MORE ADULATORY MISSIVES FROM THOSE WHO AGREE WITH ME: My very good friends at Democratic Underground are all over Benedict XVI, suggesting that he's a "neocon" and that he should "die in his sleep."

Thank you all for warming the cockles of my broken heart.

What are cockles, by the way? It sounds dirty, but it can't be, because my Grandma says it. Then again, she's on the pipe, so who knows?

Do other things have cockles? Or is it just the heart? Can someone kick me in the cockles of my gonads?

I will ponder this as I go for a walk with Mr. Percy. Well, I do the walking (Power-walking, really; need to firm up my glutes for rugby season). Mr. Percy just gets carried along for the ride in an adorable little bonnet.

Posted by: Ace at 02:22 PM | Comments (5)
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IS THE POPE CATHOLIC? Yes. Damn it all, yes.

Catholic. In the first f'n' degree.

Nauseatingly, heart-achingly vile.

Mr. Percy has lost all interest in licking himself. Perhaps for the best-- that will be the next thing they take from us.

Okay, the headline joke was suggested by -- errr, stolen from -- several people, who forgot in their emails to tell me I am the most influential pundit in America, including LegalXXX (law student by day, exotic dancer by night*) and Iraq Now (h/t to VonKreedon).

*Not really.

Posted by: Ace at 02:13 PM | Comments (2)
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WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PAL!: When Allah and I were really on the Paul Anka Integrity Kick, I told him, "You know, we're doing this now, and no one else knows about it. A year from now it's going to be huge and no one's going to remember we were There At Creation."

So, now Allah tips me that Reason's Hit and Run has finally gotten the message that The Guys Get Shirts.

Is there anything else to say but "gob-smackingly vile"?

And now NRO is going to link Reason, and then Instapundit, and then... oh, God, I am so filled with heart-ache and nausea.

Posted by: Ace at 01:36 PM | Comments (3)
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WHY I NEED $100,000 FOR "BANDWIDTH COSTS": Um, let me step out of the Ace of Sullivan character here for a moment and give other bloggers a little secret I just discovered.

If you trackback someone Instapundit just linked, and get near the top of the list (as I was with that Professor Bainbridge trackback), you get a Instalanche By Proxy.

Either that, or this Professor Bainbridge cat is the guy I should have been sucking up to for the past year and a half, all along.

Yes, I know such traffic-whoring is gob-smackingly vile. I am outraged and shocked at myself, disgusted, appalled, nauseated, etc., and Lord knows I'm not the easiest person to offend.

Posted by: Ace at 01:15 PM | Comments (12)
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WAS "GRAND INQUISITOR" RATZINGER AN ACCOMPLICE TO ABU GHRAIB? I have no evidence he was there, smoking a Pall Mall Menthol while pointing at the schwanzes of behooded Arabs.

On the other hand, I have no evidence he wasn't.

The very idea that our current "Pope" might have been playing Naked Arab Jenga fills me with such despair and heart-ache that I have lost all interest in grooming Mr. Percy. And his eyebrows are getting a little, well, Dennis Farrina.

Posted by: Ace at 12:59 PM | Comments (6)
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GEORGE ORWELL ON THE CHURCH: At dark times like this I turn to Orwell, whose deft prose and keen insights are like rays of light upon my darnkened heart. In Homage to Catalonia, Orwell wrote of the Holy Mother Church:

"Ehhh, fuck it."

Wise words. Words that make me smile, and make hold out hope that one day both me and my wonderful beagle Mr. Percy will no longer be oppressed by this foul institution.

Posted by: Ace at 12:38 PM | Comments (4)
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THE NEW POPE ON BEAGLES: I was shocked and enraged to read the new "Pope's" thought on beagles:

The Church is eternal; while a man may grow or change over the course of an 80 year life, such a timescale is but a sand in the glass in the life of the Church. And thus we must be cautious to change Church doctrine; and we must always bear in mind the teaching of St. Augustine, who told us, "Yea, and verily, Beagles are thoroughly wretched little Bastards and ought to be strangled upon their foul birthings; for they are the predatory pedophiles of the canine world, the mincing little bespotted homomutts who corrupt the morals and values of more righteous breeds-- your Yorkies, your Jack Russell terriers, your shitzsus, your... well, Marmaduke-dogs...

"Suffer not a Beagle to live, for they will make a wasteland of their lands, and your lands, just like Dr. Zaius said in Planet of the Apes, except I'm shit-serious about this, I mean it, they are the Devil Who Comes Clicking On Little Toenails When You Open Up A Bag of Chips."

I am afraid I will not be blogging more for several hours. I was so overcome by dread and horror that I vomited all over my Powerbook. You know how hard it is to clean liquids from between the keys?

Posted by: Ace at 12:20 PM | Comments (9)
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GOB-SMACKINGLY CLUELESSSLY IRONICAL QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"I should shut up now." -- Andrew Sullivan

I will give him a Frank "The Riddler" Gorshin Award for Clueless Irony. Because that's what I do here at Ace of Sullivan. I give out awards to people I don't like, named after other people I don't like.

And what do I have against Frank Gorshin?

Well-- has he ever once spoken out against this Aryan Psychomonster Hun we just elected as our new Pope?

In fact, I hate Frank "The Riddler" Gorshin so damn much I'm going to give him the Stanley Tucci Award For Pure Nauseating Vileness.

Posted by: Ace at 12:13 PM | Comments (5)
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FURTHER THOUGHTS ON ABU GHRAIB: I still find the entire matter gob-smackingly vile.

I will update you as required.

Posted by: Ace at 12:07 PM | Comments (2)
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A wise reader sends me this intriguing email, which should perhaps serve to fill each of us with a bit more hope:

Ace, you're the best. Bear in mind, it doesn't matter who's Pope; you're still the most influential pundit in America today. You'll get your crazy blog money soon, and then you can set up your own damn chuch, sort of like Scientology, but with more sex and fewer aliens. Remember-- no matter what happens, you're the only one who matters, and your wants are the only ones that count. Never lose sight of that: ONLY YOU MATTER.

It's signed AoS. Hm. A very clever and thoughtful feller, obviously.

Posted by: Ace at 11:45 AM | Comments (3)
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