Help Me Help Mary Katharine Ham Help Injured Vets
— Jack M.

As y'all know, Mary Katharine Ham has been an all too frequent subject of my flirtatious advances around here.

She's been a good sport, and she's only threatened to shoot me a couple of times. So, I figure I owe her a good turn for putting up with my nonsense for the past year.

She is trying to raise money for VALOUR-IT, a program designed to help wounded veterans get voice activated laptops.

As it stands now, her team has raised $1,010 out of the $60,000 they have targeted. (Her Team is "Team Zoomie").

I have made a donation, and I'd appreciate it if you would visit her site and consider doing the same.

As an added inducement, if you morons make some contributions and Team Zoomie hits it's goal: I'll never write an epic poem about Suzanne Sena again.

If you don't make contributions? Well, there are 365 days in a year, and Sena is the source of a great deal of inspiration.

Thanks. I appreciate it. MKH appreciates it, and most importantly, the vets appreciate it.

Posted by: Jack M. at 11:00 AM | Comments (9)
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Fred Spokesman: We Don't Care About Perfume-Stinking Metrosexual Magazines Like Esquire
— Ace

Heh.

“I don’t know who in our base cares about Esquire magazine,” the Thompson Associate said. “It’s not that they don’t like perfume-laden magazines. Maybe we have a metrosexual part of our base. But I don’t think they take that into account when they’re picking a nominee.”

Posted by: Ace at 10:52 AM | Comments (18)
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Maxim's "Famous People Who Look Like They Smell"
— Ace

While this list of the World's Unsexiest Women is getting all the attention for its mean factor, it's actually this list -- and the text explaining what certain celebrities might smell like -- that's a howl.

Steve Buscemi

Probably smells like: Weasel genitals, fangs, lips, other teeth that aren´t fangs, a hamster cage

Amy Winehouse

Probably smells like: Pomade, high-heel blisters, some sort of cheese, Chewbacca

Winehouse also made the Five Unsexiest list, so they're really pounding her.

Posted by: Ace at 09:55 AM | Comments (93)
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12 Ideas For Unique Halloween Bag Stuffers
— Ace

What kid wouldn't be thrilled to receive any of these find products?

Fun for boys:

And girls alike:

Thanks to the Only Important Man on That Lighting Board.

Posted by: Ace at 09:25 AM | Comments (31)
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Irony Overdose: Glenn Greenwald Hunting Sockpuppet
— Ace

Or a self-alleged sockpuppet.

An army official has denied sending Greenwald an email which denied a raft of typically incoherent Greenwald claims. For some reason, this official now denies sending it.

Greenwald is actually using IP addresses and text analysis to prove he wrote it.

Funny, I seem to remember doing that myself with regard to Greenwald and he and the left told me it proved nothing at all.

Posted by: Ace at 09:17 AM | Comments (25)
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83 Year Old Man Convicted of Solicitation
— Dave In Texas

83 years old, a World War II veteran. Convicted of trying to hire a prostitute.

He came into the courtroom wearing a wrinkled Packers hat. Court proceedings were complicated by Eugene Kasza's poor hearing. Several times the lawyers and judge were almost shouting at the guy to get him to respond to questions.

He testified that after a few beers he left a bar when "a commotion" caught his attention, a woman (an undercover cop) "making eyes" at him. He responded just like any of us would I suppose.

He told her "I have money".

See that right there is an important step in any business negotiation, you have to look like a serious buyer. His age might have taken him out of consideration, until he stepped up with the jack.

His defense attorney said his age is an important consideration. "We don't know how long we have him here. He's in his twilight, fighting for his reputation".

He ain't dead yet counselor.

Posted by: Dave In Texas at 06:35 AM | Comments (56)
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Aceapalooza West Update
— Gabriel Malor

Morons who only read the blog on weekdays may have missed the notice for Aceapalooza West. Ace will be in L.A. and Santa Barbara in early November.

Aceapalooza West is set for for Saturday, November 3rd at 8pm somewhere on the West Side, probably Santa Monica, although I haven't nailed that down yet. If you're coming and haven't already emailed me (gabriel.malor at gmail) or mentioned it in the comments, please do so here or in the other Aceapalooza West post.

