Normally I'd immediately cop to a stiff allusion to Howard Dean's most recent fulmination from the Gadarene tombs, but such is not the case.

I actually am referencing a stereotype--the one that notes the collective image of white guys scattering like chickens whenever one of their buddies gets put in a full Nelson and had his kidneys tenderized by a swarthy second man.

Come to think of it, Howard Dean may be more right about the Republicans than even I thought. And thus comes the following bit of wisdom, and maybe a small suggestion for dealing with the barrage of "nazi death camp" analogies continually promulgated by the left--with little or no scrutiny from the media, who appear to have no fatigue in reporting such comparisons.

The Republicans become the Uber-Cauc the minute they make even the slightest attempt to mock the left. They appear to know nothing about the results of mocking. They know what mocking sounds like, but having no mechanisms internally by which to mitigate the vociferating, seething velociraptors high mockery can invoke. Right about the time Mr. GOP is smirking about his well-timed zinger, Maxine Waters starts channeling Mya Angelou with what portends to be another South Central conflagration.

Mr. GOP then proceeds to urinate on himself, and issue apologies.

So the time comes for a little "paint by numbers" lesson in mockery, inspired by my good friend and fellow blogger, Jeff, at Beautiful Atrocities, who laid out this brilliant bit on exactly how many recent comparisons to Hitler the left has stapled to perfectly good people, places, and processes.

If the Republicans can locate at least one guy who doesn't have to fight the urge to clap on the one and the three during Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It, then this might work: Try comparing everyday banalities to Nazi Blitzkriegs. Make them real doozies. The trick is to do it with such a tone that the actual comparison pales in the white-hot light of . . . mockery.

I mean it. Preschool, post-nasal drip, acid reflux, and even that annoying tendency for a drive-up window attendant to place your change on top of your paper money while your hand is at a 45 degree angle.

"Having ones petty change rattle through a hot sidewalk grate makes the mind hearken back to thge days when my relatives had their gilded molars extracted with channel locks by the Third Reich."

Compare everything to the Nazis. Call Press conferences, grant interviews, send out faxes. Go on record with the largest list of Nazi-esque banalities ever witnessed by humankind. What it will not do is force the media to examine the overall gratuitous employment of the term in general, but a cheapening of the value of the lives of holocaust victimes by Repub. . .wait, um . . .never mind.

Maybe we should just issude Depends Undergarments and call it a day for these guys.

Posted by: Ace at 09:57 PM | Comments (5)
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I found a pretty good article on CNN about Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (AADHD) and Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (AADD):

Adults with attention disorders typically find coping strategies to get through the days, things like keeping reminder lists or detailed planners. They often have a spouse handle the bills and keep track of birthdays. At work, they'll have an office assistant mind the books.

I have a neighbor with Adult ADD, so I thought it would be interesting to hear what his days are like, and how he copes. I'll call him "Bill," because that's his name.

John
So tell me, how do you cope with the demands of everyday life? How do you keep this condition at bay?

Bill
You learn to lean on people, and you develop your own "bag of tricks" if you will, and you try to...uhhh...what was I saying?

John
Taxes.

Bill
Taxes?

John
You were saying that you thought Bush's tax cuts benefit only the wealthiest Americans. more...

Posted by: Ace at 08:29 PM | Comments (9)
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by Zelda of The Urban Grind

Nowadays it seems like scientists are attempting to explain away all kinds of shortcomings and bad behavior by blaming it on genes.

Recently, scientists in London have discovered a genetic basis for the female orgasm. Meanwhile, on our side of the pond, scientists at Emory University doing research on voles (mouselike rodents with dark coats and fat tails) have determined that the animal's propensity to sow his oats (so to speak) can be determined by a highly variable section of DNA involved in controlling a gene. The researchers say they have found that same mechanism in human DNA.

And when the topic of genes and human DNA comes up, it seems to me that it's always to prove that evolution is the main guiding factor. So the fact that some women climax with greater ease than others is simply a way to "assess whether a man would make a good long-term partner." What about taking the time to get to know a man??? To these scientists, it's always about men impregnating as many women as possible, and women finding a good "provider."

I don't know about you folks, but there's no way I'm marrying some man just because he's older and has money. And don't even get me started on this "men are more visual creatures that women nonesense."

What say you all?

Posted by: Ace at 07:22 PM | Comments (37)
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I know this joke has been made before, but man, these still crack me up.

Visit here for the latest version.

Join me, and together we can win the trip for two to Acapulco.

---
UPDATE: If you want to read the absolute best review of Star Wars Episode III, don't visit my site, and skip Ace's grouchy whining.

Read James Lileks here-- he liked it in the ways it could be liked, and he slams it in the way only he can. Good stuff.

---
UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Reader Sean alleges that the link led to a virus. I've got Norton on my machine, fully updated, and nothing popped up for me, so I don't know what he's talking about.

That said, I must take it seriously, and warn everyone to exercise caution on clicking on this link. If you don't have a good anti-virus program, well, you shouldn't be surfing INTERNET to begin with, dumbkopfs.

Click here if you dare.

