But even better are the brief digests of the UN Charter and all of American history.

Posted by: Ace at 05:53 PM | Comments (10)
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Just read it.

Oh dear me, I just can't wait some arrogant French asswipe starts in on the whole "you stupid Americans" thing again.

Please. Please please please. Please let me get linked by some French blog and get infested with les trolles françaises.

Thanks to Andrea for the French tips, although I really just prefer butchering their crappy little lingue du surrendere.

Maybe He Was Right: Although I think he's still just an idiot.

Check the comments. The British Channel Islands were occupied by the Nazis and Jews were forced to register as such. Twelve Jews were deported from the islands, with the cooperation of the (presumably Vichy-fied) British government, and yes, some of those deportees wound up in concentration camps.

How SeanM knew that, or even thought to google that, is beyond me.

Again, I don't know if this rescues Frenchy McDroolcup, because he seemed to be talking about England proper. Plus, the report said his remarks caused "embarassment," which they wouldn't have done had he known what he was talking about and simply said, "You are perhaps forgetting de occupied Channel Islands, yes-yes?"

I think this is just an idiot stumbling over his ignorance and falling into wisdom.

Kind of like Being There, only with more chain-smoking and body-odor.

Posted by: Ace at 05:36 PM | Comments (25)
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Hmmm... our sister-planet Mars is also emerging from a long ice age, with increasing global temperatures.

Why, one would almost begin to suspect that much of "global warming" is due to natural variations in the energy radiated by the Sun.

Al Gore has announced the working title for his next book, The Sun: How It's Destroying Our Fragile Ecosystem And Why We Must Blow It Up.

Doubtless you are curious as to why
I have summoned you here, Mr. Bond...

Thanks to cutaway.

Posted by: Ace at 02:56 PM | Comments (79)
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Oh, did I ever mention I stood next to Monica Lewinsky at some bar-basement rock show thing? I was seeing a local act called Palomar and I noticed someone who looked hellafamiliar right behind me.

Not really worth mentioning, except to prove I occassionally go outdoors. There was a bit of awkwardness when I began frantically masturbating on her coat, but she just laughed it off and said, "Oh, I get that all the time."

Anyway:

A rubber company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names Clinton and Lewinsky, apparently seeking to exploit the White House affair that led to the impeachment of America's 42nd president.

Spokesman Liu Wenhua of the Guangzhou Rubber Group said the company was handing out 100,000 free Clinton and Lewinsky condoms as part of a promotion to raise consumer awareness of its new products.

He said that after the promotion ends, the Clinton condoms will go on sale in southern China for 29.8 Yuan ($3.72) for a box of 12, while the Lewinsky model will be priced at 18.8 Yuan ($2.35) for the same quantity.

''The Clinton condom will be the top of our line,'' he said. ''The Lewinsky condom is not quite as good.''

Mostly because it doesn't allow much sensation, given that it's a size 10 blue skirt-suit. Try wrapping that around your dorkbat. You'll be able to go for hours.

This story's dateline is today, so the story itself isn't old. But the Chinese do not appear to be quick off the gun as far as marketing. Can't wait for their Gary Hart/Donna Rice line.

Thanks to JG, or, as I call him, "Jay Gee."

Curiosity: Didn't "rubber" used to be kind of vulgar? Whereas "condom" was acceptable? Well, the NYTimes now calls them "rubbers," it seems, at least when it needs to refer to them twice in one sentence and doesn't want to repeat the word "condom."

I think in the fourth paragraph they call them "jimmy hats" and then "Bozo balloons," but I was only skimming so I'm not really sure.

Note to Oliver Willis: I certainly do not mean to imply that all Chinese are Fu-Manchu moustachioed Masters of Evil when I call them "inscrutable." I just mean that they're crafty, cunning, and have strange magical powers, like elves.

Posted by: Ace at 02:43 PM | Comments (25)
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The BBC reports today:

Four Argentine army commandos on skis have dropped from a helicopter onto an Antarctic glacier, in a bid to rescue a missing scientist and navy officer.

The two Argentine men were crossing the Collins Glacier, on King George Island, on a snowmobile on Saturday when they fell down a deep crevasse.

Reminds me of Ice Station Zebra, a 60Â’s flick whose plot involves a hodge podge military teamÂ’s race to the Pole to rescue trapped scientists (and, covertly, recover crucial satellite imagery) ahead of the Ruskies. Now, Zebra had itÂ’s scientists trapped by deadly Artic weather in a ruined camp, but there were crevasse rescues. more...

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes at 02:12 PM | Comments (14)
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There's a Chris Rock riff about how you know white people wouldn't vote for Colin Powell for President because they say (according to this riff) "He speaks so wellllll." Which is supposedly a bit of racism, because, as Rock fumes, "He's an educated man! What the hell did you expect to come out of his mouth?"