Some of the morons have asked about a meet-up in Santa Barbara the following weekend after the Young America's Foundation event at Reagan Ranch to which Ace is going. That's a possibility, but Ace isn't sure yet whether he'll be free to do it. Keep your eyes peeled for more information.

I will announce the AW location on or before Wednesday. I'm holding off for two reasons. First, I want to get as accurate a count as possible to help me decide whether we should reserve our own room and/or pool tables at the bar. Second, I'm traveling for the next few days and won't get to making a final decision 'til then anyway.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 05:57 AM | Comments (6)
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Thomas Freidman is a tool
— Purple Avenger

Noted climate change pundit Thomas Friedman muses:

So a question has started gnawing at us as we observe events like Katrina and the California wildfires. I asked my friend Nate Lewis, an energy chemist at the California Institute of Technology, what is that question? He thought for a moment and answered: "Did we do that?"

Of course "we did that"...in the sense that freaking arsonists are part of the human race and not a bunch of teenage polar bear escapees from the LA zoo with a pocket full of matches and a strong desire to see fire for the first time in their life - fire being hard to come by for polar bears up in the arctic ocean. Yea, Tom, "we" humans certainly did it.

Friedman then riffs onto the drought in the Atlanta area.

Getting society focused on meeting these new infrastructure needs is huge. Creaky power grids or leaky water pipes really matter in prolonged, record-shattering droughts like the one the U.S. state of Georgia is now experiencing. "Some scientists have suggested giving droughts names, like we do hurricanes," Cullen noted. "If we did, this Southeast drought would be called Katrina, and it would be about to hit Atlanta."

Georgia often gets a lot of the remains of hurricanes that hit Florida...one has to wonder if the LACK OF HURRICANES the past two years may have contributed to this "drought". Heat doesn't create droughts per se, lack of water creates droughts. Spent hurricanes and tropical storms still drop lots of water.

But wait - global warming is supposed to cause "killer Katrina hurricanes", but there are no hurricanes to speak of. The claimed "cause and effect" seems badly broken here, its too ummm random. IOW, it sounds a lot like...the frigging weather.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at 05:25 AM | Comments (39)
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Judith Giuliani on the Campaign Trail
— Gabriel Malor

More please. Rudy Giuliani carries around some extra baggage in the form of two ex-wives. That's why he needs to put Judith front and center.

The AP recounts the two pumpkin-shopping and goofing around earlier today in New Hampshire:

The former New York mayor and his wife, Judith, stopped by a roadside farm stand on Sunday, buying some pumpkins and candied apples. Wandering through Lull's Farms, Giuliani and his wife picked up decorative pumpkins and compared their shapes with her walnut-sized, orange jack-o-lantern ring.

``Pick one that's shaped like my ring,'' she told her husband and they dug through crates of dirt-caked pumpkins.

Judith Giuliani later returned to her ring while standing in line to check out.

``You like my pumpkin ring?'' Judith Giuliani asked a young girl. ``When you push it, it lights up. But I think the battery is dead by now.''

The next part is so much like a sit-com, I'm not even sure I believe it:

Her husband, playing along, told the young girl that Judith was lucky they were already married.

``If we weren't already engaged, I'd say it was the engagement ring,'' Giuliani said, looking away from a display of fruit salsas and flashing a broad smile.

A voter then ribbed the thrice-married Giuliani and shouted ``Again?'' in a mocking tone.

The couple seemed not to hear the comment and moved ahead in line.

True or not, that's funny and I think stories like this help more than they hurt. They make Giuliani human in the same way that President Bush's folksy charm made him seem likeable. President Bush used that charm to great effect against a wooden Gore and an aloof Kerry. If he makes it through the primaries he's going to need it to counteract that hypnotic harpy, Hillary Clinton.

It's working already:

The couple also posed for a picture with a giant pumpkin, painted with Giuliani's face.

"I feel like I know him much better know,'' said Paula Lalime Marrois, who painted the gourd and calls herself a Giuliani supporter. "I looked at all the details of his face.''

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 08:37 PM | Comments (20)
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IT'S OLD.
— LauraW.

OK? It's old. New to me, and might be new to some of you whippersnappers, who knows.

It's Business Time. A chuckleworthy little earworm courtesy of Flight Of The Conchords.

Thanks to Sobek.

Posted by: LauraW. at 07:46 PM | Comments (22)
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