I could have been doing my homework, so that by now I'd be writing books or important M&A proposals or that sort of crap.

I could have been chasing tail.

But no... I was sitting around like a dork rolling d20's to see which ones were "lucky."

Corey sends this painful reminder of that horrible period of my life, an old commercial for D&D.

I don't think I actually remember it. That's the psychological response known as "blocking."

Bonus: Yes, there is mention of "lightning bolt."

Let me say something about the actors shown playing the game. They're all obviously dorks. Not super-ugly or creepy-scary dorks, but plainly dorks.

I suppose they considered casting young good-looking models as the players, and then they just laughed themselves f'n' silly at the idea.

Okay, the youngest-looking girl is halfway cute. I guess that's what you call "creative license."

Okay, Okay: Some D&D chicks were/are cute.

Just none of the ones I knew.

Actually, I didn't know any.

Posted by: Ace at 09:37 AM | Comments (45)
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Don Luskin gloats that after years of Paul Krugman "lies" lies (let's not pussyfoot) on Social Security, NYT libertarian columnist just beat him with the ugly-stick:

After an endless parade of lies from Paul Krugman about how bad reform with personal accounts has been in Chile , Tierney actually got on a plane and checked it out himself (Krugman, of course, never leaves his office in Princeton; he gets all the facts he needs from radical leftist websites).

And what did Mr. Tierny find when he dared to venture out of his comfy climate-controlled office?

As it happened, our countries have required our employers to set aside roughly the same portion of our income, a little over 12 percent, which pays for disability insurance as well as the pension program. It also covers, in Pablo's case, the fees charged by the mutual-fund company managing his money.

...

After comparing our relative payments to our pension systems (since salaries are higher in America, I had contributed more), we extrapolated what would have happened if I'd put my money into Pablo's mutual fund instead of the Social Security trust fund. We came up with three projections for my old age, each one offering a pension that, like Social Security's, would be indexed to compensate for inflation:

(1) Retire in 10 years, at age 62, with an annual pension of $55,000. That would be more than triple the $18,000 I can expect from Social Security at that age.

(2) Retire at age 65 with an annual pension of $70,000. That would be almost triple the $25,000 pension promised by Social Security starting a year later, at age 66.

(3)Retire at age 65 with an annual pension of $53,000 and a one-time cash payment of $223,000.

You may suspect that Pablo has prospered only because he's a sophisticated investor, but he simply put his money into one of the most popular mutual funds. He has more money in it than most Chileans because his salary is above average, but lower-paid workers who contributed to that fund for the same period of time would be in relatively good shape, too, because their projected pension would amount to more than 90 percent of their salaries.

By contrast, Social Security replaces less than 60 percent of your salary - and that's only if you were a low-income worker. Typical recipients get back less than half of their salaries.

Hmmmm... Paul Krugman is always fretting about the US devolving into some South American banana republic.

If only we were so lucky.

Big props to the National Journal's Blogometer. No URL-- they're like an exclusive nightclub you can only find if you're being brought by friends who've already been there. And if you've got a lot of money.

One problem with the Blogometer: It continues to be seriously deficient in Ace content. I'm quite sure they get a lot of letters about this outrage.

Posted by: Ace at 09:02 AM | Comments (8)
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Professor Bainbridge says that the Democrats' hostility to judges who hold traditional values constitutes anti-religious bigotry-- in effect, if not by design.

Cathy Young says it doesn't.

Instapundit and the usual suspects side with Cathy Young.

This is an interesting debate, and I'm not really sure which side I come down upon.

I find it laughable, however, that the left -- secular and damn proud of it -- has absolutely no anti-religious bias in it.

It's a bit silly to pretend that Charles Schumer wouldn't much prefer a secularist justice than one who has confessed (confessed! and I'm afraid that's the right word) to being a pious man during confirmation hearings.

Posted by: Ace at 08:47 AM | Comments (12)
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This is an in-joke among conservative circles.

For the past, oh, I don't know, six thousand years Fox Butterfield has written the same story with the same headline at least once a year, sometimes several times a year.

The headline is always along the lines of...

