Ace of Spades HQ

February 01, 2014

Game of Titans. You Win or You Die.
— Gang of Gaming Morons!

So the most Expensive fight in online gaming history happened a few days back. It's been everywhere. So...I tried for a while to send links to our awesome sidebar mods and I have decided that They don't really have enough context to post or side bar this fucking thing. Instead of sending this post to Ace, I figured I'd just write this puppy myself.

I will try to keep this a No Smug zone, because It could have gone either way, and props to both sides for getting it on and brawling like heroes.

In Eve, people usually sort themselves by Timezone and language. The main blocks in this war are an Ethnic Russian side and thier friends Black Legion (DTF or RUSRUS). The Cluster Fuck Coalition (CFC) which is headed up by Goonswarm. Mostly European and USTZ Players some Russians. Generally English Speaking. They have teamed up to fight Pandemic Legion, and the N3 Coalition (N3PL).

This War has been going on Since October. N3PL evicted the Russians out of thier Space and they are pretty mad about it. So CFC came down to join them to fight because N3 came at us in Fountain while Test was being kicked out of the region (Shout out to any Testbros here. Oh, if you are in EMP, thanks for those dread kills).

Time Dilation (TiDi). In order to facilitate these large fleet battles CCP created TiDi. It slows down the Node the fight is on depending on how many commands it is receiving. Basic Translation, if it's 90% Tidi, for one second of real time on the server 10 seconds pass. So it draws out these fights where the happen. This is important, as everywhere else in game, moves at real speed. Tidi is terrible, but as opposed to the kind of lag that used to happen in Eve, it actually can work. Certain things make this worse, things like Drones and Missiles.

So Due to a Sov Drop in PL's staging system a battle occurred. The Fleet Commander(FC) of the CFC Lazarus Telraven Looked at N3PL numbers, and looked at his numbers and decided to go All In. Supers, Titans, Dreads, all of it. This was to be the largest SuperCapital fight that Eve has ever seen. And then it was on. For the next 22 hours battles raged all across the Region and Eve to support this fight. Other Staging Systems were camped to prevent Reinforcements from coming into the fight. It turned into a Bloodbath. Every Enemy Titan, Supercarrier, Carrier, and Dread that was unable to get out of the heavily bubbled field, died on the field with 15 min left until downtime. It was a Route. An unlikely Victor emerged. The Sheer amount of ISK (In-game currency) destroyed in this fight dwarfs every other by a factor of 10. The Previous Record for dead Titans was 12.

Due to Tidi, 22 hours of Real time happened, but only a little over Two hours of simulation occurred.

Still digesting numbers from the B-R5RB Bloodbath. Here's one database query you might like to have sooner: 59-16 #eveonline #tweetfleet
— EVE Online (@EveOnline) January 28, 2014

That is how our Hero of this story, Lazarus Motherfucking Telraven took possession of his Throne.

Those Avatars (Titans) are all Dead Avatars. Literally a throne of Dead Titans.

Videos and more shit below the fold. Now if all of that shit sounded like Gibberish, and it probably did, I'd like you to take a look at this article by AlizabethVea. It's surprisingly good and written for a General Audience. Shows lots of the Ships, the sides, and the story of how this whole ball of death and destruction kicked off.

If you like podcasts, and I know you probably do, My Friend Xander Phoena grabbed the opposing FC's and Interviewed them the next day If you want a transcript of the fight, that is available at that link.

For all of these videos, you are going to want to watch them on Youtube in 1080 and fullscreened.

The Hammer Drop

Notice how N3PL Start Doomsdaying(DD) Dreads at first while the CFC chooses to primary the Titans. After the fight two weeks ago in the disaster at HED, it was learned that in Heavy TiDi like this, the DD is what matters in these Supercapital fights. This coupled with the Choice of N3PL to try and Kill Sort Dragon's heavily tanked Avatar early in the fight (They thought he had crashed so his modules would be off and therefore easy to kill), I believe turned the battle from a fight where Titans losses were traded into the one sided route that we ended up with. But what do I know, I'm just a pubbie shitlord that has only FC'd Frigates and Cruisers. Poorly I might add.

CCP did a Devblog on this whole thing. They are smug as fuck about this and are doing PR laps everywhere. There are pretty Graphs and links to both the Ask Me Anythings that both the FC's did after on Reddit after the fight.

Every titan that is primaried is killed from this point forward on both sides until downtime.
Like Every good FC, Laz kept notes during the fight. This was his After Action Report (It's linked in the Devblog, but I think this one is more readable)

What it was like to be there

All of those bubbles you see are what are called Warp Disruption Fields. Anything in them cannot warp or jump out. They are only available to use in Nullsec. The fact that N3PL again ceded the subcapital field to CFC/DTF as they have done before really burned them IMO. If you need to extract, you absofuckinglutely need subcaps to extract the Supers/Titans. This was why it turned from a brawl where Titan kills were traded, to a fight where N3PL lost their most active Titans. The CFC side was able to extract Titans after soaking up some Doomsdays. This was also the reason why it was thought that upwards of 100 Titans were lost in the fight. Initial numbers were 70+N3PL to 23 CFC/DTF.

