The squeals of erotic delight will rival that of a Scandi lutefish salting team sodomizing a rutting reindeer with really perky teats.

Posted by: Ace at 05:16 PM | Comments (27)
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Can't be real.

Wish it were real, but it can't be.

Thanks to PetiteDov.

The Actual Toy: What an uncanny likeness of MacGyver's fire-engine red satin jacket.

Thanks to Asher for that.

Posted by: Ace at 04:18 PM | Comments (19)
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There's apparently a whole culture of "video commentary" on YouTube. Sort of like bloggers exerpting and then commenting, they... play video from other sources, then pause it, and rant.

This clip is highlights (and I use that term advisedly) of a jagoff named Warren25Smash, a british Muslim, who, get this, thinks he knows "information" that few others do and gets very angry when people can't understand that what he's saying is true.

If you think blogging gets insidey and incestuous, search for "warren25smash" and you'll see dozens of "vlogs" of people responding to him, defending him, and of course him responding back. I mean, just watch for a few seconds, to get a taste.

Sometimes people say "Islamic Rage Boy" in the comments. Is this whom they're referring to?

Posted by: Ace at 03:58 PM | Comments (28)
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Yeah, remember the days when only the media got this stuff? Big machers, they.

Now even I get it. And then you.

Eat it, MSM. Turns out I'm just as good as immediately taking a leak from a source and publishing it as you are. And that's a good half of your job.

Anyway, this is from the Office of the Press Secretary, sent to me by the Office of Public Liason, So it's legit. more...

Posted by: Ace at 03:37 PM | Comments (36)
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If you care.

Turns out that reporters-- dedicated Preists of The Truth -- sometimes lie when it's convenient to do so.

Of course the lead story is that "Scoots" is claiming he was set-up, framed, and hung out to protect Karl Rove. Which is kind of predictable.

And which doesn't really help Fitzmas come much closer for the liberals. Fitzgerald has already declined to prosecute Rove.

Thanks to Larwyn.

Posted by: Ace at 03:25 PM | Comments (10)
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Hubbard, why have you forsaken me?

TOM Cruise is the new “Christ” of Scientology, according to leaders of the cult-like religion.

The Mission: Impossible star has been told he has been “chosen” to spread the word of his faith throughout the world.

And leader David Miscavige believes that in future, Cruise, 44, will be worshipped like Jesus for his work to raise awareness of the religion.

A source close to the actor, who has risen to one of the church’s top levels, said: “Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure.

“Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”

...about the Body-Thetans, the silver spaceships that look just like DC-8's, the volcano-factories, all of it.

You'll see. You'll see.

Is it just me, or does Tom seem to have a little "Scandie" in him? Looks like's got an extra dose of cream in that vanilla shake, if you know what I mean.

And-- if he stars wearing robes and beads and shit? I am so definitely not seeing Jerry Maguire 2.

Thanks to CAD Dadddy.

Posted by: Ace at 02:58 PM | Comments (39)
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Call the waaambulance.

One thing these assholes keep doing is mentioning the "racist" attacks on them as a way to discredit all attacks on them. I don't like the racist attacks myself -- but I have a feeling these people do, because it allows them to very quickly dismiss all criticism of their actions (and, more painfully, their qualifications) as just the sniping of some trailer-trash cross-burners.

It's a cute trick-- but 99.9% aren't resorting to racist slurs.

I'm not sure how this douchebag can even cry racism...

...unless my preferred racial slurs for Scandanavians -- "Icebacks" or "Snow-Wops" -- have finally caught on.

He engages in the by-now-rote dismissal of bloggers as a bunch of juvenile snarksters who are plainly ouf of their depths in anything other than a Krull trivia tournament. But check his very measured, very scholarly dismissal of the fine and painstaking work on the case done by K.C. Johnson:

I'm glad K.C. Johnson and his Sunshine Band of Duke lacrosse bloggers have found a way to keep busy over the long winter.

I... I... I don't think that even qualifies as a joke, does it? It doesn't even rise to the level of juvenile snark.

So bloggers can't indulge in snark and "personal attacks" and the like. We should all strive to be above such petty, meanspirited namecalling.

