It's by the guys who did the awful Battle of Shakur Heights on the second season of Project Greenlight (I knew it was them the moment I saw a very effective car-run-down special effect, a gag they'd used to get the job on Greenlight).

Well, I guess that makes them semi-pro. Still, they're doing this on their own dime. It's pretty amazing what halfway competent guys can do with budget special effects programs.

They're Sam Raimi influenced comic/horror type guys, and just were all wrong for the Indie quirky drama/afterschool special Shakur Heights. This is definitely more their metier. Not especially innovative, just a mash-up of elements from Evil Dead 2 and the very underrated House 2: The Second Story (plus, I guess, a bit of low-rent The Beyond.)

There are three episodes posted so far out of four total. Each runs about 3:40.

Thanks to Asher, who I'm guessing enjoyed the Evil Dead homage.

House 2: Wow, YouTube has everything:

Posted by: Ace at 09:30 AM | Comments (123)
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Reason? She induced her husband to commit, in his mind, justifiable homicide. Upon being caught, she yelled rape.

Darrell Roberson came home from a card game late one night to find his wife rolling around with another man in a pickup in the driveway.

Caught in the act with her lover, Tracy Denise Roberson — thinking quickly, if not clearly — cried rape, authorities say. Her husband pulled a gun and killed the other man with a shot to the head.

On Thursday, a grand jury handed up a manslaughter indictment — against the wife, not the husband.

In a case likely to reinforce the state's reputation for don't-mess-with-Texas justice, the grand jury declined to charge the husband with murder, the charge on which he was arrested by police.

...

Tracy Roberson, 35, could get two to 20 years in prison in the slaying of Devin LaSalle, a 32-year-old UPS employee.

Assistant District Attorney Sean Colston declined to comment on specifics of the case or the grand jury proceedings but said Texas law allows a defendant to claim justification if he has "a reasonable belief that his actions are necessary, even though what they believe at the time turns out not to be true."

Thanks to dri.

Posted by: Ace at 09:16 AM | Comments (100)
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The guy isn't writing reviews; he's writing comedy, playing the character of a demented 12-year-old retard. So don't take this seriously, but it is seriously funny.

Remember, when George W. Bush was elected, and he said that thing about how, by 2008, we’d have “movies that would explode in our balls like a shotgun filled with handjobs”?

Well, that promise came true two days ago when I saw GRINDHOUSE in Hollywood. Except not only was it a shotgun full of handjobs exploding in my balls, but also my balls suddenly knew how to make fire using karate. All from seeing GRINDHOUSE, a movie thatÂ’s made of screaming car crash zombie boobs.

...

PLANET OF TERROR is directed by Robert Rodriquez, which is all I need to say. In fact, instead of his name on poster saying, “Directed By”, he can legally change his name to a picture of a naked Viking woman on a snowmobile with flamethrowers out the back and the flamethrowers are killing a Yeti. That’s the level of guaranteed quality his name brings to stuff.

...

Actually, the fake trailers are kind of a bummer, because I really wish they weren’t fake. Maybe the government will put some “don’t be a pussy” drug in the water supply, and everyone will go see this instead of PILLOW FIGHT AND SCENTED CANDLES AND BOREDOM, or whatever Sandra Bullock movie’s coming out, and they’ll make more of these.

Then the second movie started. ItÂ’s called DEATH PROOF. You know what it isnÂ’t-PROOF? Boner-inducing proof.

...

DEATH PROOF is about this dude, Driver Mike, and heÂ’s played by Kurt Plissken, and goddamn but that dude just gets more bad-ass as he gets older. You know how Sly Stallone kind of looks like Bea Arthur now, and Jean-Claude Van Damme looks like Ally Sheedy? Well, Kurt Plissken looks like a dumpster full of drop kicks. He could fuck a bulldozer into eight Mini Coopers. Fuck, I should pitch that to someone.

...

First 300 and now this? I think the summer of 2007 just went, “Hey, let me take you to a free taquito buffet” and you eat all these taquitos and then the summer goes, “Here comes a foot to your stomach”, but you go, “It’s full of taquitos” but it’s too late – there’s a boot in your stomach only the boot is really a motorcycle and you puke up a bikini girl who blows you and then kills your boss with a hammer.

ThatÂ’s what GRINDHOUSE is. ItÂ’s a taquito buffet that you puke up after getting hit with a motorcycle, and it turns into a bikini chick that blows you and kills your boss with a hammer.

Rodriguez and Tarantino probably donÂ’t read this site, but someone should tell them they can use that last paragraph as a quick blurb.

Thanks to The Comish.