The Aftermath and the TITANOMACHY.

I know you Morons and Ette's into Language will have a field day with the name. Hell you should look at Eve ship names, as most of them are amazing. In a funny coincidence, CCP was bringing in new Titan Wreck Models the next day. So this is now live in game. A friend of mine flew there and made a video

I leave you with two quotes and an IMG. One by the CEO of the PL Corp HABIT Centraspike inspired by watching Lone Survivor way too many times (I still need to see that movie)

Been around Eve twice
Killed every alliance once
Seen two Delve's fall
And I even know a Manfred Sideous with a wooden cock
I push more peter more sweeter and more completer
Than any other peter-pusher around
I'm a flabby-bodied, neck-bearded, F1-pushin', drone-assignin'
Kugu-postin', NO NOT BELIEVIN', supercap jumpin' hero
There ain't nothing I can't do
No TiDi too high, no sov too rough, no muff too tough
Learned a lot of lessons in my life
Never jump out when all hands are on dick
I don't know how to fly my ship
Frigates, Cruisers, Battleships and those big mother fuckers that DD and go pop
When you jump in
Anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing
Demonic Furying is for cowards
I'm a virgin, I'm a newfag, I'm a Pandemic Legion poster
I'll whine, align, and assign
Then I'll go play DOTA while the FC shoots for me
So if you're feeling faggy then you better jump
BECAUSE THIS PL ALLSTAR'S BEEN THERE, DONE THAT AND IS GOING BACK FOR MORE

As an FC sometimes you gotta trust your gut, and go all in

And when shit gets real, salty salty tears.

Richter Belmont View Post
I know you are trying to ironic post, but let me key you in on something here really quick.

If at any given moment, N3 ping for all hands on dick supercarriers and capital ships, they will get more individual people in fleet than your entire coalition can combined on its very best day.

This isn't conjecture, this is something that has been proven again and again because your leaders like to bury their heads in the sand and ignore the game itself in favor of posting and posturing and writing tl;dr CEO updates about garbage that will never see the light of day (and if it does, the only place it will be is on the killboard of my alliance) instead of realizing that every capital and supercapital pilot with a pulse and a will to use their dread/super/titan/slowcat is gravitating towards one side because hey, guess what, that side actually DOES use their big toys on the regular and when push comes to shove as evidenced by the fight in DY- your alliance is literally impotent.

If a super 'fight' actually happens, it isn't going to be an actual fight, it is going to be a CFC gangrape hosted by Manny, Grath and Vince and you'll have no one to blame but your own leaders and FCs for being yes men faggots instead of growing a pair of balls and equipping some initiative.

Now is a great time to start playing Eve. The Learning curve is steep but you can do it. There's a shit load of :shobon: newbies everywhere because of this fight. The Moron channel is AoSHQ

See you amongst the Stars.

Posted by: Gang of Gaming Morons! at 04:09 PM | Comments (133)
Post contains 1615 words, total size 10 kb.

1 I have no fucking idea what anything in this post means.

Posted by: Blueberry at February 01, 2014 04:13 PM (8qoXL)

2 IT'S A TRAP!!!

Posted by: Admiral Ackbar at February 01, 2014 04:13 PM (6bMeY)

3 I'll admit it ... I have no fucking idea what that was all about.

Posted by: ScoggDog at February 01, 2014 04:14 PM (6/+vz)

4 Was this written in english?

Posted by: knat78 at February 01, 2014 04:14 PM (E2EA3)

5 Japanese robots using Google Translate?

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 04:15 PM (6bMeY)

6 Does anyone speak gibberish?

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 04:16 PM (6bMeY)

7 all that and no linking this http://bit.ly/1fujxAP

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 04:16 PM (bStrg)

8 fixed a link. and going to work. read the links Morons.

Posted by: Zakn at February 01, 2014 04:16 PM (zyaZ1)

9 Get CAC or Mary K. Ham in here to explain this. The punctuation and capitalization alone are enough to ensure incomprehensibility. I think it probably has some bearing on that Ukraine thing, or something, though.

Posted by: Juan de Hattatime at February 01, 2014 04:18 PM (p7LQY)

10 This is like a foreign language.

Posted by: DangerGirl at February 01, 2014 04:18 PM (GrtrJ)

11 Count me in with the "I have no idea what's happening here" crowd. I'll game with the nerdiest of you, but EVE always seemed like a special sort of niche. That said, I find this whole thing fascinating, mostly because of the real world costs associated with the whole thing. If you don't know EVE is one of those games where you can pay real money into the system rather than grind out your fortune. I'm given to understand this latest war cost something like $500k, based on the value of all the ships that were destroyed.