But of course our betters reserve the right to disobligate themselves from following the rules they would impose on us all, when they deem it necessary and appropriate.

My takeaway from all of this? Most tenured professors -- particularly those in the verbally-oriented disciplines, such as literature and history -- are barely capable of writing in the English language. If it's not the turgid repetitions of Provost Lange, it's this jackass' third-grade-level rubber-glue meanderings.

Thanks to Slublog, who points out the unintentional comedy gold of this jackass' last cliche:

Our computers come with a delete button for a reason.

That was quite the internet put-down in, what was it?, 1974. Big for a while on DARPANet, I think.

In that spirit-- if the bulk of the Duke arts & sciences faculty makes a teeny-tiny mistake in lynching three kids based on a stripper/occasional hooker's ludicrous lies, well-- that's why pencils have erasers!

Sneak Preview: Scandi Pimp My Ride:

Why no bling-bling on the reindeer? Because among Scandis, they mean "pimp my ride" literally. See, they're dirty reindeer-buggers, is what I'm getting at.

Thanks to LauraW for that.

Posted by: Ace at 01:37 PM | Comments (237)
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You have to be very, very careful with guns, he tells schoolchildren.

And he's the only one professional enough in this room to handle a gun.

You kinda know where it's going from there.

I give this guy the coveted Silk Purse From A Sow's Ear Award for almost immediately spinning the mishap into an object lesson about carelessness with firearms.

Thanks to The Pool Boy.

Posted by: Ace at 01:21 PM | Comments (37)
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Maybe you just have to like Nicholas Cage, and moronically repetitive humor, to enjoy this.

Thanks to Bart. I looked for it myself, couldn't find it. Once again, the entire front page of search results was dominated by douchebags doing their own impressions of the sketch.

YouTube really has to create an "Original" tag. Or a "Lypsync/Tribute/Parody" tag. So that I can choose to not watch idiots doing lame versions of stuff I actually want to see.

Update To Sharon Stone Post: Stone really wanted to have a lesbian kiss with Halle Berry in Catwoman, but couldn't, because of You Know Who.

Sharon Stone blames US President George W Bush for the absence of a lesbian kissing scene in Catwoman - because of the current conservative climate in America.

Basic Instinct star Stone, 46, was keen to enjoy an intimate moment with Oscar-winning co-star Halle Berry, but believes a puritanical streak running through the country put an end to any potential girl-on-girl action.

Stone says: "Halle's so beautiful and I wanted to kiss her. I said, 'How can you have us in the movie and not have us kiss? That's such a waste.'

"That's what you get for having George Bush as president."

I know it's old. Sharon Stone ain't a spring chicken herself.

There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to begin.

I guess I can't decide which is stupider -- the idea that Sharon Stone thinks the nation is aching to see this played-out whore kiss a woman, the idea that that is still somehow edgy enough to make audiences go ga-ga, or that she thinks she can meow-meow the public by telling them that Catwoman -- Catwoman! the worst movie of the last ten years! -- failed to feature such a kiss because of his cultural conservativism.

Honestly, Sharon, get over yourself. You weren't even all that when you were, supposedly, all that.

And Yet, In BuSSh's AmeriKKKa, Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston Can Still Make Out On TV: A ratings stunt for Cox's new "Drrt" show, I guess.

Eh. Throw Phoebe in in a three-way and maybe we've got something.

She's very bendy.

Posted by: Ace at 12:40 PM | Comments (39)
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Because, if you can believe this, some Tijuana police are actually thugs employed by criminals.

The police department has issued about 60 slingshots to officers in the violent border city of Tijuana, where soldiers confiscated police weapons two weeks ago on allegations of collusion with drug traffickers.

Well, fair is fair. American border guards aren't allowed to defend themselves, so it's only right that the Tijuana police have less-lethal weaponry.

Somewhere Zell Miller is spinning in his grave, giggling.

Yeah, I know he's not technically dead. But he, like Dick Cheney, must return to the earth at every dawn.

Posted by: Ace at 12:09 PM | Comments (16)
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