Instapunk defends.

Including from some social conservatives, like the very lovely and very talented Michelle Malkin.

Look-- if you can't make the most anodyne jokes about sex -- or lack thereof; this was the standard frustrated-wife schtick -- even when you are in a marriage, when the heck can you make such jokes?

These jokes weren't "beneath" her. They're beneath almost no one, except for people who are very insistent on trying to emulate Christ in his words and his deeds. And kudos to them, but that's a very abstemious lifestyle choice, and one most of us aren't willing to undertake.

Even most of believing Christians won't go so far as to say that a bit of potty-humor or a sexual double-entendre is an actual sin. Maybe not Christ-like, but a sin?

And the horse joke wasn't foul. It was just stupid and corny and very, very old. It was Jeff Foxworthy's C-level material. Actually, it wasn't even his C-level material; it was C-level material for those lunkhead hangers-on that kiss his ass all the time, like the "Get 'er done" guy.

It's not as if Laura Bush went out there and did a dramatic reading of the Wit and Wisdom of Pat O'Brien. At no point did she instruct George that "You have to pretend to be into Lynne Cheney," for instance.

Seriously: Aren't married people the ones who are supposed to be having sex?

(In theory, I mean.)

Posted by: Ace at 11:04 AM | Comments (144)
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Might be mentioned on CNN's Inside Politics today. My stars, I do declare, I'm just the belle of the ball lately.

Jacki (who does the blog run-down) wants all sorts of personal information about me. Quite frankly, I think she's just hitting on me. There's really no earthly reason CNN's viewers need to know "what [I'm] wearing right now" or "whether swing."

Very unprofessional, Jacki. Very unprofessional.

You may just wind up as Pat O'Brien's new co-host.

PS: Republicans suck.

Just trotting out the old Whoopie Goldberg classic to make sure I gets me some cable exposure.

Posted by: Ace at 10:37 AM | Comments (24)
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... and shockingly enough, this rule applies to the SAT essay section as well.

Come on now. Is this news?

There's that old joke about professors throwing a stack of essays up a flight of stairs. The essays that fall the shortest distance -- the heaviest ones -- get A's. The ones that make it to the top get D's or C-'s.

The only thing that kept me from flunking out of every school I ever went to was my ability to write quickly, fluently, and interminably. I knew ass about whatever subject I was writing about, but damn, could I pad those bastards out with irrelevant asides about stuff I dimly remembered from other courses ("This recalls the invective of the Roman poet Catullus" or "Let us turn now to Bernouli's Theorem regarding expanding gases" or even "You don't know what sort of man you are until you look a rutting warthog right in his sex-crazed eyes and are forced to make the difficult decision between survival and animal-inflicted sodomy") and basically bluff the harried TA into thinking that somewhere in my blue-book epics I would finally reach a answer to the question actually posed.

Luckily, they stop reading after the first few pages. And past the first few pages, I was pretty much limited to recounting old episodes of Simon & Simon.

As any longtime readers of this blog can attest, I'm a big believer in the concept that quantity is easily confused for quality.

Posted by: Ace at 10:16 AM | Comments (16)
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Dopey protestors chant "KFC is Kentucky Fried Cruelty;" a dick (and I mean that in the best possible way) decides to eat a box of Kentucky Fried Cruelty (extra-crispy, I think) right in front of them.

Thanks to LauraW.

Warning: A bit too many annoying "Your computer may be infected" popups, but I think it's worth it.

But Tell Me What You Really Think Update: Alex_fs offers this nuanced take on the matter--

Anybody who is against chicken torture hasn't spent a significant amount of time around them. They are stinking, filthy, stupid eating machines whose sole saving grace is their delicious flesh. If it weren't for their qualities when fried I'd demand that they be eradicated from the face of the earth. In fact, I'd recommend that slaughterhouses be more brutal. I'd advocate mass cockfights instead. Thunderdomes of poultry killing, ten thousand chickens enter, no chicken leaves.

Posted by: Ace at 09:08 AM | Comments (68)
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Just wonderful. Gere, or as Jennifer calls him, "The Speaker for Humanity," refused to take a picture with a couple of handicapped fans:

“Maybe later,” the 55-year-old Gere was quoted as saying. “I’m hard of hearing and I have a bad hip. We all have problems.”

Despite a second request an hour later, Gere still didn’t come over. “May I please finish my dinner?” he pleaded with another fan who came up and asked for a photo.

We all have problems. That's so true, Richard. Some of us have muscular dystrophy or are deaf and breathe through a tube (as his fans were), while others of us must soldier on with a "bad hip" that can only be partially cured with weekly acutherapy sessions and very expensive injections of crocodile cortiosteroids to the pelvis.

How you manage in the face of these crippling ailments is an inspiration to us all, Richard.

Jen is on F'n' Fire Update: The evidence--

Yet another dopey college student plays the Sodomy Card regarding gay marriage, this time to Ann Coulter.

("Sodomy" and "Ann Coulter" in the same sentence should be worth a couple of dozen google-hits.)

