Which, of course, means it's totally awesome, and, I imagine, that if you don't support it you're like the anti-miscegenation racists of the 50's:

The political principle is equally simple: government should, as far as possible, treat all its citizens equally. Politicians often talk about equality, but they seldom live up to its core meaning. A true egalitarian doesn't believe in affirmative action, because it means the government discriminates on the basis of race. A real believer in equality opposes heterosexual-exclusive civil marriage, because it means the government discriminates on the basis of emotional/sexual orientation. And such a liberal also opposes punitive or "progressive" taxation, because it means the government discriminates on the basis of personal success.

Gay marriage-- is there anything it can't do?

I think he's in full scurry-back-the-right mode now. That bandwidth fund of his must be just about depleted.

Thanks to JimB.

Posted by: Ace at 09:27 AM | Comments (17)
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Another fainting spell.

I didn't post this when I saw it the other day because I don't want to make fun of someone's physical ailments.

But in all likelihood he's just got a chronic case of the crazies.

Posted by: Ace at 09:22 AM | Comments (6)
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10. To appeal to Christian conservatives and "values voters," PETA will attempt to change the phrase "school of fish" to "religious school of fish"

9. Planning a major re-release of 80's trash-lit Real Men Don't Eat Sushi, with new foreward by Joan Baez and that Princeton ethicist who thinks you should have sex with a monkey

8. Pro-PETA geneticists will announce that fish share just as much common DNA with human beings as centipedes, Gila monsters, and casaba melons

7. "Sexy" beefcake spread of Michael Moore making out with a halibut, kind of like that Nastasia Kinsky poster with the snake, except with 800% more back-fat

6. Ad campaign will subvert "Chicken of the Sea" trademark by parodying it as "Holocaust in a Can"

5. 200 female PETA activists will take their clothes off in Central Park to make the subtle point that... well, who knows, really? They just sorta seem to like getting naked in the vicintiy of ginko trees

4. Will compare being hooked and pulled into a boat to the dragging death of James Byrd; magazine spots will refer to fishing poles as "Klan sticks"

3. Six words: Viggo Mortenson Whining on Charlie Rose

2. New cartoon aimed at kids features "Gill," a sweet-natured mahi-mahi who speaks with a "funny accent" and solves crimes

...and the Number One PETA Initiative to Save the Fish...

1. To counter the public's "irrational fear" of sharks, will release major advocacy documentary titled Sharks, the Deadly Silhouettes of the Deep: Why Do They Hate Us?

Credit: "Holocaust in a Can" suggested by Axolotl

Old Joke That I Love Update: Don't stop me if you've heard this one before.

A man has a pet fish that he just loves. I mean, loves it. It's the greatest fish in the world. He has to go away on business, so he asks his friend to take care of the fish. The friend agrees.

Well, unfortunately, the fish dies when the guy's away. When he gets home, his friend tells him, "I've got some bad news and some good news."

"Okay," the man says. "What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that your fish died."

"That's horrible!" the man cries out. "But what's the good news?"

"The good news is-- it was just a fuckin' fish."

Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week.

Posted by: Ace at 09:08 AM | Comments (6)
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Bang:

In other economic data released Wednesday, U.S. housing starts increased about 6.4 percent in October to a seasonally adjusted annualized rate of 2.027 million, the Commerce Department estimated. It's the highest level of housing starts since last December, and was well above economist forecasts.

Meanwhile, U.S. industrial production rose a larger-than-expected 0.7 percent in October, largely as a result of a "bounceback" from a slowdown in September's output caused by the spate of hurricanes in the Southeast, the Federal Reserve said.

By Popular Demand:

The guy just won't stay retired.

I feel like a Berlin re-union, where I'm all psyched to play my new shit, but everyone just wants to hear The Metro.

Eh. There are worse fates.

Posted by: Ace at 08:48 AM | Comments (8)
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Every one of their campaigns seems like it was conceived due to losing a bar bet:

NEW YORK - Touting tofu chowder and vegetarian sushi as alternatives, animal-rights activists have launched a novel campaign arguing that fish — contrary to stereotype — are intelligent, sensitive animals no more deserving of being eaten than a pet dog or cat.

Called the Fish Empathy Project, the campaign reflects a strategy shift by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals as it challenges a diet component widely viewed as nutritious and uncontroversial.

"No one would ever put a hook through a dog's or cat's mouth," said Bruce Friedrich, PETA's director of vegan outreach. "Once people start to understand that fish, although they come in different packaging, are just as intelligent, they'll stop eating them."

...

"Fish are so misunderstood because they're so far removed from our daily lives," said Karin Robertson, 24, the Empathy Project manager and daughter of an Indiana fisheries biologist. "They're such interesting, fascinating individuals, yet they're so incredibly abused."

...

Friedrich acknowledges the difficulty of changing long-held customs, but thinks his project is worthwhile. "We'd rather go too far than not far enough," he said.

I think that goes without saying.

Posted by: Ace at 04:50 AM | Comments (32)
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Funny eBay ad:

If you agree with me that the new 7 series looks like a Maxima then this is your chance to own the best example of an e38 body style you will ever find. Originally priced at over $92,000! Before I owned this car I couldn't get a date to save my life. Now, I am dating a beautiful Russian model. No more Star Trek conventions and Dungeon's and Dragons for me!

