Viva La Amnestia?
— Slublog

The vote is coming now very soon. Allah's live-blogging it.

The Verdict: AMNESTY.

Money well spent. Those bastards stayed bought.

Posted by: Slublog at 07:55 AM | Comments (53)
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It Had To Be A Marine
— LauraW.

Marine vet Chris Everhart was camping in the woods with his sons when a black bear came into camp and tried to abscond with a cooler full of food. Feisty six-year old Logan Everhart hurled a shovel at the bear.

The bear then dropped the cooler and started coming at the boy, said his father. Fearing what might happen next, Everhart, an ex-Marine, grabbed the closest thing he could find — a log from their stash of firewood.

"(I) threw it at it and it happened to hit the bear in the head,"

The force of the blow severed the bear's head from it's body, smashing its jaw and driving bone fragments several inches into the ground.

Mr. Everhart then tore the hide off the twitching, gushing corpse as a trophy while his sons carved a totem pole in his honor and declared him Best Fucking Dad In The Whole Fucking Universe.

Ok, no.
But the bear did die from its head injury.

I'm thinking there are three little boys by the last name of Everhart who will not be presenting Dad with any disciplinary problems into the foreseeable future.

Posted by: LauraW. at 07:01 AM | Comments (36)
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McCain Dismisses Polls, Admires Purple Unicorns
Updated: Anyone Who Doubts The Maverick™ Must be "Smoking Something"
— Slublog

Delusion, thy name is Maverick™.

Republican presidential candidate John McCain on Monday dismissed polls that show him slipping into single digits, arguing that his campaign is going through the typical ups and downs and will be fine this fall.

In an interview with The Associated Press, the Arizona senator also defended his support for a bipartisan immigration bill, a stance that has undercut his bid in early voting South Carolina.

I guess McCain's staffers have been too nervous to point out that the immigration bill has basically tanked his campaign everywhere, not just South Carolina.

And it's not just the polls. The money men in the McCain camp are starting to feel the pinch as well. McCain/Kennedy has killed McCain 2008, but that's not something the senator is willing to acknowledge quite yet, so he's doing what any good Republican candidate would - grasping on to a media meme with both hands.

The top Republican on the Senate Armed Services Committee acknowledged that his backing for the Iraq war has hurt his candidacy elsewhere in the country.

"I've got to do what's right," McCain told the AP. "In South Carolina, the war doesn't hurt me as much as in other parts of the country. It has hurt my candidacy."

For months, the media has been unwilling to admit that what they love about McCain (his tendency to piss off Republicans) is what's really hurting his campaign, so they've claimed it's McCain's 'stalwart support for the war in Iraq' that is causing his numbers to drop.

The Arizona senator's willingness to jump on the media bandwagon and parrot their talking point shows either desperation or total disconnect from what Republican voters find important. It's been said before, but it's worth repeating: it's not the war, senator, it's the amnesty.

A recent state poll showed McCain at just 7 percent in the race with top rivals Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani, and Fred Thompson close to announcing. A survey in Iowa also showed McCain in single digits.

"That poll is just not true," McCain said in the interview, referring to the South Carolina poll. With "veterans alone, we are doing much better than that."

Deny, deny, deny. And refuse to acknowledge the signs pointing to just how upset South Carolinians are at the moment.

To steal an Allah feature, exit questions: Is this a summer slump or the death throes for the campaign? Assuming the campaign is in trouble, will McCain drop out of the race before the first primaries, or is he stubborn enough to stay on until he loses a couple?

Bonus - Anyone who says McCain is in trouble is "smoking something," according to The Maverick™. The Toady just grins.

Posted by: Slublog at 05:10 AM | Comments (17)
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Our long, national, "Not Hot"-mare is Over!
— Jack M.

Paris Hilton is free at last! Free. At. Last.

The story is breaking on FOX right now, so I don't have a story to link to yet. I would like to thank Paris though.

Because Paris actually did me a solid. By leaving jail at 3:00 AM in the morning (E.S.T.) not only did Fox not interrupt their broadcast of Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld, but I was treated to an unexpected surprise:

Breaking News Coverage anchored by Ms. Suzanne Sena. Or as you losers know her, the Future Mrs. Jack M.

I don't live blog things very often, but I think I will now, since there isn't a link. Here goes:

more...

Posted by: Jack M. at 12:03 AM | Comments (29)
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A Letter to AoSHQ from Sen. Lindsey Graham*
— Jack M.

