Just mentioned on Brit Hume: A new Annenberg poll (no link; maybe not published on the Internet yet) says that 44% of Independents who've seen the first ad find it believable or very believable.

Posted by: Ace at 03:14 PM | Comments (25)
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"Out of desperation, the Bush campaign has picked the wrong fight with the wrong veteran," said Jim Jordan, former Kerry campaign manager who now runs an outside group airing ads against Bush. "Today's the start of the mother of all backlashes." -- quoted by Wizbang

Kerry Campaign Hires New Spokesman to Handle SwiftVets' Allegations

Q. It has now been established, and tacitly admitted by the Kerry Camp, that John Kerry was never in Cambodia as he has repeatedly claimed over the years. Do you believe this diminishes Senator Kerry's credibility and/or capacity to act as commander-in-chief?

A. (Kerry Spokesman Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, aka "Baghdad Bob"): These are a pack of crusader lies. Lies and fabrications of the warmonger Bush. John Kerry was in Cambodia on Christmas. John Forbes Kerry lived in Cambodia for six months, deployed deep behind enemy lines, disguising himself for weeks on end as a disused highway men's lavatory. John Forbes Kerry lived in a pool of his own filth for months in order to secure his great victory over the Infidel Invaders of Cambodia.

His own filth, and that of others, Allah be praised.

Q. Changing the subject a little, John Kerry admits, in broad outlines, that the SwiftVets' account of the sampan engagement is true. He admits that an unarmed woman and infant child were shot to death on the sampan. And yet John Kerry's official after-action-report -- submitted to the Navy as the officially sworn account of events -- makes no such mention of the killed woman and child. This would seem to be an intentional omission, almost certainly unethical, and likely illegal. How do you respond?

A. Lies, lies, outrageous lies concocted by the Jew minions of the Jew Satan!!! John Forbes Kerry scored a magnificent victory over that unarmed woman and infant! Let the Rolls of Honor kept by Mohammed himself record that John Forbes Kerry acted like a Lion of Baghdad when he shot that child! It made a threatening motion.

Q. What sort of threatening motion?

A. It blew a spit-bubble, and then it shat itself.

Q. Is that really threatening?

A. Have you ever changed a diaper? You must deal firmly with these little stinkers. Next question.

Q. The SwiftVets allege that two of John Kerry's Purple Hearts were awarded for injuries sustained from something other than hostile fire, and that furthermore both of these injuries were extraodinarily superficial, and not the sort of injuries typically deserving of a citation. The number of men stating that there was no hostile fire on these occasions greatly exceeds the number of men stating that there was. Do you have a response?

A. I would like to respond to that question with a two-part answer.

Part One. There was hostile enemy fire on both occasions. The sky was so full of bullets and shells that, by Allah, the very sun was blotted from the sky, and the earth shrouded in deathly shadow. Furthermore, John Forbes Kerry's injuries were severe. His head was taken clean off by an RPG fired by the Infidel Cong. It took him three weeks to recover.

Part Two: There are no infidels in Baghdad! None! It is all a concoction of the Zionist entity! By Allah's grace, the entrails of the miscreants will roast in hell for the very blasphemy of this lie!!!

Q. That's non-responsive.

A. No, YOU are non-responsive! You will burn in the fires of the unclean for your impudence.

Q. Thank you for your time.

A. And thank you for your time. If you need a transcript of this interview, I will have it ready for you within the hour. Now, good day to you all.

(as press conference breaks up)

How did I do?

Q. Better than ever. Good to have you back.

A. Thank you very much. I'm just so tickled to be back on CNN.

Oh, and all of your bodies will rot and fester in the graveyards that are the Iraqi deserts. But I think that much is obvious.

Welcome New Readers! This post is getting more links than I expected, so let me do some self-advertisement and direct you to some posts that I think are funnier:

Top Ten Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Forbes Kerry. He says he's "fascinated" by hip-hop, you know.

A little strange, but give it a chance: Top Ten Points of Comparison Between John Forbes Kerry and Bigfoot.

