As a combat veteran, I want to make it clear to anyone in uniform and to their loved ones: my poorly stated joke at a rally was not about, and never intended to refer to any troop.

I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted to wrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform, and I personally apologize to any service member, family member, or American who was offended.

It is clear the Republican Party would rather talk about anything but their failed security policy. I donÂ’t want my verbal slip to be a diversion from the real issues. I will continue to fight for a change of course to provide real security for our country, and a winning strategy for our troops.

I wish Tony Snow hadn't more or less promised that if John Kerry just apologized, it would all go away.

More... Warren Bell asks, if it's a joke, where's the gag?

I feel a certain call to speak out on this, as a person at least titularly involved in the creation and delivery of jokes. If you say something to me, and I look hurt, and you say, "Just kidding," that does not make what you said a joke. It has to be a joke in the first place. And Kerry's line is very clearly, both in its wording and in its delivery, not a joke. It's a warning. He's talking to students. He says it with an even graver-than-usual, flatter-than-usual tone, and he's telling them what can happen to them if they don't study hard. Is he warning them that they might someday be President and make decisions leading to a quagmire in Iraq? Of course not. You can get stuck in Iraq. Personally.

Beyond that, if the line were, as claimed, a joke about the President, it would theoretically need to contain at least some tiny reference to the President. I could rewrite it a dozen ways to make it a joke, though never a good one — "You can stay in school and study hard and do well, or you can coast through school like our President and end up stuck in Iraq." But that's not even close to what Kerry said.

Arrayed against that is the comedic genius known as John Derbyshire, whose idea of humor is to pollute the Corner with idiotic "math humor" (sneer quotes definitely intended) generally along the lines of "Integer? Why I hardly even touched her!!"

Bleg; Someone noted that Kos had linked a blog calling the military uneducated, but now I can't find it. Can you remind me where that was?

And was it Kos, or just a "diarist"?

Thanks. more...

Posted by: Ace at 01:25 PM | Comments (51)
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Maybe we're too evenhanded, a panel of NYT bigs says, finally admitting the bias towards moderation, balance, and evenhandedness they've long been accused of.

This is all we wanted-- not for them to change their agenda, necessarily, but to finally just admit that they're too dedicated to reporting things neutrally and straight down the middle.

From Michelle, who has more on my dead horse of the day, liberals supporting the non-joke version of Kerry's non-joke:

Why should someone apologize for telling the truth? The truth is, for the uneducated, the military is one of their only outlets. This does not mean the people are stupid, it means they are uneducated.

I'd have an easier time believing no-one-would-possibly-say-this-intentionally defense were so many of Kerry's fellow liberals not, you know, intentionallly saying it.

Posted by: Ace at 01:19 PM | Comments (6)
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The actual letter Senator Robert Byrd wrote:

Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds.

Hot off the HP printer comes this "original" version of the letter:

Yo, what up G?

You know who should have a show? Bill Cosby. He's a warm, witty, likable guy. A credit to his race.

The human race, I mean. (Wink.)

Sinbad too. I like him. I'd like to see him have sex with my daughter. I'm completely, totally cool with Sinbad doing my daughter.

Even anal. I'm that cool about race.

And I stand behind my claim that Jimi Hendrix is the most innovative guitarist of the future 100 years.

You know what I don't like? Racists, that's what.

Anyway, Peace Out, brothers. I have to go down to my local African heritage bookstore and read up on my roots. We all came from Africa, you know.

Except for the Chinks. I don't know where they came from. Hell, probably. Yellow devils.

Keep it real,

Robby "B-Money" Byrd

PS: Pleae excuse that ironical reference to "Chinks." Jackie Chan can do my daughter up the squeakhole too. I'm totally cool with my Asian brahs.

PPS: I'll soon be releasing the original verion of this original, in order to correct that unfortunate use of the word "Chinks." I'm pretty sure I meant Orientals or whatever the hell the slanties want to be called now. I'll figure it out by the next original version of this letter.

Breaking: Australian Rape Mufti To Release "Prepared Written Remarks" Shortly: Apparently he misspoke.

His actual remarks were, "If you set out a plate of uncovered meat, and the cats eat at it, whose fault is it? That of the cats? Or the fault of the uncovered meat?"

But ABCNews has just received the written script of what he intended to say. It's far less objectionable:

"Look, if you go out to see Lambada: The Forbidden Dance, and are greatly disappointed, whose fault is that? Siskel and Ebert gave it two thumbs down, for crying out loud. Not even Rex Reed liked it, and that kind of movie is right up his alley, if you know what I'm sayin', and I think you do.

There simply hasn't been a good dance movie since the fifties, and yes, I'm including Dirty Dancing and Strictly Ballroom when I say that. They are greatly overrated. Though I have high hopes for Take the Lead, Praise Allah."

So what the hell is all the fuss about?

Posted by: Ace at 12:17 PM | Comments (21)
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Of a Transformer.

Which would be kind of cool if that's all there was to it.

But no.

This is a costume of a Transformer that does, in fact, transform.

I guess you have to decide on Halloween if you're dressing up to hook up or dressing up to make a statement.

He chose wisely. His costume says, "I don't care if I never hook up until I'm 40. In fact, I've come to accept that as an inevitablility."

Thanks to OgreGunner.

Posted by: Ace at 12:03 PM | Comments (14)
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ABCNews reporting for duty. Gee, it's not like the MSM has been snookered by phony documents given to them by Democratic operatives before, is it?

Anyway--

re is what John Kerry actually said at his speech on Monday Oct. 30, while campaigning on behalf of California candidate Phil Angelides:

"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

Kerry's office has released the following as what they claim are the actually lines prepared for the delivery of the Angelides speech:

"It's great to be here with college students. I can't overstress the importance of a great education. Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."

