I seem to have angered a lot of women with my crack about them all being polymorphously perverse bi-curious pseudolesbian pleasure-thralls.

I'm kidding. It's an overstatement for comic effect.

There's a lot more experimentation among women (especially young women) than among men, of course. When's the last time you saw two straight guys making out at a party to titilate the women? Or a straight guy "playfully" feeling up a guy's joint as a "joke"? The "Lesbian Until Graduation" phenomenon is well-documented (if overstated and overpublicized, just because it's so titillating); there is no "Gay Until Graduation" phenomenon sweeping the undergraduate male population.

The thing about "all women are just three cocktails away from some hot girl-on-girl action" comes from David Spade, as Dennis Finch on Just Shoot Me. It's not as of yet a peer-reviewed hypothesis.

So, you know, just ribbing. It's not a true theory of mine that a majority of women are that way.

More like a hope. An intense yearning so powerful it gives me night-sweats.

But the dream continues:

14% of young women report having same-sex encounters; 57% of college age women say they would like to have sex with Angelina Jolie.

Posted by: Ace at 01:11 PM | Comments (42)
Post contains 207 words, total size 1 kb.

Since we're on the topic of whether gayness is biological or psychological in origin, I thought I'd post the fairly-old theory that schizophrenia is not caused by psychological trauma, but exposure to a virus in childhood.

This article suggests the virus may come from cats. Pregnant women, it says, might want to stay away from cats.

What's the old wives's tale about cats sucking the breath out of infants?

There are a lot of major "psychological" conditions, I think, that are essentially caused by genetics, hormones, defects in brain structure or chemistry, or physical disease. As Bob Hartleys' mentor revealed to him, "It's all a crock." At least as far as major characteristics or disorders.

PS: "Talking about things" doesn't help anything either. It's diplomacy with yourself, and about as effective as typical diplomacy, too.

Correction: The cat-schizophrenia link described in that article not a viral one (the bug here is a bacterium), but there are theories about a viral cause. This just isn't one of them. Thanks to Botec.

Here's One on the Actual Viral Theory: From WebMD.

Actually, it's about the interaction of genetics and infection... kind of apropros.

Posted by: Ace at 12:45 PM | Comments (12)
Post contains 207 words, total size 2 kb.

He calls it "intuitive eating."

As part of intuitive eating, Hawks surrounds himself with unhealthy foods he especially craves. He says having an overabundance of what's taboo helps him lose his desire to gorge.

There is a catch to this no-diet diet, however: Intuitive eaters only eat when they're hungry and stop when they're full.

I'll wait for the eat-whatever-you-like-and-also-gorge-yourself diet, thank you very much.

Posted by: Ace at 12:12 PM | Comments (7)
Post contains 83 words, total size 1 kb.

Former Iraqi PM flees an assassination attempt at a mosque.

Posted by: Ace at 12:07 PM | Comments (4)
Post contains 18 words, total size 1 kb.

Ummm...

Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris has fenced off a famous tomb to prevent lewd acts being performed on a statue.

The effigy of 19th Century journalist known as Victor Noir has long been popular with women visitors.

This is partly due to his reputation as a romantic figure, and partly because of the effigy's design.

Officials concerned about damage to the icon's groin area have erected a fence around the grave, and a sign prohibiting indecent rubbing.

...

The statue shows Noir in a frock coat and trousers lying flat on his back, with a distinct enlargement in the groin.

...

The new sign warns: "Any damage caused by graffiti or indecent rubbing will be prosecuted."

You stupid Europeans! You are all, how you say, so sexually repressed! Why, here in America, we actually applaud when lewd acts are committed on a tombstone, and we call mortuaries "love hotels." This is just, what is the word, how Americans roll. If you weren't all such childish prudes and uptight moralistic scolds, perhaps you wouldn't be invading innocent countries like the Ivory Coast! Bah! I spew my Galoise-stinking spittle at you!

(Insert your own Dick Cheney joke here. I'm tapped.)

Thanks to Skinnersphere.

Posted by: Ace at 09:29 AM | Comments (11)
Post contains 230 words, total size 2 kb.

'Stop Over Spending' is a tremendous idea, and Oklahomans are petitioning to get this initiative on the ballot.

The Stop Over Spending (SOS) initiative places a cap on how much politicians can increase government spending. From year to year, the increases cannot be greater than inflation plus population growth. No cuts in spending are mandated, but the increases are capped. That is, unless the people of Oklahoma vote to let their state government spend more money, which they can do. The SOS Amendment thus puts government on a citizen-controlled diet.

State Senator Randy Brogdon of Owasso calls the measure "a true friend of taxpayers, a fuel for the economy and the enemy of the bureaucrats and big spenders." He points out that state government spending is growing four times faster this year than the income of the average Oklahoma household.