Posted by: Ace at 09:10 AM | Comments (23)
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Is it just me, or is the easiest, most effective way to block porn from kids simply banning an entire extension like .xxx?

People are stupid, and they like to live in a pretend world. A pretend world, for example, where porn doesn't exist, and Seattle Slough can pay $40 a year to live a "carbon neutral lifestyle."

The U.S.-based Internet governing body rejected a proposal on Friday to create an adults-only zone on the internet, or a .XXX domain.

Supporters of an .XXX domain argued it would make it easier to confine sex sites and filter them out. Opponents argued it would make pornography on the Internet easier to find.

It's so difficult to find right now. I mean -- Google It! You cannot find any Google references at all for "pooter." Oh, wait, you can find almost 500,000.

And I made up that stupid word.

Bill Quick think he's so cool for inventing "blogosphere."

Hah. Piker.

Home of Pooter Media: See, with adult sites given a .xxx domain, no one would run into this sort of disappointment.

The More You Know: The scientific definition:

>well, since it's gone, i can now ask a really dumb question:
> what's a pooter?

I studied Science to intermediate level in secondary school, including Biology. We had exactly one field trip in three years, into the school grounds, where we were armed with Pooters. A Pooter is a small container with two plastic tubes coming out of it. One of them is covered with gauze on the end inside the container. The idea is that you suck through this one while pointing the other one at various of God's Little Creatures, which find themselves rudely transported into your container for future study. Of course the two tubes look very much alike, and if you then suck through the wrong one you get a mouthful of insects.

There's probably a moral.

Éamonn

"Who dares gets a mouthful of earwigs."
"Plus ca change, plus c'est un cafard dans la gueule."
"A louse in the pooter is worth two in the mouth."
"Quis custodiet ipsos pedes?"
"All's well that poots well."
"Look before you suck."

Posted by: Ace at 05:38 PM | Comments (73)
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400 homosexual-murdering boy-rapists flee before an Afghan-led NATO offensive:

Complete success is being claimed for the largest Afghan-led operation yet against the Taliban.

Afghan army forces and police have now purged the Nad Ali district of Helmand of 400 Taliban fighters, following a series of chaotic battles.

Allied commanders estimated 70 Taliban fighters were killed in the fighting, while many others fled or gave up their weapons.

Locals said that the dead included at least one senior commander, Mullah Abdul Bary.

"Of course there are some Taliban left in here, but they have dropped their weapons and they are hiding," said Colonel Rasoul, the commander of the 3rd Kandak, the best regular army unit in the fledgling Afghan security forces.

The operation, which began last week during the Persian new year celebrations of Nawruz, involved 400 Afghan security personnel, the biggest Afghan-led sweep yet in the Nato offensive in Helmand.

Crucially, it was also backed by local militias, whose commanders had sworn to remove the Taliban from their land.

The success means that much needed-reconstruction projects, postponed for months due to the Taliban presence, can now begin as planned.

Thanks to dri.

Meanwhile, the Bush Administration, desperately craving a pretext for war with Iran (Google it!), finally released the news that US troops killed an Iranian soldier in Iraq as he firing an RPG.

The action occurred last year. But you know, he's so jonesing to go to war with Iran he suppressed the information.

Until now, of course.

Posted by: Ace at 05:15 PM | Comments (21)
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They yell "Jump, jump" in real life, they're certainly not going to be more restrained on the internet:

A father-of-two hanged himself live over the internet in Britain's first 'cyber suicide'.

Kevin Whitrick, 42, took his life after being goaded by dozens of chatroom users from across the world who initially believed he was play acting.

Um, of course they say that. Who wants to admit they encouraged a suicidal man to hang himself?

But as they watched in horror...

They misspelled "macabre pleasure."

... Mr Whitrick climbed onto a chair, smashed through a ceiling and then hanged himself with a piece of rope.

Stunned by what they had witnessed - broadcast on a popular chatroom website used by millions of people across the globe - chatroom users immediately contacted the police.

Immediately, after they got the money shot.

Officers rushed to the electrician's home in the Wellington area of Shropshire within minutes, smashing down the door to try to save him.

But despite their efforts to save him, he was pronounced dead at the scene.

Last night it emerged that Mr Whitrick had been suffering from depression after being badly injured in a car crash last year.

Friends said that the breakdown of his marriage with wife, Paula - with whom he had 12-year-old twins - and the recent death of his father had also been causing him some distress.

I'm so proud to be a human.

From The Gut, where Jim Treacher has written a Rosie-style "poem" about steel's utter inability to melt.

They're also now pushing the Rosie's new favorite catch-phrase "Google It!" over there, which is pretty funny, but an in-joke simply can't be transferred from one blog to another.

