I've been sitting on this screenplay now for four years. It was selected as a quarterfinalist in the 2001 Heart of Austin screenplay competition, but then I sat on it, because 9-11 happened and the plot involves a threat to blow up a major American city. Didn't seem like a good time for that, even though it's comedy and of course the plot is foiled.

I've now got a couple of contacts trying to get it into the hands of agents and producers, but I'd like to blitz the thing; there's just such a low chance of any one person taking an interest (or even reading it) you've got to play the numbers game.

So here's my request:

If any of you out there are agents or producers, or know someone who is, or, frankly, even know someone who knows someone, please send me an email at aceofspadeshq-AT-yahoo.com.

Couple of requests:

I've kept anonymous because I think this site would be a definite turn-off to 90% of Hollywood or literary agents in New York. So, if you would be so kind, I'd like to remain anonymous. If you know someone and want to help, please keep it vague about where you know me from. Just say you know me from the Internet or something. Maybe we're in a Yahoo porn forum together or something.

If you're not comfortable with that, I guess I can't ask for your help, because really, honestly, I want to keep this Ace of Spades thing on the down-low.

The other thing is this: Unless I know you as a frequent commenter, I'm going to want to have some comfort level about your bona fides before I say too much. The problem is that there may be a troll out there who decides to pose as someone in a position to help and just wants me to give up my name so he can, I don't know, ruin my life and everything. Don't take it personally; but I just have to be a little circumspect.

Anyway, if you can help, I'd appreciate it an awful lot. I've got both a book and a screenplay to peddle, so I need any kind of connection to any literary agent or screenplay agent or producer or publisher. Just enough of an in that you can say "This guy seems to be able to string three sentences together without major incident; take a chance and read his dumb crap."

Thanks. I know I ask a lot from you guys. But this really would help an awful lot. At some point you've got to just give up on your dream, and I'm getting to that point. But I'd like to give it the best chance possible before doing so.

Thanks again.

Posted by: Ace at 01:21 PM | Comments (27)
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Keith Olbermann, MSNBC anchordouche.

Maybe this is all part of that Olbermann deadpan "humor" that no one is talking about.

But I don't know. The guy actually seems, um, serious about this. I keep waiting for him to say "You been Punk'd!," but he never does.

I could link to Olbermann's site, but that would give him traffic, and I won't do that. Instead, I'll link to Free Republic's link of his musings.

There has been “very serious” contact among the staffs of leading Democrats in both houses about the implications of the challenge, according to a congressional figure privy to that contact. He estimates for us that the chance of a Senator actually signing on has — in the last week — risen from almost nothing, to upwards of one third.

And there is still that coda from HoffheimerÂ’s statement. By itself, it is the thrown gauntlet, and yet it is produced at a time when gauntlets are pretty much symbolic protests. Unless, perhaps, that is the strategy here. The Ohio election was undeniably full of holes, but barring developments unforeseen, the collective verified hole is not likely to be big enough to drive a truck carrying 10,000 uncounted votes through it.

I'm glad that the MSM doesn't traffic in silly thinly-evidenced conspiracy theories the way that we bloggers do.

Frankly, I wouldn't want the competition. Keith Olbermann is obviously a force to be reckoned with.

Or at least I assume he is. I don't watch him, and in fact almost nobody else does either, but I have to imagine that if people were watching him -- which, like I said, they're not -- they'd be just mesmerized by his courageous reportage.

He's also got a very complicated comedic schtick going on, of course. He says things in a deadpan way, in order to make you think he's not being funny, but the thing is, he's actually not funny, inverting the typical use of the deadpan, which, I imagine, is very funny indeed in some hypercomplex French fashion.

Posted by: Ace at 10:21 AM | Comments (12)
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Via Instapundit, this trenchant observation about the left's continuing lack of interest in democracy and freedom:

But what I noticed was not a story that everybody was linking to and commenting on, but one that was going for the most part unnoticed: the election in Ukraine.

I went to The Washington Monthly, Tom Paine, The New Republic, Joshua Marshall, even Atrios, among several others. Nothing. Only DailyKos bothered to mention it, and then with a dismissive "We've been here before."

