Go read this piece by Totten. There is the good, the bad, ugly, and what appears to be on its face simply the unvarnished truth. This is how its supposed to be done.

I'm not going to excerpt it here, cuz I want you morons to actually go read it all.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at 05:54 AM | Comments (10)
Post contains 55 words, total size 1 kb.

You know him as a Senator from Idaho. You know him as a man who apparently cruises airport bathrooms in search of anonymous sex partners. You know him as a member of the Singing Senators.

But do you know him as a multi-platinum recording artist? You should. Because now, the truth can come out be told.

It was 1978. Disco was King. And Larry Craig was a player on the scene. Drawing inspiration from Tony Orlando and Dawn, whose song "Knock Three Times on the Ceiling if You Want Me" was a huge hit in 1971, Craig entered a Boise, Idaho recording studio and recorded his own version.

In order to preserve his political viability, and to slyly incorporate both his initials and to wink at legendary recording artist Barry Manilow, Craig recorded his cover under the name "Lola Copacabana." Craig/Copacabana truly explored the studio space, and the resulting record "Tap Three Times On the Stall Floor if You Want Me" became an instant classic.

Sadly, copies of the audio no longer exist. All that is left is a handwritten copy of the original lyrics that appear to have been hastily scribbled on Charmin tissue paper. In order to ensure that posterity never forgets Craig's contribution to the development of rock music (perhaps he's the father of the alternative music scene...who can say?) I have reproduced them for you here.

Enjoy.

Tap Three Times On the Stall Floor if you Want Me
as recorded by Lola Copacabana.

Hey guy, whatcha doin in there?
Urinating alone isn't right when I'm right alongside you
I can see you'd rather be playin
I can hear what your body is sayin
One stall away, and you don't even know me
I love you

Oh my darlin
Tap three times on the stall floor if you want me
Flush the commode, if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness (tap, tap, tap)
Means you'll meet me in the stall, yay!
Twice on the john means you ain't gonna show

If I brush your leg with my foot tonite,
or reach under the stall with with a note that's attached to my heart
Read how many times I peeped in at you
How in my silence i adored you
And only in my dreams did that stall between us come apart

Oh my darlin
Tap three times on the stall floor if you want me
Flush the commode, if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness (tap, tap, tap)
Means you'll meet me in the stall, yay!
Twice on the john means you ain't gonna show

Oh I can see you'd rather be playing
I know what your body is saying
One stall away and you don't even know me
I love you

Oh my darlin
Tap three times on the stall floor if you want me
Flush the commode, if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness (tap, tap, tap)
Means you'll meet me in the stall, yay!
Twice on the john means you ain't gonna show

UPDATE: By request, Tony Orlando and Dawn perform the version you probably know.

Posted by: Jack M. at 04:52 AM | Comments (38)
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Relax. They're all in South Africa.

All approved by a government official accused of taking bribes from the manufacturer to ignore condom safety standards.

The condoms did not meet several standard tests for strength, pressure and lubrication, said Mngadi.

I for one do not want to know anything about these standards, or if the tests involve a fuck lion.

I. do. not. want. to. know.

Posted by: Dave In Texas at 05:47 PM | Comments (35)
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How long does it take the WaPo to Guess That Party! with regard to Larry Craig? Three letters -- the first three letters of the headline on him are "GOP," as in "GOP Senator."

On the other hand, the AP invites us to play Guess That Party! as regards the political leanings of a artisan liberal organization criticizing Craig, CREW. CREW, I'm sure many remember, was also big in promoting the Mark Foley scandal.

When do we get to play Guess That Party!? Well, when The Deciders decide we should, of course.

More Guess That Party! State Senator Ford sentenced to five years for bribery in Tennessee. Which party does he belong to? That's the greatest mystery of all!!!

Posted by: Ace at 02:28 PM | Comments (35)
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Well la-di-frickin'-da.

Read that, and then make sure you read Allah's bit here, which I wanted to link earlier.

Scan down to Jeff Emmanuel's report about MNF spokesmen complaining the media consistently claims Iranian saboteurs and assassins are "diplomats," even though the MNF offers to show the media the proof they are no such thing (the media never returns the call to take them up on the offer), and Bush's statement about empowering US troops to take the fight to Iran. Or at least Iranian agents in Iraq.

"Diplomats."

Another exciting episode of... The Deciders.

Posted by: Ace at 01:54 PM | Comments (18)
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On FoxNews now. So odd to think Owen Wilson, of all people, could be depressed and suicidal.

"Low self-esteem" apparently to blame. Hm. Apparently it's some sort of illness that can strike anyone.

Posted by: Ace at 01:18 PM | Comments (105)
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I gotta say the list is eh. The Lice episode wasn't great. Javakosaurs? No memories of it. The Vote or Die one was a cutesy political commentary but I'm not remembering any big laughs.

How could he fail to include Scott Tennerman Must Die? What about Li'l Crimestoppers? The World of Warcraft episode? The "Eric Cartman, Psychic" episode?

Posted by: Ace at 01:00 PM | Comments (103)
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Updated: Will announce re-election intent as scheduled.

Asks for forgiveness, but only for his decision to not publicize the incident himself.

Damn him.

The Deciders In Action: Media newsmen yuck it up as they pantomime Craig's alleged cruising signals.

Hmmm... I don't seem to remember such mirthful recreations during the Clinton years.

Video: "Thank you for coming out today," he begins. First sentence.

It's like he wants to be caught.

Via Hot Air, which notes the Republicans in the Senate have called for an ethics probe. Any sort of crime can be a justification for some form of censure or possibly even expulsion.

Posted by: Ace at 12:35 PM | Comments (72)
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...specifically about her only seeming to care about a terrorist attack to the extent it helps Republican politicians.

It's actually a pretty good point. Hillary's primary objection to a terrorist attack is that it would hurt Democrats politically.

Posted by: Ace at 12:14 PM | Comments (18)
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Damn you, Larry Craig, for making this adorable story feel all dirty:

Four tiny orpahned hedgehogs are snuggling up to the bristles of a cleaning brush - because they think it's their mother.

The four inch long creatures are being hand-reared by staff at the New Forest Otter, Owl and Wildlife Park in Ashurst, Hants.

Workers say Mary, Mungo, Midge and Slappy get comfort from playing with the centre's cleaning brush and enjoy rubbing against it.

The four inch long creatures are being hand-reared

Kinda hot.

Thanks to the Warden, who just sent this with an emoticon of a guy rubbing his finger at the bottom of a toilet stall divider.

Posted by: Ace at 12:01 PM | Comments (25)
Post contains 131 words, total size 1 kb.