Another good parody, this time from The Therapist:

Washington--As president Bush's critics call for Karl Rove's ouster, new details are emerging that appear to confirm allegations that the GOP strategist may have outed Joseph Wilson as "married."

Wilson had been investigating possible connections between Africa and Iraq's nuclear weapons program, which he claimed was fabricated to exaggerate IraqÂ’s imminent threat to America.

In an email to Time magazine reporter Mathew Cooper, Rove warned Cooper about credibility issues with the staunch and largely discredited critic, noting that his trip to Africa was arranged by his "wife."

California senator Barbara Boxer (D) did not mince words in the issue.

"It's bad enough that we can't get the gays married," said Boxer. "But to compound the traditional marriage statistics with a marriage never intended to be exposed is treason."

Posted by: Ace at 07:40 AM | Comments (9)
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French cleaning ladies organize a ride-share to work and are sued by a bus company operating the same route for engaging in "an act of unfair and parasitical competition."

They're quite mad, you know.

Posted by: Ace at 07:30 AM | Comments (10)
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Whatever.

Come the parodies:

Slublog imagines it like The Corner.

John from Wuzzadem figures more of a stand-alone Rather blog.

Good stuff.

Posted by: Ace at 07:23 AM | Comments (3)
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Not sure if this is legit, but supposedly a Star Wars III bootleg was found featuring captions in English translated from (here's the tricky part) a Chinese translation. The Jedi Council gets translated as "the Presbyterian Church," for example.

It's pretty funny, and really not all that much worse than Lucas' original dialogue.

Posted by: Ace at 07:16 AM | Comments (8)
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For some reason I got the feeling this movie wasn't funny. The stuff they showed in the commercials wasn't all that funny, and the reviews were mixed at best.

Someone had a bootleg of it a long time ago and I half-heard it while playing poker. It didn't sound good.

But, it's on HBO now (HBO on Demand, for those of you with digital), and I've watched it about two and a half times in the past three days.

It's hysterical. I think the reason the commercials didn't seem very funny is that it sort of requires a learning curve to find it funny. It's just so utterly stupid, and Will Ferrel is such an absurd caricature, it takes a little bit to build on itself until everything in the movie gets funny.

That deep, pompous voice. Man. I love the line:

I have one burning passion in my loins. Like a flaming, golden hhhhawkkhh.

That's just "hawk," but all drawn out and over-annunciated. Like the way Kirk used to say "Spockkkkhhh" instead of "Spock."

"By the Beard of Zeus!" and "Sweet Odin's Raven!" are also pretty funny exclamations by Ferrell.

Anyway, if you've avoided this movie so far, take a look. The first five minutes you're going to think it's the most retarded piece of shit you've ever seen. But then... it becomes transcendent.

Transcendantly retarded, but still.

Oh, and there's a shitload of cameos. Half are from SNL, and half are the sort of people that always show up in these sorts of movies. Apparently Hollywood has decided that it can't make a comedy unless it contains three of four from this list: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughan, Will Ferrel, and at least one of the Wilson brothers.

Political Shit? Some people say they stayed away due to the movie's anti-Bush content.

Well, all that is is one line at the end of the movie, when they're describing what happened to all the characters later in life. The retarded character became a key Bush advisor.

A dumb joke and only for liberals, but really, it's not like one line at the very end of a movie can really ruin a movie.

So, the one guy in Animal House ended up working for the Nixon White House and going to jail over Watergate... doesn't make the Vaughan Liebowitz scene any less funny. (And vicious.)

Just sayin' -- this sort of joke is made all the time by Hollywood. Anchorman makes one four-second anti-Bush joke. In Hollywood terms, that almost makes it pro-Bush.

Posted by: Ace at 09:36 PM | Comments (36)
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From soon after the attacks. He wasn't talking about the revolt of the US against terrorism after 9-11. No, he called the calculated mass-murder of 2800 unsuspecting, unarmed civilians the "revolt" of 9-11, and when Chris Hitchens objected to that vile terminology, he responded "Whatever you want to call it."

He then goes on like a maniac about corporate control of the media before exclaiming "The Arabs have a point!" and hoping that the terrorism will renew leftism in America.

This is the man that Hollywood has deemed to be the right director for the first major theatrical film about 9-11.

The left will cry censorship should the dipshit studio heads be forced to remove him from the project.

But they don't seem at all bothered that Oliver Stone is the only sort of man they allow to make big-budget films with political overtones.