Posted by: Hal at February 01, 2014 04:18 PM (2wZs/)

12 That looked like English, but I don't understand those words in that particular order.

Posted by: rickl at February 01, 2014 04:18 PM (sdi6R)

13 If I get this correctly, what he's saying is someone, somewhere, won a video game.

Posted by: DangerGirl at February 01, 2014 04:19 PM (GrtrJ)

14 Eve is a cigarette.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 04:19 PM (6bMeY)

15 If I get this correctly, what he's saying is someone, somewhere, won a video game.

Posted by: DangerGirl at February 01, 2014 08:19 PM (GrtrJ)

No one wins in EVE for the simple fact that you are playing EVE

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 04:21 PM (bStrg)

16 Soooo, it's a digital replay of the cold war pretty much? Ethnic Russians versus the rest of the world?

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 01, 2014 04:21 PM (GDulk)

17 In other news ... Miller Lite now comes in a retro 80s can. Pro Tip: Tastes exactly the same.

Posted by: ScoggDog at February 01, 2014 04:22 PM (6/+vz)

18 There are more than twice as many people playing EVE now then there were when I quit because it was getting too crowded. No new solar systems have been added.

If anyone wants on my Minecraft server email mientame at yahoo dot com

Posted by: SpongeBobSaget at February 01, 2014 04:24 PM (kxSZr)

19 Soooo, it's a digital replay of the cold war pretty much? Ethnic Russians versus the rest of the world?

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 01, 2014 08:21 PM (GDulk)

kinda I guess but we crushed our foes and reveled in the cries of their women

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 04:25 PM (bStrg)

20 "All hands on dick" That's pretty much what I got out of this

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 01, 2014 04:25 PM (iQxYV)

21 No one wins in EVE for the simple fact that you are playing EVE
Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 08:21 PM (bStrg)

Is this like not talking about Fight Club?

Posted by: DangerGirl at February 01, 2014 04:26 PM (GrtrJ)

22 I find sentences to be very useful when writing.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 04:27 PM (6bMeY)

23 Awwww I love Minecraft. Haven't played it in a long time but it is fun.

Posted by: DangerGirl at February 01, 2014 04:28 PM (GrtrJ)

24 "I don't understand those word in that particular order" Might I interest you in one of my books?

Posted by: John Wansbrough at February 01, 2014 04:28 PM (iQxYV)

25 ..fighting ships, burning off the shoulder of Orion at the Tannhauser Gate.... Memories, like tears lost in the rain. Or maybe it's all just make-believe

Posted by: Ribald Conservative riding Orca at February 01, 2014 04:29 PM (+1T7c)

26 This post is a transcript of the Danny Kaye "Vessle with the Pestle" clip posted previously.

Posted by: chiefjaybob at February 01, 2014 04:29 PM (cgH9o)

27 Is this like not talking about Fight Club?

Posted by: DangerGirl at February 01, 2014 08:26 PM (GrtrJ)

no because you're actually doing something when it comes to fighting friends

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 04:29 PM (bStrg)

28 Fuck laymans' terms. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

Posted by: that guy who didnt get horribly killed in event horizon at February 01, 2014 04:29 PM (iQxYV)

29 I used to play Pong. Is it like that?

Posted by: grammie winger at February 01, 2014 04:30 PM (P6QsQ)

30 This post sounds a lot like my 12 year old talking about playing Battlefield 4 on the xbox360; I know he is speaking English, but I can only pick out a word or 2 here and there.

Posted by: DaveinNC at February 01, 2014 04:30 PM (/NgNT)

31 Does it have any floppy wieners?

Posted by: George R.R. Martin at February 01, 2014 04:30 PM (6bMeY)

32 Too complicated. Give me a gun and let me shoot some shit.

Posted by: DangerGirl at February 01, 2014 04:32 PM (GrtrJ)

33 I thought Minecraft was old and busted when I first picked it up but they sold a million copies for the PS3 last month.

Posted by: SpongeBobSaget at February 01, 2014 04:32 PM (kxSZr)

34 I have a question for y'all that probably can't be answered; Back about ten years ago, one of my college roommates had a game that was basically a 3-D space battle game, it involved two distantly related alien races, you could manufacture carriers and fighters, and you could choose different formation for your fighter groups. I don't remember the name and it is a horribly general description (I never played it), but I'd be curious if someone could steer me in the right direction.

