Christian Bale wants an R rated version of Batman released in the sequel. Basically he wants Batman to get it on like any other hot blooded man with a rubber fetish.

I for one, being totally hot for Christian Bale since the nearly erotic Gun Kata scenes in "Equilibrium," am all for this. More Bale, please. Preferably with no shirt and sweaty. One request though... well, two actually.

1. Do a theatrical release of a pg-13 so the kids can still go to the film. Do the R-rated version on a special DVD.

2. Get Bale someone with out a raging case of oral herpes and hammer toes to get it on with.

Posted by: Ace at 07:59 AM | Comments (13)
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Ok, I am going on vacation next week with the WHOLE family to an undisclosed location in the florida panhandle. The first vacation in I do not know how long and the long standing rule of the universe is coming to pass. What rule you ask? The rule of: If Jennifer plans a trip to the beach it will cause a tropical storm and/or a flooding rain of biblical proportions.

According to the weather channel there is a "freak" early season tropical storm moving into the gulf. They say it is going to hit Loseyournanner and Florida's panhandle on Saturday. Well that is just fine, I am not leaving until the weekend, but what are the chances the rain will all be gone by then? Eh? ZERO!

I Will come back from Florida as white as I arrived. We will spend the week playing Canasta and Ziggity listening to my daughters (all 4 of them) whining, "When is it going to stop rainingggggg... We want to go swiiiiiimmmming." I will be hitting the tequila bottle strait by day three and will be looking for a local pharmacy and a bottle of Xanax by day 5.

Everyone, I would like a concerted effort to pray the rain leaves and that I get to see the sun and sand without fear of rip tides and seaweed covered white sandy beaches at least two days of my trip. The day I arrive exhausted from the drive DOES NOT COUNT!

Posted by: Ace at 07:45 AM | Comments (9)
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Since my good friend The Therapist has thrown down his own version of the Sullivan Meter, I guess I have an excuse to drag mine out again, along with the accompanying (outdated) post:

Professor Bainbridge says Andrew Sullivan is an ass. Maybe. Or maybe he's just feeling disgusted, dismayed, disheartened, dispeptic or dispiteous.

Whatever Sully's emotional state, you can be sure it will have a direct impact on what kind of post you'll find at andrewsullivan.com.

Update: Since it takes me forever to do any kind of graphic, I didn't see Allah's version, posted at Ace's, until I finished this post [NOTE: I wrote this back April, when I originally posted]. Believe me, I'm usually a little more discrete when I'm stealing material.

Update II: Are You Conservative? thinks Andy might be a "basher."

Be sure to check the Pope Benedict XVI Catholicometer.

[Posted by John from WuzzaDem.com]

Posted by: Ace at 07:38 AM | Add Comment
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Warning: gratuitous and egregious gender stereotyping contained within.

The other day while flipping the movie channels and coming across one too many chick flicks, I got to thinking: what sort of movies make men emotional?

It's axiomatic that real men don't cry, but admittedly, everybody gets choked up over things from time to time. You don't have to be full-on, tears-streaming-down-your-face crying to qualify here-- choking back the sniffles counts.

To address our question, I've got two theories, but before we get there, let's look at the chick flick.

Guys hate chick flicks because 1) they're usually stupid, 2) they're usually fantastic, 3) they don't speak to guys.

They're stupid because, well, they're stupid. They usually rely on artificial comic scenarios ("She thinks he's gay but it's just a misunderstanding!"; "She thinks her mother doesn't want her to get married but secretly she does!"). If there is any romance at all, it's inevitably spawned by the "meet-cute," that accidental meeting where our heroine bumps into her one true love in a bookstore/coffee shop/tractor-pull only to spend the rest of the damn movie being prevented from hooking up because of their own stupidity or misunderstandings.

Which brings me to the fantastic part-- no one in real life acts like this. Case in point: in nearly every romantic chick flick, there is a scene where Julia Roberts/Meg Ryan/Jennifer Lopez is drunk in a bedroom with Dylan McDermott/Dermot Mulroney/Freddie Prinz, Jr., and instead of rutting like rabbits in heat, the man decides against taking advantage of the drunken woman and puts her quietly to bed instead.

Granted, in real life this makes some sense, because in real life we haven't watched 45 minutes of our woman telling her mother/her sister/her beautician/her mortician that she's in love with the guy and wants to be loved back. Watching the movie, however, you just feel cheated, because it's obvious that the screenwriter is artificially preventing the characters from doing what real people in real life would do, which is rut like rabbits in heat.

