Good Lord, look at that meat paddle.
Those guys in the background behind Al? Not actually in the background. They are actually extra heads Al sprouted on his enormous fleshy shoulders. Started out as skin tags.

The only purpose of this post is to make gratuitous fat jokes about Al Gore. OK?

The site has been getting a little sophisticated lately, and ain't nothing sadder than a whole room full of tapioca-sucking retards trying to look smart.
Moronblog, remember?
Let's get back to our roots.

UPDATE: You people are slaying me. Knew I could count on you.
Favorites so far:
-Al Gore's so fat his pants size is "equator".
-He's just trying to lessen global warming by providing more shade.

It is this kind of high-minded intellectual patter that keeps people coming back to Blog Land. Kudos.

Posted by: LauraW. at 08:00 AM | Comments (126)
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Totally Bitchin' Shoes Make A Comeback

The [alligator] population boom is prompting state wildlife officials to reconsider hunting restrictions that continued to protect the species after the American alligator came off the federal endangered list in 1987.

In December, the state government will be asked to approve proposed changes to extend the annual hunting season, currently around two-and-a-half months, and increase hunting limits.

The proposed new rules would also allow Florida property owners to take matters into their own hands if a rogue gator comes calling, and kill the reptile.

I've had alligator once, battered and fried chunks that definitely did not taste like chicken. It went OK with beer, and that is the main thing.

If alligator flesh makes its way to Northeastern grocery stoes, I'll give it another whirl.

Posted by: LauraW. at 07:21 AM | Comments (38)
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I can't blame the media, I guess, for ignoring this story. I did. Even though Larwyn kept feeding me Gateway Pundit links.

I can't ignore it anymore.

The MSM can, though.

Posted by: Ace at 09:01 PM | Comments (37)
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Politics, schmolitics. I've been waiting to see Cindy Margolis naked for six or seven years.

I have a strict (or semi-strict) policy against linking this sort of thing, but 1) I'm double insulated (first you have to go to Agent Bedhead, then to another site), and 2) it's Cindy Margolis, and seriously, I've really wanted to see her cans for a long, long time.

Today is a wonderful day. Did John Kerry arrange this for me, too? (Content warning-- duh!)

Okay... reactions.

It's a little like waiting all year for a toy at Christmas and then realizing two minutes in it's not all that.

I'm not saying I wouldn't hit that. I would. I'm just saying my coefficient of hitting that shit just isn't as high as it once was.

Oh I'm not saying the coefficient of hitting that shit has become a trivial number. It's definitely nontrivial. It's just not a geometrically-increasing coefficient of hitting that shit anymore.

Link Fixed. Sorry! Just had an extra character in there.

Posted by: Ace at 08:13 PM | Comments (211)
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Allah finds the full tape of the Kerry speech inonclusive. Because, apparently, the swipe at the military followed a couple of Bush jokes.

This is inapposite. It's irrelevant.

First of all, the "joke" as I believe it was intended -- which is precisely as it was delivered -- is still a swipe at Bush. It just happens to also include the implication that our soliders are dumb.

Because when Kerry says "make yourself smart or get educated, or you get stuck in Iraq," he's not offering Iraq up as a good place ot be. He intends, of course, to mean Iraq as a threat held out to those who don't "make themselves smart and get educated" -- and that is an indirect swipe at Bush (because Bush made Iraq so bad, so now you live in danger of being sent there if you don't de-retardify yourself).

Yes, he does mean it, as he means everything, as ultimately a crack about Bush. But he was, in fact, talking about our soldiers -- or rather, urging students to study up and not end up like our stupid, uneducated soldiers, winding up in Bush's unilateral war of choice.

Further, I find it rather asinine that the fact that Kerry made jokes about Bush to prove anything about what he said later.

He's Kerry. He's a Democrat. He's giving a speech on behalf of Democrat. Democrats are running against Bush.

Of course he made cracks about Bush. Every Democratic speech in America makes cracks about Bush.

This proves... what, exactly?

If a Democratic candidate said "The most pressing problem facing us today is wetbacks and their damnable cockfighting," and then claimed, "Oh, I meant to say 'the Bush Administration, not 'wetbacks and their damnable cockfighting," would their claim be buttressed by the fact that eariler in the speech they'd slammed Bush?