And, if you're annoyed by Oliver Willis as much as I am, try taking the Oliver Willis SAT's.

The Backlash Hasn't Begun Quite Yet Update: Kelly tips to this letter to Mark Steyn from a vet who knew Kerry from the VVAW:

I met John Kerry when I became a member of the Vietnam Veterans Against the War in 1971. If I were running for office, I might be tempted to say that I joined the WAW because I was opposed to the war. The truth was less noble. I was broke, their offices were a convenient crash pad and you could meet a hell of lot of loose women by going to demonstrations as a “Vet”.

...

John was clearly on the make, but he was also a classic preppy mook. He wanted so much to be one of the people like Scott Camille who had been “stone killers” but after a few minutes of talking to him it was clear that he was one of the guys who never knew where the fire was coming from even when the enemy were using tracers.

...I missed what would have been my one and only purple heart by deciding to get a cup of coffee about 30 seconds before an RPG cut through the outer bulkhead on the O-1 level of my LST and turned the mattress I been lying on into confetti. (Mr. Roberts in reverse; ever since then, I have never turned down an opportunity for caffeine).

John’s only replay was something along the lines of “Man, it was hell.” I doubt it. There were few safer places to be in Viet-Nam than the Mekong after Tet. The VC had been pretty much wiped out, and the NVA never made any serious attempts to use the rivers.

What I do not doubt is that John successfully gamed the system to get his 3 purples and his quick ticket home. I suppose I should be bitter about it, but life is too short; and you have to look at it from the point of view of his fellow sailors. The ones who knew what they were doing also knew that a guy that arrogantly dumb was a menace. He could get you killed. Better to ship him home.

John’s current stature as a “war hero” is a measure of how few Americans - even those of the “Greatest Generation” – have ever seen the sharp end of war.

Posted by: Ace at 01:02 PM | Comments (34)
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Nick (every man secretly wishes he was named either Nick or Steve) sends along this nugget about explosive job growth in Florida, Wisconsin, and Arizona.

Smaller-than-average cowbell because these aren't national figures:

Guess What? Florida's got a fevehh. And the only. Prescription. Is more cowbell.

Thanks to Blaster again for that fine Cowbell-song modification. He's also got thoughts about Chris Matthews, Michelle Malkin and the SwiftVets.

Has anyone noticed that Chris Matthews' ratings only climbed out of the 0.2 cellar when he became a rampaging leftie?

Does anyone think that it's entirely a coincidence that he's now counter-programming against Fox?

Update: North Carolina has the lowest unemployment in three years, and claims that it is the national jobs-creation leader.

Boys, boys: Can't we agree that you're all producing a heck of a lot of jobs?

Posted by: Ace at 12:24 PM | Comments (5)
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I think, long ago, someone pointed this out in the comments. Foolishly, I did not pursue it, and now the Washington Times is scooping it.

Thanks to Dummocrats.com, who has one of those cool major-headlines sidebars that I love but I'm too lazy to do myself.

Update: Wizbang informs me that the Dems promise "The Mother of All Backlashes" about this. He also has lots more on the entire subject, as usual.

Update-- The Telltale V?: This guy says that Silver Stars are never awarded with the additional specification "for V" (valor), because that's a redudancy.

And yet that's precisely what John Forbes Kerry seems to have managed.

How did all of this come to pass?

The Ace of Spades HQ Assignment Desk: Yeah, this is a Kaus schtick, but I actually have a question.

Can anyone determine the first instance of John Kerry's Silver Star -- or Silver Star For Valor (?) -- being mentioned by a contemporaneous news article?

When is the earliest instance of this decoration being noted by the press?

If there is a reference dating from 1969 or 1970, that disproves the twelve-years-after charge.

If there is no mention of the Silver Star until the eighties, on the other hand -- this would seem to confirm that John Kerry only received the decoration a dozen years after the event that "warranted" it. And that not only raises a whole host of interesting questions -- how did he get secretly awarded this medal, and by whom? -- but it pretty much dooms his candidacy.