Google it!

Posted by: Ace at 05:05 PM | Comments (13)
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...given the scare over poisoned pet food.

At the time, though, it was kinda funny.

The current SNL has decided to cut out the middleman and just start off not funny. Saves time.

Thanks to dri.

More Will Ferrell dog commercials after the jump. more...

Posted by: Ace at 03:37 PM | Comments (9)
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Let me guess. I get to go to that hell-hole colony in Aliens or maybe Hoth, but John Travolta and his swank buddies get to stay on earth.

Am I guessing that right?

But although he readily admitted: "I fly jets", he failed to mention he actually owns five, along with his own private runway.

Clocking up at least 30,000 flying miles in the past 12 months means he has produced an estimated 800 tons of carbon emissions – nearly 100 times the average Briton's tally.

Travolta made his comments this week at the British premiere of his movie, Wild Hogs.

He spoke of the importance of helping the environment by using "alternative methods of fuel" – after driving down the red carpet on a Harley Davidson.

Travolta, a Scientologist, claimed the solution to global warming could be found in outer space and blamed his hefty flying mileage on the nature of the movie business.

But his appointment as a "serving ambassador" for the Australian airline Qantas doesn't seem to have much to do with the movies. Nor does a recent, two-month round-the-world flying trip.

"It [global warming] is a very valid issue," Travolta declared. "I'm wondering if we need to think about other planets and dome cities."

A photoshop of John Travolta's home, with an airplane parked in his garage.

Wait. That's not a photoshop. That's an actual picture.

Has anyone actually seen this movie? I have. It's deliciously awful. I heartily recommend it to anyone who's a fan of bad cinema.

Sympathy For The Scientologist: I think a lot of Hollywood people basically feel mau-maued into parroting the global warming line, for the same reason most "nice people" will say they believe in it (and will also say that anyone who doesn't is evil).

Because they're stupid and gutless.

No way, however, are they giving up their limos, heated swimming pools, and chartered jets to rainforest concerts.

Reducing some nitwits like Travolta to begin talking about "domed cities" and emigrating to Mars.

Posted by: Ace at 01:14 PM | Comments (112)
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Hmmm... not sure if I consider this good news or dangerous optimism.

Recent modifications made to the Arrow enable Israel's ballistic missile defense system to successfully intercept and destroy any ballistic missile in the Middle East, including nuclear-capable missiles under development by Iran, Arieh Herzog, the head of the Defense Ministry's Homa Missile Defense Agency, has told The Jerusalem Post.

In a rare interview that will appear in full in Monday's Post, Herzog provides an inside look at the decision-making process behind Israel's missile defense systems, led by the Israeli- and American-developed Arrow missile, one of the only operational ballistic missile defense systems in the world.

On Monday, the IAF successfully tested a newly modified Arrow interceptor.

Iran and Syria, Herzog said, were investing unprecedented amounts of money in long-range ballistic missile capabilities - with the help of North Korea - and had all but given up building modern air forces.

...

Herzog also said that while there might be missile systems in Iranian hands that the Arrow could not intercept, all of the ballistic missiles "currently operational" in the Islamic Republic could be destroyed by the Israeli defense system.

Posted by: Ace at 01:04 PM | Comments (11)
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Who'd've thought that Rosie O'Donnell was a leading light in liberal foreign policy opinion?

Oh yeah-- pretty much we all did.

Here's Albright worrying that an "accident" in the Gulf could lead to a new Vietnam in Iran. Well, a new-new Vietnam. We already have the new one.

Of course, she's given to such insane lefty conspiratorial thinking. Albright, remember, famously remarked to Mort Kondracke that she'd heard that Bush actually had already captured Osama bin Ladin, and would trot him out just before the election.

She later claimed she was just joking. Mort Kondracke says she appeared to be serious. And certainly she doesn't appear to have much by way of a sense of humor.

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright told Fox News Channel analyst Morton Kondracke yesterday she suspects President Bush knows the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden and is simply waiting for the most politically expedient moment to announce his capture.

Kondracke made the announcement about what Albright told him backstage before an appearance on another Fox show on "Special Report With Brit Hume."

Kondracke was incredulous that a former secretary of state could believe something like that about a U.S. administration.

"She was not smiling when she said this," offered Kondracke, who believes Albright is serious about the conspiracy theory.

The syllogism:

1) War is never justified.

2) There are no external enemies.

3) Ergo, if America should make war, that war is ipso facto unjustified and furthermore created, provoked, and propagandized for by internal enemies, who are the only possible true enemies, given proposition 2.

Posted by: Ace at 12:58 PM | Comments (29)
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