All of their speeches slam Bush. The fact that a speech slams Bush three, four, five, eight, ten times is hardly evidence of what was meant in any particular part of the speech.

That's like Kerry claiming his "joke" was obviously only meant to be an insult about Bush because he'd earlier used pauses while speaking, or jabbed his hand forcefully to emphasize a point.

He said what he said. According to Kerry's "written version" of the speech, he only managed to miss 12 or so words that would have made the reference directlly applicable to Bush.

One word? Maybe.

The guy missed a dozen frickin' words.

And yet conservatives are determined to somehow find evidence he didn't mean to say what he clearly did say, and what all of his fellow leftists say, and which he has never criticized his fellow leftists for saying.

I understand bending over backwards to give an opponent the benefit of the doubt.

I draw the line at bending over forwards, however.

Dan Riehl... has a similar take.

The trouble is this "joke about Bush" thing. Yes, it was intended, ultimately, to criticize Bush. But that's not the question.

The question is by what means does he get to that critique.

And the means by which he does so is to say that stupid, uneducated kids will "get stuck in Iraq" by Bush unless they put their heads under a sink and wash all that drooling-stupid out of their hair.

Posted by: Ace at 07:50 PM | Comments (51)
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And even Bart will approve, because Mrs. Garrison dismisses the theory of evolution as the theory of a "retarded fish-frog that had butt-sex with a squirrel or somethin'."

If you missed it, watch or record the 12:00 repeat.

The Clip: Tell me this isn't funny. I don't care what you believe, this right here is some funny shit.

I more or less begged Allah to put this up ASAP.

Posted by: Ace at 07:13 PM | Comments (20)
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Kirk and Spock's homoerotic, sadomasochistic longings, set to the unedited version of "Closer" (meaning, contains the F-word in its sexual sense).

Thanks to PatrickH, who says he wants to give me the Vulcan Nerve Tickle.

Posted by: Ace at 06:44 PM | Comments (25)
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PITTSBURGH -- Shortly after calling for Senator John Kerry to "explain" his controversial remarks about the intellect and education of US military men, Rep. John Murtha (D) announced what he called a "bold new proposal" to end "the Kerry Quagmire."

"I want to make it clear I am not suggesting a retreat, nor handing the enemy a victory," Murtha declared in a hastily-arranged press conference. "However, I have come, sadly and slowly, to the conclusion that our current deployment of John Kerry in the campaign is creating more 'insurgent voters' than it is turning towards us. Therefore, I suggest, at the earliest feasible moment, that we withdraw John Kerry from the theater of political battle and redeploy him to nearby Okinawa."

Rep. Murtha's remarks immediately drew fire from Kerry partisans and various left-wing bloggers, who urged "staying the course" and keeping Kerry in the field "until the battle is won."

But Murtha dismissed such a strategy as "fundamentally broken."

"It hasn't worked for going on three years now," he said, referring to Kerry's failed 2004 campaign. "It shows no sign of progress. Therefore, it's time for fresh ideas. And one fresh idea is immediately relocating John Kerry to a country whose language he cannot speak, and whose news reports are not carried in America."

"It's not as if we can't bring Kerry back if we need him," Murtha continued, defending his plan. "If there are Republicans active in America -- if they threaten to take districts, or even entire states -- we can always immediately put him back into the field to fight those Republicans. His close proximity, a scant 3000 miles, three continents, and two oceans away, should be enough to put Republicans on notice that we will never bow to their attacks and their demands. But it's my belief that the only Republicans causing trouble in America are those incited by John Kerry's presence."

A staffer in the Kerry camp scoffed, "We had Republicans in this country before Kerry's 11/1 remarks, we still have them in this country. It's simply not true that 'cutting and running' will somehow make all the Republicans in America vanish. To even propose such a thing sends a dangerous signal to Republicans, who are only encouraged by displays of weakness."

The Senator's wife, Theresa Heinz-Kerry, offered a mixed opinion on the plan. "On one hand, I think John can be an important part of stabilizing America in favor of Democrats," she said as she drank her third Chivas Regal of the morning. "On the other hand, it sure would be nice to have him out of the house and living on someone else's dime. Now be a pet and mix a martini in my mouth."

Update: Mark Levin says "quotes will surface" proving he meant exactly what he said and said exactly what he meant.