Posted by: Grey Fox at February 01, 2014 04:34 PM (aWAb7)

35 I have no clue what any of that was about. And where's the hot cosplay chick pic?

Posted by: Insomniac at February 01, 2014 04:35 PM (UAMVq)

36 17 In other news ... Miller Lite now comes in a retro 80s can. Posted by: ScoggDog at February 01, 2014 08:22 PM (6/+vz) The 80s is 'retro'? Great. Just friggin' great. Get off my lawn.

Posted by: rickl at February 01, 2014 04:36 PM (sdi6R)

37 All the threads seem to be dead.

Posted by: George R.R. Martin at February 01, 2014 04:38 PM (6bMeY)

Posted by: Grey Fox at February 01, 2014 08:34 PM (aWAb7)

the X series or are we talking about something like Homeworld?

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 04:39 PM (bStrg)

39 Sounds like a vague copy of the Zahn books without all those pesky royalties.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 04:40 PM (6bMeY)

40 Homeworld might have been the best game ever. Pacific Theater In Space. (Yes, I used the American spelling. Seems like the thing to do.)

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 01, 2014 04:42 PM (iQxYV)

41 Wish I had time to play that game...Looks real technical and interesting. Love all the factions and coalitions.

Posted by: I need a cool new sig at February 01, 2014 04:45 PM (q177U)

42 Eve looks really badass. Reminds me a bunch of the X series games, which I enjoyed - and still enjoy from time to time - immensely. The learning curve on that game was pretty damn steep to me. Hell, every time I fire up that game after months of not playing it takes me days to remember how. I can only imagine the curve on a game like that when you make it MMO.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 01, 2014 04:46 PM (fT3qO)

43 36 Get off my lawn. Not a problem ... keeping up with mine is trouble enough. Geritol Smoothies later ? My treat.

Posted by: ScoggDog at February 01, 2014 04:46 PM (6/+vz)

44
kinda I guess but we crushed our foes and reveled in the cries of their women

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 08:25 PM (bStrg)

Its EVE. What women.

Posted by: buzzion at February 01, 2014 04:48 PM (LI48c)

45 I understood it all. I don't play the game. At 58 I'm really to old for a time sink again, no more Everquest experience grinds, even if it is being a space cowboy riding in to clean up the bad guys. The video's looked great, congratulations for the simulation of what happened.

Posted by: Gmac-Pondering the coming implosion, and hoping its 404care at February 01, 2014 04:50 PM (baiNQ)

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 01, 2014 08:46 PM (fT3qO)

if you want to check it out, you can use this link for a free 21 day trial (and if you sub afterwards, I'll send you isk from the free plex they give me)

http://bit.ly/MokJuE

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 04:51 PM (bStrg)

47 Summers Eve?

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 04:51 PM (6bMeY)

48 Some company is making a shitload of money selling "spaceships" to geeks. These ships can be destroyed instantly. In the end- yay our side won or boo our side lost. All you have left is the inability to communicate in a language anyone in their right mind can understand. Is that about it?

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at February 01, 2014 04:52 PM (+74pm)

49 43 Geritol Smoothies later ? My treat. Posted by: ScoggDog at February 01, 2014 08:46 PM (6/+vz) Why thanks. Don't mind if I do.

Posted by: rickl at February 01, 2014 04:53 PM (sdi6R)

50 I appreciate it, but I don't have the time or the hardware to devote to a game like that. Hell, I don't even have time to learn the freakin' lingo. I wish I did. I really do.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 01, 2014 04:53 PM (fT3qO)

51 Most of these things require a fairly complex rig.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 04:54 PM (6bMeY)

52 "Most of these things require a fairly complex rig." Yeah, mine doesn't really run the last X game installments that well anymore. It would probably laugh at me if I tried to play EVE.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 01, 2014 04:57 PM (fT3qO)

53 Ok, that's impressive. For the morons - each of those Big Ships (Titans) used to be worth a couple thousand dollars minimum real American cash. It might even be more. Some groups (fleets) of hundreds of players used to celebrate kiling ONE. It is literally worth the same as a car. In real life. When you destroy anything in this game, it stays destroyed. Losses are real. Fleets operate on ECM, ECCM, Screening, recon, intelligence, and the like. It is not like FPS's, fleet compositions change with each patch but they always require a multiple set of ship sizes and capabilities ranging from interceptors (frigate sized) to Heavy Assault ships (Cruiser sized) and Battle Cruisers, Battleships, --- and those are just the support for the fleet. Cap ships are Capital Ships - ships measuring a couple of kilometers long, dwarfing even the battleships. Each ship type has drawbacks and weaknesses along with their ability to put the hurt out. You're talking about fleets of ships flying around a solar system or five hitting targets at planets, moons, and stargates to accomplish various things. It's complex, huge, and very, very unforgiving. And beautiful in the way that war machines and strategy can become.