What's up with the left? I would think that this is the exact kind of thing to get the liberal blood going. It's certainly brightening my day. I know that this is Christmas week and there is the temptation to take it a little easy between now and the end of the year, but what we have witnessed in Ukraine this past month has to be one of the biggest stories of the year.

We have witnessed, in a former Soviet satellite not only a peaceful revolution and vote, but an event which will have long-range ramifications for Europe, Russia, the US and in fact the world. Russian political reach has been hampered as speculation is already running on the possibility of Ukraine's accession to the EU. Soft support by the United States and European countries showed not only that principled, moral support can propel a people towards self-rule, but demonstrated that America and Europe can still work together on the big issues.

The thousands shivering in makeshift tents in Kiev's Independence Square epitomized the best impulses of human yearning to be free, to choose leaders and to do it justly and peacefully.

...

I'm starting to believe that the modern left is not interested in the march of freedom and democracy so much as heaping petty spite and hateful condescension on the rebellious children of a long-lamented deceased empire. There is a certain nostalgia for the old Soviet Union, to be sure. Throughout the eastern half of Ukraine and into pockets of former client states, tears are still shed for Mother Russia and the Great Soviet Experiment. Kazakstan still considers itself to be "a Soviet Republic" and then there's Turkmenistan, home to Turkmenbashi, the Last of the Red Hot Dictators. But what about the left in the west?

It's an uncharitable interpretation, to be sure. But can someone on the left provide a more charitable one?

It's a curious thing. I will concede that the left probably is interested in freedom and democracy. The problem is, that interest seems to be subordinate to rooting against US interests, and when the two come into conflict, it's the latter impulse that wins out.

The result? As Jonathan "The Duke" Mardukas said of John Wesley Walsh, "You have only two modes of expression: silence, and rage." (To which observation Walsh raged silently, of course.)

Posted by: Ace at 10:11 AM | Comments (21)
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To you, this is just so much of annoyance.

To Keith Olbermann and Jesse "Selma all over again" Jackson, it's their time to shine, baby.

There are reports that there weren't enough polling places in certain minority-heavy districts in Kiev.

The Man is always trying to keep the Uzbeks down. 400 years of oppression-- and counting.

Posted by: Ace at 09:36 AM | Comments (2)
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For everyone who's asked me about Allah's whereabouts the past several months -- he spills, mostly, over on a blogspot site.

Apparently it involves some sort of lawsuit related to his blog.

He doesn't have a PayPal button up. I think he ought to; sounds like he might have to pay a settlement. You can still donate at his main site, though.

Posted by: Ace at 09:29 AM | Comments (3)
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Wish I had thought of this.

You won't be very surprised at what Number One turns out to be.

I'll just mention Number Six, as it's a longstanding pet peeve of mine:

6. The Exit Polls: On Election Tuesday, depending on whom you want to believe, either the networks or the Kerry camp released mid-afternoon polling data to several extremely prominent Websites, including Matt Drudge on the right, and Anna Marie Cox's Wonkette Weblog on the left. The result added even more of a roller coaster quality to an already manic day, leaving Kerry voters temporarily euphoric, and Bush supporters in a state of sullen disillusionment.

After the election, the legacy media tried to use those polls to discredit the same bloggers that they previously built-up, particularly Ana Marie Cox's Wonkette site. But as Blogger N.Z. Bear noted, Wonkette carefully indicated that all those poll numbers come with "grains of salt. Huge tablespoons of salt", and reminded her readers they still had time to vote. As Bear wrote:

"Other than simply publishing the poll numbers under a banner which screamed 'PACK OF LIES', what more could possibly be expected to warn readers that the information they were receiving had not been fact-checked to death and should be viewed as potentially suspect?"

This was used as a club against the "irresponsiblity" of bloggers for a month.

The trouble was, bloggers were fairly responsible about this, especially rightwing blogs, which almost immediately began knocking down the numbers as unreliably skewed to Democratic demographics.

Except for one source-- the amateur leftist webzine and sort-of Mainstream Media outletSlate, which, near as I can tell, let the bad numbers stand all day without providing any caveats to them... until George Bush actually won the election.

