But that's just his opening joke. Wait 'till America-hating professor/semi-professional comedian Robert Jensen gets rolling:

"It's essential the American empire be defeated and dismantled."

By the way, have you ever noticed that they give you peanuts on airplanes? Not so much "funny" as just "true." Thank you.

"In Iraq, the Bush administration invaded not to liberate but to extend and deepen U.S. domination.”

You want to talk about domination? You should meet my mother. She's always all over me about when I'm finally going to settle down and give her some grandchildren. And I'm always like, "Mom, you're too young to be a grandmother." And then I do a wacky Chevy-Chase-style pratfall.

Thank you.

“When we admit defeat and pull out - not if, but when - the fate of Iraqis depends in part on whether the United States (1) makes good on legal and moral obligations to pay reparations, and (2) allows international institutions to aid in creating a truly sovereign Iraq.”

You know what I hate? Cops with those big handlebar moustaches. Why do they all have them?

When they're in high school, I imagine their career counselor takes one look at their big moustaches and says, "Son, based on your aptitude tests, and your big ginormous moustache, you can have a career as either 1) a law-enforcement officer, 2) a Riverboat Gambler, or 3) ex-Miami Dolphins coach Dave Wannstadt. But you blew the section on marked cards and sasparilla, and you only answered three questions right about Cover 2 defensive schemes, so here's your gun and your badge. Watch your back out there."

Thank you.

After reminding us that he is “glad for the U.S. military defeat in Iraq,” Jensen says that we should pursue “the most courageous act of citizenship in the United States today: Pledging to dismantle the American empire."

And what is the deal with dating, anyway? Whenever people go on dates anymore, they do something gay and "physical," like hiking. Seriously-- who the fuck wants to hike? You've got two people who basically want to know 1) what is she like in bed? and 2) is he making enough money to support me sitting on my lazy ass all fucking day? But instead of doing activities that might shed some light on these things -- like, say, wild animal sex and extensive credit checks -- instead they're doing these innocent, fun-time activities that nobody at all is interested in.

"Hey-- I think you're hot. Let's go rock-climbing together.

Right. Because that's what I want to do with a chick. Rock-climb. And then both of you are acting so fucking innocent and childlike about your genuine interests that you keep doing these ridiculously benign activities like you're 10 year olds at Christian camp.

"Boy, I'd like to see you again. What say we get together and make some glue-and-macaroni sculptures of the Baby Jesus?"

And she's all like, "You're practically reading my mind. For so long I've been meaning to take an interest in pasta-based Christian iconography."

Thank you.

Robert Jensen will be here all week. Remember, the second show on Friday is the "dirty show," where he really cuts loose on the baby-killers of the US Empire's military.

Thanks to Random Birkel. Jensen did a "showcase" for Random last week at JJ McGiggles in Gavelston, Texas.

Posted by: Ace at 11:07 AM | Comments (16)
Post contains 561 words, total size 4 kb.

But that's just his opening joke. Wait 'till America-hating professor/semi-professional comedian Robert Jensen gets rolling:

"It's essential the American empire be defeated and dismantled."

By the way, have you ever noticed that they give you peanuts on airplanes? Not so much "funny" as just "true." Thank you.

"In Iraq, the Bush administration invaded not to liberate but to extend and deepen U.S. domination.”

You want to talk about domination? You should meet my mother. She's always all over me about when I'm finally going to settle down and give her some grandchildren. And I'm always like, "Mom, you're too young to be a grandmother." And then I do a wacky Chevy-Chase-style pratfall.

Thank you.

“When we admit defeat and pull out - not if, but when - the fate of Iraqis depends in part on whether the United States (1) makes good on legal and moral obligations to pay reparations, and (2) allows international institutions to aid in creating a truly sovereign Iraq.”

You know what I hate? Cops with those big handlebar moustaches. Why do they all have them?