Wow. Keeping spending apace with growth and inflation. Draconian.

An article by Townhall contributor Paul Jacob explains how this effort which is actually quite popular with citizens is being undemocratically targeted by its opponents in the Oklahoma Education Association:

The message from Brenda Snider, the union's "membership accounts consultant," reads:

While you are shopping, going to the post office or sitting at a football game please be on the lookout for the petitioners. If you see a petitioner while shopping this weekend contact the malls at the numbers listed below and tell them that you are being bothered by their petitioning. Print a copy of the message and take it with you this weekend.

This is what happens when zealots confront the reality that their agenda is wildly unpopular. Having no hope of success in a representative government, they must try to subvert the system itself.

I raise my coffee cup to the good people of Oklahoma, and wish them success in reclaiming ownership of their government and their wallets.
Wish my state had the same spirit.

Posted by: LauraW. at 09:22 AM | Comments (7)
Post contains 352 words, total size 2 kb.

I guess the Koran didn't specify that methamphetamines were "unclean" and "a habit of the polytheists and unbelievers."

You know the sad irony? If we could just get these guys using pot instead, the war would be over in a week.

AMERICAN SOLDIER: Are you a terrorist?

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Huhhhh...?

AMERICAN SOLDIER: Why do you have a gun? Are you a terrorist?

TERRORIST SUSPECT (giggling): That's a funny word. Terrorist. Terrorerrorerrorist. Ter-rist. You're funny. I like you.

AMERICAN SOLDIER: Are you a jihadist? Are you fighting againt the "Crusaders"?

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Dude, dude, dude! Chill! Look, if you want to occupy parts of the Holy Peninsula, that's cool, that's cool. I'm not making any judgements. That's just who you are, and I love you for that. Now, shhhhhh...! I love this harmonica break coming up. Blues Traveller rocks!

AMERICAN SOLDIER: There's no music playing.

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Dude, there's always Blues Traveller music playing. I read somewhere that the brain is the biggest iPod there is.

ANOTHER TERRORIST SUSPECT: You didn't read that, you said that last night.

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Oh, that's right... Man, I was on fire with that one. I've got to submit that to Nature. Or High Times. Either or. Say... anyone straight enough to make a White Castle run? White Castle? White Castle? Who's up for some White Castles?

Posted by: Ace at 09:07 AM | Comments (8)
Post contains 236 words, total size 2 kb.

The Republican Party will use the immigration issue to divide the country, he says.
See if you can find the funny in this snippet:

"Once again, the Republicans created problems so they think they can come in and solve them," Dean told DNC members meeting in Phoenix.

Thousands of illegal immigrants cross America's borders each year to work better-paying jobs.

Heh, as the man says.

Dean said the government should have an "earned legalization" program in which immigrants who contribute to society and pay taxes should be able to earn the right to become citizens.

The DNC chairman also criticized Bush for not working with Mexico to confront America's immigration problems. "Work with Mexico to improve economies in rural America and rural Mexico, and you will stop the flood of people wanting to come to America," Dean said.

DAMMIT. If he weren't so dreamy, I'd almost be getting angry with him here.

Mexico has a successful economic model to follow if it chooses, right here in plain sight, where it has been for a couple centuries. We aren't exactly keeping it a secret, guys.
And yet Mexico's government is quasi-socialist, corrupt as all get-out, and prints pamphlets on how to illegally cross into the U.S.
And we give them aid money.

What, precisely, are we supposed to help them with?

Howard, can you get a little more specific?

Seriously, you're losing me. I'm just a small businesswoman. Speak slowly and use the little words.

Posted by: LauraW. at 05:13 PM | Comments (16)
Post contains 265 words, total size 2 kb.

And so a thousand amateur screenwriters begin typing furiously. Act II: the recipient of the transplanted face passes the boyfriend of the hanged woman in a shopping mall.

Posted by: Ace at 04:55 PM | Comments (21)
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.

Michael already sent me a draft of his winners last night. He says he'll keep his eye on the ongoing threads, but he also thinks the quality is dropping off precipitously, so late entries are unlikely, at this point, to win.

I'm not going to close the thread (as if I could) because people are still having some fun with it, but I just thought I'd mention that the contest is, if not exactly closed, more or less over. You'd have to do a truly great one to get on the list now. You may be better off saving one for the next time we do this, with Ben Gazzarra or someone.

Michael, I think, set out to show me how one can judge a contest in a prompt fashion, and I guess he did pretty much show me up.

I'm not posting the winners until Monday, because, well, that's a higher traffic day, and I don't want to end the contest quite yet anyhow.

Posted by: Ace at 12:00 PM | Comments (61)
Post contains 173 words, total size 1 kb.