I suspect that there's a good and innocent reason why the wrong name is on his citation. I suspect this won't come to anything.

But the press doesn't seem terribly interested in proving it one way or the other.

Posted by: Ace at 12:10 PM | Comments (8)
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Verbal Section. You will have twenty minutes to complete this section.

Analogies. For each question, select the answer whose word-pair most closely shares the same relationship as the given word-pair.

1. KRYPTONITE: STUPID::

A) Dexatrim: weight loss

B) salads: arterial health

C) neck-fat: blubbery insulation

D) bacon grease: delicious beverage

E) Oliver Wills: writing talent

2. LIBERAL BLOGGING: KNEEJERK HACKERY::

A) inventive comedy: 400th lame "fake news story" about Britney Spears

B) cogent analysis: Just linking whatever Josh Marshall just wrote

C) undeniable originality: still using soooo-1999 putdown "beeeyatch"

D) thoughtful substance: accusing Instapundit of a "right-wing smear"

E) Filet-O-Fish: tartar sauce

Math Section. You will have twenty minutes to complete this section.

1. In the equation,

(x + y)(x - y) = 9,

what is the value of x?

A) x equals 5

B) x equals -5

C) x equals 5 or -5

D) It cannot be determined without knowing the value of y.

E) What's a fellow have to do to get a Taco Bell Gordito around here?

2. Assume a parallelogram with angles, in clockwise order, A, B, C, and D. Angle A is 60 degrees and Angle B is 120 degrees. What can you conclude about the parallelogram?

A) Angle C measures 60 degrees

B) Angle D measures 120 degrees

C) Diagonals AC and BD are equal in length

D) All of the above

E) Is there some kind of hold-up on that Gordito?

3. You are rated, at best, a 2 as far as looks. You would like to insult a woman who easily rates an 8.5. How fucking idiotic is it for you to attempt to insult her based on her looks?

A) Really fucking idiotic

B) Somewhat fucking idiotic

C) Not fucking idiotic at all

D) 6.5

E) It cannot be determined without knowing the value of y.

Free Response Section. You will have twenty minutes to compose essays responding to the following questions.

Question 1. Would you like to Super-Size that?

If yes, why? If not, why not? Draw on your own reading and experience for evidence in support of your conclusion.

Question 2. A critic accuses you of being untaleted, unoriginal, unfunny, and generally uninteresting and unremarkable as a writer. He also notes that you would appear, upon first blush, to be the sort of man who really knows his way around a sausage sandwich. Compose an essay in which you seek to prove that these observations constitute an "assault on your race" or are otherwise motivated by bigotry. Bonus points will be rewarded if you can simultaneously cry "racism" while making an unfunny, gratuitous joke about the skin color of a woman of Filipino descent.

PENCILS DOWN.

THERE'S A GUY OUTSIDE FROM DOMINO's. DID SOMEONE ORDER A DEEP-DISH DOUBLE-CHEESE SUPREME?

Posted by: Ace at 11:05 AM | Comments (12)
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Your site is down. The Drudge-alanche overwhelmed your system. You probably have stuff to say today, but no one can access your blog.

If you've got something you really want to say, drop an email and you can post here until your site's back up.

I'm good like that.

Meanwhile, Oliver Willis decides to insult someone based on her looks and her race.

Which is sort of odd. Isn't Willis the one who began crying "racism" when someone drew a picture of his fat ass as the Kool Aid Man?

Isn't this the whining bitch who complains about immature insults when I note that he is, let us say, several score pounds from svelte?

Do As We Say, Not As We Do.

Honestly. What the hell is someone who looks like this...

...doing within fifty miles of an insult based on looks? He shouldn't even be anywhere near the "watery borders" of such an insult.

You've heard of "Beer Muscles"? Apparently there's a delusion called "Blog Handsome."