Crime Rate Falls, Despite Soaring Prison Population

"Despite"? How about "Amost Certainly Because of"? But no, for Fox Butterfield, there's always some bizarre disconnect between the fact that crime falls as criminals are locked up in greater numbers.

He just can't grasp even the possibility of a cause-effect relationship between the twain.

National Review Online notes that Fox Butterfield's go-to headline is catching on. He doesn't even have to write it anymore; he's got other buffoons to write it for him.

In the Houston Chronicle, we are now treated to Butterfield pastiche...

Crime rate down, but prison population on the rise

Not quite as good as Butterfield -- "despite" is so much more expressive than "but" -- but I think this kid's got the chops.

He'll be a Managing Editor at the New York Times within a year.

Posted by: Ace at 08:26 AM | Comments (18)
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Politically Correct 3: Politically Correct With a Vengeance:

I was talking to my friend Laura, who sings on [my latest] record, and we're both getting to the point where we want to start families. We're convinced that if we have children, we're going to do everything in our power to make them gay. Like maybe drinking a lot of extra soy milk while she's pregnant, or anything that would work to make that happen. I'd just rather have a really sharp, interesting, smart gay son than some big dumb hetero meathead.

Reductivist stereotypes aren't necessarily a bad thing. You just have to be enlightened enough to know who you're allowed to reduce to a moronic stereotype. As long as you're denigrating the "right" sort of people, have a party.

PS, Moby: Don't bother with the soy milk. Just spend a lot of time with him and play your album Ambient to get him ready for nappies. That, I should think, ought to do the trick.

Coming to the Oxygen Channel in 20 Years:

Not Of My Loins, the heart-wrenching true story of Moby and his son Christopher Fabulous Moby, as Christopher -- or Chris, as he prefers to be called -- finally stops trying to "pass" and tearfully confesses to his father that he 1, likes the pooter and 2, isn't very thrilled about ambient techno generally.

The scene where Christopher Fabulous/Chris breaks down and admits he really has no firm opinions on the home's drapes or the "punch" of color provided by the throw-pillows is especially poignant.

CHRIS: Dad, I'm just not the man you wanted me to be! I'm not like the other boys! Or rather, I guess I am!

MOBY: Aaaaaaggghh! Don't say this! You're ripping the heart out of me!

CHRIS: I'm not saying I hate Yaz, but pretty much I just dance to it because it seems to help when picking up chicks!

MOBY: God in Heaven! How could you have cursed me with this filthy pervert and his dirty hetero urges!

CHRIS: And for God's sake... Please stop making me watch Trading Spaces! I admit Genevieve has some nice jugs on her...

MOBY: JUGS! MY GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME!!!

CHRIS: ...but I honestly could not give a wet shit about milk-paint!

MOBY: Out of my house! Out of my house! I will not have a degenerate breeder share a roof with me!

CHRIS: Please! I just want you to love me as your son!

MOBY (coldly): My son is dead. My son died when he started watching The Speed Channel and Fox NFL Sunday.

CHRIS: But Howie Long is hot, Dad! Can't you at least admit I'm trying?

MOBY: Don't do me any favors, woman-lover. Get out, get out, GET OUT!!!

Good stuff. Can't wait.

Posted by: Ace at 07:46 AM | Comments (82)
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Those who pray may want to include her.

Posted by: Ace at 06:59 AM | Comments (11)
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In exchange for two lower-court nominees going through, Frist agrees to not attempt to end further judicial filibusters?

Is this a joke?

"someone" points out that this seems to be leaking by Democrats, and just because Harry Reid has "offered" this generous deal doesn't mean Frist is so stupid or gutless to take it... but if Frist does agree to a "compromise" so ludicrously one-sided....

In related news, millions of voters just agreed to "compromise" with the GOP. The compromise involves us voters sitting home on our ass next election day while playing Wheel of Fortune drinking games (drink when anyone asks to buy a vowel; chug if that vowel turns out to be "F") and then giggling as we watch Republican ex-Congressmen figure out how to make an honest living.