Dan Riehl speculates... well, hell, who knows? Do we know this is the first time he's said this, or something very similar to this?

Too much to hope for, but be on the lookout.

Could be fun.

I suppose the media would then just argue he'd misspoke twice, etc.

Oh wait, that's right -- the MSM isn't covering this story at all.

Just Trying To Get Attention For His Book? It worked for Ann Coulter, I guess.

Via Just One Minute, who offers this egregious ly presumptuous statement by Howie Kurtz:

There isn't anybody, including in the Bush administration, who believes that Kerry meant to insult the soldiers in Iraq with his clumsy joke that has given the Republicans a big fat target after months on the defensive.

Really, Howie? There isn't anybody?

What a douche. Playing the old media game of defining the acceptable terms of debate -- he's declaring it's unacceptable to believe Kerry meant what he said. After all, no one he knows believes that! (Just as Pauline Kael didn't know anyone who voted for Nixon.)

Well, you ain't got the juice to play that game anymore, Howie.

Posted by: Ace at 04:42 PM | Comments (32)
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As Tony Soprano said, this is what twenty years of psychiatry and cunnilingus have bought us.

A new study has found a "substantial" drop in U.S. men's testosterone levels since the 1980s, but the reasons for the decline remain unclear. This trend also does not appear to be related to age.

The average levels of the male hormone dropped by 1 percent a year, Dr. Thomas Travison and colleagues from the New England Research Institutes in Watertown, Massachusetts, found....

But maybe this is a more limited phenomenon:

Travison and his team analyzed data from the Massachusetts Male Aging Study, a long-term investigation of aging in about 1,700 Boston-area men.

I missed one week of football picks and it really killed my numbers. So is it possible that just one man posting a goose-egg for testosterone resulted in the dramatic decrease?

Just sayin'.

"

Posted by: Ace at 03:45 PM | Comments (39)
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If this idea -- soldiers are nothing but life's losers forced to fight because they ain't know no better cuzzin' they aint's gots the book-larnin' -- we have another strange cross-pollination of the idea from the left blogs to John Kerry.

John Kerry's own blog approvingly linked The Daily Kos...

And the Daily Kos, in turn, now links, from his front page, directly to this post by Steve Gilliard:

Jesus, so many people are so nervous about what John Kerry said, like he's lying.

John Kerry is telling the truth and everyone knows it. Rich kids do not join the military, college bound kids don't join the military, only the poor and those who can't get scholarships do. Acting like he was lying or insulting people is just bullshit.

Clearly this idea that our military is made up chiefly of uneducated dolts is anathema to John Kerry and the left.

Why, they'd never say such things!

Except, of course, when they actually are saying them, day in, day out.

Thanks to JackStraw for the help on tracking that Gilliard quote down.

The Democratic Plan To Increase Recruitment In An All-Volunteer Military

1) Pop tarts for dinner!

2) Pony rides!

3) Free collections of Cathi cartoons, with annotations, so our troops can follow the complex humor.

The military is a tough career in all ways -- not least of which that it can wind up killing you.

In exchange for a physically and mentally demanding job with a high risk of ddeath or serious permanent injury?

Honor, gratitude, prestige.

But the left feels the military deserves none of these. They're "mercenaries," as Kos so infamously quipped (albeit about contractors, but if these guys are only fighting for pay-- they're "mercenaries" too).

This is positively poisonous for recruitment and morale.

The left does not care. This is what they really believe.

And John Kerry believes it too.

Has John Kerry slammed Kos for the "mercenaries" remark? No, he's actually posted on Kos.

Has he refuted Gilliard's post? No, he hasn't -- and given that Kerry's blog links Kos for support, he cannot claim he is unaware of former Kos Kid Gilliard.

Charlie Rangel has been making these claims for years. Has John Kerry refuted him? Has he ever objected and told Charlie Rangel to stop portraying our soldiers as victims of circumstance and employees-of-last-resort rather than patriots?

No, he has not.

And he won't do so now, either.

Because he meant what he said and intended to say precisely what he said.

Study hard, kids, or else you might suffer the indignity of serving in the United States Armed Forces.

When you could be doing something important, like fucking you way to a midlevel public relations job.

Posted by: Ace at 02:29 PM | Comments (60)
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