Posted by: Inspector Cussword at February 01, 2014 04:57 PM (FApZx)

54 51 Most of these things require a fairly complex rig.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 08:54 PM (6bMeY)

Eh MMO's seem to be more on the low end of the spectrum for "current" hardware specs at release to be playable. And EVE isn't exactly a new release. Its an 11 year old game.

Posted by: buzzion at February 01, 2014 04:58 PM (LI48c)

55 the X series or are we talking about something like Homeworld? I think it might be Homeworld. The name sounds familiar. Yep, I just looked it up on youtube - I am pretty sure it was it was Homeworld. Thanks!

Posted by: Grey Fox at February 01, 2014 05:00 PM (aWAb7)

56 The learning curve is definitely steep, but it is wicked fun.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at February 01, 2014 05:05 PM (4A8Dj)

57 Thanks for the thread, even though I have no idea what is what. I remember that Ambassador Stevens, the one murdered in Benghazi, was a Eve Ambassador too or something. I take it Eve is a big deal, but it's too involved for me. I appreciate how epic this battle was though.

Posted by: Yip at February 01, 2014 05:06 PM (/jHWN)

58 Waiting for the Steam Box.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 05:06 PM (6bMeY)

59 I hope Denver loses because I think that Peyton Manning guy doesn't like President Obama.

Posted by: Dorcus Blimline at February 01, 2014 05:06 PM (bzXv7)

60 The even posted that Ambassadors Handle after he passed. I forget what it was.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 05:09 PM (6bMeY)

61 Posted by: Yip at February 01, 2014 09:06 PM (/jHWN) It wasn't Stevens it was Sean (_____?) Apparently he was a big deal in EvE and his final message out was to the players there.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 01, 2014 05:09 PM (GDulk)

62 The even posted that Ambassadors Handle after he passed. I forget what it was.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 09:09 PM (6bMeY)

he was a diplo for GoonSwarm, his nick was VileRat

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 05:09 PM (bStrg)

63 This would probably be really interesting if I understood it. Now I know what Biden feels like when he picks up the paper.

Posted by: Splunge at February 01, 2014 05:10 PM (qyomX)

64 I think both were Eve Players.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 05:10 PM (6bMeY)

65 It wasn't Stevens it was Sean (_____?) Apparently he was a big deal in EvE and his final message out was to the players there.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 01, 2014 09:09 PM (GDulk)

Sean Smith

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 05:10 PM (bStrg)

66 Oh, I thought it was Stephens. Just Googled it , it was Sean Smith who played.

Posted by: Yip at February 01, 2014 05:11 PM (/jHWN)

67 Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 09:09 PM (6bMeY) The handle was Vile_Rat. The message was chilling as it was to the effect of 'If you don't hear from me again you'll know our "security" killed us'

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 01, 2014 05:11 PM (GDulk)

68 I have...no idea...what this post is talking about.

Guess I'll just go back to finding a location to build a church in Minecraft.

Posted by: Kensington (@NYKensington) at February 01, 2014 05:11 PM (uaEZS)

69 Sean Smith Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 09:10 PM (bStrg) Thanks. I feel terrible that I am forgetting their names.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 01, 2014 05:12 PM (GDulk)

70 I like Skyrim and Total War type things.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 05:12 PM (6bMeY)

71 Now if I can get a few of you to start playing DayZ ... heh... good times

Posted by: Yip at February 01, 2014 05:12 PM (/jHWN)

72 This is making me want to play X3 Terran Conflict again. Hell, I never even finished the storyline, but I had a vast production empire and a slightly less vast fleet.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 01, 2014 05:13 PM (fT3qO)

73 By the way, I'm always happy to see a gaming thread here at the Moron HQ, and I've long considered myself a fairly hardcore gamer, but I generally only ever understand a small percentage of the stuff that gets discussed.

Maybe it's because 99% of my gaming is done on consoles, and I don't usually do multiplayer stuff.

Posted by: Kensington (@NYKensington) at February 01, 2014 05:13 PM (uaEZS)

74 How do you get everyone to play at the same time?

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 05:14 PM (6bMeY)

75 I would love to try DayZ or Rust, but my laptop is almost ten years old.

Posted by: Kensington (@NYKensington) at February 01, 2014 05:14 PM (uaEZS)

76 Minecraft. Fuck that game. My kid got me into it. Little shit.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 01, 2014 05:15 PM (fT3qO)

77 "71 Now if I can get a few of you to start playing DayZ ... heh... good times" I'm holding off until it is a real, complete product. Paying $30 to alpha test a game is not my cup of tea.

Posted by: Synnerman at February 01, 2014 05:15 PM (0Bdlg)

78 How do you get everyone to play at the same time?

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 09:14 PM (6bMeY)

everyone plugged into jabber channels and sending out pings

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 05:15 PM (bStrg)

79 OT: Seeds For Sale did a riff on Machines For sale over in the garden thread. Get-off-my-lawn-morons will know why this is amusing.