Update: Allah, Who Does Not Eat Mollusks, suggests that Willis and I could help each other's careers:

You and O-Dub would be great together in a buddy-cop show. Lots of bickering but somehow, by the end of each episode, you'd manage to put aside your differences and foil the villain du jour. I'm thinking "Ace and the Fat Man," something like that.

Actually, I long ago pitched an Oliver Willis vehicle, which I graciously offered to produce.

I've not yet heard back from "his people."

Update: Thanks to Ms. Malkin. I might have never thanked Ms. Malkin for linking me. Even if I did, I didn't thank her enough.

Michelle Malkin throws me more traffic than just about anybody. Especially today, when she's had a Drudgealanche.

Thanks, Ms. Malkin. I just had my biggest hour of traffic ever.

Posted by: Ace at 09:51 AM | Comments (37)
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It's not just that the charges themselves are devastating. It's the pitch-perfect craft of the ads as well.

Thanks to Jennifer, apparently some sort of lesser-known deity.

Panicking Liberals Alert! Mickey Kaus has successfully predicted eleven of the past two liberal Kerry-Panics, but now we may be seeing the first Big Serious Liberal Panic.

Michelle Malkin was ambushed by a wildly-dishonest Chris Matthews. Drudge has linked her blog post on it, and so her site's overloaded, but you can at least read the liberal-thug take on the interview by unfunny, untalented kneejerk liberal cocksucker Keith "If I Say It In a Deep, Booming Radio Voice, It Must Be Witty" Olbermann and fellow MSNBC sweetboy Chris Matthews crowing about their television "triumphs."

Michelle stated, correctly, that the SwiftVets allege that two of John Kerry's very-superficial "wounds" were self-inflicted -- meaning shrapnel from their own ordnance, used in non-combat situations. Chrissy Matthews deliberately distorted this allegation into the straw-man charge that John Kerry deliberately shot himself, and then had a big, witty chuckle over that.

They're panicking, Big Time, as the man says, and they're descending into outright thuggery and demogoguery. They know how crucial the War Hero Myth is to John Kerry, and they strongly suspect that myth cannot stand up to close scrutiny, so they're desperately trying to choke off all discussion on the subject before such scrutiny can occur.

The non-media wing of the Democratic Party, meanwhile, has "angst" over these allegations.

They ought to.

They really, really ought to.

Pictorial Update: This is it!!!

Update: The Unpopulist reports Hugh Hewitt's Questions for Kerry. Well, somebody in the media needs to ask them, right?

Posted by: Ace at 08:34 AM | Comments (12)
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Well, I kinda like my Bigfoot list, and I'm hoping for some fresh traffic.

So, maybe I'll put up this personal-favorite Top Ten that most of the new readers haven't ever seen.

"I'm fascinated by rap and by hip-hop. I think there's a lot of poetry in it. There's a lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it. And I think you'd better listen to it pretty carefully, 'cause it's important.

"I'm still listening because I know that it's a reflection of the street and a reflection of life, and I understand all that." -- John "The Pandering Princeling" Kerry

...from the special one-time Home Office in Compton, LA...

Top Ten Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Forbes Kerry

10. Is on record as a staunch opponent of "frontin'" oil corporations, but supports small family-owned businesses which are "just tryin' to represent"

9. Frequently concludes anti-Bush speeches by dropping microphone and exposing his "Senator Thug" belly-tatoo

8. Never once worked for the man; got himself some high-payin' bitches and has just been pimpin' and chillin' with the bling-bling ever since

7. Pro-"jimmies," but favors controlling "nines"

6. Developed his own martial arts style combining elements of Korean Hapkiddo and pop n' lock "robot" technique of Boogaloo Shrimp from Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

5. Has dedicated his public life to helping working American families get the tools and assistance they need for raising their "shorties"

4. Starred in late-eighties "rap-com," The Fresh Brahmin of Beacon Hill; series featured frequent cameos by senior Senator from Massachusetts, DJ Pantless Ted

3. Wrote and co-sponsored SR 371, nicknamed the "Truth and Quality in Dropping Rhymes Bill;" bill had laudable goal of finally outlawing "suckah MC's who gots no skills," but was defeated by a posse of playah-hatin' Southern Republicans on a voice-vote

2. Known for always "keeping his pimp-hand strong" when negotiating in conference

...and the Number One Sign of Hip-Hop Influence Hip-Hop on John Forbes Kerry...