Does it really have to be either/or? Seriously. The hot Russian model is nice and all, but I just finally found a miniature that looks like my character is supposed to look.

Thanks to cthulhu, who says he got it from Fark.com.

Thanks to the commenters who filled me in on Fark. It's a funny site. I'll have to check it out from time to time and steal their stuff.

Posted by: Ace at 07:42 PM | Comments (18)
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So the Germans can better monitor racist and inciteful diatribes, they say.

But don't forget the key word: Germans.

I don't know. Part of me thinks this may be almost justified. But another part of me thinks it's dangerous for a state to begin dictating the manner in which citizens may worship. And the biggest part of me gets scared whenever Germans start worrying themselves over a minority religion.

On the other hand, I wouldn't mind seeing France invaded again. Just for old times' sake.

The implications of the story are serious, but some of the details are actually kinda funny:

ISLAMIC preachers in Germany have been told that they may be ordered to deliver their sermons in German rather than in Arabic in an attempt to halt racist diatribes.

The move reflects BerlinÂ’s fears that a spark of ethnic and religious unrest could leap from the Netherlands to Germany, a country with more than three million Muslims.

Support for such a move is growing after a television channel used hidden cameras to film the imam of a Berlin mosque frequented by young Turks. He was heard telling worshippers that “Germans can only expect to rot in the fires of hell because they are non-believers”.

I will say right now that I don't mind that Muslims condemn non-believers to Hell-- so do most religions. And the Germans really oughtn't be that pissy over this, because, well, most of them probably are going to hell anyway.

The Germans, he said, would only support Turkish entry to the European Union if the Turks ripped down the minarets and bulldozed the mosques. Moreover, Germans smelt badly: “These nonbelievers, these Europeans, they do not even shave under their armpits, so that sweat gathers in their hair and makes them stink.”

Anyone want to bet that this is what really incensed the Germans? No one likes be told their race literally stinks. And the Germans are, let's face it, kind of an arrogant people.

The sermon, translated from Arabic and broadcast on German state television, stopped well short of a call to violence. But it was strong and hostile enough to shock ordinary Germans and the political class who argue that European Muslims are being poisoned by the rhetoric they hear in the mosques.

Remember, these are the people who accused America of "overreacting" after 2700 people were immolated on 9-11. But tell them they smell a bit, and they're ready for a nice pogrom.

There are serious reasons to fix a wary eye on militant Muslims. Here's one of them:

...

Bassam Tibi, Germany’s leading expert on Islamic affairs, advised the Government to find a proper balance between controlling mosques and integrating foreigners. “If we don’t do more to integrate foreigners then Germany will face the civil war-like conditions that are emerging in Holland,” the professor said.

But while they consider taking the rather scary step of imposing restrictions on how a minority may worship -- these are the Germans, mind you -- they're simultaneously appeasing like crazy:

...

German television last week withdrew the controversial film Submission, which has been blamed for inciting the fatal attack on the Dutch film director Theo van Gogh. The decision seems to have come from the Dutch production company rather than the German networks. “We don’t want to pour even more oil on the fire,” Alexandra Keddemann, spokeswoman for the producers, said.

...

German television chiefs were shocked when they sent their reporters out to question German Muslim responses to the killing of Mr van Gogh.

Young Turks questioned at a Cologne street market immediately supported the attack. “If you insult Islam, you have to pay,” was a typical response.

Young Muslims in Germany support murder in the cause of avenging an insult to their religion. But the Germans only get animated when someone tells them they could afford to shower a little more frequently.

Is this a serious response to real problems? Or has Europe simply become a continent of silly teenagers?

Posted by: Ace at 07:38 PM | Comments (25)
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43,500 in October, its best month of job production in a year.

When California starts churning out new jobs, it's boom time.

Posted by: Ace at 04:35 PM | Comments (5)
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The only time the networks will ever admit bias is to confess the possibility they're insufficiently left-wing, and too easy on Republicans.

How many round-tables have you seen on Nightline and the like to discuss whether the news is biased against blacks? Oversensationalizing crime and creating a phantasmal fear of random violence? Not sufficiently interested in "women's issues"? Not diverse enough?

Etc., etc., etc. All of these "biases" the networks are willing to explore, ad nauseum. But the one sort of bias they will not even confess the possibility of -- indeed, they won't even mention it-- is the one bias of which they are transparently guilty.

So it comes as no shock to learn that network news executives are displeased with their recent coverage. As usual, they were just too goshdarn right-wing:

Heyward and his colleagues Neal Shapiro of NBC and David Westin of ABC also expressed dissatisfaction with aspects of their coverage, saying that they were not sufficiently skeptical of the Bush Administration's case for deposing Saddam Hussein.

Andy Heyward, Andy Heyward... why does that name sound so darn familiar?

Oh yeah: Head of CBSNews during Rathergate (and continues to be). Expressed full support of Dan Rather; insisted the forged documents were "accurate" if not actually authentic.

And his one regret?

He was too in bed with Bush.

Yeahp. That's what I was thinking, too.

Posted by: Ace at 12:58 PM | Comments (7)
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But I'm pleased to announce that Ace of Spades HQ will continue such messages.

Posted by: Ace at 12:16 PM | Comments (4)
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