Bill Frist For President

In the War on Terror, we need someone tough enough to grab his ankles for Harry Reid. Because that shows real fire and guts-- not for nothing does Harry Reid call his dork "The Widowmaker."

MAJOR UPDATE FROM A WELL-PLACED SOURCE: Deep Stoat, now in a position to know about the thinking of Republican Senators, writes to say:

Ace, I don’t think you have to worry about a GOP “compromise” that will not include up-or-down votes on all nominees that are reported out of the Judiciary committee. The talk about compromise is meant to underscore Frist’s (and the GOP’s) willingness to do everything they can to avoid changing Senate rules. In other words, it’s political posturing. I believe that Frist is trying to lay the groundwork for the actual showdown in the Senate. “I’ve done everything possible to avoid this. I offered compromise after compromise, but we now have no other options.” You get the picture. As far as I can tell, the constitutional option may be invoked as early as the week after next. This thing is going to happen.

Posted by: Ace at 06:31 AM | Comments (25)
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I noticed KelliPundit had tracked back my bit about Maggie Gyllenhyllenahaallenhallyl (whatever) and had included a link to a great, must-read essay titled Punitive Liberalism.

The basic gist of the essay is stuff you already know... tip-of-your-tongue, in-your-bones kind of stuff. But it's as Alexander Pope said, "What oft was thought, but neÂ’er so well expressed."

Well, maybe not ne'er so well expressed. I mean, ne'er is a long time. Let's just say it's pretty good and leave Pope out of it. Not really sure why I dragged his tired ass into this in the first place.

I think I was just trying to impress Bill.

Posted by: Ace at 08:38 PM | Comments (9)
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Taking the very, very high ground:

The Pentagon is working to develop a suborbital space capsule within the next five years that would be launched from the United States and could deliver conventional weapons anywhere in the world within two hours, defense officials said.

This year, the Falcon program will test a launcher for its Common Aero Vehicle (CAV), an unmanned maneuverable spacecraft that would travel at five times the speed of sound and could carry 1,000 pounds of munitions, intelligence sensors or other payloads. Among the system's strengths is that commanders could order a CAV -- an unpowered glide vehicle -- not to release its payload if they decided not to follow through with an attack.

The first-generation CAV, expected to be ready by 2010, will have "an incredible capability to provide the warfighter with a global reach capability against high payoff targets," Gen. Lance W. Lord, commander of Air Force Space Command, told the House Armed Services Committee last Wednesday.

Within the next three years, the Falcon program hopes to enter a second stage of the effort: flight-testing two versions of a reusable hypersonic cruise vehicle, sometimes referred to as a space plane, that could travel a suborbital path, about 100,000 feet high, carrying a CAV anywhere in the world. Unlike a missile, the vehicle could return to its base after releasing the CAV to deliver bombs or intelligence sensors.

Let me repeat the most important part of that passage: the commander of the Air Force Space Command is named General Lance Lord.

If you put that in a script, they'd laugh at you.

Anyway, expect a lot of whining about the symbolism of arming the heavens. There aren't any caribou up there as far as I know, but the whiners are just big on whining about change, generally. They don't want oil rigs where they haven't been before nor cool-ass space-bombs where eagles fear to tread.

They say conservatives pine for the mores of the 50's... but many liberals seem to pine for the technology and military capabilities of the 50's. Which strikes me as pretty stupid.

And there's my shallow, kneejerk & repetitive political commentary for all you troglodytes and rightwing nutbags.

Thanks to CraigC.

Background/New Details From a Confidential Pentagon Source... more...

Posted by: Ace at 08:11 PM | Comments (43)
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This is another shock... Hollywood remakes a very bad old show primarily on the basis of brand-recognition and the possibility of putting a toy into a Happy Meal.

And yet a lot of us are going to see it.

Well, both Scooby-Doo movies were actually, um, sorta fun.

Velma Dinkley is f'n' all kinds of crazy-hot.

Thanks to Allah, who really ought to think about starting his own blog one of these days.

Or just taking over this one for a week.

Please. I'm dyin' here.

Posted by: Ace at 02:27 PM | Comments (26)
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