So, the last you heard from me I was going out to get a beer. Then, 24 hours of silence.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" you are probably asking yourselves, knowing full well that a great story must exist to account for my absence.

Truth be told, after getting liquored up I ran into a frequent commenter here who y'all might know as "Dave in Texas". Like me, Dave is an avid guitar player. A prodigy, really.

So you put two rock gods in a room and what happens? Pure musical magic.

You can catch our legendary performance below in what has already become one of the fastest spreading bootleg video's in the history of the intertubes.

Ohh..and for you ladies out there? I'm the one in the cape.

Rock on!

Update: OK...sometimes you morons surprise even me with your moronosity. And I've been hanging out here a long time, so you'd think I would have learned to expect it by now.

No. That is not really me and "Dave in Texas". In truth, when Dave and I perform our music live we really adhere to only two rules: 1) no lip-synching and 2) sequins as far as the eye can see.

Obviously, those rules were not in place here. These are just two clowns I stumbled across on YouTube earlier.

And by "clowns", I of course mean, "role models".

Posted by: Jack M. at 02:34 PM | Comments (36)
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...as he takes time to take a phtoto with Ayatollah Khamenei.

Another botched joke, I'm sure.

Posted by: Ace at 11:54 AM | Comments (114)
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Best. Nun. Ever.

A young disabled man who receives care for his life-limiting illness at a hospice run by a nun spoke yesterday of his decision to use a prostitute to experience sex before he dies.

Sister Frances Dominica gave her support to 22-year-old Nick Wallis, who was born with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. Sufferers usually die by their thirties.

...

"I know that some people will say 'You are a Christian foundation. What are you thinking about?'. But we are here for all faiths and none," she said.

She then went on to explain that paying for handjobs was "consistent with the teachings of the Gospel of Luke", and also "totally hot".

Posted by: AndrewR at 07:45 AM | Comments (67)
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Story of a real swinger:

SARATOGA, Calif. - Who was that undressed man? That's the question startled hikers, bikers and horseback riders are asking about a jogger seen streaking through an open space preserve wearing nothing but sneakers, glasses and a black tam hat.

I really, really, really hope his car keys are in the hat.

"He passed me and said `Good evening,'" said equestrian Sue Bowdoin, who spotted the naked man, middle-aged and sporting a pale paunch, while riding her horse, Randy, on a trail in Fremont Older Open Space Preserve last summer. "I thought: Ugh!"

"He's frumpy. Plain. Not in good physical shape," Bowdoin said. "It's not a pretty sight.'

Ahhh, OK.
So.
Which one of you is it?

Thanks to eddiebear.

Posted by: LauraW. at 06:39 AM | Comments (39)
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KUWAIT CITY - Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah said in an interview published Saturday that attempts to convert Muslim Sunnis to the Shiite branch of Islam will not succeed, and that Sunnis would always make up the majority of the world Muslims.

He didn't get into specifics or mention any particular nations that are backing Shia expansionism. He was just talkin' out loud.
Just speculating, you know; throwing some ideas around.

Posted by: LauraW. at 06:22 AM | Comments (16)
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Otherwise known as a good old fashioned Friday Night Flame War thread.

Have at it! Andrew Sullivan is full of, among other things, heart-ache that needs to be mocked! There are Scandis among us who have not yet been bashed! There are Rosetta's who are still conflicted over their gender! There are, dare I say it, even a few of those scabs from the Innocent Bystanderssite around. There's even Bart!

I don't really care. I'm going out for a beer. What you socially isolated derelicts do on here in my absence is up to you.

And LauraW.

Cause she's married, which means she'll be at home and around to patrol the place.

As a bonus: The funniest zinger and most creative insult (perhaps a haiku?) as judged by yours truly will be awarded the 1st ever honorary title of "AoS Friday Night Fight Champion", along with his name on the main page with a jpg of Don King.

The bell has rung. Get out of your corners and see if you drooling imbeciles can put enough wit together to match some of them.

Flame on!

Posted by: Jack M. at 02:06 PM | Comments (351)
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OK...I got a lot of heat for writing a poem entitled "She Blogs with Elemental Fury" about the subject of this post the last time I was on here. You morons just didn't appreciate the emotional complexity of words written straight from the heart.

So I'm gonna keep it simpler for you 'tards this time around. How's this?

I do not like them in a mine.
I do not like them holding signs.
I do not like them in the streets.
I do not like them on two feet.
I do not like them near my Ma.
I do not like them making law.
I do not like Greenpeace slogans or Peta spam.
Thanks for fisking them, Mary Katharine Ham.

Got it? Simple enough for you? I hope so.

I also hope you will watch the latest Hamnation, in which Mary Katharine introduces us to a film which shows these greenies for what they really are: smug, people hating, narcissists who long to keep people enslaved in poverty and misery.

Don't believe me? Watch her latest HamNation video.

And, for the more literate among you, read her column: The Forgotten Mammal

Don't make me start dropping my rhymes on you again.

That isn't a threat, either.

Posted by: Jack M. at 12:44 PM | Comments (36)
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But like a bad case of herpes, I just keep popping up at the most unexpected and inopportune times.

Anyway, the last time I had the privilege of writing on this moronblog was way, way back in September during Ace's month-long "rehab" at the "Lindsay Lohan Treatment Center for Val-U-Rite Vodka Drinkers and Elmer's Glue Huffers."

Sadly, Ace has relapsed and I have have been asked to pinch hit.

And you know what that means, don't you?

That's right! YouTube Music Videos! And poems dedicated to the one and only Mary Katharine Ham! And even an occasional flame war.

So prepare yourselves, fellow morons. For Jack is back. And this time, it's personal.

Posted by: Jack M. at 12:21 PM | Comments (27)
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Sullivan's going to fisk me so bad it may break bones.

He takes issue with the rather incontrovertible point that he discovered the war was a lost cause and Bush was hoplessly incompetent within 48 hours, give or take, of Bush's announcement of support for the FMA.

Whatev's.

PS, so far, the bones are doing fine. But I'll let ya know if that changes.

Thanks to Jack Straw.

Posted by: Ace at 11:20 AM | Comments (127)
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I'm not sure what he's trying to say here -- it doesn't seem coherent. Assuming he's anti-war, which he is, then why would he cry about this? Doesn't he realize without America acting as a semi-honest-broker in the country this is the most charitable treatment Sunnis -- even non-terrorist Sunnis -- will be getting?

His heart bleeds for the poor terrorist being beaten. Okay. What's his alternative plan, exactly?

And if he just wants to bash Americans -- maybe he should do some reading and add the requisite context and nuance. As this NYT article makes clear, American troops on joint patrols are deferring to Iraqis, even when Iraqi soldiers are behaving like a pack of wild retards.

Shall we just start ordering them about as if we were some sort of imperialist hegemon occupier or something?

The left really needs to get it's story straight here. But they haven't since the the October Revolution; I guess it's all still in the beta phase.

Posted by: Ace at 10:19 AM | Comments (21)
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