Colin Ferrel attempts to seduce 70 year old woman for two hours; fails.

Probably the first time he's struck out in a while. I give this old biddie major props.

Why does Jennifer hate Martin Short, though? Yes, he's a liberal. They all are. But hasn't she seen Clifford? Or The Three Amigos? Or Jiminy Glick?

Politics ends at the funny's edge. And Martin Short is f'n' funny.

Posted by: Ace at 08:56 AM | Comments (14)
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A defense of the goofy venture.

And yes, of course I'm just posting this because it mentions me. I'm cast in the bad-guy role near the end of the column:

There are people who want to deface or even destroy Wikipedia. The right-wing blogger Ace of Spades — out of mischief and because he heard Wikipedia's operators were liberals — recently called on its readers to "punk" the site: to put up as much misinformation and nonsense as possible. Other blogs gleefully expose errors, even if those defects persist only for a few minutes.

No hyperlink, damnit.

Not that it matters. No one reads the LA Times anyway. Including, it seems, its own editors.

Thanks to John, although the writer was nice enough to tip me to the article yesterday.

Posted by: Ace at 08:22 AM | Comments (115)
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...and Hugh Hewitt runs down the most interesting bits in his typically professional fashion.

One must-read he mentions is this WaPo column by a NYT former reporter and, gasp!, believing Christian, documenting the liberal media's unceasing hostility towards persons of faith.

Hey, maybe if we put it like that -- as if it were a handicap, "Persons of Faith" or "Differently Spiritual Persons" -- they'll give Christians some slack.*

Good on the WaPo to publish this. The WaPo is a liberal paper, but as has been widely remarked of late, it does make an effort to keep it fair. It fails as often as it succeeds, but the attempt is duly, and gratefully, noted.

On the other hand, there's the New York Times.

* Oh, right. In private conversations, the liberals of the press-corps already do refer to people of faith as if they were suffering from a handicap. They call them "retards."

Thanks for understanding, MSM. Your compassion is truly boundless.

Posted by: Ace at 08:15 AM | Comments (3)
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Pretty damn funny. Plays the tapes, and then counts the number of times he, for example, mentions "You have to be into Betsy." And every other sexy pick-up line.

CONTENT WARNING. Hey, even Dr. Phil's going to need a content warning tonight. Pat O'Brien needs a content warning when he brushes his teeth. He's liable to start telling the toothbrush "we can have any of these hookers."

Thanks to A Picture of Me.

Good Transcript Bonus! For a long time I was perplexed by one of Pat O'Brien's lines. I thought he was saying "eat off your face," which, you know, didn't really make sense to me. The guy's twisted, yes, but I didn't imagine him, I don't know, putting balongna on a woman's face and seductively spreading mustard on it.

He's actually saying "b**t off in your face."

Now that's the Pat O'Brien I know and love.

Posted by: Ace at 07:53 AM | Comments (19)
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Tonight's the night. Can't blame me.

The tapes, plus the Top Ten Pat O'Brien Televised Remarks That Never Made It On-Air.

The private correspondence of Pat O'Brien.

And, of course, Allah Pundit's remix of Lionel Ritchie's Hello, with special guest vocals by Pat O'Brien.

There are some Pat O'Brien haikus early in the comments of this thread, before it degenerated into a haiku flame war.

Obviously, for everything here, a fairly strong CONTENT WARNING.

These re-links are so fuckin' hhhhottt. I want to go craaaaazy on these re-links.

I don't know why I'm behaving this way.

Posted by: Ace at 07:38 AM | Comments (4)
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The hell with Jeff Gannon. Now here's a guy who swings, baby.

Tells CNN: "I was out of control."

Shut up, really?

Tells Dr. Phil all sorts of nonsense:

Here is an excerpt: "I want to (bleep) go crazy with you. I want to talk dirty to you...get another woman up...Let's get crazy, get some coke."

Quizzed by ["Dr. Phil"] McGraw, O'Brien says that is not him, but admits it is his voice.

"What was going through your mind that said this is OK, I'm going to do this not once, not twice, but 7 or 8 times?" Dr. Phil asks him.

I'll have to use that one. Next time I'm in Dutch with the law, I'll just say "It wasn't me. I mean, it was me, but it wasn't me. Sort of like in a dream. You know?"

Actually, come to think of it, that defense works.

Dr. Phil wonders:

"Will celebrities, certainly women, who are so offended by the nature of some of the things that came into the public light, will they talk to him? How's he going to feel with that? All of those things I think are huge challenges that create stress, and it's that's kind of stress that makes you want to go back to the drinking and the drugs."

The sad part of all this was that if he was any good at the dirty talk, and could come up with anything better than bullet-points about which part of the body he wanted to "eat" first, second, third, etc., he'd probably be getting all the damn interviews he wanted. Chicks love "bad boys."

They don't like creepy phone-message Jamie-Gumb-by-way-of-Forrest-Gump type characters, though. Believe me, I know.

Thanks to Slublog and Raymond.

Posted by: Ace at 07:36 AM | Comments (7)
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