When they're in high school, I imagine their career counselor takes one look at their big moustaches and says, "Son, based on your aptitude tests, and your big ginormous moustache, you can have a career as either 1) a law-enforcement officer, 2) a Riverboat Gambler, or 3) ex-Miami Dolphins coach Dave Wannstadt. But you blew the section on marked cards and sasparilla, and you only answered three questions right about Cover 2 defensive schemes, so here's your gun and your badge. Watch your back out there."

Thank you.

After reminding us that he is “glad for the U.S. military defeat in Iraq,” Jensen says that we should pursue “the most courageous act of citizenship in the United States today: Pledging to dismantle the American empire."

And what is the deal with dating, anyway? Whenever people go on dates anymore, they do something gay and "physical," like hiking. Seriously-- who the fuck wants to hike? You've got two people who basically want to know 1) what is she like in bed? and 2) is he making enough money to support me sitting on my lazy ass all fucking day? But instead of doing activities that might shed some light on these things -- like, say, wild animal sex and extensive credit checks -- instead they're doing these innocent, fun-time activities that nobody at all is interested in.

"Hey-- I think you're hot. Let's go rock-climbing together.

Right. Because that's what I want to do with a chick. Rock-climb. And then both of you are acting so fucking innocent and childlike about your genuine interests that you keep doing these ridiculously benign activities like you're 10 year olds at Christian camp.

"Boy, I'd like to see you again. What say we get together and make some glue-and-macaroni sculptures of the Baby Jesus?"

And she's all like, "You're practically reading my mind. For so long I've been meaning to take an interest in pasta-based Christian iconography."

Thank you.

Robert Jensen will be here all week. Remember, the second show on Friday is the "dirty show," where he really cuts loose on the baby-killers of the US Empire's military.

Thanks to Random Birkel. Jensen did a "showcase" for Random last week at JJ McGiggles in Gavelston, Texas.

Posted by: Ace at 11:07 AM | Comments (16)
Post contains 569 words, total size 4 kb.

Why, of course no plane hit the Pentagon. I mean, just because a plane hit the Pentagon ten minutes after two planes hit the WTC is no reason to conclude a plane hit the Pentagon.

The rant by Hitler during the presentation's opening? Subtle. Classic.

Hat tip to Secure Liberty, who's too sick of this insanity to manage much of a response.

I feel the same way.

Posted by: Ace at 09:55 AM | Comments (14)
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Actual blogger original reportage-- pretty cool, huh?

She asks a question I've wanted to ask myself:

The Yushchenko poisoning has been a hot topic of discussion in the blogosphere. Is he bitter about what theyÂ’ve done to him? Vengeful?

I don't know his personal reaction. But, his campaign had a tough question as to whether or not to show him on TV with his disfigured face. Ultimately, they decided to do so and his pock marks became a badge of honor.

Posted by: Ace at 09:43 AM | Comments (4)
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Nothing wrong with vulgarity; trouble is, it has to be funny. And this is Chevy Chase we're talking about.

When Kevin Smith was asked to re-start the Fletch franchise, he was asked what actor he saw playing Fletch.

"Well," Smith said, "of course I see Chevy Chase in the role."

The studio executive pursed his lips. "I'm afraid we are no longer in the Chevy Chase business," he said.

True story. He said so on Howard Stern.

You know the sad thing about this washed-up clown? Meatballs II was better than Caddyshack II. Check the videotape-- sad, but true.

Pretty much how I describe myself-- no longer in the Chevy Chase business.

Top Ten Most Offfensive Statements Made By Chevy Chase

10. "I'm hoping for a Golden Globe Award for Cops & Robbersons"

9. "Would I like to do a late night talk show?! Would I!"

8. "As soon as we get the financing together, we're going to start principal photography on Deal of the Century II: Deal of the Millenium"

7. "I'll be honest: Vegas Vacation is just about the best Vacation film yet."

6. "Sure, I'm going to be at the next SNL renunion show. And what do I have planned? Why, a wacky pratfall entrance. Those just never get old."

