He couldn't replace spears with anachronistic walkie-talkies, but I think he made some good replacements.

Thanks to dri.

Posted by: Ace at 11:26 AM | Comments (11)
Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.

I haven't seen you beserker retards this despondent for a new post since Ace published his essay Pudding: Too Much Is Not Good For You.

OK. I'll admit that I cried myself to sleep that night too.

Posted by: LauraW. at 10:25 AM | Comments (301)
Post contains 43 words, total size 1 kb.

Yes, they really do want to kill the bear. Because it's been tainted by the unspeakable disease called "human contact."

Tiny, fluffy and adorable, Knut the baby polar bear became an animal superstar after he was abandoned by his mother.

He rapidly became the symbol of Berlin Zoo, whose staff bottle-fed him and handed out cuddles in between.

At three months old, however, the playful 19lb bundle of fur is at the centre of an impassioned debate over whether he should live or die.

Animal rights activists argue that he should be given a lethal injection rather than brought up suffering the humiliation of being treated as a domestic pet.

They're not pro-animal, they're just anti-human.

I know this is old by now. Still, so cute.

Posted by: Ace at 06:24 PM | Comments (255)
Post contains 148 words, total size 1 kb.

Europe isn't worth saving.

The case seems simply too strange to be true. A 26-year-old mother of two wanted to free herself from what had become a miserable and abusive marriage. The police had even been called to their apartment to separate the two—both of Moroccan origin—after her husband got violent in May 2006. The husband was forced to move out, but the terror continued: Even after they separated, the spurned husband threatened to kill his wife.

...

In January, though, a letter arrived from the judge adjudicating the case. The judge rejected the application for a speedy divorce by referring to a passage in the Koran that some have controversially interpreted to mean that a husband can beat his wife. It’s a supposed right which is the subject of intense debate among Muslim scholars and clerics alike."The exercise of the right to castigate does not fulfill the hardship criteria as defined by Paragraph 1565 (of German federal law),” the daily Frankfurter Rundschau quoted the judge’s letter as saying. It must be taken into account, the judge argued, that both man and wife have Moroccan backgrounds.

Again, I expect Andrea Marcotte to be all over this.

Or even Amanda Marcotte. Whatever that bridge-troll's name is.

Posted by: Ace at 05:13 PM | Comments (106)
Post contains 229 words, total size 2 kb.

Hi, me again.

There were some good questions raised in the posts about the comment system, so I'll make a stab at answering them. My responses are in the extended entry so as not to waste too much space on Ace's main page. more...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 04:26 PM | Comments (97)
Post contains 867 words, total size 5 kb.

Priceless! I pretty much could have written the beginning of it myself -- it's pretty obvious what Sullivan will write; even when you figure he could take either of two positions, you can safely guess he'll take both and thus predicting him is easy -- but I was not expecting a "poor me" attack on NRO for not linking his hysterical bullshit more frequently.

Jonah Goldberg cannot resist the usual crack. Yes, I was led to believe by Politico that Elizabeth Edwards was in a serious medical state and that the campaign would therefore be suspended. That information turned out to be premature. We found out, as Edwards explained, that subsequent testing relieved many of their worst, earlier worries and so they were going to press on. I think the decision in both cases was admirable. If she was seriously sick, it was right to suspend the campaign. If she can carry on, I think it's admirable to carry on as well. There is no self-contradiction in my views, just a change of facts. A blog reacts to facts as they arrive. When the facts change, a blog can change its mind. What else am I supposed to do? But, yes, I also think a lot of the Edwardses. I think they're a class act. I'd have supported them in either decision. I actually believe them and trust them on these questions.

That doesn't even make sense, does it? Edwards is a hero for dropping out; Edwards is a hero for staying in; Edwards would be a hero for just brushing his teeth vigorously for two minutes. The "facts" change, but Sullivan's creepy hero worship and hormones-oozing emotionalism doesn't.

If he wouod have supported them "in either decision," he might have said so, rather than proclaiming one to be the perfect, noble choice at 12:17 and then the directly contradictory choice to be the perfect, noble choice at 12:39.

What. A. Hump.

And then, of course, it gets fun as he whines about being "blacklisted" by NRO because he's such a scary-important threat to the conservative orthodoxy.

NRO spent much more ink on D'Souza's excrescence than on the serious and increasingly salient critiques that Bartlett and I have made about the Bush administration.... But one day I think most conservatives will realize that Bruce and I were right on key issues - on religious extremism, fiscal irreponsibility and civil liberties - and had the balls to say so when it mattered.

"Increasingly salient"? "Balls"?

I'm sorry, I have to point this out:

Main Entry: 1sa·lient
Pronunciation: 'sA-ly&nt, -lE-&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin salient-, saliens, present participle of salire to leap -- more at SALLY

More at Sally, indeed.

She doth have a high opinon of herself. If Sullivan has balls, why does he always sound so excruciatingly menstrual?

Butch up, Sally. Your book didn't sell because it sucked. I know you think it's the most important book ever written. But then you consider each of your stools to be the most important, most symetrical, most sublimely beautiful bowel movements ever taken. Get over yourself and stop staring iun dewey-eyed besmittenness at your own shit.

Is this the new theory? Waaah, The Conservative Soul didn't sell because Jonah Goldberg didn't toss me enough mercy links. Waaaaaah.

Jesus, what a joke.

"Salient."

Hee, hee.

Why Is Everything So Excessively Personalized? St. Andrew was caught in an embarrassing, but hardly fatal, contradiction. Certainly it pales in comparison to his one scorching people for tossing around the derogatory word for Christians, "Christers," and then, just a few years later, re-popularizing the dergotory word for Christians, "Christianists," and huffily claiming the term is not offensive to "true Christians."