Posted by: Retread at February 01, 2014 05:16 PM (cHwk5)

80 75 How do you keep a laptop working that long? Mine blow up every 2 and 1/2 years or so.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 01, 2014 05:16 PM (6bMeY)

81 Mmmmm, Total War. I have Napoleon TW but haven't cracked it open yet because I'm still dicking around in Empire TW, M:TWII and R:TW.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 01, 2014 05:17 PM (fT3qO)

82 Eve is one of few bits of nerd culture that is totally opaque to me.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at February 01, 2014 05:17 PM (ZPrif)

83 Heh. I'm going through some old video tapes and came across a commercial for the Journey video game for the Atari 2600.

Posted by: --- at February 01, 2014 05:18 PM (MMC8r)

84 _{^{So in the game Eve the ships are stationary? Why arn't they doing evasive maneuvers? Just gathering in 2 big groups and sitting there like bumps on a log,whom ever has the most firepower wins?}}

Posted by: sig at February 01, 2014 05:18 PM (XbRYD)

85 Things have come a long way since the Atari 2600. And they've far surpassed my abilities or interest. I'd rather play Robotron on MAME.

Posted by: Chris M at February 01, 2014 05:19 PM (4lyMJ)

86 Robotron. Loved that game. Spent more quarters on Defender though.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 01, 2014 05:21 PM (fT3qO)

87 So in the game Eve the ships are stationary? Why arn't they doing evasive maneuvers? Just gathering in 2 big groups and sitting there like bumps on a log,whom ever has the most firepower wins?

Posted by: sig at February 01, 2014 09:18 PM (XbRYD)

other than these type of ships which are pretty much unmoveable and the FOTM of drone boats (assign drones to FC and then walk away), the gameplay is more dynamic

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 05:21 PM (bStrg)

88 It might have been 300,000 man hours or 400,000 rubles or 300,000,000 pesos, but it certainly wasn't USD $300,000.

For people unawares, EVE is a spreadsheet with fancy space graphics.

Posted by: 13times at February 01, 2014 05:21 PM (fGPLK)

89 77 Same here. Feel the same way about the Wasteland 2 beta they have going on. I prefer to be able to enjoy my game as a finished product without seeing the old dude behind the curtain huffing, puffing, and yanking on cords. I can understand better for MMO's like WoW with the PTR. There the game is less about the story than the mechanics.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at February 01, 2014 05:22 PM (TGgNi)

90 I'd rather play Robotron on MAME.

Posted by: Chris M at February 01, 2014 09:19 PM (4lyMJ)

buy an OMEGA NeoGeo and go to town collecting MVS carts

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 05:23 PM (bStrg)

91 RIP Vile Rat (Sean Smith) People with laptops can play this game. Even people with macs. It's not a hardware killing game.

Posted by: Zakn at February 01, 2014 05:23 PM (LbwgI)

92 EVE is a douche!
No, it's a desert topping video game!

Posted by: zombie frank sinatra at February 01, 2014 05:24 PM (abZxN)

93 "How do you keep a laptop working that long? Mine blow up every 2 and 1/2 years or so."
===============

It's a Dell Inspiron 1150; 4:3 screen, weighs a ton, hot as a stovetop, but those things were built to last.

It's needed a lot of maintenance over the years, and it's on its last legs now. The motherboard is shot so it usually craps out every couple of hours, and it's so full of malware and spyware that it takes forever to download a podcast, and the CPU is usually crying out for mercy at 100% if I so much as try to run two things at once.

Thinking I might take Ace's advice about trying something new and see if I can't learn how to build a powerful new rig from scratch and then teach myself how to do some kind of programming.

Posted by: Kensington (@NYKensington) at February 01, 2014 05:24 PM (uaEZS)

94 How you doin'?

Posted by: leisure suit larry at February 01, 2014 05:25 PM (abZxN)

Posted by: Kensington (@NYKensington) at February 01, 2014 09:24 PM (uaEZS)

well, you really won't be "learning" anything new nowadays as building a PC is no harder than putting LEGOs together

Posted by: The Dude at February 01, 2014 05:25 PM (bStrg)

96 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*snerk!*

Whut?

(no offense. I love playing video games. mostly fps. This stuff? Leaves. Me. Cold. Have fun but include me out.)
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That (13th Level SoCon) at February 01, 2014 05:26 PM (LSDdO)

97 "well, you really won't be "learning" anything new nowadays as building a PC is no harder than putting LEGOs together"
===============

The "learning" I was talking about was learning how to do some kind of programming.

But you're wrong anyway because I've never built a rig, and I'd have to learn how to do so. I currently don't know anything about how to do this.

