Goshdarnit! How could this possibly happen? Just as she's turning the corner and needs to get into the limelight, some villain ruins everything by creating a media hypestorm around her!

Why, that's certainly the last thing she wants!

The story; a censored topless pic leaked to another blog, supposedly of Lohan.

The pic looks more than adequite to me.

Question:

Has anyone not seen Lindsay Lohan naked at this point?

Pshop: Apparently it's just a real picture of Lohan with her bikini shopped out and boobs shopped in.

Posted by: Ace at 03:47 PM | Comments (24)
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And she couldn't use the word "victim," either. Or the term "sexual assault kit."

What? Of course it's not true that "no women ever lie about rape," and of course the defendant in a rape case is entitled to the protection of the law the same as any other accused.

But the complaining victim (allegedly) is now not allowed to describe the crime in words of her own choosing? She has to call what she asserts was a nonconsensual rape as merely "sex"?

Last week in Lincoln, Neb., Tory Bowen was ordered by a judge to sign a written order that would compel her not to use the word rape at the retrial of the man accused of having intercourse with her when she was intoxicated.

She refused, and told the judge following the order would force her to commit perjury about the alleged rape. A Boston attorney filed an appeal on her behalf, but late last week the Nebraska Supreme Court refused to hear any appeal.

The gag order from the county judge last week has outraged victims rights attorney nationwide, and gathered attention from cable news and talk radio outlets.

Bowen, a native of the San Fernando Valley and local high school graduate, was a 21-year-old student at the University of Nebraska in 2004 when she alleged that Pamir Safi raped her when she was too drunk to either fend him off or consent to sex.

Safi, who was 33 when the incident occurred, says the sex was consensual. But he has been charged with "sexual assault" under a Nebraska law that does not use the word rape.

Safi says Bowen was too drunk to remember her consent. The prosecutor in Lincoln says Bowen's drunken state that night meant Safi should have known that she could not possibly consent to sex.

A jury at his first trial could not return a verdict, and at a pretrial hearing for the retrial, Lancaster County District Court Judge Jeffre Cheuvront ordered all witnesses to avoid the words victim, assailant and rape, and to not use the terms sexual assault kit or sexual assault nurse, at the second trial.

Apparently this judge believes a complaining witness describing the crime in her own words is "prejudicial" and hence not permissible. The trouble with that logic is that the standard isn't whether or not testimony is prejudicial, it's whether it's unduly prejudicial. As a judge I once knew informed a lawyer pressing for exclusion on grounds of prejudice, "The question isn't whether it's prejudicial to your case, it's whether it's unduly prejudicial. Of course it's prejudicial to your case, otherwise it wouldn't even be relevant to the case at all."

Posted by: Ace at 03:36 PM | Comments (32)
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We called them Purple Nurples. You might have called them titty-twisters. Not only were they really painful and pretty gay, they might cause boys to grow breast tissue.

Dr. Oscar Escobar, of Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, recently treated two adolescent boys with breast enlargement, and there appeared to be a connection.

The boys were not related, but they came to the doctor with the same history: Both were involved in a popular, prankish game in which boys twist one another's nipples.

"I think that may have produced some mechanical triggering, or irritation, that can be implicated in the genesis of their gynecomastia," Escobar said. "Something like that can induce breast development, and it absolutely should be discouraged."

There are many causes for gynecomastia, the medical term for enlarged breast tissue in a man or boy.

The condition is characterized by excessive fat in the chest area, excess glandular tissue or a combination of the two. Typically, males with gynecomastia can feel or see a button- or disc-like growth beneath one or both nipples.

No word yet on whether Eric Cartman's "Rochambeau" game might spur penis growth.

Posted by: Ace at 03:05 PM | Comments (31)
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This should be interesting. Initial testing of the Gay Robot Fighter system was videotaped:

More of the test-footage here.

Posted by: Ace at 02:17 PM | Comments (3)
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A) Because she's the subject of a typically-fawning HBO "documentary" (airing on Cinemax) about Palestinian prisoners in Israeli jails.

B) Because she gets the glamor-shot revolutionary-chic treatment from the NYT.

C) Because she's going to Jihadi Heaven for murdering 15 people and maiming and injuring a hundred more in the Sbarro's pizza bombing in Israel.

D) All of the above.

Here's the NYT on the murderers:

...by the end of “Hot House” you may feel more than a little annoyance at the two sides in this endless conflict. These enemies know each other absurdly well. They learn from each other, and talk openly about doing so. Yet they can’t seem to break the cycle: a cat and mouse addicted to their own game.

"More than a little annoyance at the two sides."

"The cycle: a cat and mouse addicted to their game."

Just curious, NYT:

What game were the people in the WTC playing on September 11, 2001? Mightn't have been sporting for the terrorists to have informed them the game was afoot and at least provided them with a rulebook?

Bonus: As HBO specializes in political pornography, it makes perfect sense to start airing the real thing.