1. Ron Smart's XFL nickname, "He Hate Me," was actually borrowed from Kerry's 1992 Senatorial re-election campaign slogan, "He Legislate Me"

Update-- Runners Up:

During Impeachment Trial, gave impassioned defense of Clinton in which he pleaded with fellow Senators, "Don't hate the player-- hate the game"

Vietnamese hooker singing "Me So Horny" on 2 Live Crew's eponymous single is actually John Kerry's illegitimate 'Cong daughter

Think MC Hammer's originated those Sultan-of-Swoop parachute pants? Check out John Kerry's June 1988 appearance on Meet the Press -- notice anything familiar?

Accepted a 1997 BET Spirit Award for Lifetime Achievement on behalf of Klyymaxx

At 1999 Rap for Reproductive Rights, explained the importance of the constitutional right to abortion first announced in the seminal case, Rizzle Vizzle Wadizzle

At his acceptance speech at Democratic National Convention, Kerry gave much love to the Creator, all peace to JC, props to his producers No-Bonze and Jellything from Bad Boy Entertainment, and a special "shout-out" to his agent Myron G. Herskovitz

Posted by: Ace at 11:53 PM | Comments (6)
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The New York Times desperately tries to pack the toothpaste back into the tube, but the truth is now out and it's not going away.

L to R: John Forbes Kerry, "Bigfoot." No reliable reports ever place either in Cambodia.

I hate to get ahead of myself, but as Leonardo DiCaprio said in Titanic just before the final rise and fall of the breaking ship: "This is it!"

Update-- Know Your Shaggy-Haired Apocryphal Creatures!

Top Ten Points of Comparison Between Alleged Humanoid Bigfoot and Alleged "War Hero" John Forbes Kerry

10. Bigfoot stands 8'3"; John Forbes Kerry, slightly taller

9. John Forbes Kerry sports an importantly-coifed mane of hair meticulously stylized by one of America's most expensive tonsorial artistes; Bigfoot once masturbated behind a Portland SuperCuts

8. Bigfoot subsists mainly on roots, nuts, and berries; John Forbes Kerry subsists cheifly on a diet of foie gras and lonely heiresses

7. John Forbes Kerry attended an exclusive Swiss finishing school and the tony St. Paul's Academy for Boys, and has all of the refinements that an elite education and aristocratic pedigree can provide; Bigfoot, by contrast, wipes his ass with tree bark and pumice

6. Bigfoot is alleged to have stalked and killed at least five Pacific Northwest hikers; John Forbes Kerry is suspected in only three such disappearances

5. John Forbes Kerry prefers the pasttimes of the idle rich, such as "kite-surfing" and "extreme biking;" Bigfoot is an ace at Pictionary and Boggle

4. John Forbes Kerry briefly dated actress Morgan Fairchild in the 1980's; oddly enough, so did Bigfoot

3. John Forbes Kerry enjoys fox-hunting with horse and beagle; Bigfoot employs less refined methods for killing small game, such as farting in gopher holes

2. John Forbes Kerry is a personal friend of Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul, and Mary; Bigfoot once toured with Foghat

...and the Number One Comparison Between Bigfoot and John Kerry...

1. One is a shadowy, elusive freak of nature concocted by fabulists and childish imaginations; the other is called "Sasquatch" by North American Indians

Correction: Hondo points out that Kerry didn't attend Andover, but rather St. Paul's. I've corrected that mistake.

All other information in this Top Ten is, of course, completely accurate.

Posted by: Ace at 08:53 PM | Comments (23)
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Not a terrible poll at all, really.

Posted by: Ace at 01:54 PM | Comments (9)
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