A michievous tattoo artist made it look like a penis:

Is that freaky-looking or what?

A species of shark rarely seen alive because its natural habitat is 600 metres (2,000 ft) or more under the sea was captured on film by staff at a Japanese marine park this week.

The Awashima Marine Park in Shizuoka, south of Tokyo, was alerted by a fisherman at a nearby port on Sunday that he had spotted an odd-looking eel-like creature with a mouthful of needle-sharp teeth.

Marine park staff caught the 1.6 metre (5 ft) long creature, which they identified as a female frilled shark, sometimes referred to as a "living fossil" because it is a primitive species that has changed little since prehistoric times.

Biologists have decided to re-name the species "aquaticus cockraptor."

Thanks to RJP.

Posted by: Ace at 10:18 AM | Comments (42)
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Oh, but we will. Even if you go back to your recipe-stealing cookie business.

He cites the "botched joke" as the reason he's unviable as a candidate.

I think it's more likely due to the fact that he's a dirty, stinking drunk.

Thanks to Rosetta.

Posted by: Ace at 10:14 AM | Comments (33)
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This time, it's rather more clear-cut.

CHANNEL 4 was at the centre of a new race row last night — after screening a teenager calling for the return of SLAVERY.

Public schoolgirl Lucy BuchananÂ’s rant on the first episode of reality show Shipwrecked follows international fury at Jade GoodyÂ’s Big Brother bullying of Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty.

In an outburst aired at just 6.25pm on Sunday, Lucy, 18, said black people were “really bad”, adding: “My mind is completely open to different cultures — but I just do not think they should bring them to Britain.”

Shipwrecked contestants have to tough it out on the South PacificÂ’s Cook Islands for three months.

Blonde Lucy, from York, declared: “I’m a very traditional girl with very traditional values.

“I’m quite for the British Empire. I’m quite for slavery and things, but that’s never going to come back.”

One contestant told her they hated racists. She replied: “I’m afraid you have one here.”

All that, plus she's kind of cute.

On the downside, she looks like she might have a little shaven-Yeti blood in her.

Posted by: Ace at 10:09 AM | Comments (77)
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This guy took the basics of Rupert Pupkin's act and just ran with it.

Mild content warning. It's from Jimmy Kimmel, so it was broadcast, but they get away with a lot of stuff at midnight.

From The Daily Gut, where Al-Zarqawi's Mother blogs about that Dahmer-esque Canadian serial killer I meant to mention yesterday but never got around to.

Posted by: Ace at 10:02 AM | Comments (6)
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This was a nasty little bit of sabotage. Among fjord-faces, it would have been welcome.

[A] teenager approached the tattoo artist and asked him to tattoo the logo of the Boca Junior football team on his back. However, the tattooist was an avid supporter of the rival team (River Plate) and decided to play a prank on his young customer.

After reaching home, the victim proudly showed his parents his new tattoo and was surprised to learn that a penis was tattooed on his back.

Thanks to DB.

Scandi Sculpture: Indeed.

Posted by: Ace at 09:35 AM | Comments (12)
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Not sure if this is a short documentary or a scripted movie meant to seem like a documentary. It's pleasantly amusing. It's about a useless dog, a sheepdog who's afraid of sheep, but loves (loves!) the cows.

Thanks to yls.

Posted by: Ace at 08:45 AM | Comments (20)
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I thought they'd delay until the evidentiary hearings. I guess they're not waiting.

New ethics charges have been filed by the State Bar accusing Durham District Attorney Mike Nifong of withholding DNA evidence and misleading the court in the Duke lacrosse case.

The amended complaint cites findings from April 2006 that DNA tests found on the alleged accuser excluded all of the Duke lacrosse players as potential contributors.

The complaint also states Nifong was told of the test results by Brian Meehan, the director of the DNA company where the tests were performed.

According to the complaint, during one of the meetings in April, Nifong and Meehan agreed that the findings would only include "tests for which DNA found on specific evidence match or was consistent with DNA from known reference specimens."

The amended complaint also states that Nifong and Meehan agreed the "potentially exculpatory DNA evidence and test results" would not be provided to defense attorneys.

Get 'im.

Posted by: Ace at 08:04 AM | Comments (29)
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Well, not completely powerless, I guess. The AG is still a Republican. I can't help but think this would have been easier to accomplish a while ago, though.

Late to the party:

Eighteen House Republicans have urged the Justice Department to proceed with a polygraph test for Samuel R. Berger, the former national security adviser who agreed to take the test as part of a plea of guilty of stealing documents from the National Archives.

"This may be the only way for anyone to know whether Mr. Berger denied the 9/11 commission and the public the complete account of the Clinton administration's actions or inactions during the lead-up to the terrorist attacks on the United States," the congressmen said in their letter to Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales.

The congressmen -- led by Rep. Thomas M. Davis III of Virginia -- said a prompt lie-detector test is needed to determine the extent of Mr. Berger's thievery, especially because the former Clinton administration adviser reviewed original documents for which there were no copies or inventory.

...

Mr. Davis, former chairman and now ranking Republican on the House Government Reform Committee, released a report by his staff on Jan. 9, saying a Justice Department investigation of Mr. Berger's admitted document theft was "remarkably incurious."

The report said the theft compromised national security "much more than originally disclosed" and resulted in "incomplete and misleading" information to the September 11 commission. It said Mr. Berger was willing to go to "extraordinary lengths to compromise national security, apparently for his own convenience."

No, not "apparently" for his own convenience. Supposedly.

Posted by: Ace at 08:01 AM | Comments (11)
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Pictured: The Scandi Rapid Transit System.

I don't remember when my Pappy first taught me hate -- hatred of the icicle-squating Scandi snow-wops. But I'll always thank him for it.

One of my earliest memories is of watching the Muppet Show, and happily laughing along to the Swedish Chef. Hur-de-ver-de-verd-e-verr, the Swedish Chef said. And I, not knowing any better, merrily repeated his dirty Scandi gutter-talk. "Hur-de-verd-de-verd-e-verr," I said along.

My Pappy walked in, agahst, and shook his head in disgust. "They're goddamned trying to brainwash these kids," he said. The next day, the television was gone, and in place of the tv was a record player and a bunch of Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx albums. "You listen to these guys," my Pappy said. "They don't truck with any goddamned Scandi luge-jockeys."

And so I learned my first lesson about the Scandis. I also learned a lot about The Man, freebasing cocaine, and having anal sex with prostitutes.

more...

Posted by: Ace at 07:10 AM | Comments (81)
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Dean Barnett isn't pretending any of this matters.

Nor Allah.

Mary K Ham is liveblogging it, but I can't imagine she's enthused about doing so.

Honestly, who gives a rat's ass? I don't.

Here's my live-blog on it, delivered in advance:

"He seems uncomfortable and is just repeating many of the same tired slogans of the past, except with even less conviction... Now he's proposing a raft of pricey new spending initiatives designed primarily to win over the support of those who hate him more -- much more -- than Osama bin Ladin. Okay, now he's saying that Mexicans were good, nice people who deserve jobs more than Amercians. He's saying something in Spanish now I don't really understand -- anyone know what Mi casa, su casa means? Oh, terrific -- now he's saying we have to work more closely with our "closest allies," the fucking Scandis."

And, of course, for the post-mortem:

"I think he did himself some small amount of good here tonight. He did what he needed to do."

There.

Time for American Idol.

Posted by: Ace at 06:01 PM | Comments (328)
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