America doesn't make the list, even though I've been pushing "Suck the barbed cock of Satan" for some time now.

I hate to link Cracked twice in the same day on the main page, but some of these curses are just too awesome to be contained in the sidebar.

(Mild Content Warning for Language Plus a Lemon-Party-esque Picture on Page 2 to Illustrate the Curse "Grandfatherfucker").

My favorites: "Let a hungry Carpathian long-haired she-wolf blow your dick, fuck" (Bulgaria); and the Danish's honorable mention entry (sadly underrated, I think) "Suck devilcock in hell you faggotdwarf."

Another one insults one's mother by the roundabout route of blasphemy: "I wash my socks on your mother's cross."

The lone Russian entry comes from Yakov Smirnov: "In Soviet Union, your mother fucks my whore-ass," which I don't really even understand.

Posted by: Ace at 11:09 AM | Comments (15)
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I avoided the Yankees-wear-gold-lame-thong stories.

I'm afraid I can't any longer.

It gets worse.

They share it.

Derek Jeter just bunted Jason Giambi from second to homo.

Via DPUD's Around the Moronosphere in 80 IQ Points.

Posted by: Ace at 10:09 AM | Comments (34)
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Photo Credit: Slublog Media Group

Scroll down (though the rest of the post is good too) for Pete Stark's paranoid, vindictive anti-military letter protesting military officers daring to watch a session of Congress as is their right as Americans, and then the response.

Thanks to Conservative Belle.

Posted by: Ace at 09:59 AM | Comments (27)
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Hilarious.

The post is link-rich about the taking of the former Sadrist bastion, now firmly under government control for the first time since... well, forever, but of course it's really just cause for fretting about Sadr's next (current?) victory.

Peter Harling, a Damascus-based analyst at the International Crisis Group thinktank, doubted TuesdayÂ’s operation would succeed in removing the Mehdi Army from Sadr City.

“They’ll lie low but they could retake control of the city any time,” he told Reuters. “The Sadrists feel weakened, feel threatened and this increases the potential for violence.

In related news, the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki are said to feel weakened and threatened (as well as slightly "radioactive-y") and are most likely about destroy the entire US Pacific fleet.

Posted by: Ace at 09:29 AM | Comments (19)
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Just over the air on Fox.

Malignant, in left parietal lobe.

More: It's apparently a glioma (sp? -- no clue), which is a bad type of the bad sort of tumor. It's fast-spreading, aggressive.

More: Well, now they're saying there are different types of gliomas. Some are treatable; others are too aggressive and present almost no chance for survival past one year.

More: Many of the doctors being interviewed seem to think the signs are quite bad, and that it's likely the almost-unsurvivable sort of glioma.

Oddly, I've heard at least two reporters speaking of Ted Kennedy in the past tense, which you'd think they'd be on guard against.

Readers Offer Their Expertise:

Wiz:

As the report said, it depends on the specific type of glioma. Among others, there are oligodendrogliomas and astrocytomas. Each of those is graded by severity. A grade-4 astrocytoma, AKA Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM) -- which IIRC accounts for about 60% of gliomas -- has a 5-year survival rate of about 2%, more typically a year or less.

(FTR, my mom died from a GBM. Time from diagnosis to death, 3 months.)

Enlightened:

Well, this is a pretty dire diagnosis. Malignant Gliomas infiltrate the surrounding areas, so even with surgery they often grow back. When they have reached seizure stage, they are fairly advanced as the tumor is putting pressure on the brain causing the seizure. Sadly, I think Kennedy has most likely received the worst prognosis, and likely has 1 to 3 years left.

Most of the talking-head doctors offer hope for the less aggressive type of glioma but keep suggesting that, based on what little they know, it's more likely the more deadly sort.

Posted by: Ace at 09:10 AM | Comments (125)
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Over at Hot Air, Captain Ed observes that "Sexism seems to be the topic of the day." Everyone--including Clinton--is talking about sexism and angry women.

But this is no big mystery. It's so she has something to blame when the race is over, Ed:

Clinton for the first time addressed what women have been talking about for months, what she refers to as the "sexist" treatment she has endured at the hands of the pundits, media and others. The lewd T-shirts [worn by the media?]. The man who shouted "Iron my shirt" at a campaign event [a journalist?]. The references to her cleavage and her cackle [from TV talking heads, no doubt].

"It's been deeply offensive to millions of women," Clinton said. "I believe this campaign has been a groundbreaker in a lot of ways. But it certainly has been challenging given some of the attitudes in the press [who refused to whitewash Democratic behavior on the campaign trail], and I regret that, because I think it's been really not worthy of the seriousness of the campaign and the historical nature of the two candidacies we have here."