June 26, 2007

Mr. Ace O'Spades
www.ace.mu.nu
100 Skid Row
Boston, Massachusetts

Dear Mr. O'Spades,

I have been reading your self-described "moronblog" for the past several weeks as you have attempted to single-handedly thwart my attempt to bring Comprehensive Immigration Reform to the American people against their wishes. And while I might have been receptive to your advocacy for other initiatives that can be tackled single-handedly, I must take this opportunity to address both you and your readers with but one simple thought:

How you like me now, bitches?

You see, Ace, by this time tomorrow the bill that Senators Kennedy, McCain, Kyl and I wrote in secret will be well on it's way to becoming law. And there isn't a thing you or your redneck army of toothless mouthbreathing opponents can do to stop it. And I know I have good standing to call you toothless mouthbreathers, because I'm pretty sure I saw a photo of you in my paper of record, the New York Times.

So keep on with your whining about "enforcement first" and "building a wall". Keep exposing the "deeply flawed" provisions of this bill. I take solace in knowing that the only thing motivating your interest in this bill is your own inherent bigotry. After all, if you weren't a bigot, you wouldn't have taken the time to read the bill looking for reasons to oppose it, would you?

As my good friend Ted Kennedy says, one man's frustrated tears is another man's sweet, sweet tequila. And you, my friend, are 180 proof. In fact, I'm so giddy right now I think I might get together with Sen. Kennedy and throw caution to the wind by "eating the worm", so to speak.

To your credit, you put up a good fight. If it weren't for the strong and yet tender massage therapy treatments offered by my undocumented cabana boy Pepe, and the aromatherapy treatments I was turned onto by Trent Lott, I might not have found the strength to continue on in my struggle to represent the National Council of La Raza against the onslaught of bigotry and hatred levied against them by you, your readers, and the redneck rubes who make up the overwhelming majority of the voting population of South Carolina.

Just remember Ace. Daddy always knows what's best for you. And make no mistake. I. Am. Your. Daddy. And by "Daddy" I mean "androgynous, asexual twerp with Senate voting privileges".

Better luck next time, loser. I'll be thinking of you in November, 2008 when I sweep to yet another victory on the backs of the Mexican-hatin' trailer park trash who make up my constituency.

See you around the truck stops!

Sincerely,

Senator Lindsey "Wagner" Graham.

*The provenence of this letter is in some dispute. In the name of journalistic integrity it is probably best to classify it as "fake but accurate". Or parody. Whatever keeps the lawyers at bay.

Posted by: Jack M. at 08:53 PM | Comments (22)
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Iranian Forces Sited Crossing Iraq Border; "We are in a full on war with Iran -- but nobody has officially declared it."
— Ace

That famous "moral clarity" of the Bush Administration seems to have been misplaced at some point.

Iranian Revolutionary Guard forces have been spotted by British troops crossing the border into southern Iraq, The Sun tabloid reported on Tuesday.

Britain's defence ministry would not confirm or deny the report, with a spokesman declining to comment on "intelligence matters".

...

The Sun said that radar sightings of Iranian helicopters crossing into the Iraqi desert were confirmed to it by very senior military sources.

I'm glad he has so much time on his hands to twist arms over a bill no one wants.

Posted by: Ace at 06:18 PM | Comments (41)
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Tom Sizemore Gets 16 Months For Violating Drug Probations; Requests Special Celebrity Treatment, But Judge Laughs At Him, Saying "You're Tom Sizemore, not Tom Poston, for crying out loud"
— Ace

No one cares, I know.

Tom Sizemore, best known for battle-hardened film roles in "Saving Private Ryan" and "Black Hawk Down," was sentenced on Monday to 16 months in prison for violating his probation in a drug possession case.

Actually he's best known for violating his probation in a drug possession case. And beating up girlfriend/whore Heidi Fleiss. And making sex tapes that will put you off sex forever. More on that later.

...

The actor admitted in court last week to violating his probation on a previous felony drug conviction and tearfully pleaded with the Los Angeles Superior Court judge for leniency, begging her, "If you would please just give me one more chance for myself."

Sizemore was on three years probation when he was arrested May 8 outside a California hotel on suspicion of methamphetamine possession.

The actor's probation for a previous methamphetamine possession conviction was revoked in 2005 when he admitted to using a prosthetic penis in a bid to fake a urine test.

