It's one thing to rank them. It's another thing to collect up video of the worthies and allow voting.

To add further fuel to the Ace-must-be-gay fire, I've never seen Bullitt. But I'll be checking out the car chase to see if it really is all that.

Posted by: Ace at 09:03 AM | Comments (65)
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And so far, for the 20th consecutive year, the guru's in the league have, once again, failed to make me, Jack "Elway" M., the Number 1 pick.

*Sigh*. Will my sheer athletic prowess, laser-rocket arm, and innate ability to read coverages ever be recognized by the powers that be?

After all, I'm getting sort of old to be a NFL rookie. If this terrible oversight continues, I might have to declare for the Baseball draft.

I'm gonna turn the rest of this blog entry over to my agent, Johnny M. Coldcuts, who has some thoughts on this continuing travesty.

Listen up, bitches! You're gonna pick a raging metrosexual like Brady Quinn over "Broadway" Jack M.? And I don't mean "Broadway" as in Nathan Lane, fagmunches. I mean "Broadway" as in Namath, the original "Pied Piper of Pussy." If so, don't come crying to me when the only team you beat next year is Detroit. There's a reason they call him Jack "The Snake" M. after all. And it has more to do with than his fear of ferrets. I think.

Posted by: Jack M. at 09:28 AM | Comments (149)
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CAPE CANAVERAL, April 26 -- It might not seem like a brilliant idea, allowing a frail 65-year-old paralytic to float free from gravity aboard a rising and plunging roller-coaster stunt flight.

I disagree:

Yes, that's who you think it is, and it's only the latest in his already impressive list of accomplishments. (link NSFW)

Posted by: AndrewR at 08:01 AM | Comments (31)
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The Disarming of America:

When hunters submit a request for their weapons, federal, state, and local checks would be made to establish that they had not been convicted of a violent crime since the last time they withdrew their weapons. To insure the guards are not gun-nut double agents, each of these guards would be guarded by two meta-guards who would themselves be made to rub gravel in their hair and hold their palms over open flames as a test of loyalty to the disarmament cause.

The whole thing is a scream.

Ace's original post on Simpson's article is here.

Posted by: LauraW. at 06:40 AM | Comments (33)
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Then again, Tony Stark was a substance abuser.

[It] is exactly that [substance-abusing] past, says director Jon Favreau (Elf), that makes Downey the only choice to play playboy millionaire and recovering alcoholic Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, the comic-book superhero who hits multiplexes next year.

...

"He struggles with his lifestyle, he struggles with the drinking," Downey says of Stark. "He faces the same issues a lot of people do."

Directed by Jon Favreau. Starring Robert Downey Jr.

Can anyone doubt this is going to be the most awesomely awesome comic-book movie eveh?

The only way it could be more perfect is if they land Nathan Lane to play the Scarlet Witch.

Posted by: Ace at 04:22 PM | Comments (81)
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That headline makes no sense. In fairness, neither does the whole story.

Paris Hilton's naked "corpse" could provide an invaluable service to students preparing for prom this season. An interactive Public Service Announcement featuring the graphic display of a tiara-wearing, autopsied Paris Hilton with removable innards is designed to warn teenagers of the hazards of underage drinking.

The display also features Tinkerbell, Hilton's forlorn pet Chihuahua with matching tiara, and debuts in the trendy Williamsburg, Brooklyn neighborhood where prom-goers frequently dine, courtesy of Capla Kesting Fine Art.

"Campaign to Rescue Women of Youth" featuring "The Paris Hilton Autopsy" offers a cadaveric nude Paris Hilton, laid out with twisted body and opened abdominal cavity on a coroner's table, while her cell phone remains in her grip.

The 'unglamorous' display which includes support material from anti-drunk driving organizations counters "the disturbingly glamorized trend of Hollywood's 'girls gone wild'," according to gallery director, David Kesting.

The sculpture's vagina, I'm told, is particularly realistic, looking much like a cross between Fozzie the Bear and the Predator without his helmet.*

* At least this is what I imagine a realistic mock-up would look like.

Posted by: Ace at 04:12 PM | Comments (83)
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Ryan Sager is startled, as he so frequently is, to hear conservative candidates endorsing conservative positions.

The perpetually-startled Sager is shocked, stunned, and in all other ways entirely befuddled by these announcements.

In Giuliani's case, it's a clear case of flipflopping evolution, but in McCain's, it's not quite so clear-cut; McCain was slippery in previous statements, stating he was in favor of allowing gay couples to enter in to contracts giving one another power of attorney, etc. In other words, the same sort of contractual agreements any two people, in love or not, can enter. "How generous," Sager snarks.