Posted by: Kensington (@NYKensington) at February 01, 2014 05:28 PM (uaEZS)

98 "How do you keep a laptop working that long? Mine blow up every 2 and 1/2 years or so." This one is an early Vista HP, came out about 2007. I rolled it back to XP, later the hard drive went bad. I partitioned the back half as a separate drive and eliminated the front of the drive with the bad sectors. Replaced the OS with linux. I've replaced ribbon cables, keyboard, torn it completely apart a few times, replaced batteries. It boots from CD, saves sessions to an SD card, and runs Puppy Linux in RAM. Remaining hard drive is just for storage. I could probably just get a new one (though I don't want to pay for windows), or find an old junker to rebuild, but at this point its a matter of pride.

Posted by: --- at February 01, 2014 05:30 PM (MMC8r)

99 LetÂ’s Play Global Thermonuclear War

Posted by: joshua at February 01, 2014 05:31 PM (abZxN)

100 "LetÂ’s Play Global Thermonuclear War"
===============

Nah, let's just go for a drive in the Irish countryside! What could go wrong?

Posted by: Matthew Broderick at February 01, 2014 05:33 PM (uaEZS)

101 That actually looks like fun. It's probably beyond my retard skilz, but, it looks like fun.

Posted by: otho at February 01, 2014 05:35 PM (9gNQd)

102 Nah, let's just go for a drive in the Irish countryside! What could go wrong?
Running over drunks in Grand Theft Irish Auto sounds like fun, Professor Ace.

Posted by: joshua at February 01, 2014 05:35 PM (abZxN)

103 BTW, Hal 9000 sucks artificial dick.

Posted by: joshua at February 01, 2014 05:36 PM (abZxN)

104 80 75 How do you keep a laptop working that long? Mine blow up every 2 and 1/2 years or so.

No idea if this is still true, but for a while, "Buy IBM/Lenovo" was a good way to get a laptop that would last far longer than most.

Posted by: Splunge at February 01, 2014 05:36 PM (qyomX)

105 Remember that awful NYT magazine cover?

http://makeagif.com/i/hSuD31

Posted by: West at February 01, 2014 05:39 PM (gtiZk)

106 Just watched a documentary on Turner Classics. "...And the Oscar Goes To..." that was a tribute to Hollywood Leftism in disguise. It was also a celebration of Jane Fonda. It was cringe-worthy at times.

Posted by: JoeyBagels at February 01, 2014 05:40 PM (Usdw3)

107 Nah, let's just go for a drive in the Irish countryside! What could go wrong? Posted by: Matthew Broderick And yet, people love you Matthew. You're a celluloid hero, as it were. Go figger.

Posted by: Ribald Conservative riding Orca at February 01, 2014 05:40 PM (+1T7c)

108 And yet, people love you Matthew. You're a celluloid hero, as it were. He's coasting on his early 80s movies.

Posted by: --- at February 01, 2014 05:43 PM (MMC8r)

109 Broderick was also a standout in "Election" - admittedly a part he got because of his highschool-student roles back then.

He was still excellent in it though.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at February 01, 2014 05:45 PM (30eLQ)

110 I think my mission here is done. Alien life has arrived and it uses the internet.

Posted by: SETI at February 01, 2014 05:45 PM (FcR7P)

111 What no mention of C-Beams off the Tannenbaum Gate?

Building computers can be fun or sepukku inducing. Never build bleeding edge hardware because it will drain your bank account faster than Nancy Pelosi on a Botox binge. One iteration back on the hardware will carry you for a couple years and not break the bank.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at February 01, 2014 05:50 PM (DTrmb)

112 Did you see Matthew Broderick when he was hosting some movies on TCM? He looked exactly like his character from the movie The Producers. Quite scary in a nebbish way.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at February 01, 2014 05:51 PM (DTrmb)

113 I've got an old 286 (and an identical one for parts) that I'm trying to get into running shape, and it's ridiculous. Modern ones are a breeze by comparison.

Posted by: --- at February 01, 2014 05:51 PM (MMC8r)

114 The musical, shorely. When the Producers movie was out I'm not sure Broderick was even born

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at February 01, 2014 05:53 PM (30eLQ)

115 81 For some reason Empire is the only Total War game I have that isn't running anymore. It always crashes at the load screen now. Loved that game when it was working. I've still got Medieval 2 but it's saved right at a massive siege battle I don't have time for. Oh well, there's still World of Tanks.

Posted by: Total war canceled on account of computer glitch at February 01, 2014 05:55 PM (CxN9C)

116 Will this game work on my Amiga, or am I forever stuck with re-playing Leisure Suit Larry?

Posted by: Commodore Perry at February 01, 2014 05:58 PM (BYZzw)

117 I'd rather look at a tree.

Posted by: Corona at February 01, 2014 06:05 PM (fh2Y7)

118 My 1995 NEC 486SX laptop with Windows 3.11 still runs. The battery is dead but it will still run Lotus Write if you plug it into an outlet. And my 2002 Sony laptop with an AMD 1700+ CPU will still boot XP and run Office.