The sex tapes he made with prostitutes, while doing drugs, probably aren't going to help him any (content warning, but very funny; pretty much worth getting fired for). From the review of the Tom Sizemore Sex Tapes:

"And then we're gonna talk about something that's against the law, besides this here," Sizemore pauses from [going down on a prostitute which, you know, just seems to me to be a weird thing to do with a prostitute]. "Especially this girlÂ…this is called cunnilingus or fellatio, I'm not sure. One of them means I'm not a faggot and one of them means I'm a faggot. So whichever one of them means I'm not a faggotÂ…Oh! Nothing against you faggots, I wantÂ…you to like me too."

Sizemore gleefully gets up, his small flaccid penis flopping around like a bee-stung thumb tip.

"Hey my dick is short, huh? I'm a grower not a shower. I'm an egomaniac."

Beyond the jump, a few other choice Sizemore quotes, which are really the perfect icebreakers for a romantic evening with that very special lady you're paying $5000 to whore herself in a Vegas hotel room. more...

Posted by: Ace at 05:40 PM | Comments (19)
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Clarification: Bond May Or May Not Be Voting For The Real Cloture
— Ace

Apparently there are two cloture votes. One, a cloture vote to proceed with debate (that doesn't make sense to me, but it seems to be the case) and another to actually end debate and proceed to a vote on the merits.

Actually I think that first vote isn't a cloture vote at all; it's a vote to bring back the issue to the senate, but it can also be blocked via filibuster. But it seems to be getting confounded by some (including me, and, it seems, some senators) with the cloture vote.

Some people -- like Bond -- claim they'll be voting in favor of bringing the bill back to the floor (the first vote), only so they can introduce their enforcement-oriented amendment considered, and then, if that gets shot down (which it will be), will then vote against true cloture. Supposedly. Hopefully.

Sen. Bond’s office tells me that he is going to vote for cloture on the motion to proceed. He will then offer an amendment that has made the approved list to strip out the path of citizenship in the bill (meaning no green cards). This will inevitably fail. In which case, Bond will vote against cloture the second time and against final passage. This dynamic means opponents of the bill might pick up a vote or two on the second cloture vote, but Bond will still have done his bit to advance the underlying bill through his first cloture vote. He should just vote “no” tomorrow.

That's from Geraghty.

This is a dangerous bit of kabuki, because Bond knows with 100% certainty the Amnestia Coalition will not permit their precious compromise to be undone with amendments that even come close to fixing all the problems with this. So why take a chance on voting yes on that first vote at all?

However, if Burr and Bond and other Senators mean they will vote to bring the issue back to the floor, but will vote against cloture (the truly important vote), then they ought to say so and clear this up. In which case I owe them an apology.

This is probably what Burr's office meant by tomorrow's vote not being the "real vote."

Posted by: Ace at 04:52 PM | Comments (10)
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Jim DeMint: Do Not Be Fooled; Those Who Vote For Cloture Are Voting For Amnesty
— Ace

Video: Allah's got it up now, thanks to... um, why, me.

The dodge won't work, Boys. Especially when your fellow senators are pre-emptively calling bullshit on your cynical, dishonest posturing.

Allah will have the video soon.

Bond, Cochrane, Gregg, Burr: You can't claim that you were just voting for cloture when you have been repeatedly warned by your own colleages that a vote for cloture is a vote for a guaranteed passage of the Amensty Piece of Shit.

And we will never forget. We will cut our own throats for the opportunity to slit yours. Count on it.

You've fucked us over for the last time.

For now, enjoy this Gibson decimation of the HuffPo nut who claimed that Hitler was acting out of altruistic motives when he created assembly-line gas-chambers for six million Jews and millions more "undesirables."

Webb Is On The Fence: Contradicting rumors and some reports, a this anti-amnesty blog says that Webb is officially undecided.

Posted by: Ace at 04:30 PM | Comments (4)
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Linwood Wilson -- The "Investigator" Who So Helpfully Rewrote Crystal Mangum's Perjuries Into Slightly Less Disprovable Perjuries -- Has Been Fired
— Ace

Effective tomorrow.

Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.

Single-Minded Analysis Update: The political class can get away with an awful lot due to citizen apathy, but citizen anger, once aroused, can be a terrible, furious, and glorious thing.

Posted by: Ace at 04:23 PM | Comments (2)
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