5. "I'm sorry, but for that kind of money, I can't even phone it in for Man of the House... tell you what, you give me two more points in the gross and maybe I can manage to fax it in..."

4. "Nothing But Trouble? Well of course I'm intrigued. If Spies Like Us proved anything, it's that Chevy Chase plus Dan Aykroyd equals pure comedy gold!"

3. "We absolutely didn't do Caddyshack II just for the money. I just always had a lifelong dream to work with comedy-legend Robert Stack."

2. "Send me the contract." (Said in response to agent's query about Memoirs of an Invisible Man.)

...and the Number One Offensive Chevy Chase Statement...

1. "I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not... going to stop hearing me spout off about politics until I'm so broke I'm hawking 'Landshark' busts on QVC"

You know the really sad thing? Watch Caddyshack II; then watch Meatballs II. Sad as it is, Meatballs II is actually the better movie.

Posted by: Ace at 07:15 AM | Comments (30)
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Big funny:

Pat Rothfuss, a University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point faculty member, has been writing his sarcastic, satirical column in UWSP's student newspaper for years.

...

But a group of students from the UWSP College Republicans organization wasn't laughing Nov. 4 when a post-election Rothfuss column included phrases like "punching smug-looking Republicans in the mouth" and "key every car you see with a Bush bumper sticker." The column's premise was that Rothfuss was drunk while writing to himself, and it suggested, "why don't you go on a killing spree? I pet you can take out fixteen for sisteen republicans beofre they gun you down. Duke, youd' be like a heroe."

Isn't it funny that the folks whose right to free expression has been so "chilled" are permitted to make such statements, whereas were I to do the same -- lowly blogger that I am -- I'd be excoriated and I'd never get another job?

Posted by: Ace at 11:05 PM | Comments (16)
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Of course, this means that Osama bin Ladin will be angry with the Italians:

Italy is set to pull out of the Kyoto Protocol, it has been reported.

Any such move would be the biggest blow to the climate treatise since the US refused to put its name to the agreement.

Environment Minister Altero Matteoli said Italy would probably pull out in 2012 because the US and China were not involved.

Posted by: Ace at 11:02 PM | Comments (6)
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Expect Josh Marshall to be all over this one:

Now, another huge leak comes in the form of the disclosure by members of the Senate of a highly-classified satellite program. Three members of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence have apparently committed a very serious crime by blabbing about a highly-classified satellite program to the press last week. If these men actually did what it appears they did, we ought to throw the book at 'em for divulging one of our most-protected secrets: stealthy reconnaissance satellites.

As a result of their revelations to the public and the press, three U.S. Senators -- Sens. Jay Rockefeller (D-W.Va.), who's also the ranking Dem on the Senate Intelligence Committee, Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) and Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) -- are the subject of a "criminal referral" made on Monday for speaking publicly about this satellite. Such referrals are made to the Justice Department by the administration when criminal conduct is suspected. In this case, it's not only suspected, it's evidenced on the front pages of the New York Times and the Washington Post. A highly reliable intelligence community source told me that the referral had been made because senior administration officials were beside themselves that the three had taken the controversy on funding this project to the press.

Posted by: Ace at 10:58 PM | Comments (10)
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Sad to see him go, really. I always enjoyed his bubbly personality. He always made the forced-fun night called New Year's Eve slightly more tolerable.

Thanks to ClarkL.

Scout points out he was born in 1986... a most excellent vintage, by the way. The rains that year were exquisite.

Posted by: Ace at 01:05 PM | Comments (32)
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I suppose a head's up earlier might have been warranted, but I've been crazy-busy all day long and away from the computer. I didn't plan on taking a day off; it just worked out that way.

I won't be blogging again today, except, maybe, very late at night. Tomorrow, though, I'll be back, refreshed and blogging liberals' asses off.

Like a Viking.

Posted by: Ace at 12:57 PM | Comments (3)
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