Posted by: Ace at 07:02 PM | Comments (8)
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Let me start by apologizing for that mental image.. Moving on:

According to to House minority leader Nancy Pelosi:

"The fact is that the Republicans are trying to make a lot of hay out of Governor Dean's remarks because they are failing to meet the needs of the American people," she said at a press conference.

"If Governor Dean were not being effective, they would not be going after him so strongly," Pelosi said.

Excuse me one second please.

AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

Almost done.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!

I feel much better now.

Classic Pelosi. And of course, Dean's story is:

"I think a lot of (the controversy) is exactly what the Republicans want, and that's a diversion," he said.

Now, I'm not saying that most Republicans (myself included) don't enjoy seeing the mad doctor taking one foot out of his mouth to make room for the other, but who's making an ass out of himself over and over and over again?

And who didn't know that Dean was going to be a disaster as DNC chair?

And to top it off, apparently he's not brining in the crazy donor money for the Dems.

Any bets on how long he'll keep his job?

[Cross-posted at WuzzaDem.com]

Posted by: Ace at 05:38 PM | Comments (11)
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Call me crazy, but I believe this is what Ace would have called a "cowbell moment."

So much for the “worst economy since Herbert Hoover.”

Posted by: Ace at 03:59 PM | Comments (3)
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Dissolute wastrel Hannibal Gaddafi has appealed a 4 month suspended prison sentence for a February rampage in 2 Paris hotels in which he beat his pregnant girlfriend (sending her to the hospital), brandished an automatic pistol, barricaded himself in a room, & began smashing up the furniture. Hannibal, the youngest son of you-know-who, is something of a ladies man with quite a reputation in Europe. Aside from beating bodacious model Aline Skaf, Hannibal's other exploits include:

Copenhagen 2005: Violent incident at Libyan diplomat's residence in which police were called, but unable to intervene due to the building's diplomatic status.

Paris 2004: A drunken, incoherent Hannibal drove the wrong way down the Champs Elysees at 100mph in his black Porsche in the middle of the night. Once stopped, his thuggish bodyguards attacked French police & destroyed a police transmitter.

Rome 2003: Involved in brawl that sent 6 photographers to hospital

Rome 2001: Escorted to airport after brawl at Rome Hilton in which he attacked police with a fire extinguisher

Sardinia 2001: Thrown out of club for screaming at waiters, blocked the entrance to a disco with his Lamborghini, blasted music aboard his 70-ft yacht the Che Guevara, broadcast Muslim call to prayer over boat's PA system at dawn after long night of partying

Posted by: Ace at 03:22 PM | Comments (14)
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Saddam Hussein murdered hundreds of thousands of his countrymen and buried them in shallow mass graves, yet America's soldiers are guilty of a holocaust.

Its enough to make a guy want to puke.

To be fair, I think Rangel was trying to compare the "world's silence" about what he is undoubtedly perceiving as atrocities in Iraq to the world's silence about the holocaust in Nazi Germany during the first part of WWII. But still, he's drawing a comparison between the Nazi's occupation of parts of Europe and America's occupation of Iraq, which is, to any sensible person, beyond the pale.

Posted by: Ace at 02:05 PM | Comments (6)
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It looks like small town America is not immune to a terrorist attack.

Five men from the town of Lodi, California were arrested on charges of lying to federal agents when being questioned about having ties to Al Qaeda. . Apparently these guys are American citizens and spent quite a bit of time in Pakistan learning how to kill Americans.

As heard from my clock radio this morning, Lodi is one of those quaint little towns, known for their growing wineries, agriculture output and cherry trees. According to the City of Lodi website, it has a population of 58,950 (as of January 1, 2001) and is contained in an area of 12 square miles. Sort of a picture perfect place. Go ahead. Take a look at the pics. more...

Posted by: Ace at 12:14 PM | Comments (4)
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Hey everyone,

Zelda here with The Urban Grind. I'm glad to be back here guest blogging. It's flattering that someone thinks I'm "cute." But then again, I'll have to have a word with Ace about the "annoying" part.

Anway, for the silliness, porn star Mary Carey and her boss Mark Kulkis of Kick A-- Pictures will be dining with President Bush at the upcoming 2005 President's Dinner and Salute to Freedom, hosted by the National Republican Congressional Committee.

Both Mary and Mark insist they are regular people:

"I read the Bible and pray every night," Carey told WorldNetDaily in an exclusive interview.

"We're not the freakish demons people make us out to be," said Kulkis. "I'm not a creep with a coke spoon around his neck. I'm a regular guy."

Let me tell you all something. A friend of mine once set me up on a blind date with a guy who claimed to be the porn star "Myles Longue." There was nothing regular about the guy. If you guys want details, click here.

Anyway, what do we have to show for all this porn in our society? For one thing, some scientists are saying that watching certain variations of it spurs men to produce better sperm. Furthermore, both men and women are getting all kinds of plastic surgery on their private parts. I guess they want to look like some of these porn stars. Ah, the tyranny of it all...

Posted by: Ace at 10:22 AM | Comments (9)
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