They hold up fine if you don't beat the crap out of them and do occasional maintenance so they don't get full of dust and debris to make it overheat. OTOH, people often need to take laptops places that aren't friendly to the gear. But then, that is why Panasonic makes ToughBooks.

Posted by: Epobirs at February 01, 2014 06:15 PM (bPxS6)

119 #114

Are you kidding? He's older than me. Born in 1962 just two days after my older brother.

Posted by: Epobirs at February 01, 2014 06:17 PM (bPxS6)

120 #87 So in the game Eve the ships are stationary?

Seems that way. I have yet to grok the attraction to this game. "Steep learning curve" sounds like what I already do for a living. Not sure a second part-time job would feel much like gaming. ;-)

Give me multiplayer Allied Assault & Ventrilo, where you can talk smack and look straight into the eyes of the enemy (avatar) before melee-ing his butt with a pistol. Those were the days (CoD4 MW - those were the days too).

Anxiously awaiting the next installment of Borderlands. Til then, I'll be in my bunk...

Posted by: goy at February 01, 2014 06:36 PM (oGez1)

121 Holy Crap! I can't even get past the second scenario on Call of Duty 2. I keep getting blown up by the damn grenade. Used to be good at Doom. I just can't seem to get the keyboard commands down. By the time I'm looking up what to do next, I'm dead. I had this one game called Panzer General that I was good at and enjoyed.

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at February 01, 2014 06:37 PM (SudzO)

122 105 Remember that awful NYT magazine cover? http://makeagif.com/i/hSuD31 Posted by: West at February 01, 2014 09:39 PM (gtiZk) Still needs a rocket in the eye. http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap140113.html

Posted by: rickl at February 01, 2014 06:51 PM (sdi6R)

123 A little outside analysis; one side committed to an ad hoc meeting engagement after someone blundered (paying the system tax, or whatever) in order to preserve access to 200B ISK of material belonging to one alliance member - and in the process burned ~ 8 Trillion ISK in capital assets that take significant time to replace. Hmmm, and we wonder how WWI started.

Posted by: Jean at February 01, 2014 07:00 PM (4JkHl)

124 #120 No, they are not. The 15 kilometer ones move slowly like any ship that is the length of 45 Nimitz-class nuclear aircraft carriers - in space - so there's not a lot of SWOOSH there. The Interceptors run at about 4 km per second and are very fast. (old info, might be a bit different now) The other ship classes are predictably in-between and maneuver does mean a lot with support ships - not as much huge fleets - when a fleet battle occurs, fleet elements warp from one are to another. The time it takes to put their pointy ends towards the place they need to go (alignment) varies by ship size too - much more so than a wet navy because there are differences of magnitude between them Think of the difference between the handling of a jetski and the handling of the Nimitz. Like that. Much wider though. Support class ships can zip back and forth and fuck up ships that - say - lay interdiction bubbles that make it impossible for big ships to escape - or even entire fleets to move. When a battle is in progress each side is attempting to trap and kill the other side or escape if they're on the bottom end of doom. They're trying to repair shields and armor while fighting off ships that are killing the logistics cruisers and trying to protect the "minelayers" that are throwing out bubbles. At the same time, cloaked bombers are creeping in on the edges to ambush ships being repaired and interceptors are buzzing the battlespace trying to trip over the cloaked ships. It's a thousand thousand things at once, always moving.

Posted by: Inspector Cussword at February 01, 2014 07:08 PM (FApZx)

125 turn off that damn video game and take out the trash

Posted by: bocephus at February 01, 2014 09:59 PM (UwwvU)

126 So what happens now? Can those hulks be salvaged? What a gripping game. World of Warcraft is too big for me, but this -- is unimaginable. Kudoes to all who make this game work for themselves!

Posted by: Wry Mouth at February 01, 2014 10:28 PM (GMFsH)

127 Wow. You are a dork.

Posted by: Bill C at February 02, 2014 12:09 AM (9cfSF)

128 I remember when the first titans were becoming common in the largest player corps. Now my god. Goons and the others have basically been murdering each other for around a decade at this point I believe.

Posted by: James at February 02, 2014 03:07 AM (XY60g)

129 This may cause me to reopen my eve account.

Posted by: drunkineastmesa at February 02, 2014 03:48 AM (ATJlh)

130 Great post. I'm so jealous of anyone that was there.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at February 02, 2014 04:41 AM (IXrOn)

131 A couple m,ore posts like this and I'll reactivate my membership.

Posted by: John W. at February 02, 2014 05:13 AM (PVBzL)

132 Good post, Gaming Morons!...I understood most of it