Finally, the chick flick doesn't speak in a language men understand. That's okay, it doesn't have to, that's why we've got Bruce Willis movies. Yet, women everywhere persist in dragging men to these movies in the hopes they'll one day find the sad sack who actually enjoys it.

Seriously, what real man can identify with a woman crying about their sister's love? Hey, if you two chicks want to hug and bond over that time in that cafe in Paris with that waiter (Jean-Luc!), be my guest-- I'll be watching Australian-rules football on ESPN2. Again, men's emotional buttons simply aren't the same as women's, and these movies don't punch them.

That all said, which movies *do* punch men's buttons? more...

Posted by: Ace at 07:36 AM | Comments (48)
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Amnesty International will be testifying at a congressional hearing regarding the detention center in Guantanamo bay.

Amnesty International. The same group that recently compared America's detention center at Guantanamo Bay to Soviet-era gulags where millions were worked and/or starved to death. The same group that has called for the arrest of President Bush and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for war crimes while they're on foreign soil.

Couldn't they find a more objective source to testify at a congressional hearing about Guantanamo Bay? Like, oh I don't know, one of the terrorists detained there? Or maybe Rep. Rangel could just take the mic and tell us all reasons why Guantanamo Bay is like Auschwitz.

Well, the AI representative's contributions to the hearing should be entertaining at least, if not particularly beneficial.

Posted by: Ace at 05:54 AM | Comments (12)
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I have no idea why MT hates me so much. I am thinking maybe I need to do this with another browser. Will try next entry with Netscape or that steaming pile of Microsoft crap, IE. Anyway, here is the link I couldn't make work above. Great link, btw.

Superman Tribute Film that makes me want to rent the Chris Reeve DVD this weekend. It is a tribute to all the people who have taken part in bringing Superman to the screen, past and present. If you do not click on anything else, click on this one.

Posted by: Ace at 05:50 AM | Comments (6)
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1. Star Wars: A Musical Tribute complete with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" as a soundtrack. Funny stuff.

2. I am sure Dave has viewed this before, but I hadn't. William Shatner in Se7en.

3. Some Star Wars fun, Lessons Learned from Revenge of the Sith and another one!

In a galaxy far, far away, missiles that release funny little robots that try to eat your spaceship are considered far more useful than missiles that, say, explode.

A Jedi's power to be unaffected by the heat of several million tonnes of molten rock quite obviously resides in his feet.

Robots with cutesy voices are annoying, not adorable. That goes double for aliens with cutesy voices. Triple for robots with cutesy voices and smokerÂ’s cough.

Posted by: Ace at 05:44 AM | Comments (4)
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A court ruling in Canada may have put that country on the track to private health insurance.

Apparently, private health insurance for neccessary medical procedures was actually banned by law in Canada. I guess they didn't want people jumping ship from the government program. Which, if true, probably should have told the bureaucrats who came up with the idea of government-backed health insurance something.

Posted by: Ace at 05:34 AM | Comments (2)
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I'd like to thank Ace for the opportunity to be a real live blogger. My blog rarely affords me the opportunity to exercise these parameters, as I am too busy hoping to corner the market on the always-hard-to-do satire genre.

But since Ace's site constantly shows me the Andrew Sullivan meter, I thought I would simply post my own hacked-up creation that borrows from the same theme:

It exists as an organic part of a larger article entitled; European Union Adopts Gayer, More Submissive Color-Coded terror Alert System.

This is my one and only gratuitous reference to my own blog. All others will be serruptitious.

Posted by: Ace at 10:26 PM | Comments (4)
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Breaking on CNN:

The head of Bolivia's Supreme Court -- Eduardo Rodriguez -- has been sworn in as interim president to succeed the outgoing Carlos Mesa.
...
The job of interim president automatically went to Rodriguez after two congressional leaders, who were first and second in line for the post, turned it down.

Senate leader Hormando Vaca Diez was first in line under Bolivia's constitution to be named as Mesa's successor, but the leaders of the street protests that have effectively shut down the capital of La Paz vowed to drive him from office if he gained power.

Leftist opposition leader Evo Morales lashed out late Wednesday at Vaca Diez, saying he was a wealthy landowner and another discredited member of the "mafia of the oligarchy" that has ruled Bolivia for decades.

"We will wage a campaign of civil disobedience" against any Vaca Diez presidency, warned Morales, a leader of poor coca leaf-farmers and a House deputy who heads a leftist party, the Movement Toward Socialism. "The street mobilizations will not halt."

Posted by: Ace at 10:13 PM | Add Comment
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