Well, let's rundown possible pets.
Cats? My wife is allergic to them. So, with apologies to LauraW, no dice.
Dogs? I like dogs, but the retired greyhound I had wound up shitting all over my house and developed a kidney and liver problem. With a child in tow, I doubt I am up for the vet charges again.
Turtles? I had three of them as a child. They were awesome, especially when it was live goldfish in the tank feeding day. But I get the feeling The Missus is not cool with that whole salmonella thing.
Rabbits? Who cares?!?
I think I found the ultimate pet! One that is unique, and fits the AoS Lifestyle (tm):
An Obscenity Spewing Bird!

And what's the topper? The fact a feces flinging monkey caused the tirade.

What could be better?

Posted by: Open Blog at 09:03 PM | Comments (10)
Post contains 151 words, total size 1 kb.

Feel free to watch it.

I'll be doing other things.

In the interest of bipartisanship, I am consistent.

Posted by: Open Blog at 08:54 PM | Comments (1)
Post contains 20 words, total size 1 kb.

I can't allow myself to squander the opportunity to throw some traffic at some more of my friends. I've met each and every one of them in person and they're all good people. more...

Posted by: Open Blog at 08:08 PM | Comments (7)
Post contains 221 words, total size 2 kb.

When you're caught cheating, don't blame it on the flower guy.

For our male/female challenge of the evening:

What's Your "Busted" Moment

(you, your ex or your friend...spill it)

I'll start...one day...at band camp... more...

Posted by: Open Blog at 07:17 PM | Comments (206)
Post contains 417 words, total size 2 kb.

Hey, me again. I made sacrifices yesterday. Yesterday I could have gone to the Iowa State Fair & eaten tons of fried food impaled on sticks (Fried Twinkies on A Stick? Yep, we've got 'em), walked through the "Varied Industries" building & picked up 7,348 different brochures for vinyl siding, and checked out the watermelon sized testicles on the "2007 Iowa State Fair Big Boar" (don't worry, hog testicle fetishists, I'll post pictures next week after I make it up to the fair). I could have driven 3 hours North to Britt where they're holding the 2007 Hobo Convention (sorry, Ace. I'll have to get you TWO of them next year). I could have gone 20 miles North to Adel where they're having the annual Sweet Corn Feed (unlimited free sweet corn - guaranteed to turn your turds into golden gravel). But NOOOOOOOOO. I went to Ames for the Republican Straw Poll. Duty calls and all that crap.

The Republican Straw Poll is essentially a fundraiser for the Iowa GOP. Tickets allowing Iowa residents to vote in the event cost $35, and campaigns were able to purchase as many tickets as they wanted to buy. Mitt "Daddy Warbucks" Romney probably bought 10 bajillion tickets (I know it's true because some guy calling himself "Beauchamp" standing in line in front of me at the ticket office said so. Then he made fun of the melted woman selling tickets, put on his bone yarmulke & proceeded to squish a dog on his way out of the ticket office. The way that dog continued to look up at the ceiling after being cut in half by that guy's steel tracked Converse hi-tops is seared, I SAY SEARED, into my memory), but the rest of the "top tier" candidates weren't exactly hurting for tickets either. Me? I paid for my own, thank you very much. I got there late because I had to help fix a tractor at home, and since I arrived only 2 hours before closing I decided to just shell out the money & get to votin'. Besides, my pimp hand is not very strong, so I wasn't sure I could convince any of the campaigns to give me a ticket so I could vote for The Fred! instead of their guy. Anyway, Ace is going to reimburse me out of the Giant Pot 'O Crazy Blog Cash he keeps under his coffee table, right Ace?

But anyway, I'll address the Straw Poll in another post later tonight or tomorrow. Right now I'd like to give you a summary of the campaign ads I've seen or heard in the week leading up to the Straw Poll, and give you my moronopinion. more...

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at 05:40 PM | Comments (17)
Post contains 3268 words, total size 18 kb.

When I listened to experts on TV tell me that I will need X number of boatloads of money to retire in comfort, and I looked at the fact that I have $45 in the bank and no time left to build up the Trump-like cash they said I should have, Plan B was born.
more...

Posted by: Open Blog at 05:30 PM | Comments (34)
Post contains 323 words, total size 2 kb.

But I think maybe he scares Al Qaeda more. Especially if what he said were true, rather than just a dream.

America actually united against terrorism? Now that's the sort of poetry jam I can get behind. Even if it's fiction.

Thanks to Bruce.

Compare: To this guy.

I think the first guy sounds a little more hardcore, and that's only 40% due to the fact he's one of those dusky-hued chappies who so terrifies me.

Although the second guy does have some very hardcore teeth.

Posted by: Ace at 05:14 PM | Comments (20)
Post contains 104 words, total size 1 kb.

The dusty remains of the comet Swift-Tuttle.

Supposed to be peaking around 11pm EDT for you eastern time zone folks, and the national radar pic looks pretty clear (except for Iowa... what the hell is going on there? Keep your heads down).

You should expect to see at least one good firefall per minute.

New moon tonight, so no interference there. Look east, and enjoy.

UPDATE: Time zones confuse the hell out of me.

Commenter JAFKIAL notes that the 11pm time is PDT, not EDT.

So, 2am for you goobers back east. As they say in, I don't know, Portland or whatever.

Can't we all just synchronize our watches? I've got 9:47. Let's go with that, shall we?

UPDATE 2: Wickedpinto points out I'm a moron and can't tell the diff between Persius and Perseid, which as anybody with a keyboard can tell you, is one letter right of "u" and one left of "d".

I'm thinking about applying for a scholarship.

Posted by: Dave In Texas at 05:01 PM | Comments (11)
Post contains 184 words, total size 1 kb.

I don't care who you are, that's damn funny right there.

more...

Posted by: Open Blog at 04:10 PM | Comments (14)
Post contains 43 words, total size 1 kb.

Hi, I'm Vinnie and I'm a Moron.

I have a problem though. I don't mind being a Moron.

With that being said, I don't think I'll go past the first step in Morons Anonymous, yanno, admitting to being a Moron.

Because, let's face it, the other 11 steps are too much to handle.

2. Hobo meat tastes bad

3. Valu-Rite vodka is not a breakfast drink

4. The New Republic tells the truth

5. I will vote for Ron Paul, I will vote for Ron Paul

6. Allahpundit is an Alpha Male

7. Those who insult Islam must be beheaded

8. Flaming skulls have no place on the internet

9. Less cowbell

10. Omaha, NE, is a much better place for Acepalooza than Boston.

11. I hate lesbian midget pr0n

Who could survive following those steps? Not me, I tell ya. So I shall embrace my Moronism with fervent gusto.

And post something interesting at some point during Open Blog time. I think. How should I know, I'm a Moron.

Oh, and go read my wife's blog. I'd like to get laid tonight.

UPDATE: I think ya'll are reading this post wrong. I am embracing my inner Moron and rejecting the tenets of the neo-prohibitionist Morons Anonymous.

Admitting you're a Moron is the first step, and that's the ONLY step I will take.

UPDATE II: BTW, as I enjoy a cigarette, I thank you for visiting my wife's blog.

Posted by: Open Blog at 03:27 PM | Comments (25)
Post contains 257 words, total size 1 kb.