Sounds plausible. He only missed five or twelve words that would indicate he was talking about Bush.

Let me ask rhetorically--

Do you imagine ABCNews has asked the Kerry staff for access to its computers, so that experts can determine precisely when this document was drafted, and what its revision history may have been?

Also, just wondering: By any chance, in extolling the benefits of a college education, he didn't happen to mention a career as an officer in the US military, did he?

Didn't think so.

In related news, Bill Burkett swears he saw a Kerry staffer typing up the document on a 1972 Selectric typewriter six years ago.

Meanwhile, at the Corner, Ramesh Ponuru is giving Kerry the benefit of the doubt, and John Derbyshire is taking off from ogling fifteen year olds to proclaim it's "obvious" Kerry meant the remark as an attack on Bush.

Slublog has a rundown on Derbyshire and a very testy LaShawn Barber.

Beating That Dead Horse: Powerline:

Meanwhile, commenters on left-wing web sites are divided between those who say Kerry's statement was obviously a joke, and those who say Kerry shouldn't be criticized for telling the truth about the military.

Kerry's defense is that it is inconceivable he would say anything like this deliberately.

Isn't that claim -- of "inconceivability" -- undermined by the fact that many of his political supporters believe in the precise truth of the "inconceivable"?

Ynigo Montoya just emailed to say, "Nah, too easy."

Posted by: Ace at 11:46 AM | Comments (41)
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From a Democratic blog:

Talk about speaking the stark truth to students who want more out of life. The education system in California is a mess, especially in L.A. County. Each day I pick my daughter up at school I see the recruiters leaving, smiling because they have snagged another kid whoÂ’s trapped by the system and sees no future other than enlisting. It shouldnÂ’t be like this. A 50% drop out rate is unacceptable. What is the bottom line for these kids, a job at McDonaldÂ’s or Iraq. Kudos to Kerry for delivering a wake up call to the young voters at the rally.

Let me repeat: the claims that our troops are victimns of economic circumstance, forced to Iraq due to a lack of jobs of education, is a standard, uncontroversial trope on the left.

And I'm supposed to believe it's impossible Kerry agrees with this sentiment? Despite having never, say, condemned Charlie Rangel for saying the same thing repeatedly in the past?

Oh, and I know: Hey, it's just a blog. Has nothing to do with John Kerry.

Because we all know that John Kerry has got nothing to do with left-wing blogs.

Like Ned Lamont, he's never heard of them.

Will anyone in the media ask John Kerry if he agrees with the Charlie Rangel's frequent claim that it's mostly poor, uneducated inner-city blacks and rural whites who are fighting in Iraq, due to a lack of other economic opportunity?

We can settle this quickly if the media would simply bother to do its job and ask a simple question.

Posted by: Ace at 11:01 AM | Comments (31)
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I'm gobsmacked at the number of conservatives willing to accept that Kerry's "written prepared remarks" included the "joke" "as intended."

Ummm... why was this pre-existing document not available immediately?

If it's possible to fake up documents from 1972 on Microsoft Word, I'm pretty sure one can fake up a "document" from "two days ago."

Geeze, I'm sure no one out there has ever produced a "note from Mom" claiming sickness for a day of hooky.

Those who think the Kerry folks would never stoop so low: Give me a break. The man's entire political future rests on a political hack's ability and willingness to open up Microsoft Word and type.

If lawyers can back-date documents, on pain of disciplinary proceedings before the bar, I have to imagine loathesome political operatives can do so as well.

Do I know the document is fake? No. But I know this:

If the document existed previously, it would have been produced earlier.

Furthermore--

If the document existed previously, it would be produced for the media.

If the document didn't exist previously, it would still be produced for the media, as John Kerry's future depends on it.

Ergo, that the document exists now is moot. Whatever the scenario, it would be produced, whether written before or after the fact.

You can't read much into someone's claim that they're not lying. If they're telling the truth, they'll say they're not lying. If they're lying, they'll also say they're not lying.

Either way: They'll say they're not lying. So what does it matter either way?

Those willing and eager to buy into this seem awfully naive.

Posted by: Ace at 10:32 AM | Comments (20)
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The famed "Very Special Forces" haven't been deployed since Operation Desert Fox.

Morale is said to be high among members of the very special forces, who were flown Monday from Sheppard Air Force Base to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, in a squadron of specially modified C-130 "short planes." Upon arriving, the troops were given a thorough mission debriefing by Gen. James Herzog and a butterscotch-pudding snack cup. Each soldier was then issued an AR-15 rifle, three clips of NATO 7.62 mm rounds, a combat helmet with a velcro safety-strap, and a fanny pack with his name written on it in black magic marker.

"We are going to win the war," said Pvt. Richie Ammaker of Hagerstown, MD, eating his snack cup with a Capri-Sun juice-pak. "I love to clap and sing along to the music!"

"Colonel Gene [Diering] says that if we take out the communications tower in Al Basrah, we can have a pizza party," Pvt. Josh Paretsky of Dallas said. "Pizza party! Pizza party! Pizza party!"

"You're pretty," Paretsky added. "Will you marry me?"

A Onion classic from JamesT.

Posted by: Ace at 10:25 AM | Comments (18)
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Funny. Allah and Co. now think it's real.

In related news, John McCain renewed his calls for "ten to thirty thousand more retards" to help stabilize the situation in Iraq. He thought they could be best deployed in restive Al Anbar, where finger-painting and paste-eating remain rampant.

War critics continued to hammer Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld for "not sending enough retards to do the job and/or wear brightly colored mismatched socks."

Posted by: Ace at 10:13 AM | Comments (21)
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Okay, that's it for me. I'm spent.

Posted by: Ace at 10:10 AM | Comments (8)
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