Seems to me that once again the blogosphere was much quicker to disseminate useful information -- and correct its earlier misreporting -- while a MSM outlet let the bad numbers stand without warning its readers of their fundamental hinkiness.

And, of course, all the MSM reporters on TV gave the impression that Kerry was going to win, based upon the numbers. But they didn't quite explain the reason for their optimism and jubiliation, and therefore couldn't also explain the reason that this optimism and jubiliation might be misfounded.

Posted by: Ace at 09:22 AM | Add Comment
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Pushed ahead in queue, one last time.

Well, on December 30th, this stupid moronblog turns one year old.

Yeahp, one year. One stupid, dreadful, useless year of blogging stupid opinions and wisecracks.

Here's my famous First Post, which reads, in its entirety, "First Post." Pretty original for a blogger, huh?

And then that was followed by a profane rewriting of Poe's Raven that I typed up one night for no good reason and then sent to Son of Nixon, who seemed to like it.

On a roll, I then caught some stupid British writer actually comparing Saddam Hussein favorably to Jesus Christ. Butcher of Baghdad, Son of Man-- what's the difference, really?

And then, of course, I finally got some attention with my famously-dorky and stupid D&D Guide to the Democratic Presidential Candidates. That post-- getting linked by NRO and all -- actually wound up getting me actual readers and stuff.

At some point I guess I'll put together a Best-Of list -- actually, I'm thinking of doing a Hey, Remember the Last Year of Blogging? VH-1 style show featuring Johnny Coldcuts, Geoffrey the Duck, Rich "Psycho" Giamboni, and maybe that Lisa Loeb chick from Blender -- and so I'd like a little input on what my best-of actually is.

Yes, this is self-indulgent. Because I'm self-indulgent. That's what I do best. I indulge myself.

I figure I know the bigger best-of stuff -- God, I've reposted it enough already -- but if there's little stuff that slipped through the cracks maybe someone can remind me of it.

It's not really a poll or anything, but I guess I'll guage responses to figure out what my actual best posts are/were.

Addendum: Thanks for all the suggestions so far!

Another Addendum: Hey, if I've had a particularly egregious misfire, let me know about that, too. I know I've written some lame pieces.

Posted by: Ace at 09:12 AM | Comments (28)
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Well, 26th place in terms of payoffs is enough for the left to claim US complicity while giving Russia and France their obligatory passes and apologism.

The partial list:

According to the U.N.-ordered inquiry led by Paul Volcker, these are the top 10 countries that purchased oil from Iraq (news - web sites) under the oil-for-food program from 1996 until 2003:

1. Russia $19.259 billion

2. France $4.394 billion

3. Switzerland $3.480 billion

4. Britain $3.380 billion

5. Turkey $3.343 billion

6. Italy $2.718 billion

7. China $2.625 billion

8. Liechtenstein $2.468 billion

9. Spain $1.644 billion

10. Malaysia $1.485 billion

The United States is listed in 26th place at $482.826 million.

Yeahp, it's all about the oil. And we're just as bad as anyone, except that we're worse, even though we're not, because we're Americans, and America is always the most blameworthy.

PS, I wonder how much of that $482 million that Clinton-pardonee Marc Rich was involved in.

Thanks to Greg "The Ace-Traitor" S.

Posted by: Ace at 09:09 AM | Comments (5)
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Seems that site-favorite Michael Moore is now ranting about health insurance. Or something.

That's not the point, though. Check out the, er, interesting juxtaposition of Moore's photo with a photo from an ostensibly unrelated story.

I'd say that just about sums things up, yes-yes?

Thanks to DaveS.

Posted by: Ace at 09:05 AM | Comments (1)
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Football Fans collects some corkers. Fun stuff:

The Karl "It's My Birthday!" Rove Award goes to John Kerry for --

"I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it."

...

The "Deny, Deny, Deny" Award goes to Dan Rather for--

"The story is true. The story is true. The questions raised in the story are serious and legitimate questions." (defending the decidedly untrue "60 Minutes" piece on Bush's Guard service)

Posted by: Ace at 09:02 AM | Comments (14)
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