you throw this, would it be a flying saucer?

I collect straws

Please lick my earlobe

Ok, I made that one up.

I want this job. I want to write cute sayings for Taco Bell™ hot sauce packets. I've got skills. I took a marketing class.

Dave's Taco Bell™ Hot Sauce Packet Sayings

Squeeze me. Squeeze me till I'm dry. Milk me!

Careful with the serrated edge

Beagles are a total pain in the ass

Ever think about throwing a handful of these into the toilet at work? Use "Mild"

Put me in the microwave. Set it to eleven. ELEVEN

One time, in the drive through, a kid dropped one of these under my front tire, and when I drove over it it BLEW UP all over us. Man that was cool. Except for having to scrub the carpets and headliner

Crikey! It's FIRE sauce!

That was for Steve Irwin.

If I were to come up with a replacement for "Think Outside the Bun", I think it would be something like,

Taco Bell™. You can afford it.

Posted by: Ace at 05:41 PM | Comments (39)
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A San Diego reporter gets smacked by an unhappy guy... and his wife.

Dude, you're going to Jail.

Posted by: Ace at 04:16 PM | Comments (35)
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Hello?

Anybody home?

Your, ah, door was open. I just thought I'd close it for you.

hmmmm..nothing in the silverware drawer...

Oh hi there! Apparently we can still post here, an oversight I'm sure will be corrected shortly. In the mean time, I'm Dave in Texas so I'll post something wonky. Then I'll post something stupid.

Then I'll leave like the wind, and no one will ever know I was here.

Or this day-old pizza.

Consumer Reports Tests Current Impact of Ethanol.

No major surprises. Less efficient than gasoline, but still, E for effort. You gotta start somewhere.

There are 2 blends of ethanol, E-10 and E-85. The numbers correspond to the percentage of ethanol in the ethanol/gasoline blend. E-10 can run in just about any gasoline engine, E-85 takes a special engine.

More available in the midwest, duh, that's where the corn grows.

Potential ethanol users, take note. Don't be buyin ethanol-based fuels from a run-down lookin business. Tanks have to be specially prepared to deal with it, it attracts water and can gum stuff up. This is what we in the industry call a bad thing.

Running out of oil? Maybe.

Maybe not.

Posted by: Ace at 03:42 PM | Comments (17)
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