Posted by: Ace at 01:59 PM | Comments (34)
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"The Emperor" has no body armor:

State troopers shot and killed an armed man who attempted to enter Gov. Bill Ritter's office inside the state Capitol this afternoon.

...

State troopers, who provide security inside the statehouse, ordered the man to drop his gun. He didn't and they shot him. The man died where he fell.

"He said that he was the emperor and he was here to take over state government," said Gov. Ritter's spokesman, Evan Dreyer.

Question:

Who benefits from this death?

It would seem that Governor Ritter benefits primarily -- he gets to keep running the state, after all. Did he put this man up to it?

Airing questions. That's all I'm doing.

Posted by: Ace at 01:49 PM | Comments (32)
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The Reichstag fire remarks turn out to be a bit worse than spun. The "Who benefits?" line is worse than the rest, I think. The way that line is always used is to suggest that the supposed beneficiary of an event must have been the cause of the event. No one, in all of human history, has used the question in any other fashion.

Thanks to LGF, who asks the question the MSM should be asking, but of course refuses to: is Rep. Ellison, D-Gaza, a Truther?

Posted by: Ace at 01:14 PM | Comments (26)
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I've blathered about Rudy's misstep on this issue a dozen times and so won't bother again. But this looks like a positive step:

Former U.S. solicitor general under President Bush, Ted Olson, will chair the panel. Former Bush administration Deputy Attorney General Larry Thompson and filibustered judicial nominee Miguel A. Estrada will be among the "who's who" of conservative legal and judicial advisers to Giuliani.

Meanwhile, Captain Ed notes the reasons Thompson is delaying his announcement. Here's the simplest one of all: He's winning by not announcing; why change a winning strategy?

Obviously he'll have to announce eventually, but one can hardly fault him for continuing to see how long his stealth offensive continues gaining ground.

Furthermore, look at McCain's millions, all pissed away, for nothing. Thompson joked that he had already saved fifty million dollars by delaying his announcement this long, but it's not really a joke, is it?

Posted by: Ace at 12:48 PM | Comments (10)
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We'll all soon be told this is meant to be satirical, of course.

It doesn't read that way, unless "satirical" now means "deranged."

I recommend you start stocking up on medicine, food, gallons of water, toilet paper, reading material, Potassium Nitrate, Charcoal powder, and Sulfur. Because soon you will notice that things will start drying up from lack of interstate commerce, shortly after the upcoming Terrah-ist Attack on the NewNited States of Murka.

It's already been announced by Michael Chertoff, though he neglected to provide us with a specific date.

And today the Justice Department (a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Fourth Black Branch of Shadow Government) paved the way for the impending declaration of Martial Law in the wake of said Attack, as provided for in Son of the Patriot Act and the Military Sins of Commission Act, both passed last year.

Those "laws" make it painfully clear that the Executing Branch of Government can order FEMA and the Military to round up anyone who threatens the New American Century People (formerly known as US) and throw them in one of the 13 new Federal prisons built to house dissenters. Alls it takes is one big friggin' disaster (like a Katrina or a 9/11) and the POTUS can jail us.

...

I think we're past Impeachment boys and girls. First of all, we don't have the votes in the Senate, and we don't have the testicular fortitude in the House.
...

No. I think we have to take matters into our own hands and round up what's left of the National Guard in each state. We then cut off the power to the White House and blockade the mother so no food or water can get inside. Then we start pumping marijuana smoke in until they have to evacuate the building. Smoke 'em out, to quote a famous military leader, the one with the codpiece on the flight deck.

Then we put Shrubby and Deadeye Dick, and anyone else left alive after the firefight outside the Rose Garden, in a cage so's we can haul them around the country behind a John Deere tractor.

I think I've mentioned this before, but at an old job I was tasked with finding out who was sending the company unsettling letters that dripped with paranoid schizophrenia.

Apart from the obvious paranoid tone of this demented scrabbling, there's another hallmark of the paranoid schizophrenic literary style -- the stubborn refusal to call anything by its proper name, instead favoring a childish made-up language of tastelessly fey substitutes ("NewNited States of Murika," etc.)

The big one -- missing here -- is the "usage" of quotation "marks" around every other "word" so as to cast "suspicion" upon "it," but apart from that, this guy is obviously familiar with The Elements of Paranoid Schizophrenic Style (by White, Strunk, and Dahmer).

Almost As Nutters: Zsa-Zsa Huffington is absolutely positive that John McCains collapse is due to his support of the war and the surge, which makes sense, given that all of his opponents are in favor of immediate withdrawal and are therefore rising in the polls.

Oh wait, they support the war and the surge too?

Gee, then I guess I'm scratching my head trying to figure out what prominent policy position McCain recently took which made him unpopular with the party.

Gun to my head, I'm drawing a blank.

Guess she must be right -- must be the war.

Posted by: Ace at 12:10 PM | Comments (65)
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The photographic evidence seems incontrovertible.

Odd photo aside, the quake was deadly and resulted in the discharge of radioactive water from a nuke plant.

Thanks to James for the tip.

Posted by: Ace at 11:17 AM | Comments (13)
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