Phasers!

The US government has unveiled a "non-lethal" laser rifle designed to dazzle enemy personnel without causing them permanent harm. But the device will require close scrutiny to ensure compliance with a United Nations protocol on blinding laser weapons.

The Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response (PHASR) rifle was developed at the Air Force Research Laboratory in New Mexico, US, and two prototypes have been delivered to military bases in Texas and Virginia for further testing.

The US Department of Defense (DoD) believes the weapon could be used, for example, to temporarily blind suspects who drive through a roadblock.

Phasers!

Posted by: Ace at 08:53 AM | Comments (40)
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Terrell Owens is done in Philly. He’ll serve out the remainder of his four game unpaid suspension, then it’s onto season ending ‘deactivation’ due to "a large number of situations that accumulated over a long period of time," said coach Andy Reid.

Frankly, the guy just wore out his welcome. How bad did it get? Well, the media gathered near Owen’s residence, wanting a quote on this latest development, and caught this detail:

wo pizzas were delivered to Owens' home. Someone answered the door -- not Owens -- and gave deliveryman James McDevitt a $5 tip.

McDevitt said he left the tip on the door step.

Yeah, it’s time to move on.

(H/T Tim Higgins and MNF)

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes at 06:30 PM | Comments (27)
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Terrell Owens is done in Philly. He’ll serve out the remainder of his four game unpaid suspension, then it’s onto season ending ‘deactivation’ due to "a large number of situations that accumulated over a long period of time," said coach Andy Reid.

Frankly, the guy just wore out his welcome. How bad did it get? Well, the media gathered near OwenÂ’s residence, wanting a quote on this latest development, and caught this detail:

[T]wo pizzas were delivered to Owens' home. Someone answered the door -- not Owens -- and gave deliveryman James McDevitt a $5 tip.

McDevitt said he left the tip on the door step.

Yeah, itÂ’s time to move on.

(H/T Tim Higgins and MNF)

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes at 06:30 PM | Comments (28)
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If you brag about being so much more nuanced than that Cowboy from Texas, someone might have the nerve to ask you to prove it. Or, in Rummyspeak, "You've got the lead. Well, lead!"

How dare we take Joschka Fischer at his word! Will this Rumsfeldian perfidy never cease?

(Hey, wait a minute. Now that Jockstrap Fischer is out of a job, has anyone seen him since the French riots started? Hmmm.....)

Posted by: Harry Callahan at 06:25 PM | Comments (40)
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Apparently the answer is 40,000 hookers.

The new German motto: forget election paralysis and a moribund economy, we got beer, hookers and soccer!

Posted by: Harry Callahan at 05:29 PM | Comments (11)
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Cartman explains "independent cinema."

Galley Slaves questions Andrew Sullivan's objectivity regarding gay-cowboy movie Brokeback Mountain.

Sullivan gushes about how "brave" it is that the "macho" Jake Gyllenhallenhyllenhallenhall would dare to be in a movie like this. As Galley Slaves points out, this is his stock in trade. He's basically an Indy-movie goon like Johnny Depp. Praising Jakey for playing a gay cowboy eating pudding is much like praising Parker Posey for "daring" to play a brittle, neurotic comic-relief moronbitch in an independent movie.

That's not "daring." That's her type. (She's really good at it, I have to say.)

Thanks to Wizbang! for the audio.

And thanks to utron for the tip.

Posted by: Ace at 04:36 PM | Comments (31)
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Karl Rove-- worth every dime they're paying him.

- Australian authorities believe they have foiled a major terrorist attack, arresting 15 people on Tuesday during raids in the country's two biggest cities of Sydney and Melbourne.

The arrests come less than a week after Prime Minster John Howard said Australia received intelligence about a "terrorist threat."

Note the quotes around "terrorist threat." The same way you'd put quotes around "pink unicorn."

"We believe ... we've disrupted a large-scale operation which, had it been allowed to go through to fruition, we certainly believe would have been catastrophic," New South Wales Police Commissioner Ken Moroney told Australian television.

Australia

Arresting innocent-as-lambs "political dissidents" on "twisted intelligence" in order to "distract from" Bush's troubles and focus attention on a "fictitious threat."

Good on ya, mates!

In related news, the oligarchical ownership of the NFL has announced it will "arrange as many fake cheerleader-lesbian-sex scandals as necessary" to support Bush.

"Let's face it, these 'cheerleaders' are just whores in more-garish outfits," an unnamed NFL official said. "Pretty much we can get them to do anything. We usually pay them in Cheeze Whiz, so eight buck fitty cent goes a long way with them."

Posted by: Ace at 02:48 PM | Comments (13)
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Youths of Undetermined Ethnic Extraction take their "I'm here, I exist" campaign wide.

I just had a horrible thought-- you don't think these poor misguided youths were inspired by watching too much Bill O'Reilly, do you?

Posted by: Ace at 02:29 PM | Comments (18)
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The rationale? Because the law in question doesn't penalize making false statements in support of the police.

So it, giggle, discriminates on the basis of, chuckle, viewpoint.

Errrm... as far as I know there is no civil action for making positive but false statements about someone.*

* Okay, well, there's something called "false light" which is either a sort of libel or invasion of privacy, forget which, which can get ya for making false-but-not-defamatory statements about someone. But there still has to be some damage to someone's reputation or privacy. You can't just sue someone for saying you saved eight men during a stormy climb up Mount Everest.

A jackass rationale from a jackass cicruit.

Posted by: Ace at 12:25 PM | Comments (13)
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Preliminary reports say the chemicals in question were HDX, capable of bursting in a highly pressurized cloud sometimes called an "explosion" in military jargon.

One of the guys killed was Abu Hamza, but, alas, not this Abu Hamza:

For three seconds I got the first erection I've had since 1989. Damn, I felt like a God.

Posted by: Ace at 12:08 PM | Comments (18)
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