Well, with all due respect, marriage is mostly contractual, and similar contracts can be entered into giving any two people, essentially, the same legal obligations to each other that married couples have. Marriage is sort of an omnicontract, incorporating a host of other contracts all in one by default, but those obligations can be contracted out of -- say, by a prenup.

So yeah, no problem with gays entering contracts with each other.

True enough, the state acknowlegement of marriage carries certain rights, such as collecting a spouse's SS survivor benefit after death, and private health insurance contracts usually (but are not required to, God knows) extend to the immediate family as defined as legally-recognized spouse and children; but the bulk of what gay-marriage proponents scream about -- such as hospital visitation rights -- can be secured by contract.

Of course, this could all be handled as a private affair, without the sanction of the state. Oddly enough, it seems that it's very, very important for private-contract-championing "libertarians" to have an offical state imprimature for this particulae contract.

Almost as if it's not actually "libertarianism" itself impelling this conclusion, but simple social liberalism.

Nuance! RTFQ, Ace. Read the effin' quote.

Allah did, and Giuliani is not objecting to civil unions generally, but this particular civil unions bill (in NH), for reasons which seem... unconvincing.

Posted by: Ace at 01:58 PM | Comments (48)
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Posted by: Ace at 01:46 PM | Comments (25)
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I was about to caution that these Arabic names tend to be shared by many, and this is a nom de guerre anyhow, but NBC confirms it -- this high-ranking AQ officer, just a few steps below OBL himself, was formerly a major in Saddam's army.

Begging the question the MSM doesn't dare ask: how "formerly," exactly?

Thomas Joscelyn wants to know how much, if any, contact he had with his old patron while waging terrorist war for bin Ladin in Afghanistan.

Don't we all.

Or should I say, "Don't we most."

I can imagine quite a few people who are right now beginning to shriek that this man, this poor abused misunderstood idealist, must not be asked a single question more.

I Question The Naming: SobekPundit writes:

As I pointed out before, his last name is al-Iraqi. Yeah, and he's also conveniently from Iraq. Hard to imagine a faker-sounding name than that.

Makes a damn good point. It's like Lou Gerhig dying of Lou Gerhig's disease, or of the "Moon Landing" conveniently enough landing on "The Moon."

And if you believe either of those, I have a bridge to the 21st century to sell you.

So I have to admit: This story sound like complete bullshit.

The liberals are right. There's just no way a man from Iraq would return to Iraq to fight for Al Qaeda, and certainly he wouldn't give himself the name "Al Iraqi."

"Al" means "from" or "of", and who the hell names themselves a preposition?

That would be like me calling myself "Ace To Spades" or somethin'.

Bush has conned me again. I apologize for misleading you.

Posted by: Ace at 11:36 AM | Comments (60)
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The perfect opportunity for Democrats to lie about progress in Iraq. Petraeus gives a secret briefing; no record is publically available. So the Democrats can claim Petraeus said whatever they want to claim he said, and no one can correct them.

Except for the Republicans there, of course, but who believes them? Certainly not the MSM.

Problem for the Democrats, though: While the contents of the sectet briefing are withheld from the public, he's given a lot of public statements and public testimony before Congress.

So how do the Democrats' claims about his briefing track against Petraeus' publically-known beliefs? Not terribly well, I'm sure you'll be shocked to learn.

Here's one of the smoking gun examples:

On the biggest threat to U.S. forces and stability in Iraq:

[What the Republicans Claim Petraeus Said]: Al-Qaida, the shadowy terrorist group responsible for the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and whose involvement with Iraq - later disproved - was cited by President Bush as a key reason to invade four years ago. Iran also is causing trouble.

"Al-Qaida, he made clear, continues to make this the central front in their war with us," Boehner said. "And I would remind everyone that we didn't start this war with al-Qaida, they started it. ... And they are the major foe that we face in Iraq today."

[What the Democrats Claim Petraeus Said]: Homegrown insurgents and the rampant violence between Sunnis and Shiites.

"Gen. Petraeus made it very clear that the sectarian violence was the most disruptive element," Hoyer said.

[What General Petraeus Has Said In Public Briefings]:"Iraq is, in fact, the central front of al Qaeda's global campaign."

Q: You say that Iraq is now the central focus of al Qaeda's worldwide effort. Are you saying that al Qaeda in Iraq is now the sort of principal enemy of the U.S. forces stationed there?

A: I think it is probably public enemy number one.

Hmmmm... who to believe, who to believe...

It's a real puzzler. It's a total mindfreak trying to figure one's way through this Escher painting of paradoxical facts.

Who knows what's going on here. It's like HR Giger abandoned pen and canvas in favor of the avant-garde medium of Play-Doh and bacon.

(It just works every time.)

Posted by: Ace at 11:19 AM | Comments (16)
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