He could have just said, "Yes, I was searching for a way to support the Edwards family through this crisis, and, without giving the matter much thought, reflexively praised the family for making one decision, and then reflexively praised them for an opposite decision when I learned they'd changed their minds. It's not really such a horrible thing to speak a good word about a family suffering a cancer scare, is it?"

But the guy has absolutely no sense of humor about himself, and is far too egotistical and narcissistic to even admit such a low level of fault.

And thus a bit of needling from Jonah Goldberg becomes, as always, a pretext to return to Andrew Sullivan's favorite subject, Andrew Sullivan, and his favorite theme relating to that subject, Why Is Everyone So Blind And Dishonest As To Not Be Capable Of Recognizing That Everything Andrew Sullivan Writes Is Well-Nigh The Word of MIGHTY GOD HIMSELF.

And so we have Elizabeth Edwards diagnosed with serious cancer, and Sullivan is roused to say a nice word about her; but the real emotion comes when Jonah Goldberg dares to poke fun at him for a bit of hackery. Why didn't you give my book more publicity!?!

One can almost smell the salt in the angry tears.

What's that old joke? It's sad when a school collapses in Ecuador, killing dozens; but it's a TRAGEDY when my car won't start.

And that other old joke about the fickleness of the weather: Don't like Andrew Sullivan's opinion? Stick around for five minutes, it'll change.

Posted by: Ace at 02:25 PM | Comments (79)
Post contains 900 words, total size 6 kb.

Is this something they can do with other bills, too?

House Democrats pulled a bill to grant voting rights to Washington, D.C., after Republicans offered a motion that would repeal the gun ban for the District.

The move is a clear signal that Democrats have lost control of the House floor on the voting rights issue after minority Republicans presented the Democratic majority with a politically unpalatable motion that their conservative members would be forced to support for fear of angering the gun rights community.

Fifty-two Democrats voted with Republicans on a similar measure to repeal the gun ban in 2004. That would be more than enough support for Republicans to add a repeal to the voting rights bill - something a majority of Democrats would vehemently oppose.

Republicans have taken great pride in offering motions to recommit during their time in the minority, an often over-looked legislative procedure that has allowed them to amend various bills on the House floor.

Drudge report:

Dem leadership pulls DC voting bill from floor; conservative Dems were supporting DC gun repeal...

Leader Hoyer seen yelling at staff on floor...

Speaker Pelosi absent because she is desperately searching for Iraq supplemental votes...

Holmes-Norton standing silently in disbelief..

More from Hot Air, including Michelle Malkin lookin' all giggly over this development.

Posted by: Ace at 02:05 PM | Comments (17)
Post contains 232 words, total size 2 kb.

Sure, David Duchovny was great on Celebrity Jeopardy. This is pretty good too:

Posted by: Ace at 01:18 PM | Comments (10)
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.

I recently was paid a lot of money for a joke I wrote by a rather famous stand-up Los Angeles based comic. He has his own show and everything.

I'm not sure when it will become a standard part of his act, but here's the joke in case you should see him perform it:

"One of the greatest things about being a father is having a son. Because you know, deep inside, that you can train him to be the professional athlete that you always wanted to be.

So, from the age of 2, you give him a basketball. And you teach hiim to dribble with both hands. And you put up a goal, and you encourage him to drive the lane against you.

And he's only 2, so you are rejecting every shot in his face. But you keep on encouraging him. And soon, he ages. He gets bigger and he can start scoring against you. He can block your shots. He can step back and drain the three. He's got game.

And he goes to high-school, and he's all-state. But you keep working with him on his game. And his team wins the Championship. And he goes to one of those big Basketball Colleges like Indiana or Kentucky with 3 million students and 800,000 people in the arena for each game.

And he wins the final four by himself. He's drafted #1 by the L.A. Lakers. He wins the NBA Finals. He's the leading scorer. He breaks several of Michael Jordan's records. And right when he is presented with the NBA MVP Trophy and a new contract worth $75 zillion a year, he looks to the camera and he says:

'Hi Mom!'

AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH! She never spent hours in the driveway with the ungrateful son of a bitch!"

I expect it to air on Comedy Central soon. Fingers crossed!

Posted by: Jack M. at 12:56 PM | Comments (27)
Post contains 322 words, total size 2 kb.

The previous defense was that many jokes are somewhat obvious and can occur to people independently.

However, as just about everyone remembers this Cosby joke from that concert movie that played incessantly on HBO in the eighties (Himself), certainly Carlos Mencia remembers it. He's a comic, after all. This is his job. Cosby was huge. It's just not possible a professional comic doesn't know most of the acts of huge comics that came before.

I guess his only defense is that he must have forgotten he heard it from Cosby, or else why swipe a joke so famous, and imitate even the set-up nearly word-for-word?

This is getting embarrassing.

Next: Carlos Mencia incorporates dirty nursery rhymes into his act.

Hickory dickory dock
This Beaner chick was suckin' my... OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Previously: Carlos Mencia was getting away with stealing jokes from Joe Rogan, because, hey, who the hell is Joe Rogan? Not even Joe Rogan knows who Joe Rogan is.

Strong language warning as Rogan and Mencia have it out in front of an audience (marking the first time either has successfully entertained a crowd):

Stealing from Bill Cosby, though?

Like they say about serial killers as they get sloppier: They want to be caught.

Heh: Bumperstickerist asks,

Does anybody know if Carlos has a brother Russell, with whom he, Carlos, has slept?

Posted by: Ace at 12:38 PM | Comments (79)
Post contains 243 words, total size 2 kb.