A man of the far left.

Go figure.

Posted by: Ace at 09:05 PM | Comments (14)
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A bikini-clad blonde, apparently with no muscular tension and complete rag-doll physics, falls amidst large bubbles.

Megan calls it "oddly hypnotic." It is. It reminds me of the time Susan Powter and I got pissface-drunk on Mescalin and Robitussen DF in the bouncy-ball room at Chucky Cheese.

I'm also sure it's somehow, subconsciously, mysogynistic, which is why I likes it so much.

Oh: When she gets stuck -- or even if she doesn't -- you can drag her deathly-limp body around with your mouse.

Which is extra-special bonus misogynistic.

Should have been the video that ran with Sex Type Thing.

Posted by: Ace at 08:03 PM | Comments (18)
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Bush's plan to cut the deficit in half by 2009 might actually happen by next year.

Don't get me wrong. Chimphitler McHalliburton still spends too much of America's money. But-- the improving economy is boosting tax receipts. And that, as it did in the 1990's, shrinks the deficit.

Posted by: Ace at 07:56 PM | Comments (14)
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Longtime commenters will agree: it's about g-darn time.

Disclosure: This post was financed by Jewish bankers. And also a few Jewish dentists. And also one Jewish chiropodist, who I swear is the best foot-man in New York City. The best.

Posted by: Ace at 07:32 PM | Comments (65)
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I know she's one of ours, but... but... but...

Come on!

Four years ago, as the state labored to eradicate citrus canker by destroying trees, officials rejected other disease-fighting techniques, saying unproven methods would waste precious time and resources.

But for more than six months, the state, at the behest of then-Secretary of State Katherine Harris, did pursue one alternative method -- a very alternative method.

Researchers worked with a rabbi and a cardiologist to test "Celestial Drops," promoted as a canker inhibitor because of its "improved fractal design," "infinite levels of order" and "high energy and low entropy."

But the cure proved useless against canker. That's because it was water -- possibly, mystically blessed water.

The "product is a hoax and not based on any credible known science," the state's chief of entomology, nematology and plant pathology wrote to agriculture officials and fellow scientists after testing Celestial Drops in October 2001.

Really? But they used words like "fractal" and "entropy." Sounds like science to me!

In the same letter, Wayne Dixon recommended that the state break off its relationship with the promoters of Celestial Drops.

"We have expended considerable effort in trying to responsibly deal with this group and their products," he stated. "I wish to maintain our standing in the scientific community and not allow these individuals to use our hard-earned credibility for further name-dropping."

Dixon's sentiments were not a surprise to other scientists.

"The presentation of Celestial Drops as a citrus canker treatment was . . . largely unintelligible," according to a memo written more than a year earlier by one of the state's chief plant pathologists. "In general, the proposal comes across as unscientific and not worth pursuing."

Oh, these dumb scientists probably just were intimidated by "fractal" and "entropy."

So why did Florida spend months discussing and developing test protocols for Celestial Drops?

The initial push came from Harris, now a U.S. House representative and candidate for U.S. Senate. Harris, the granddaughter of legendary citrus baron Ben Hill Griffin Jr., said she was introduced to one of the product's promoters, New York Rabbi Abe Hardoon, in 2000.

Hardoon did not want to discuss Celestial Drops when contacted by the Orlando Sentinel.

But Harris said Hardoon told her he was working with Israeli scientists who had developed a compound that made plants resistant to canker. Harris acted as intermediary and urged state agriculture officials to work with Hardoon and his associates.

"I met with those [Israeli] scientists," Harris said Friday. "They were confident they had a cure for canker."

Harris said she then stepped back and allowed Hardoon and the state to work out the details. Agriculture Department officials insist she applied no political pressure.

"She just wanted to make sure it was brought to our attention," said agriculture spokesman Terence McElroy.

State records, however, suggest Harris had a keen interest in the project.

She was repeatedly sent copies of the letters and memos bouncing between Florida canker officials and Hardoon. In August 2001, Harris herself jotted a note to Hardoon.

"I would love to see this work," it says.

Still unknown: Whether Phantasmagoric Essences were utilized in keeping Al Gore's chads a-danglin'.

Moron.

Thanks to LauraW.

Loose Shit: Wrote this as I was out the door to do something. Realized on my way: It's not Kathleen, you retard.

Too late.

Posted by: Ace at 01:23 PM | Comments (46)
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