And I guess there's some truth in that. A bit. Like the old sportscaster "slur," where white athletes would be praised for their "smarts and teamwork" and blacks would be praised for their "natural athletic ability" and "finely honed predatory pack-hunting insticts."

Okay, I made the last one up, but that whole complaint was sort of overblown anyway. Yes, occasionally that was said, but it's been damned more than it was ever orginally uttered.

Anyway. Oliver Willis, having, as usual, very little to say about anything (and, unlike me, who shares the same limitation, also not having any interesting way to say that little bit) is back on his old reliable hobbyhorse, accusing political opponents in the blogosphere of invidious racism.

The charge? Captain Ed showed the true colors of his sheets when he remarked that Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele was...

Articulate, knowledgeable, passionate, and humorous, he [Steele] embodies the communication skills of a Ronald Reagan with a keen grasp of policy.

You see? He accused Steele of being "articulate," thus demonstrating that he thinks all black people are Mush-mouth from Fat Albert (or Dumb Donald, take your pick).

Filet-O-Fish fumes:

Aw lawzy! That Michael Steele is sho nuff one of them “articulate” negroes. One of “the good ones”, you know?

Jesus, he can't even be funny when he's swiping from Chris Rock.

Okay, listen to me, Moron: "articulate" is a perfectly useful adjective and it is generally considered a compliment. Not everyone is articulate. I'm sure not when I'm doing my stupid internet webcast show. I wish I were, but I'm not.

Steele is articulate. If you don't like that word, how about "fluid" or "smooth" or "verbally dextrous"? Take your pick, Big Fun.

Look, idiot, if you don't have anything interesting to say, please try writing another one of your hi-larious fake news bits involving Britney Spears or Beyonce. You know, the, giggle, future Mrs. Oliver Willis. In, you know, the Bizarro dimension.

Playing the race card just because you're tapped out and desperately flailing for attention is cheap, even for you. Slurring someone just for a quickie post is the mark of, how you say?, major asshole.

It's this juvenile to call everyone you don't like a "racist" that has actually robbed that vicious word of its old (righteous) power. When everyone's a "racist," it just loses all sting, you know? You can stretch the word as far as the frayed and straining elastic waistband in your husky-plus sweatpants, but it loses all "snap," see what I'm sayin'?

Thanks to Allah, who reads Oliver Willis so that you don't have to.

No link for Grimmace. I've got better things to do than type in the link for a fat, talentless slime-merchant of a McDonald's mascot.

Eric Cartman says you suck, too.

More! We're All Racists! Well, Fat-Ass thinks we haven't met any black people, because, you know, he says "stuck on stupid" is an old black thang (hey, I speak Jive!) and we didn't hear it before so we don't know any black people and we hate them. Or something.

Well, look here Old Man, it is true that blacks and whites don't socialize as much as we should in a perfect world, which is why some black slang -- "old" as Dave would say -- suddenly becomes the white flavor of the month when we finally hear it.

Eh. It's all about race with some people.

Wonder how many "homies" (I'm down!) Eric Altermann "chills" with on a regular basis.

A lot of black slang originates in what some call "da hood." Now, not to cast aspersions on Grimmace's "street cred" or nothin', but something tells me he hears stuff about forty seconds before George Fucking Plimpton or Tucker Fucking Carlson does.

Again, thanks to Allah. See how much better this is when you help me rather than viciously attack me?

Posted by: Ace at 02:08 PM | Comments (51)
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According to Andrew Stuttaford over at NRO's the Corner, this is how a recent English cricket player celebrated a win recently.

One part in particular made me think that Ace might have been a cricket player:

Flintoff is there to demonstrate a more wholesome truth: you train and work hard, you throw yourself entirely into the contest, you win and then you get to drink and smoke until you're so full of alcohol and fumes you can barely remember your own name. That's the sort of inspiration that would have worked for me.

Posted by: Harry Callahan at 01:08 PM | Comments (2)
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Bush's fault?

Posted by: Ace at 09:34 AM | Comments (16)
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We knew this was coming.

Can I just say I was going to write this same story a week ago? I decided against it as being too, well, cruel. I couldn't think of a way to do it without coming off as ghoulish.

Ah, well. No guts, no glory.

Posted by: Ace at 09:32 AM | Comments (13)
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Big frickin' deal. I'm so loaded up on Klonopin and Miller Light on my show I make Sid Vicious look like Pete F'n' Sampras.

Thanks to Ogre Gunner.

Posted by: Ace at 09:28 AM | Comments (30)
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