The real issue isn't whether Clinton and her supporters blame sexism for her failure. That was always going to be the case. Just like Obama and his were always going to blame racism if his candidacy were to crash and burn (and there's always the general!). The real issue is whether Clinton can bring about dissatisfaction from women voters--and general election trouble for Obama--merely by declaring that "women are deeply offended."

Are women Democrats so weak-willed as to fall for that old Jedi mind trick? I mean, if it were Jessie Jackson or Al Sharpton or Jeremiah Wright telling blacks that they've been deeply offended, I expect most black Democrats would probably agree out of habit, if nothing else. But only recently have some women adopted Clinton as an icon of feminist dreams. They'll forget her just as quickly.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 08:48 AM | Comments (14)
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Better than average Cracked list.

The top two below the fold.

more...

Posted by: Ace at 08:47 AM | Comments (27)
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Perhaps we have more in common than I thought:

“There! There in the GMC!” Mohamed shouted. “Girls!”

Through the tinted windows in the back of the GMC, I could make out three indistinct black shapes. Thamer stepped on the gas, but a white Mercedes S-class containing four young Saudi men edged him out. The Mercedes pulled alongside the GMC, and the two young men in the back seat waved pieces of cardboard with phone numbers written on them.

“They beat us,” Fahad complained, as Thamer tried to pull up behind the GMC. “And they have a hotter car.”

I looked around. We were surrounded by several other cars, all containing young men and all trying to get the attention of the figures in the GMC, while simultaneously trying to edge each other off the road at high speed.

“Isn’t this getting a bit dangerous?” I asked.

“Yeah,” said Fahad. “Sometimes the girls get really scared, there are so many cars chasing them. Sometimes they’re in their car, crying and screaming for us to go away. It’s fun to make girls angry.”

[...]

“I’d say that maybe 3 out of 10 nights of numbering,we have some success,” Fahad explained.

“You mean that 3 out of 10 nights you get a girl to talk to you?” I asked.

“No, no,” Fahad laughed. “Maybe 3 out of 10 nights we get one phone number. Getting a girl to actually talk to you on the phone is much rarer. But it happens, so we’re always hoping.”

And then they went to Sonic for oceanwaters and limeades.

Thanks to Justin.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 08:16 AM | Comments (16)
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That celebration lasted a little bit longer than I expected, but I'm back. So what's up with this?

*** It’s the demographics, stupid: Besides the public polls, how do we know that Clinton is poised for victory in Kentucky, while Obama is sitting pretty in Oregon? According to Democratic politico Mike Berman, Obama has dominated the states with the largest or smallest black populations, while Clinton fares MUCH better in the states in between. Berman writes in his Washington Political Watch that Obama “has won 12 of the 15 contests in which the African-American population is less than 4%, and 10 of the 11 contests in which the African-American population is greater than 16%. In those 18 states where the population ranges from 4%-16%, Obama won 8, while Clinton won 11.” The African-American population for Kentucky? 7.3% For Oregon? 1.6%. As one Republican politico told us, these aren't primaries anymore; they’re census surveys.

I get that large numbers of blacks are supporting Obama and that--so far as this contest goes--race has become a good predictor of voting behavior. For that reason, it's no big surprise that states with large black populations are choosing Obama.

I'm wondering what it is about the states with small black populations that make them favor Obama. Is it wealth? Education?

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 07:56 AM | Comments (42)
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This was the savagely mauled guy who drove himself 15 miles to medical help, mentioned on the site last week. I didn't know that "savagely" included the bear literally chewing on his brain while the guy played dead.

How much control do you need to play dead while a bear gnaws on your medulla? A lot, I'm thinking.

Has he recovered? Well, he can talk, but he talks slowly and childishly. Then again, he's from Canada, so he probably talked like that before.

Video of the guy telling his story (with Light Content for some mended but still grisly (ahem) wounds) here. Article here.

God Al Gore sucks. We're doing all we can to combat the Bear Menace and this bloated fat toad is siding with the goddamn Kodiaks.

Bonus Animal Crap: Island overrun with gigantic, carnivorous mice.

Now, the word "gigantic" here is, um, not quite accurate. The flesh-eating mice are two or three times the size of ordinary household mice, which makes them about as "gigantic" as the average parrot.

Still, they eat flesh. That's kinda badass. Kinda.

Quote Unquote:

"I will meet with any Zombie Grizzly Bear, without precondition."

-- Barack Obama

"I accept your offer in principle. How big is your brain, by the way? I'm just asking because, um, I want to buy you a nice hat. It'll say 'Friends 4 Ever' or somethin'. "

-- Zombie Grizzly Bear

Posted by: Ace at 06:34 AM | Comments (39)
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